If you know me, then
you know I am not really an indoor animal/pet person. I wish I were. I know
that pets bring an enormous amount of joy and companionship to many. I am just
not in that group yet. They stress me out. I inherited this from my mother, so
take it up with her if you have an issue. And let’s not start with the hate
mail, I love animals. I am just not a big fan of actually owning, housing, or
cleaning up after them. Except for the brief amount of time I opened my home to
two prairie dogs.
I dated this guy…...Let’s
call him……wait, maybe I shouldn’t actually give his real name. I’m not sure
what the rules are with blogs. I’m pretty confident that he, nor anyone he
knows, will ever read this so I guess it doesn’t matter. Plus most of you
already know his name anyway. But to operate on the side of fairness…..let’s just
call him Charles. J
Now Charles was an
avid animal lover. In fact he actually worked at an animal sanctuary and had
his own animal business. He was serious about them. Which was great. I had no
issue with that. In fact I even tried to help him. We actually appeared
together on a local TV morning program to promote his business. I stood there
with a Veiled Chameleon on my finger like I was Marlin Perkin’s daughter. (For
you youngsters, Marlin Perkins was the Pre-Jack Hanna/ Steve Irwin guy who
hosted Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom that I watched as a kid.) Sounds great,
right? Team Work. Good girlfriend brownie points for sure. So what became the
problem?
Ironically, the chameleon
is a pretty accurate description of the problem. A chameleon will change its
‘colors’ to blend (or fit) into their surroundings if they feel threatened or
insecure. Hmmm…That stings a little! Obviously my motivation was not fear of
actual survival, but it was fear of rejection or more accurately desire for
approval. If I became the best animal assistant on the planet, then of course
Charles would love me. Right?? That’s how it works….Tell me that’s how it
works...
So let’s get back to
the prairie dogs. One was a rescue from the wild and one was a companion for
the rescue. And on the cuteness level, they were a pretty solid 8 ½. But
prairie dogs prefer to live underground; which means they dig, a lot. The floor
in my home is not dirt. So you can see where this would present a problem; both
for the prairie dogs and my floor. In addition, apparently when prairie dogs
are stressed, they chew. On anything. So, again, you can see where this would
present a problem, for well, anything in my home that was on or near floor
level....furniture legs, shoes, etc.
Why, oh why, do you
ask, did I allow them to run loose in my house? To wreck havoc on my belongings?
My Good Girlfriend answer is ‘compromise’. They weren’t there all the
time; only visited when he did. Wasn’t fair to keep them locked up in a cage.
Took precautions to mitigate the damages. Look, I wanted to be seen as
amenable; understanding, compassionate. Oh PLEASE!! I was a sell out to myself!
I see that! All under the guise of hoping he would think I was cool. Shame on me.
Ok, let me dial back the self-harshness a bit. I am a sensitive girl after all.
Now all of you are probably
out there screaming at your screen shaking your head…”I would NEVER do
something like that”. Maybe not. Maybe a wild animal habitat was a bit
extreme. J But what would you do.…What have
you done….To try and impress someone. Or is it just me?
So how should I have
handled it? (Obviously allowing prairie dogs to run amuck in the house was not
it.) But seriously, when you enter a new relationship, you have to find a happy
medium. No one is going to agree on everything. Have exactly the same interests
or hobbies or boundaries. There has to be a melding of the two worlds. So when
does compromise become concession? When does ‘it’s ok’ turn into a betrayal of your personal beliefs?
I guess it is different for every individual. No one can be seen as so rigid
and cold as to not allow for their partner’s passions; but surrendering your
needs or values is not the road to travel either. Ultimately it was not those
cute little cousins of groundhogs that did us in. Our problems ran deeper than
that. But an important take away from that relationship was I should have
managed that particular matter differently. I wish I could say I have learned
my lesson. Truthfully I struggle with this particular concept, a lot. But as
reminders go, I have a bare spot on my carpet that should help drive it home.
Awesome!!!!! I love it!
ReplyDeleteWhy are you up at 4am?! Excellent self observation and I love your writing style.
ReplyDelete