How To Clean Your Emotional Closet (4 Things To Clear Out For The New Year)

Are you one of those who use the New Year to re-organize and throw out things you no longer want/use? 

Do you spend hours going through drawers, cabinets, closets in an attempt to keep your life in order? 

Is it your goal to cut down on the clutter and chaos and live a more minimalistic lifestyle? 

If you actually achieve this let me how you did it! I'm terrible at it! 

Did you know there are other 'things' you can get rid of as the New Year dawns that can make your life easier, more productive, and peaceful? Do you need to clean out your emotional closet? Those are things I CAN help you with. Read on!

Trim Your Friend's List

We all want to have friends and make connections. And for some, the number of 'friends' on their social media feels like an indicator of how popular and accepted they are. But that's not always the case. 

It is super easy to hit the "Add" or "Follow" buttons. You do it for people you don't even know, and others do it as well. It is an easy (and mindless) activity to scroll through social media and see the posts, pictures, and comments of everyone on your list. But in reality, how productive or beneficial is that? 

Social media stress  is a real thing. Spending too much time 'invested' in the lives of others can not only be a waste of time but also affect your self-esteem. Most people don't have the perfect life they post about. And whether we realize it or not, we subconsciously compare our lives/stories/families with those on our newsfeed. 

So I said all that to say, why not go through your friend's list and trim it down. Make it truly be friends and family that you desire to connect with. If you don't know them or have outgrown them, unfriend them. It's not a reflection of their value of a person, just who they are in your world. 

And let's go one step further, and examine the 'real-time' friends you hang out with. Have you grown apart with some? Have circumstances or situations caused a rift? The word toxic is thrown around way too much, but sometimes there are just people who bring you down more than lift you up. 

It is ok to limit your time and emotional resources on those who bring tension, hassle or drama into your life. You don't need a huge confrontation. Just quietly distance yourself and stick with those who truly value you. 

Throw Out The Bad Attitudes

Just like you throw out the clothes in your closet that don't fit or are frayed and torn, it's time to throw out those destructive attitudes. 

It is often true that we are our own worse enemies. The things we say to ourselves is usually way more damaging than the things said by others. 

Let's start the new year by throwing out negative self-talk and harmful attitudes. 

Stop saying: I CAN'T. No, you probably can't do everything, No one can. But you are stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Try it out and see for yourself. 

Stop saying: I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You are not broken. Yes, there may be a few cracks, bruises (or in my case, age spots), but you are worthy of love, joy, and acceptance. Everyone's journey is different, but no one gets out unscathed. Be proud of your scars and the lessons they taught you. 

Don't judge others for what you don't know about them, and don't allow someone to judge you for what they don't know. 

Steer clear of jealousy. If you have a valid reason not to trust someone, then don't trust THEM. Don't punish everyone else in the process. And for those who appear to have it better or easier, be happy for them.  Jealousy is a very bad look. 

Stop playing the victim. It is true that someone may have wronged you. Pick up the pieces and move on. Don't milk it for sympathy or attention. That stunts your emotional growth. And sometimes what we claim as bad luck is simply consequences for mistakes or bad choices. Own both the good and bad decisions and keep moving forward. 

Let Go Of The Past

Nothing clogs up your life's closet like excess emotional baggage. Dig it out and let it go. 

Forgive those who hurt you. What if they don't ask for it? Doesn't matter. It's for YOU and your peace of mind; not theirs. 

Forgive yourself for mistakes. Seriously, I've done so many things the wrong way. But I can't wallow around feeling defeated. We all have to dust ourselves off and move forward. You will never be perfect. But you must always be persistent. 

Move on from people, events, or situations that you can't fix or control. An abusive relationship. A dead-end job. Fear of failure. Make healthy decisions for your future that include self-love, self-care, and plenty of love for those who support and encourage you.  

Change Your Definition Of Happiness

As the world around us spirals frantically in so many directions, we are left to try and keep up. The Most. The Best. The Top. The Biggest. If we just get 'IT', we will be happy. 

Yeah, see, that never works. Because there is always the next thing down the line. 

For this new year, change the way you define happiness. 

Things won't make you happy; experiences will. 

People won't always make you happy; memories will. 

Status won't make you happy; personal accomplishments will. 

A clear mind. A full heart. A calm spirit. THOSE will reshape your view of happiness. 

