3 Keys To Keep Your Relationship From Growing Apart


(Lessons From A Tree)

A common phrase passed around when a couple is considering a divorce or break-up is, “We just grew apart.” Personally, I am of the belief that seldom does this ‘just’ happen. Usually, there is an event, or series of events, that lead up to the parting of the emotional branches. Let’s take a minute to explore how this occurs and then hopefully prevent it from happening to you.
The most common example of growing part is found in nature with a tree. A tree starts with one solid trunk and expands out into branches. There are certain conditions however that will cause the trunk to split, creating a situation where there appears to actually be two trees growing apart from one base. While technically together, they are no longer joined or growing in union. There are many factors to cause this occurrence, including storms, soil erosion and, of course, outside influences. Sometimes these trees can be saved, but other times the damage is irreparable. We can learn from these trees to avoid having our own relationships become split down the middle.
StormsWe will all experience storms in our relationships. Family, work, health, the list is endless of things that can whip up without warning. What is the single most sustaining factor in weathering a storm? A good root system. Start early in your relationship to develop those roots. Establish trust. Be honest. Be loyal. Share dreams/fears/goals. Understand the benefit of having a true partner to walk through life with and work hard to earn that right with them. The deeper and stronger your love (and root system) the easier the two of you will withstand life’s storms and the less chance of them causing a crack that could grow with time.
Soil Erosion. What erodes the love and commitment in our relationships? Letting life become a distraction. Not putting your partner first. Being selfish. Forgetting the little things that are actually pretty important. When we start to ignore our partner or the relationship, slowly, but surely, it starts to erode. Our career goals become a priority. Maybe even the kids. A hobby or dream. All of these things are healthy and some, even necessary, but should never be at the expense of the foundation of your relationship. There may not be time every day for all the things in your life, but you should ALWAYS make time for your partner. Just a simple kiss good morning, a completed chore, a text that says I Love You. These little things add up and keep love’s soil rich.
Outside Influences. Most foreign objects that ultimately affect the strength and growth of a tree start out small and seemingly harmless. Isn’t that also true in real life? Very few people start a relationship expecting to hurt or betray the other person. We all have good and loving intentions. It is when we aren’t paying attention and lose focus that outside influences can creep in. It may be a habit or substance that gets the best of us. Or a friendship is allowed to go too far.  That first decision to ‘hide’ something from your partner/spouse is the first sign that you are cracking the tree. You can tell yourself it is innocent or harmless, but truly successful couples do not keep secrets. We must guard our hearts and our love against any outside force that would threaten to undermine it. When an activity or another person ‘divides’ our time and affection, the splintering soon follows. Do not allow this to happen.
My Hopefuls, my goal for you today is to cherish and appreciate the strong and sturdy trunk that your relationship is being built upon. Please make every effort to take care of that base and develop the root system. Honor and respect each other. Support and defend. Do not let petty disagreements or differences start to splinter the core. Keep the love fresh and alive. Have fun. Laugh. Be silly. And understanding that growing apart is the result of not sustaining the bond and commitment you started with. I accept that some relationships start foolishly or without much thought for the work involved. Most likely those are not heading for the long term. However, if you lovingly entered into a bond with another person, please do your part to keep the tree growing straight and strong. Your love WILL make a difference. I promise.
And always….Hope With Abandon
Hope Out

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What Autumn Can Teach Us About Stress Relief

Living near the mountains of North Carolina, one of my favorite things to do in the fall is to take a day trip along those winding roads and soak up the beauty of the fall colors. A photo taken from an overlook of the vast expanse is beautiful, but nothing is prettier to me than a shot from the ground up through the trees with the sun shining through the golden and red colors. I knew there was a chemical process that caused the transformation, but I learned today a little more detail and I also learned how we can apply a similar process to make our lives more beautiful as well.  

The leaves on a tree are basically a food manufacturing plant. They use a chemical called chlorophyll and sunlight to produce nutrients and carbohydrates for the tree’s nourishment. (See, trees like their carbs and starches too!) It is the chlorophyll that creates the green tint we associate with spring and summer tree leaves. What I didn’t realize until today was that the yellows, oranges and reds are also already there, they are just hidden behind the greens, during peak food production.
   
During the fall, when the temperatures drop and the daylight is shorter, the leaves stop their food prep and basically the tree goes into a hibernation-type mode. Without the chlorophyll, the green pigment disappears and gives way for the yellows, oranges and reds (which were there all along) to have their glorious time in the sun.  

What does this mean for us?  

Our daily lives are extremely busy. We have work obligations; family obligations and every other meme on social media tell us how much we should be putting into and getting out of this life. That’s a lot of stress! We are constantly in a pressure cooker to keep our goals, ambitions and families fed! (Figuratively and literally) We know there is creativity, fulfillment, fun and joy somewhere, we just can’t see it sometimes with all the ‘green’ of bills, responsibilities, deadlines and activities. So what needs to happen? Am I suggesting we walk away from our duties and maturity? Not exactly... but I am advocating for a little bit of Happy Hibernation.  

I think we should all set aside some time occasionally to shut down the stress pipeline. Unplug and unwind from the tethers that pull us in all different directions. We need to stop feeding the power source of worldly weight. Once we do that, the beautiful colors of imagination and wonder will splash across our life’s canvas.
  
I don’t know what radiant colors lie beneath your surface. Maybe you don’t either, or you forgot. Today is the perfect chance to find out. Slow down, quiet your soul, then listen to your heart. What moves you? What excites you? What inspires you? Let those images and activities become a priority for just a bit. Take time to renew your mind and recharge your emotional energy. This doesn’t have to be a massive undertaking or even an action. It’s possible you simply want to relax and enjoy the small moments and pleasures that get lost in your hectic pace. There aren’t any right or wrong answers here. The point is to let the beautiful, colorful, majestic - you, the YOU that has been there all along, have time to shine. 

My Hopefuls, I know you struggle and grow weary and even frustrated. The work of life is ongoing and oftentimes seemingly unappreciated. I am here today to remind you that you not forgotten, and are in fact valued, loved and eternally special. God has a plan for your life and He has a glorious painting full of radiant colors waiting to be revealed.  

I trust somewhere within these words, you have found the encouragement to stop a moment and enjoy the simple pleasures around you. To strip away the daily mundane long enough to find the beauty underneath. And if you still need extra help, look me up and come take a drive with me along those beautiful mountain roads. I promise your troubles will disappear for a little while.  

And Always Remember.. 

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out 

Are You Looking For Excuses Or Solutions (We Find What We Search For)

Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....