Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts

Failure To Imagine - How Your Life Can Improve With Awareness, Thoughtfulness And Action

A very interesting phrase resurfaced this week due to the recent events in Washington. This post has ZERO to do with politics, but I did want to capitalize (pun intended) on how these three simple words can transform your life if you open up your mind to the process. 

This phrase has been around for several decades, but maybe the most memorable use was after the attacks of 9/11. One writer suggested that the 'success' of the enemy was not brought about by the breakdown of intelligence or coordination. Both of those things were available in abundance. Our collective downfall as a country was the failure to imagine such evil intentions and the extreme measures our adversaries would take to further their cause.

The phrase ‘failure to imagine’ was used again this week in an attempt to explain away lack of preparedness and a total inability to either read the writing on the wall (of social media) or the choice to ignore it. 


How often do each of us do that in our daily lives? Are we guilty of being short-sighted and rob ourselves of the benefits of taking steps to improve our future selves? An article in Psychology Today talks about the trap some people believe themselves to be in. They live in a small orbit of family, friends, jobs, and can't envision a path forward from good to better.


It offers the idea that true fulfillment requires we need to "first imagine a life that transcends" our current vision. In other words, we need to embrace both short-term goals as well as long-term ones.


Intentional Thoughtfulness


So how do all these lofty words and ideals translate into a better life for YOU?


It starts with intentional thoughtfulness. The ability to make informed choices and take deliberate action without an immediate reward. We live in an instant world. From microwaves to ATM machines, to Amazon Prime 2 day delivery, we have grown accustomed to having what we want (or think we want), right NOW!


And even though NOW is where we live, we should plan and prepare for the many nows that will hopefully come later. Think of it as your life's version of the decades' old candy:


You can (and should) enjoy your life now while still planning for the later. 

Here are a few places to start. 


Imagine A Healthier You



Sure, maybe your blood pressure, glucose levels, and ideal weight are spot on. Congrats!


Don't be fooled into believing that your food and exercise decisions today won't affect your overall health and wellness in the years to come. And you do want years to come.... right? 


Even if you currently struggle with certain medical conditions, it is never too late to try and do better. Try to see past the immediate desire for a double cheeseburger and 'imagine' being around to play with your grandchildren or feeling up to a rousing game of golf or tennis in your retirement. 


And be careful to heed the advice of your doctor. You should not put off taking medications or having preventative tests. Both of these can help you live a longer, healthier life. 


Imagine Happier Relationships



The energy and passion of young love is the subject of many books, poems, and songs. What they fail to accurately represent is the hard work involved in maintaining that love. 

It is all too easy to get caught up in what feels good now and what my needs are today. Being selfish is a common roadblock to a long-term love affair. 

Nurture and commitment are the cornerstones of any successful relationship. Romantic or otherwise. 

Forgiving and also being able to ask for forgiveness in return. The resolve to push through the hard times. The dedication when the fun flat-lines and struggles show up. The understanding that most storms ends with a rainbow and that beautiful symbol of conquering the squall is best shared hand-in-hand and together. 

It is necessary through the difficult times (and even the good ones), to 'imagine' what your relationship will look like in years to come. Envision growing old together. Picture yourselves as the cute old couple that everyone wants to be. 

Then set about the work to make that picture a reality. 

Imagine Financial Security



In these uncertain times, I'm not sure what financial security even looks like. I wrestle every day with debt vs savings vs what to do with my 401K. But I do know this, long range financial security doesn't just happen.


There is a fine line between enjoying your life today and setting aside for a rainy day. I am not an advocate of never reaping the fruits of your labor. It is OK to occasionally buy something that makes you happy, look great, or feel better.


I am a big believer in family vacations and memorable experiences. If you save every penny your entire life and never have a beautiful memory of that life, I'm not sure that is the picture of success.


On the flip side, you should balance what you spend for today's pleasures with saving for those you want tomorrow. That can be easier said than done for some, and I understand that. But even small steps will add up over time.