And Happiness is what I wish for you!

My Hopefuls, I wish for each of you a year filled with love, joy, and especially HOPE. 

I know each day won't look or feel like the best day ever. But each day is a blessing. Each day is an opportunity. And each day offers you the chance to be kind, do good, and make a difference. 

Clean out your emotional closet of anything that weighs you down, stops your creativity, stifles your spirit, or chokes out your love. Keep it open for all the good things this year will bring you!

And, as always......

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

The Journey Of Your Words - Where Are They Taking You?

We are a world of words. They are everywhere. 

24 hour news cycles. 

Endless social media streaming. 

Tik-Tok Fever (Not sure how the sound of a clock became the name of the fastest rising video sharing service.)

We are showered with words, thoughts, ideas, agendas, philosophies, opinions, and viewpoints in an endless cycle. 

So what is the aftermath of all this information? What is the consequence of all those words? 

Life Is A Journey of Words

One of the first sounds most newborns hear is the sweet voice of their mother. This sound (vibration) literally follows them the rest of their life. The longing to hear the sound of your mother's voice never goes away. 

Soon after, the race is on to teach that precious child as many words as possible. 

Children develop their first ideas about the world from their parents. Right or wrong, good or bad. Their consciousness is shaped by the very words overheard at the dinner table, in the car, and even through closed doors in hushed tones. 

A victim mentality, all types of prejudices, intolerance, bias etc - these are not genetic traits. No one is born having those thoughts or reactions. They are learned and/or followed behaviors. (The same holds true for kindness, charity, thoughtfulness, acceptance, etc.)

And they are learned to a great extent through WORDS. 

The good news is that not all children who grow up hearing words of hate grow up to hate. Some do develop the interest and curiosity to expand their view. They widen their circle and set out to discover the words of others and from different opinions. 

I recently read, and re-quoted, a phrase that simply said "you can't change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around". 

The Words You Hear

Words are little seeds looking for a place to be planted, take root, and grow into ideas. 

As mentioned above, a child's mind and heart are extremely fertile ground and those seeds settle quickly and sprout. They really have no choice to control what they hear or what's planted and it can be a long and deliberate process to pluck out the bad. 

Children who were told they weren't good enough, smart enough, attractive enough grow up to believe they are inferior and typically align themselves with partners who reinforce those beliefs. 

Children who grow up in a polarizing and prejudice atmosphere are more likely to carry on those beliefs. 

The words you hear help steer your life's journey. Where have you traveled based on the negativity or affirmation you received? Did you travel down a road towards happiness? Or did you take a detour into self-doubt and get stuck in fear and confusion? 

The good news about the adult brain is that the ground is less fertile and we have more power than we think to control what takes root. 

You are NOT the sum of the WORDS someone says about you. You are not destined to journey towards despair and the bleak. 

Today is the day you can begin to re-write the story of your life. To choose different WORDS to re-shape and re-define the person you want to become. You are not tied to a specific destination. 

Re-set your internal GPS with WORDS of hope and encouragement and joy!

The Words You Say

In the same way that the words of others impact you, your WORDS have the same power over others. 

Every time you speak to someone you have the choice to offer encouragement, wisdom, love - OR you can choose to plant fear, disharmony, strife. 

Not only can words map out your destination, you can lead others as well. You can take them with you to opportunity or mire them down in defeat. 

Oh, but you say, I can't help it. I am who I am. People have to 'deal'. This is only true if you are a robot, which I highly doubt any form of artificial intelligence would take their time to read my blog. 

You DO have the power to change your outlook and your words. 

How do you speak to your partner? Are you affirming? Loving? Encouraging? 

What words do your children hear most out of your mouth? Do they inspire? Teach? Guide? Uplift? 

It is not my intention to hammer away with MY words and make you feel bad. But it is my goal to help you examine the far-reaching vines of your interactions with others. 

We all can do better. 

The Words You Tell Yourself

Sometimes the most damaging words that fall on our ears come out of our own mouth. 

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

Sometimes it's a product of what we have heard others say to us. Other times is it buying into hype on social media about what we should have, be, think, or look like. 

When we fail to measure up to someone else's standard, we often berate and ridicule ourselves. Saying things in the mirror we would never say to anyone else. 

