Why This Memorial Day Should Be About More Than BBQ

Don't get me wrong. I love a good BBQ. In fact, being from Eastern NC where we are famous for our vinegar sauce, and having a father who raised hogs, I've eaten my fair share. And who doesn't like a nice day on the lake? Plus, don't get me started on three day weekends!

But this year, I'd like for us all to step back and take a moment to reflect on the true meaning behind Memorial Day, and how it impacts our lives today.

Did you know the origins of Memorial Day came after the Civil War, which saw more lives lost than in any other time in our history? There were so many dead soldiers, it created the need for the first national cemeteries.

There were several cities that picked days to honor their local fallen, but there was not a nationwide remembrance until General John A Logan, who was the commander-in-chief for a Union veteran's group, declared that May 30th would be a national date of commemoration.

It was originally called Decoration Day, and General Logan encouraged all Americans to place flowers around and decorate the graves of the dead soldiers, who he said: "now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land". 

Some believe he picked that date because it didn't coincide with any Civil War battle, but others say the day was chosen because, by the end of spring, all of the flowers would be in bloom.

After WWI, Memorial Day was changed to include honoring all soldiers who died in war. It was officially changed to the last Monday in May in 1971, and now is now a federal holiday, and also the unofficial start to summer.

Herein lies my problem with the holiday this year.

Am I the only one who feels we are in another version of a Civil War? There aren't armies marching and rampant bloodshed in the streets. We aren't sending our husbands, sons, and brothers marching off to fight in the battlefields, but there is a tremendous amount of hostility, rage, and conflict at every turn.

I can promise you, I'm not a political person. I pretty much disdain all it stands for, but I did once respect the process. And I'm not going to take sides or promote one party over another. I'm just here to say, we've lost our way. 

I can't really put my finger on when the tide started turning. I honestly believe it was a slow progression; like a cancer that sneaks up on you until it's too late. I'm afraid, as a nation, we have a malignant disease overtaking us.

I guess that sounds depressing, and I could be ruining your picnic. My apologies. But I am genuinely worried about the path our nation is on. A nation that we fought tooth and nail to establish. A nation that was built on integrity and patriotism. Were our forefathers perfect? Of course not. Does that give us the right to tarnish every good thing they ever did? I don't think so.

Look, I don't have any answers, not really. None that anyone would take seriously anyway. All I know is that I've invested the last few years to spreading hope, encouragement and trying to motivate you guys to live your best lives now. And for one day, this Memorial Day, I'm going to ask you to do one more thing. Remember. 

Remember the men and women who stood their ground and fought on to protect and serve and died in the process. Remember the sacrifices and acts of courage that came from within ordinary people who were called to do extraordinary things. Remember the families who had to carry on without a father, son, brother, husband, sister, daughter, wife or mother.

Remember that people gave their lives so we have the privilege to say and live how we believe, even when others don't agree. That's a huge freedom that so many other places do not experience.

So can we, on this Memorial Day, put aside our political differences, our fiery worded darts, our demeaning jabs, our ploys, and our tactics and can we all just be Americans? Honoring our country and those who died to give it to us?

Can we show our appreciation for their sacrifice by offering a small piece of our attention, gratitude, and devotion?

Go to a parade. Wave a flag. Lay some flowers on a grave. Say a prayer. Find a veteran and thank them. Take a moment from your busy day of posting pictures of hot dogs, lemonade and beach towels and pause to reflect on those who paved the way for our freedoms.

Regardless of our political beliefs, party or views, we are all in this together.

For one day, let's remember that. 

Then go eat your BBQ!

And Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com

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4 Things I Didn't Understand Until I Lost My Mom


(I understand that Mother’s Day is filled with accolades and outpourings of love for moms, but not everyone had the gift of a loving mother. This saddens me, and if this is you, I truly hope there was someone in your life that encouraged, uplifted and loved you. The title ‘mom’ doesn’t have to be written in blood to be meaningful.)
I was born when my parents were older and my three other siblings were either grown or almost grown. My experiences, and memories, were slightly different from theirs based on these time frames. I am confident when I say we all shared extreme respect and love for our mother; Alma Suis. 
She has been gone for 12 years now, and I am still discovering the tremendous impact she had on my life.