Cut out unnecessary expenses for certain conveniences or subscriptions. Look for ways to save just a few dollars here and there, and then set aside those dollars for your future. There are apps that will help you invest or if that thought scares you (it does me), simply save them.


The key is to 'imagine' your future as being self-sufficient and independent. That you have the financial freedom to support yourself without working until the very end. Those goals start with wise spending choices today.


Imagine The Fulfillment Of Your Dreams



While all the above are worthwhile and important, this one is probably the nearest to my heart. 

There are more articles, encouragement, and tools available today than ever in the quest for the fulfillment of dreams and goals. The problem for some traces back to the issue above about wanting to see immediate results.


The beginning painter's work will probably not immediately go to a museum. 


The musician's first song will most likely not win a Grammy. 


My first book did not end up on the New York Times Best Seller's List. 


There are rare (and exciting) moments when the novice reaches the pinnacle of the mountain with their original endeavor. However, for most of us, it takes time, work, sweat, and patience. 


But my advice will ALWAYS be to never give up. The goal should not be perfection or recognition. It should be to persist and hone your craft or vision. To be the best version of you. To grow. Learn. Improve. 


And to 'imagine' reaching your goals. To plan and implement the steps involved believing you will succeed. And then measure that success not only on monetary gain or prestige, but personal satisfaction and undeniable accomplishment. 


Imagine Your Potential


My Hopefuls, it is my goal today to encourage each of you to imagine your potential. In all areas of your life. To not settle for just good enough. To not believe this is all there is. To limit yourself to the mundane. 


But to purposefully visualize the life you can have. 


Never let your life or your dreams fall victim to the failure to imagine. The road ahead is full of promise, love, goodness, and HOPE. 


And with that in mind....


Always..


Hope With Abandon


Hope Out


If this article spoke to you, please like and share. 


www.hopeboulevard.com 



 













Facing Down Fear - Hope For The New Year

 

Many people, including myself, experienced a good deal of fear in 2020. 

From riots to Covid to isolation to lockdowns to remote learning and working to natural disasters to one crazy presidential election, there was always something coming around the curve to keep us off-balance. 

In all honesty, though, I've lived with fear much longer than just this past year. In fact, it's hard to remember a time when fear wasn't motivating me in some manner or another. 

It is a bit humbling to admit as someone who proclaims so fervently about HOPE, but it is true just the same. And I DO believe in HOPE. I believe the path forward is paved with it. I also recognize our paving equipment may need some annual maintenance. So here goes. 

What Are We Afraid Of

This is almost impossible to answer because people process and express fear differently. Their life experiences also play a large role. Fear isn't always a bad thing, either. It is a protection mechanism. It helps guide certain decisions. It also motivates to inspire change. 

Some have constant fear regarding financial issues and making ends meet. Others battle illness. The person how has a loved one struggling with addiction fears every unknown phone call. 

Those with mental illness often experience highly irrational fears. And the people who love them often live in fear of THEM. 

The root of fear is feeling out of control. That we are helpless and drifting around on a tiny raft during a raging storm. And the truth is, much of what happens (not all) in our lives is out of our direct control. Life happens, as they say. But our response to those happenings is COMPLETELY within our control. And that's where the key lies in living in fear and overcoming it. 

I've come up with three universal fears and my thoughts on dealing with them. I'm no expert, mind you. I'm on a journey for answers myself. Maybe together we can all find strength. 

Fear Of Judgment

Many people walk around in life boasting, "I don't care what ANYONE thinks of me." "I'll do whatever I want." "Their opinions don't matter." And most of the time those people are lying to themselves. Because whether we admit it or not, we do care what others think. 

If we didn't, half the world wouldn't live their life on social media. They rack up 'likes' and comments and tally them at the end of the day to make sure they are still relevant and pleasing to those around them. 

And the unfortunate events of bullying would be non-existent if we didn't care what people thought. 

It is not a bad thing to wish to be liked and appreciated. It's a sign of community. We need each other. Acceptance is a comforting blanket in a very cold world. The problem comes when we take it too far. 