Listen to me.... Your goal is never measured by another's. The benchmarks you set for your career, health, style, relationships, and dreams should be driven by what's in YOUR heart. 

You MUST speak words of acceptance and value and inspiration to yourself even if no one else ever does. 

The Truth  

What I am suggesting is not easy. I don't pretend to say it is. Blocking out any negative you hear. Being mindful of what you say. Becoming your own best friend. The truth is - it will take diligence and purpose. 

Those roots can run deep and the roadway so familiar the thought of anything else is overwhelming. But my dear Hopefuls, I do want you to understand that change IS possible. That good IS around the bend. That you ARE deserving of happiness, peace, and HOPE!

If nothing else, I HOPE these words brought reassurance and comfort to your life today. 

I trust the journey of your words lead you to JOY!

And as always....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

How To Be - Happy Is As Happy Does – Life Lessons From A Country Song

 

It has been said that most of our life experiences have ended up as a country song.

Being someone who likes country music, I find that statement somewhat true.

Being someone who likes Kenny Chesney, I found his latest song hit right on the mark with how I feel about the world, in general, these days. There have been several songs released in all musical genres to try and capture an artist’s view of today’s events. I have no idea when this song was actually written, but today, my advice for you comes straight from the lyrics of his song.

Don’t Look Too Long In The Rear View

Some find it in the scripture or a Polaroid picture
Or flip a coin, heads, you're goin' to Tucson, Arizona
But it sure ain't in the lookin' back on the stuff you never did
Sometimes you're gonna feel that, but life is better when

Life is better when you don’t look back. Your life now is a product of the decisions you have made so far. The good ones enriched you, and the bad ones educated you. It is a waste of time to dwell on the past. If you have always wanted to do something – go for it. The future is yours to create.

You can find comfort in memories, but that’s not where you live. Make the most of each day you are given. Tomorrow is not promised. Today is a blank page to write your very own life’s best seller.

Don’t Judge Yourself (Or Others) By Their Social Media

Contentment is the cornerstone of happiness. The key to contentment is not being jealous of what other people have or do. Social media is like those distorted mirrors in a funhouse. Things are never really quite how they appear.

Be very careful not to feel envy or resentment for the ‘lucky’ ones. We can all be creative with the little world that everyone else sees on their phone screen.

I am as guilty as everyone else. I post my best side. My greatest victories. The good hair days. Why? I want someone to be impressed. Why? I don’t know! If I’m happy with my side, victories, and hair what difference does it make who else is? And if I’m not happy with it, having someone ‘like’ it, won’t help me one bit.

I am not saying we all need to ditch our social media accounts (although a little less time spent on them each day might help), but I am saying we need to read between the lines (and posts).

Everyone else in the world does not have it all together either. Their children are not all scholars and their spouses are not all Hallmark movie characters. They have struggles, insecurities, and disappointments just like you do.

Be happy with who YOU are and what YOU have and then be happy for the good fortune of others as well.  

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear/Read

Common sense is not very common these days. I did a little research to see if this was a trait that could be taught, or if everyone just got what they got.

Turns out, in some aspects, it can be taught. The definition of common sense is ‘good and sound judgment in practical matters'. Another description was “a form of practical decision-making and the ability to realize the consequences for every action you take.”

It is a combination of experience and applied knowledge. My theory on why so many people today lack in common sense is they were never taught (or made) to learn from their experiences and adapt good decision making skills.

If a child grows up having all their decisions made for them, and never having to experience defeat, a loss, disappointment or the consequence of a bad decision, they will be severely stunted in the common sense department.

Parents have a protective desire to shield their children from pain, but as a society we have gone too far in some areas and many have been raised ill-equipped to handle what life throws at them. Without a solid base of experience and consequences, they enter the world believing whatever is put in front of them.

There is a website/opinion/article/post to support almost every argument out there today.

The trick isn’t finding something to believe it. The trick is finding something that is believable.

My Hopefuls, it doesn’t take long to find something distressing, frustrating, and even scary about today’s world. And even though we need to be mindful and aware, we can’t allow it to defeat us.

Wisdom is required for sure. A solid foundation for your values and causes. A willingness to spread hope, kindness, and truth. And then you can sing along with Kenny…..

