Part 2 - The Lies We Believe And The Truths We Ignore
Part 2. The Truths
Last week we talked about lies; mostly lies that we tell ourselves. A destructive internal dialogue that steals our joy and blocks forward progress. Today I want to talk about the truth. Now there is a saying that the truth will set you free. However, that freedom is conditional on you accepting that truth. Many times it stares us right in the face, and we look right through it. Pretend it is the truth for someone else, but certainly not us. Because we tend to believe that we are exempt from life’s certainties. But my friends, none of us are. So, let’s see if we can face these truths head on today.
#1. If It Walks Like A Duck. It is my opinion (and experience) that the absolute hardest thing for anyone to believe is that someone they love would betray their trust; be it a partner, friend or child. Everyone else in the world can see a blue sunny sky, but if your partner says everyone else is colorblind and the sky is actually black and stormy, you will believe that instead and take your umbrella. You will believe their phone really was dead and they couldn’t call you back. You will believe you can’t go to their house because they are remodeling; again. You will believe their Facebook messages to an old sweetheart are just catching up. You will believe the borrowed money really is for gas. You will believe this is the last, last time they will ever hurt/deceive you. Is that enough examples? Do you see where I’m going? My dear friends, people tell you who they are every day. In word and in deed. All you have to do is look and listen and BELIEVE.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a complete cynic. Do not go off on an unnecessary tangent with anyone. Please understand that things do happen occasionally. Phone batteries do die. Houses aren’t always ready for company. Borrowed money is spent on necessities. Facebook friends are sometimes JUST Facebook friends. No, I’m talking about patterns. Routines. How does someone consistently treat you? Are they there when you need them or disappear for days at a time? Do they call you for help/money/advice but can’t be found when you do? What are their priorities and ideals? If your gut (and your best friend) is telling you something is wrong, then it is time to face the TRUTH.
#2. He/She’s Just Not Into You. I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. Chances are you have already wasted enough time thinking about it yourself. This is actually tied closely with #1. It is another ‘trust your gut’ moment. It is my opinion that this type of situation boils down to respect and communication. If you have both with your partner, you never have to question the next step. And there is always a next step. Sometimes the step is down an aisle; sometimes it is out the door. But most intimate relationships do not stand in place. You are either moving towards each other or further apart. If one of you is unclear about which direction you are going, then a conversation is in order. And if the indications (hard truths) are there then you should accept them. My favorite all time personal truth is this… “People Make Time To Do What They Want”. If they want you (or are INTO you) you will never have to wonder.
#3. You Can’t Do It All. This one kind of flies in the face of all the motivational memes, quotes and running shoe commercials floating around everywhere. There is a well-intentioned movement that suggests if we try hard enough, prioritize correctly, get only 4 hours of sleep a night and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps we can accomplish anything. But you know what? The truth is that’s not actually always possible. Not because you aren’t amazing and talented and focused, but because you are human. I write a blog that a few of you might enjoy, but I will never win a Grammy no matter how hard I try, prioritize or pull on bootstraps. Why? Because I cannot sing well enough. Our goals and intentions have to be based on reason and abilities. Some of you set goals to be everything for everyone. You juggle so many projects/responsibilities that when you drop just one it feels like the entire world just crashed on your head. The feeling of failure has one of the most devastating effects on our emotions. It ties directly into our self-esteem. Do not set yourself up for that.
Am I suggesting not doing your best? Absolutely not! I was a single working mom for 18 years. I tried my best every day. Will we fail at times even with our best intentions? Of course we will. No, what I’m saying is to not buy into the notion that somehow you are defective if you can’t do everything perfectly. No one can. Release yourself of that burden. You have to believe in yourself and know your limitations and strengths. It is OK that you can’t do it all. Be kind to yourself. (As a side note, lighten up on the kids too. They are not meant to excel at everything either. Let them pick something they enjoy and are gifted in and pursue that. Do not make them chase YOUR dream.)
#4. Change Is A’Coming. There is no more absolute truth then nothing stays the same. Change is inevitable. We can fight the gray hair and wrinkles, but we are still getting older. Children move away and carve their own lives. Companies close or relocate and take our jobs. The ultimate change happens and death takes away someone very dear to us. It does no good to fight the natural course of our lives. The key is to find peace with it. Still water becomes stale and stagnant and disease ridden. We do not want that in our life. The fluid movement of a rushing river is teeming with life and its inhabitants flourish even as the water changes the surface of the imbedded rocks or the riverbank itself. As our lives advance and transition occur, we grow and thrive and learn to adapt. Embrace the changes. Move with them. Understand that both the good and the bad ones are all part of this fabulous, once-in-a-lifetime life!
So we have explored both lies and truths these past two weeks. Through all the examples it is my sincere hope that you have made a decision to take back the reins of your happiness. Please do not let either clever lies or difficult truths rob you of joy. The most important truth... is to be True To Yourself! Learn to trust yourself. Your instincts. Your heart. Listen to the one person who knows you best and loves you the most… YOU.
And know that I am cheering for you all the way! And that’s the TRUTH!