The bottom line is, not everyone is going to like you (or me). We will be someone's unsweet tea in their corn syrup world. And that's OK. (Although if you know me, you know my tea rivals that of even McDonald's.) My point is, you will be fit into everyone's lifestyle. Nor should you want to. 

The key here is to know and like yourself. Tall order, I know. But once you are cool with yourself, the opinions and judgments of others have less impact on your happiness. 

Take stock of where you are. Improve in the areas YOU think important. Then take a deep breath and march into this world being proud of who you are and what you bring to the table. There are plenty of tables to go around. Don't expect everyone to eat at yours. 

Fear Of Failure

This one strikes home to me more than the first one. I do have a fear of failure. 

As a single mom most of my life, I've looked back and wondered did I fail my children. I wasn't able to provide a traditional, intact home. My marriages failed. 

When I started Hope Boulevard I had such high hope and expectations for reaching and helping people. There have been many days when I have felt I failed at that as well. 

I read an article recently that said you will never reach potential if you are not willing to be embarrassed. I'd never thought about things from that angle. The author suggested that until you completely put yourself out 'there', and risked being embarrassed, boo'ed, or worse, ignored, then you would never truly believe you had given it your all. 

There are dozens of memes and quotes about no risk/no reward. You only fail when you don't try. One foot in front of the other until you make it. Learn from the mistakes. You know, you've read them too. 

And I agree with all of them. The challenge is believing they apply to YOU when YOU are the one dealing with the loss, the setback, the failure. 

You will not be the best at everything you do. The key is to do the best that YOU can do. If you truly do your best, then the result is not failure. It might be disappointing, or not what you envisioned, but never a failure. (Note to self.) 

Fear Of Being Alone

This one really has a two-fold meaning. 

There are those who do fear being alone in the relationship sense. They are compelled to jump from one relationship to another in order to avoid an empty feeling. The result is usually unpleasant and another loss. 

The truth is, that empty feeling is often the result of someone not truly being happy and comfortable with themselves. That void is their own self-acceptance. Since they don't have it, they seek it from someone else. The problem is that piece of the puzzle only fits from within yourself. No one else can give that to you. 

And being in the wrong relationship brings about way more loneliness and strife than being alone. 

But I'd like to shine a small light on another type of being alone. And that is standing up and even alone for what is right. Sometimes that is scary too. 

Just like the fear of judgment and wanting to be liked, some people are afraid to take an unpopular stand, even if they truly believe it right in their heart. They don't want the public ridicule. This is more true today than any other time I have ever known. 

The 'mob' mentality tries to dictate what we should believe, rally behind, endorse. Those with an opposing view are mocked and made to feel inferior or stupid. It is hard to stand alone. 

I am not here to be another to tell you what to believe. It is on you to do be true to your heart and make wise and thoughtful decisions. But once those decisions have been made, hold firm to them. 

Stand up for what you believe to be right. Do so with integrity and a quiet spirit. You don't have to be a bully to get your point across. And you don't have to bow to another bully when you encounter one. 

Facing Down Fear

My Hopefuls, it has been my goal today to help shine a little light on the anxieties and doubts that creep into our hearts and minds. It will happen. Even to those who unwilling to admit it. 

My advice is to learn to control what you can. Take back the reins of your life if you have given them away. Start each day with a fresh dose of grit and encouragement and be the best version of YOU. 

There is only one YOU. Take comfort and delight in that. You should also take comfort in this: 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

And as always, for this new year and beyond... 

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

If this blog spoke to you, please share and help me spread HOPE!




The Journey Of Your Words - Where Are They Taking You?

We are a world of words. They are everywhere. 

24 hour news cycles. 

Endless social media streaming. 

Tik-Tok Fever (Not sure how the sound of a clock became the name of the fastest rising video sharing service.)

We are showered with words, thoughts, ideas, agendas, philosophies, opinions, and viewpoints in an endless cycle. 

So what is the aftermath of all this information? What is the consequence of all those words? 

