Love -- (Like (I’m) Over Valentines Entirely)


Raise your hand if you are so very tired of seeing “Every Kiss Begins with Kay” commercials.

Really? You didn’t raise your hand?

Well it’s that time of year again where we are constantly bombarded with reminders that there are the Haves and the Have Nots. (If I have to spell it out for you, you are probably a Haves.)

And it’s not just Kay. How many emails from 1800Flowers and Shari’s Berries have YOU received this week?? (Is it just me?)

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a hater. I’m sure it’s just sour grapes or sour apples or sour gummi bears. If I were on the receiving end of a pink glitter, satin ribbon wrapped tiny box with a giant K on it, I would probably break out and sing the stupid song myself. If a huge box of chocolate covered anything were delivered to me, I would be delighted. (Except, not at work. I’m really weird about that. Everybody coming up to my desk with a …”Ohhh, who sent YOU those”…like it is shocking to even consider.)  

I mean, sure, being a girl and all I would like to have the full Valentine experience. I have before. I expect to again one day. So I am not bitter or jaded. I truly hope that I don’t sound that way. It is a little disappointing to be single during the ‘love’ season but that disappointment just proves to me that I understand there is something positive to be gained and to strive for. What I do find very sad are the ones who have been so charred and exploited in their relationships that they don’t ever want to try again. Walls high and impenetrable. Not me.

Call me a sucker or call me a romantic, but I LOVE love. That mystical realm where there is one person that can wow all of your senses, light up your world, melt your heart and help with the dishes. While this particular scenario still eludes me, and cynics scoff, I have faith because I know it can and does exist.

I have a dear friend who became a widow a couple of years ago at a fairly young age. I didn’t meet her until afterwards, so I never knew her husband. But I can tell from being around her, the pictures in her home, the expression on her face when she mentions him, THEY had that.  I am sure it wasn’t perfect. I am not delusional just because I use words like mystical realm. I know that hard work is involved. The trick is to have so much fun that it doesn’t feel like work. I am of the opinion they created that level of joy. She has those uplifting memories to help counter the loss. While I am sure Valentines finds her with a mixed bag of emotions, I believe her heart smiles at the ones they did share together through the years.

Then there is divorce. That ugly sickening word. Whether you initiated it or not, it still represents the ripping apart of something that was meant to stay cemented. The years together, the shared experiences; it's like they didn’t exist, but they did. A piece of paper doesn't erase them. You remember them. So there are hard times for awhile. No doubt. And the bombardment from social media and even well intending friends only highlight that void. I am truly sorry if someone reading this is struggling with these emotions this weekend. Remember that flowers, candy and a folded piece of cardboard do not necessarily represent happiness. Everyone’s story is unique. Stay the course. Be fabulous. You are stronger than you think.

And see, being single for over twenty years now, those are both situations that I can only relate to in theory. I talk to my sister about such things. (I bet there are times she wishes I would leave her alone.) She has suggested that my single status is not exactly what bothers me. No, she believes I simply occasionally mourn the ‘loss’ of the life that I planned to have.  (A companion for milestone achievements, those fancy anniversary plates, etc.)  This actually makes sense to me. They say you can’t miss what you never had. I do not know if that is necessarily true.

Of course, I have been in relationships throughout the years, but never again took that BIG step. I’m at peace with that for now. I have a great life with amazing friends and family. I have never regretted settling for someone just to change my Facebook status. (Well…., there was this one guy…..some regrets there. But clock rewinding is not a skill I possess.)

There isn’t a competition for heartache. Divorce is tough. Losing a loving partner is awful. Never having those memories to cherish, well that’s kind of sad too. There are opportunities all around for being dismal. But we have to resist that urge and fight it back. (Boy, I really could use some of those chocolate covered goodies about now.)

I know, I got a little melancholy there for a moment. But sometimes you just do.  

Now .what does a single gal do to celebrate Valentines? Well this gal has a whole host of activities lined up. Going out with friends. Spending time with family. Finding something to cover with chocolate. And while I don’t expect to have a balloon wielding teddy bear presented to me over a candlelit dinner, I’m good. I’m happy. I’m safe. And I am loved. By many.

So to all my beautiful, fascinating, intelligent, loving and extraordinary single friends of mine out there, here’s to you! Have a great day! Be joyful! Be thankful! Do special for yourself. Then do special for someone else. Laugh out loud (really laugh, not the LOL stuff).

Oh yeah...eat some chocolate!!

 
Hope Out

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