Happy is as happy does

Grab a six-string, find a rope swing
Hang a palm tree in your truck
Steal a slow dance in a rainstorm
And a kiss from who you love
Laugh and live with a half-full cup
'Cause, happy is as happy does

And as always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

 

Life Is A Highway (Part 1)

That, of course, is the title of a Rascal Flatt’s song. My favorite life/highway/song analogy is actually too long for a blog title, but it is my life’s theme song. The Eagle’s “Take It To The Limit”. The chorus reads..

“So put me on a highway and show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time….”

That just speaks to me about determination and courage and going full speed in the direction of your dreams. That actually is not the theme for today’s blog (but maybe soon). Today, however, I do want to talk about signs; road signs specifically.  Travel down any highway and you will see a variety of signs. Warning Signs. Direction Signs. Instructional Signs.  If we pay attention, they will help us avoid trouble on the road. If we ignore them, we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  We can also learn some lessons from these road signs to navigate down life’s highway. So let’s go!

A U-Turn is made when we no longer wish to proceed forward but believe we should go back to where we were. That’s ok if you took a wrong exit. But SO not ok if fear is driving you. We have to decide to stop dwelling in the past. And if you haven’t come to that conclusion yet, do it right now. It doesn’t matter if your past was great or horrible, you do not live there anymore. It is scary to drive down a road we’ve never been before. It can feel like we are lost. It is tempting to want to return what it is familiar. Even if the familiar wasn’t all that good. But there is no turning back. We can be grateful for the good times and learn from the bad, but we have to keep moving forward and ahead. That is where your future and your dreams are. 

Ignoring this sign will set you up on a collision course. What are some of the thoughts you need to stop today? Negativity that creeps in and whispers in your ear? Nonsense that drags you down and chokes out your happiness? It is time to hit the brakes. Slam down the insecurities. Erect a mental road block to self-hate. Why do we crave to hear we are beautiful, smart, talented and capable and then when we do, we still doubt it? We become skeptical and dubious of the very traits we do in fact embody. I don’t know if it is a learned response or generational. We are much more likely to believe the foolishness we tell ourselves than the truth we hear from others. We truly must heed this sign and just STOP. This one can be difficult. The tape recorder (or maybe nowadays, iPod) in our heads is set on repeat. But even the iPod has a stop button. My wish is for everyone reading this to believe in their worth, their radiance and their undeniable presence in this world.   

Oh you’ve been there. So have I. And most likely that sign was right there and we drove right by it. Whether it was a financial decision or a bad relationship, we knew we were heading straight for disaster and yet continued full speed ahead. Then we have the nerve to ask ‘why me’? I heard a radio advice host give this analogy. A woman was asking why she always attracted the wrong guy; whether it was a cheater, a drinker, an abuser. The radio host very candidly explained the woman wasn’t attracting the wrong guys, she was choosing the wrong guys. The difference is the verb. One is passive/victim. The other is decisive/intentional. Do you get that? That is a powerful concept. Most of the people in our lives are there by our invitation. Be careful who you send an invite to. If you see the Wrong Way sign, and you go anyway, a crash is soon to follow. Heed the warning. Don’t go down that road.

I am about 50/50 on this one. I couldn’t decide if this was a negative or a positive. Depending on the circumstance, it can be both. If we have a set path and are cruising along with a plan, a detour can cause delays. It can even make us miss our intended exit. We should never hijack our progress by chasing a rabbit trail down to a dead end. Unfortunately, sometimes detours come out of nowhere and we have no choice. During those times, we have to remain patient and focused on when we can return to our journey.  However, it is also true that we can get in a rut and speed through life without stopping to enjoy it. That is tragic. So occasionally, a little side trip or break from the fast pace can be refreshing and invigorating. To see or experience a different landscape to get a new perspective.  Getting lost on a back road to unwind and relax. Those types of detours are highly recommended.

Life truly is like a highway. We have a starting point and a destination. We can be reckless and take off without a map or supplies and ignore the signs around us. That might seem like fun at first, and it surely can create some adventures. But it rarely leads to your goal and often times ends in a blowout. At some point along the way, we must all chart our course. We need guidance and tools and mostly we need to trust our instincts, our heart and obey the signs put out along the way.

So the next time you are driving and see one of these signs, take a minute to reflect on where you are in your life’s journey. How can you apply that road sign to make your soul travels smoother?

Next week, we will look at more traffic signs. The ones that can make your relationships easier to navigate. Until then…..

Hope Out