Life Is A Journey of Words

One of the first sounds most newborns hear is the sweet voice of their mother. This sound (vibration) literally follows them the rest of their life. The longing to hear the sound of your mother's voice never goes away. 

Soon after, the race is on to teach that precious child as many words as possible. 

Children develop their first ideas about the world from their parents. Right or wrong, good or bad. Their consciousness is shaped by the very words overheard at the dinner table, in the car, and even through closed doors in hushed tones. 

A victim mentality, all types of prejudices, intolerance, bias etc - these are not genetic traits. No one is born having those thoughts or reactions. They are learned and/or followed behaviors. (The same holds true for kindness, charity, thoughtfulness, acceptance, etc.)

And they are learned to a great extent through WORDS. 

The good news is that not all children who grow up hearing words of hate grow up to hate. Some do develop the interest and curiosity to expand their view. They widen their circle and set out to discover the words of others and from different opinions. 

I recently read, and re-quoted, a phrase that simply said "you can't change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around". 

The Words You Hear

Words are little seeds looking for a place to be planted, take root, and grow into ideas. 

As mentioned above, a child's mind and heart are extremely fertile ground and those seeds settle quickly and sprout. They really have no choice to control what they hear or what's planted and it can be a long and deliberate process to pluck out the bad. 

Children who were told they weren't good enough, smart enough, attractive enough grow up to believe they are inferior and typically align themselves with partners who reinforce those beliefs. 

Children who grow up in a polarizing and prejudice atmosphere are more likely to carry on those beliefs. 

The words you hear help steer your life's journey. Where have you traveled based on the negativity or affirmation you received? Did you travel down a road towards happiness? Or did you take a detour into self-doubt and get stuck in fear and confusion? 

The good news about the adult brain is that the ground is less fertile and we have more power than we think to control what takes root. 

You are NOT the sum of the WORDS someone says about you. You are not destined to journey towards despair and the bleak. 

Today is the day you can begin to re-write the story of your life. To choose different WORDS to re-shape and re-define the person you want to become. You are not tied to a specific destination. 

Re-set your internal GPS with WORDS of hope and encouragement and joy!

The Words You Say

In the same way that the words of others impact you, your WORDS have the same power over others. 

Every time you speak to someone you have the choice to offer encouragement, wisdom, love - OR you can choose to plant fear, disharmony, strife. 

Not only can words map out your destination, you can lead others as well. You can take them with you to opportunity or mire them down in defeat. 

Oh, but you say, I can't help it. I am who I am. People have to 'deal'. This is only true if you are a robot, which I highly doubt any form of artificial intelligence would take their time to read my blog. 

You DO have the power to change your outlook and your words. 

How do you speak to your partner? Are you affirming? Loving? Encouraging? 

What words do your children hear most out of your mouth? Do they inspire? Teach? Guide? Uplift? 

It is not my intention to hammer away with MY words and make you feel bad. But it is my goal to help you examine the far-reaching vines of your interactions with others. 

We all can do better. 

The Words You Tell Yourself

Sometimes the most damaging words that fall on our ears come out of our own mouth. 

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

Sometimes it's a product of what we have heard others say to us. Other times is it buying into hype on social media about what we should have, be, think, or look like. 

When we fail to measure up to someone else's standard, we often berate and ridicule ourselves. Saying things in the mirror we would never say to anyone else. 

Listen to me.... Your goal is never measured by another's. The benchmarks you set for your career, health, style, relationships, and dreams should be driven by what's in YOUR heart. 

You MUST speak words of acceptance and value and inspiration to yourself even if no one else ever does. 

The Truth  

What I am suggesting is not easy. I don't pretend to say it is. Blocking out any negative you hear. Being mindful of what you say. Becoming your own best friend. The truth is - it will take diligence and purpose. 

Those roots can run deep and the roadway so familiar the thought of anything else is overwhelming. But my dear Hopefuls, I do want you to understand that change IS possible. That good IS around the bend. That you ARE deserving of happiness, peace, and HOPE!

