Raise your hand if you are so very tired of seeing “Every
Kiss Begins with Kay” commercials.
Really? You didn’t raise your hand?
Well it’s that time of year again where we are constantly
bombarded with reminders that there are the Haves and the Have Nots. (If I have
to spell it out for you, you are probably a Haves.)
And it’s not just Kay. How many emails from 1800Flowers and
Shari’s Berries have YOU received this week?? (Is it just me?)
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a hater. I’m sure it’s just
sour grapes or sour apples or sour gummi bears. If I were on the receiving end
of a pink glitter, satin ribbon wrapped tiny box with a giant K on it, I would
probably break out and sing the stupid song myself. If a huge box of chocolate
covered anything were delivered to me, I would be delighted. (Except, not at
work. I’m really weird about that. Everybody coming up to my desk with a …”Ohhh,
who sent YOU those”…like it is shocking
to even consider.)
I mean, sure, being a girl and all I would like to have the
full Valentine experience. I have before. I expect to again one day. So I am
not bitter or jaded. I truly hope that I don’t sound that way. It is a little disappointing to be single during
the ‘love’ season but that disappointment just proves to me that I understand
there is something positive to be gained and to strive for. What I do find very
sad are the ones who have been so charred and exploited in their relationships
that they don’t ever want to try again. Walls high and impenetrable. Not me.
Call me a sucker or call me a romantic, but I LOVE love.
That mystical realm where there is one person that can wow all of your senses,
light up your world, melt your heart and
help with the dishes. While this particular scenario still eludes me, and
cynics scoff, I have faith because I know it can and does exist.
I have a dear friend who became a widow a couple of years
ago at a fairly young age. I didn’t meet her until afterwards, so I never knew
her husband. But I can tell from being around her, the pictures in her home,
the expression on her face when she mentions him, THEY had that. I am sure it wasn’t perfect. I am not delusional
just because I use words like mystical realm. I know that hard work is involved.
The trick is to have so much fun that it doesn’t feel like work. I am of the
opinion they created that level of joy. She has those uplifting memories to help
counter the loss. While I am sure Valentines finds her with a mixed bag of
emotions, I believe her heart smiles at the ones they did share together
through the years.
Then there is divorce. That ugly sickening word. Whether you
initiated it or not, it still represents the ripping apart of something that
was meant to stay cemented. The years together, the shared experiences; it's
like they didn’t exist, but they did. A piece of paper doesn't erase them. You remember them. So there are
hard times for awhile. No doubt. And the bombardment from social media and even
well intending friends only highlight that void. I am truly sorry if someone
reading this is struggling with these emotions this weekend. Remember that
flowers, candy and a folded piece of cardboard do not necessarily represent
happiness. Everyone’s story is unique. Stay the course. Be fabulous. You are
stronger than you think.
And see, being single for over twenty years now, those are
both situations that I can only relate to in theory. I talk to my sister about
such things. (I bet there are times she wishes I would leave her alone.) She has
suggested that my single status is not exactly what bothers me. No, she believes
I simply occasionally mourn the ‘loss’ of the life that I planned to have. (A companion
for milestone achievements, those fancy anniversary plates, etc.) This actually makes sense to me. They say you
can’t miss what you never had. I do not know if that is necessarily true.
Of course, I have been in relationships throughout the
years, but never again took that BIG step. I’m at peace with that for now. I
have a great life with amazing friends and family. I have never regretted
settling for someone just to change my Facebook status. (Well…., there was this
one guy…..some regrets there. But clock rewinding is not a skill I possess.)
There isn’t a competition for heartache. Divorce is tough. Losing
a loving partner is awful. Never having those memories to cherish, well that’s
kind of sad too. There are opportunities all around for being dismal. But we
have to resist that urge and fight it back. (Boy, I really could use some of those
chocolate covered goodies about now.)
I know, I got a little melancholy there for a moment. But
sometimes you just do.
Now .what does a single gal do to celebrate Valentines? Well
this gal has a whole host of activities lined up. Going out with friends.
Spending time with family. Finding something to cover with chocolate. And while
I don’t expect to have a balloon wielding teddy bear presented to me over a
candlelit dinner, I’m good. I’m happy. I’m safe. And I am loved. By many.
So to all my beautiful, fascinating, intelligent, loving and
extraordinary single friends of mine out there, here’s to you! Have a great
day! Be joyful! Be thankful! Do special for yourself. Then do special for
someone else. Laugh out loud (really laugh, not the LOL stuff).
Oh yeah...eat some
chocolate!!
Hope Out
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