I Took Her For Granted

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mom tremendously. I did not intentionally set out to take her for granted, but looking back; I can see where at times I did.
I took for granted when I walked over every morning that she would be at the kitchen sink. I think for most of her life she stood in front of a sink. Her and my dad had a restaurant back in the late 40s; way before I came along. Then, she went to school to become a hairdresser and stood at a basin washing people’s hair until she became too sick to do so.

And, of course, her kitchen sink. Where she made my dad breakfast EVERY morning until he passed, countless lunches and dinners and it wasn’t until the day she couldn’t stand at that sink any longer that I began to realize how sick she really was. 
I took for granted when my kids got off the school bus, she would be there. I was extremely fortunate to have lived next door to my parents when my children were growing up. The memories (and the help) are more than I can recount. Family is not always perfect, but I have been very blessed when it came to mine. 

My mom was 45 when she had me. (I know, makes me shudder now too.) So she was in her sixties and seventies when my two came along. She seemed so strong and invincible, even at that age, that I didn’t fully appreciate how exhausted she must have been at times. At 54, I help with my 2-year-old grandson and some days it’s all I can do to keep up. She had twenty years on me when she was doing the same thing. She loved those girls, and they loved her, but I know there must have been days when she didn’t feel like doing it. But she did. She always did. That's what moms do. 

And I will be forever grateful and humbled by her sacrifice.

The Holidays Would Not Be The Same

In an obvious sense, I understood the holidays would be different without her, but I don’t think I completely understood what that meant. Since I was a single mom, Santa Claus didn’t want me to have all the fun by myself on Christmas morning, so he delivered the toys next door to my parent’s house. (They had the chimney anyway.) So when my kids got up, we would run to grandma’s house to all be together. Those are really some of my very best memories.
Thanksgiving was unique because, when I was very little, we did the traditional turkey thing, but as she got older and the family was spread out more, spaghetti was always on the menu that day. I have no idea why she picked that particular meal, but I now associate marinara sauce over cranberry sauce with the pilgrims.
New Years Day was her birthday. So that day is always flooded with memories.
Oddly enough, April Fools Day is the day that stands out the most for me in terms of my mom’s enjoyment. And that isn’t even a holiday. My mom took her Christian beliefs very seriously and felt very strongly about lying. In fact, she didn’t even use the word lie because she felt it was a harsh word. She would use the word ‘fib’. But on April Fool’s Day, she had creative license to ‘fib’, and she would do so with great glee. She derived much pleasure in ‘tricking’ me into various sorts of dilemmas, and it was my immense pleasure to always be fooled.

If you are not already doing so, create traditions with your mom. They will comfort you for years to come. 

How She Cooked Banana Pudding

Or pretty much anything she cooked. I didn’t pay attention. I will say, by the time I came along, my mom’s patience for training had probably dwindled a bit. I remember her whizzing around the kitchen when I was a kid and BAM, food was on the table. 

As an adult, I tried to pin her down on recipes, but there weren’t any. She cooked by memory, by feel, by taste. As such, I’ll never again have a biscuit as good as hers or home-made-from-scratch banana pudding. My children suffer the most from my lack of the traditional passed down southern delicacies. I had forty years to enjoy her magic in the kitchen; they had so many less.  

Unconditional Love

I believe my relationship with my mom went full circle. I was not an easy teenager to deal with. I was sent to go live with my sister in St Louis during my senior year of high school. When I returned, I soon ran away from home with a cowboy from Oklahoma (true story) and brought back a baby.
I tested her patience and love, but she never failed me. Ever. She led by example and taught me grace, forgiveness, humility, compassion, and complete unconditional love. I hope I redeemed myself in her eyes, as that became my life’s goal as I finally began to grow up.  
As she faded from this world, both in mind and in body, I did my best to return the favor. I didn’t do it alone, but it was important to follow the journey with her to the end. That trip next door looked different as the cancer stole my precious momma, but I am eternally thankful I was able to make that trip every day until she moved on to find my dad in heaven.


So if you are still able to celebrate Mother’s Day with your mom this year, here is my advice. 

Don’t take her for granted. 

Cherish the holidays (and every day). 

Get her recipes. 

And enjoy the gift of her unconditional love.
Oh, and one more thing. Give her a hug. And then another one for me. You never know when it will be your last.

I want to wish all the moms out there a very Happy Mother's Day! Your sacrifice, love and strength are truly remarkable and today is the day we want to honor you!

Always.....

Hope WIth Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 



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