If nothing else, I HOPE these words brought reassurance and comfort to your life today. 

I trust the journey of your words lead you to JOY!

And as always....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 


What I Discovered About Being A Mom

It's hard. Sometimes being a mom is hard.

There I said it.

Is it worth it? A resounding YES! But make no mistake there will be days that test your sanity, exhaust your patience, and don't even get me started about your bank account.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Not by a long shot. The best thing I ever did was to raise my two daughters. It's my one single greatest accomplishment. And along the way, I learned some valuable lessons, at least for me.

I'd like to share them with you.

No Two Children Are The Same

If you have more than one child it doesn't take long to realize that even though they all may have your DNA, they do not present the same way. 

And that's a good thing because you don't need clones running around. You want variety, a potpourri of personality if you will. The key is to discover that each child may need different things from you. 

The sensitive child may need more understanding. The hard-headed one may need a more focused direction. The introvert may need quiet time. The extrovert may need more social time. The daredevil may need to live closer to the ER. 

My point is, you must adjust your parenting style to meet the specific needs and emotional make up of each child. Discipline may not look the same, and expression of love may not either. Just as adults have love languages, so do children. Learn the love language of each child and speak it often and freely. 

Time Is More Important Than Money

We all want to give our kids the world. What we often fail to understand is that to our children, WE are the world. Our time. Our attention. 

Yes, they will want the 'latest', whatever that is depending on their age. Sometimes we can provide that for them, and sometimes we just can't. You are not failing as a mom if you can't keep up with all the brilliant marketing strategies out there designed to entice our children to want something new and different every day. 

I've heard it over and over, even from my own, that NOTHING is a substitute for love, time, and attention. They will not remember the overpriced toy or outfit you bought, but they will remember the living room blanket tents, the burnt cookies, the help with the school project, chasing the monsters from under the bed, sitting by their bed all night when they were sick, the holiday traditions, the birthday parties. 

The list is endless and you get my point. There will always be something to buy and of course, you want your children to have beautiful things, but beautiful memories are priceless. 

It Is Ok To Be Selfish (Sometimes)

So there is one piece of cake left. What do you do? Share it so everyone gets a taste? NO. Take that piece of cake and enjoy every bite. 

That might seem like a trivial example, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to completely disappear as a person just because you have children. There are things you still want to do, need to do. You still have a life. 

Now, that life will look different now because you do need to make your children's needs a priority and that will involve sacrifice of both time, wants and money. But don't lose yourself in the process. You can pick the restaurant sometimes. The movie. The weekend plans. These are not only healthy for you but learning lessons for your kids that life does not always revolve around them. 

And it is ok to take time to be alone and recharge. Now you have to be wise and responsible with the care of the kids, but YOU time is allowed. I'll write the permission slip myself if that will help. If you drain every bit of energy on the care of others, you will soon be of no good to anyone. Trust me on this. 

You Never Stop Being A Mom

My daughters are grown now with children of their own. And while I respect and (try) to treat them as adults, I still see them as skinned knee little girls with chocolate milk mustaches and running in the house to show me something they found in the yard or telling me about an adventure with their granddaddy. 

I still worry about them. Lose sleep over them. Give them advice (sometimes unwanted, lol). I am not trying to keep them children, but you can't just turn off the mom switch. And I would never want to. 

What I love about having adult children is the ability to have adult conversations with them. I made mistakes, many of them, when they were young. I was a young, single mom, and boy did I have a lot to learn. We have talked it about. I have acknowledged my shortcomings. And for the most part, what I considered as failures on my part, did not even register on their life path. They instinctively forgave me before I even knew to ask. 

Mother's Day Is Every Day

I know we pick one day a year to celebrate moms. And I'm all for that. My mom was an amazing woman and I love to use this day to take a moment and reflect and remember. 

But once you become a mom, every day is mother's day. 

I became a mom at the young age of just 20. I'm 55, so that's a lot of mother's days. And I cherish every one. I haven't always been a good example, and the three of us have been through some times, but the love, laughter, and memories are my driving force and I'm forever thankful and humbled by them. 

