I Am More Than A Label

As a society, we put labels on everything. Some are necessary.  

I need to know the expiration date on the cheese that has been in the bottom drawer of my refrigerator for two months (I mean weeks).   

Some are frivolous. Yes, I know taking a bath with my space heater is not a good idea. 

But sometimes I think we have gone overboard with the labels. Especially the ones attached to humans. Rarely are they correct and more importantly, even if they do fit SOME of the time, all of us have so many layers that go into making us who we are.  

Here are a few of MY non-labels! 

Label me an introvert BUT I’m not anti-social

Well, maybe I am a little, but only if I’m annoyed or very tired. I love talking to people. I especially love hearing their stories; the good ones and the sad ones. I am honored when someone trusts me enough to share their journey with me. I may not be the life of the party, but I’ve made peace with that.  

Label me single BUI’m not alone 

Seriously, I live with two other adults and a toddler. I’m NEVER alone! Being single is not a word I’m ashamed of. It does not have a negative impact on me. Sure, there are times when I wish I had a sidekick to walk through life with, but now is not the right time. I don’t necessarily buy into the quotes I see daily that say “just wait, he’s coming”. For all I know he came while I was changing a diaper or writing a blog. Either way, if he was that easy to miss, he wasn’t the right one anyway. I’m good. For now, I’m single and I'm good.  

Label me a Christian BUT I’m not judgmental 

I could write an entire blog about this topic, but I won’t today. Let me just say the basic core of Christianity is love, grace and forgiveness. No, we can’t just do anything we want and skip right into heaven, but for those who may not have figured it out yet, no one down here gets to decide what goes on up there. (No matter who much you may want to or have an opinion.) 

Label me middle age BUT it’s just a number 

Just like I’m not worried about being single, I’m not too worried about getting older. I mean, the gray hair and wrinkles are a bit tasking, but what other alternative is there to watch your grandkids grow up? I am thankful for the knowledge and experiences that I had in my life. They have enriched me and I believe made me stronger. The number of candles on the cake doesn’t bother me. Just for the love of all things good, please get the buttercream icing!  

My size is a label, but I’m not sharing that one. In fact, I probably shouldn’t have put this after the buttercream icing cake comment. I’m never sure which is worse, the M, L, XL or the 8, 10, 12, 14. Which looks more incriminating, two letters or two numbers? And why are Junior clothes in odd sizes? Is that so they don’t get mixed up with adult clothes? Just curious.... Either way, I try not to stress about the labels in my clothes. Yes, I wish they were in the single digits/letters, and ultimately, I have some control over that, but learning to be happy with where I am TODAY is a goal and an accomplishment.  

Label me old fashioned BUT to me, it just means I have manners and standards.  

That might sound a little vain and I’m not saying everyone who has manners is old fashioned. But there is something to be said for solid values. I’m progressive enough when I need to be and I am always open to new ideas and improvements, but there are still good basic manners that never go out of style and I am on that bandwagon every single time.  

I hope this has shown you that labels are fine, but they are not to be engraved or permanent.  

Never let anyone define who you are or what you can do. Be the conductor of your own beautiful orchestra and let YOUR music ring out! 

And if you do find the need.....  

Label Yourself AMAZING! 

As always... 

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out! 

www.hopeboulevard.com

The Art Of Small Talk - Help For The Socially Awkward


I'm really writing this for me, but I thought I would bring you along for the ride. 

Whether you are on a first date, a business meeting, a social setting or just a ridiculously long line, knowing the art of small talk is a life-saver. 

I am notoriously bad at it; seriously. I have been known to walk the long way around the parking lot to avoid having to having to walk in with someone and feel obligated to share chit-chat. I know, it's so sad. 

However, instead of continuing to wallow in my defeat, I decided to find better ways to handle this and I am going to share them with you. 

Sometimes it's not just knowing what to say, but how to say it. Everyone has a different communication style, and when small talk is challenging it helps to have some tips in your conversation arsenal. 

Pretend You Are Interested

I know the 'fake it 'til you make it' advice sounds lame, but it just might work. People are drawn to enthusiasm. Keep a go-to question or two in your small talk starter pack. Something light and breezy like a current event, news item, upcoming holiday, weekend plans, etc.

If all else fails, pick something in the room or surroundings to talk about. It is the one thing you both have in common. 

Most people like to talk about themselves, so ask open-ended or opinion questions. Instead of just asking what they do for a living, ask how it's done or why they like it.  Try to stay away from controversial topics. 

Be Interested

The best way to sound interested in a conversation is to BE interested. Pick a topic that already interests you and you will be more engaged in the conversation.
 
Believe in the Best in People

I know for me it is easy to assume someone is going to judge me for my answers or make negative conclusions about me. That's not fair. There are jerks in the world, but most people you meet are just as wary and awkward as you are. You don't have to sound brilliant; just be kind. Everyone wants to put out a good impression. 

And don't stress if you don't remember their name (unless you are on a date; that's a bad sign). That's why they make people wear name tags at events and business gatherings; we are all bad at remembering names. Just ask; it's ok. 

Be Honest/Not Argumentative

If you don't want to talk about a particular subject or answer a specific question, just politely say you would rather talk about something else. Then steer the conversation in that direction. 

If you are asked for your opinion about something you truly dislike, just say, 'That's really not my thing." Or if they express a dislike for something you love, you can come back with, "It takes all kinds." You can disagree without being disagreeable. 

Compliments/Criticisms

We all love to hear something nice about ourselves. Find something about your small talk companion to compliment on. It will brighten their day and they will generally start to talk about whatever you mentioned. 

If someone gives YOU a compliment, simply say thank you. I know for some of you that is difficult. Don't try to convince them they are mistaken. Don't feign pious modesty. Just accept and appreciate the nice gesture. 

Now if they slide in a criticism, refer back to above about not being disagreeable. For the purpose of small talk, if someone casually mentions something that doesn't sit well with you, just let it roll. Offer the non-committal, "You could be right." You can finish the sentence however you want as long as it is under your breath.  

The Getaway

Despite all your best efforts, there will still be times when you just want to escape. Either they are overbearing, getting in your personal space, or you are just emotionally winded. Whatever the reason, just simply excuse yourself with an "I Need" phrase. 

"I need to use the restroom." "I need to get some food/refill my drink." "I need to make a call." "I need to answer this text." (Just look at your phone. They will never know you don't have a text. Your phone is on silent anyway, right?) Your 'need' can fit the location/situation, but very few people are going to question the sincerity of your statement. 

I do suggest if you claim to need to go and/or do something you at least attempt to make good on that statement. I mean, after all, it's the polite thing to do. 

Practice Makes Perfect

My hands started shaking even as I wrote this. I know the best way to get better at something is to continue to do it. I would improve my small talk skills if I put myself in the position of having to do it. 

Can I just say; ugh. 

Seriously though, unless you retire to a deserted island or a cabin in a rock underground, you will need to interact with people. Being an introvert, I understand it can be difficult. It doesn't come easy for some of us. But it is always worthwhile. 

For the times when I truly attempt to make a connection with someone, I almost always enjoy the conversation. I learn something about me or the other person. 
I fancy myself to be a storyteller of sorts, and everyone has a story. Learn how to step out of your comfort zone just long enough to get someone started on telling 
theirs. 

You might just be surprised at how pleasant small talk can actually be. At least that is what I am telling myself...

And as always..

Hope With Abandon

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Are You Looking For Excuses Or Solutions (We Find What We Search For)

Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....