Family doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. Your children don't have to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist in the human realm. 

Just love fiercely. 

Find joy in the little things. 

And always....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Like, Share and Follow if you enjoyed!








How to Maintain Hope During Times of Fear

As adults, we don’t like to admit when we are afraid. For those of us with children, we spend a fair amount of time telling them NOT to be afraid. Of what’s under the bed or in the closet, of an upcoming test, or the bully at school.

Of course, this means we have to appear brave in their eyes. Never let them see you sweat, right?? I agree to a certain extent. We don’t want to impart unnecessary fear into their tender hearts and minds.

However, it is still a very natural thing for us, as adults, to also experience fear and uncertainty.

And right now there are a lot of things going on to make us feel afraid. But we can’t bury our heads in the sand. We have to get out there and live and thrive and not give in to the fear.

I wish I had the right formula to fix the stock market, or a miracle pill to kill all the viruses. In truth, I don’t have the solutions to these or any host of other problems causing you anxiety.

But I do have some very real strategies to help you cope and find ways to maintain your HOPE during these times of fear.

Acknowledge It

My first suggestion is to acknowledge and define your fear. What exactly are you afraid of? An unidentified monster is much scarier and harder to handle than one out in the open.

You might find once you are able to define your fears, they aren’t quite as overwhelming as you once thought. When you know your enemy, you can develop an attack plan.

Do What You Can (And Let Go Of What You Can’t)

There are some things in life you just can’t control. It rains on both the good and the bad, and some days your umbrella just won’t open. Learn to accept that some details you can manage, and others have to play out like intended.

With that being said, you should always do what you can. Take action. Don’t just sit and wait for the chaos to come to your door.


Educate yourself. Now, this doesn’t mean believing everything you read. Use wisdom. There is a platform for almost every crazy theory out there. Practice common sense.


Take precautions. Be diligent. Listen to those you trust and whose opinion you value.
Be prepared, but don’t get so caught up in preparing for tomorrow, that you forget to live today. Remember, today is the only day we are promised anyway.

Talk About It

Despair is a real thing, and it can be crippling. There is no shame in talking about it. And you have several options for your audience.

Might I suggest God first? Prayer is a fantastic fear buster.

Friends and family are also a great resource. They know you and can help calm and steady you. They can also help with the action steps above. A community banded together can handle almost anything that comes their way.

If you still feel lost and distraught, seek the guidance of a professional. A therapist or counselor is trained to help lead you through the weeds of despair and the darkness. Allow them to help you.

Express Gratitude

There are few things more healing and calming than gratitude. It can literally chase away the negative thoughts and energy. Whenever you are feeling thankful and blessed, there is no room for fear.

We all have so much to be grateful for. They may not all be the same things for everyone, but I’m pretty sure anyone who is reading this is blessed in many ways. I read a quote just today that said somewhere there is someone praying for the things you/we take for granted every day. 

Let that sink in a minute.
Help Someone Else

Another way to lose sight of your fear is to help someone else. Get your mind off of imagined scenarios and get busy lending a hand. You won’t have to look hard to find someone who needs help.

And I want to encourage everyone here to be cautious, but not suspicious of others. The worst thing that we can do is turn against each other. We cannot allow ourselves to be ripped apart by distrust.



Speak up if you must. Be an example, not an instigator. It is in times like these where leaders arise. Do your part to instill hope and peace to those around you.

My Hopefuls, I am not coming to you from a lofty position of having succeeded in all of these steps. I’m afraid too. There are times when I wish I knew what laid ahead, and other times when I’m glad I don’t.

But I can tell you this. I do have HOPE. And I’m learning each day to live in peace and practice joy. And I’ve discovered another truth….

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the resistance of it.

So go resist today!!

And as always….

Hope With Abandon

Like and share if this spoke to you.

Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

www.hopeboulevard.com


Are You Looking For Excuses Or Solutions (We Find What We Search For)

Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....