She's A Brick House

I have danced to this 1977 Commodores disco dance floor classic countless times. My singles group has its own personal DJ…Spin Master Clint. He always plays it at least once during our get togethers and it is a huge hit guaranteed to get everyone up and moving. I will admit though, that at face value, the lyrics are a bit sexist. And confusing. What exactly is the thought process behind comparing a woman to an outside toilet constructed of bricks? The origins, of course, trace back to the phrase … “built like a brick outhouse”. (Less refined blogs use a different term.) But still a question remains; what is the significance of a brick outhouse?  So off to do some research.

Back in the early days of outhouses; (as if there really was such a thing) they were mostly thrown up with scrap lumber. Basically nothing more than a lean-to providing only a minimum of privacy. Over time they were upgraded to an actual enclosed structure, but still made of wood.  Thomas Jefferson is credited with breaking that trend. He decided to have the outhouses for his vacation home in Colonial Williamsburg built with bricks. Soon it became popular with those having the means to step it up a bit and follow his example! So one of the original references to being built like a brick outhouse was to describe something constructed to a higher standard or a level above the common and ordinary. Now THAT is a definition most women would probably appreciate.

Of course, Lionel and his band definitely had a different and looser interpretation of the phrase. Truth be told (but never admitted) many women wouldn’t mind fitting the description of those song lyrics. The woman appears to be quite popular. Yet I propose we look at things from a more literal translation. I would like to suggest that regardless of her measurements, any woman can and should strive to be built like a brick house. And here is why….

A brick house is one of the most solid and dependable dwellings one can have. It is beautiful yes, but far more work and substance goes into the construction of a brick house. And as women, we need to have similar characteristics to be successful and thrive in this world.

The first thing required is a blue print. The contractor cannot just show up on Day One and start pouring random concrete. That would create an unstable and spectacular mess. He needs plans. The architect has to have invested time laying out the strategy and design. You are the architect of your life. You are responsible for the blue print of your future. How often to you consider the purpose and direction you are headed? Please be mindful on your life’s layout.   

Next is the foundation. A brick house needs a sturdy foundation. This requires deep trenches and solid reinforcing bars. Having a reliable support system to steady our lives is very important. We cannot navigate this world very well alone. Our family, friends, heritage and faith help create an encircled bedrock that forms a lasting base. They stablize us and keep us level and standing firm in our resolve.

Then we must pick the right materials. The most popular type of brick is the extruded fired variety. This process has been around since 3000 BC. It involves clay being forced through an opening in a steel die. This produces a very consistent size and shape. They are then burned in a kiln. This ‘going through the fire’ makes them strong and able to withstand wind and storm. They resist termites. Hold Heat. Provide sound insulation.

What type of brick are you?? Have you been forced through trying times? Made it through the pressure? Felt the heat of struggles and pain. Good for you! It has made you who you are. Strong. Facing the storm head on. Resistant to the pests that try to eat away at your soul or heart. Insulated from the words of discouragement and negativity that others may say to you. Take courage through the conflict. You are being molded into something beautiful.

So now you are ready. You have a blueprint. The foundation is poured and the best bricks are ready. Now it is time to put it all together. It is a slow and methodical process. Each brick has to be laid one at a time. A steady progression of courage, energy, confidence. Masons use a plumb line or a large spirit level to make sure the walls are perfectly vertical. I absolutely LOVE the term Spirit Level. How awesome  that it is our spirit that keeps us level and on the right track. Such a great analogy. And with each swipe of the mortar, the building takes shape. Standing on its own. Proud and independent.

That’s not quite the end though. Because a completed brick house doesn’t just sit empty. It provides shelter, warmth and protection for those inside. Who do you shelter in your life? Who depends on you for peace and comfort? Who do you block from the storm? You are more powerful, important and resilient then you ever imagined. Read that again and believe it.

So I guess I have completely destroyed the context of this fun and beloved song. Or…. maybe just added another layer (of bricks…. Get it?). Anyway, hopefully the next time you hear this song, along with the joy of the dance, you will envision yourself a beautiful, secure and amazing creation.

So here’s to all the ladies!

Go Be Mighty! Mighty!

Ain’t Holding Nothing Back!

Cause

YOU’RE A BRICK HOUSE!

Hope Out

Day of Epiphany

When I flipped open my new 2017 calendar this week there was a holiday listed for today; January 6^th. The Day of Epiphany. I will admit to my ignorance and I did not know what this was. But I KNEW there was a blog in there somewhere. Had to be. One week into the New Year is the perfect time to have a Day of Epiphany.

Just to show that I did my research; the Day of Epiphany in Greek Orthodox traditionally represents the day the Three Kings (Magi) found the Baby Jesus. In Greek; ‘epiphany’ is a verb that means ‘to appear’ or a ‘sudden revelation’. The Christian significance sets this as the day commemorating when Baby Jesus was ‘revealed’ as Lord and King to the Magi. They were the first Gentiles to publicly recognize His Divinity.

Fast forward into modern culture and the word now is known as having an “AHA” moment. That point when things come to a screeching halt in your mind and you are faced with a decision. You understand that enough is enough. Things need to be different. It seems easy enough to claim an epiphany experience. But just like saying the new diet starts tomorrow or no more cigarettes; just saying we had an epiphany doesn’t actually mean we did. Why is that?

If I were to ask most of you what would be one or two things needing to change in your life and why; you would have an answer. We know we need to eat better; exercise more. Get control of our bills/debt. We understand the importance of having safe and healthy relationships. We can logically detail the steps required to make change. But those steps are very steep and slippery. It feels safer on solid and familiar ground. Even if that ground is painful or even destructive. Unfortunately, as humans, we would rather hold on to a familiar ‘bad’ then strike out for an unfamiliar ‘good’.  It is very sad when we short change ourselves like that.

And then there is the guilt.

With every great need for change; comes the realization that we are somehow involved, even to blame a bit. In the mix. Contributory. As we shine the floodlight on the problem, inevitably it swings back until we are in view as well. We have to own our part in the mess. And the messier it is, the more likely we are to believe it isn’t worth the trouble to fix. That is flawed processing though and we must fight it.  It is ok to recognize your role. Only then can you reverse it.

It appears I may have painted a gloomy Day Of Epiphany. Not my intention at all. But in order to tackle a situation we need to first understand our obstacles. So now that we are prepared; let’s move on and discuss a few epiphanies we all need to have today. 

#1 – You Will Never Please Everyone.

Coming from a people pleaser; this is a very hard one to acknowledge. Often the term ‘people-pleaser’ is mis-represented. Like we are in line for saint hood because we want everyone around us to be happy. That’s not always the case. Sometimes we just want to please people so they will leave us alone. Or not cause a scene. Or maybe not have to stand up for ourselves. But whatever the reason, the bottom line is, it is impossible to make everyone happy. That can hurt too, especially if we are trying to please a family member (s). I am a huge family person and I try to do right by all of them. However I am blessed with a great set of kinfolk so it’s easy. I do not believe that just because you have the same DNA as another you must sacrifice who you are to meet their standards if they are unreasonable or detrimental. It can be especially hard to know we have disappointed a parent or our children. I truly understand that each situation is as individual as the sands, but I do want you to embrace the freedom that comes from realizing it is not YOUR job to make everyone happy. It is YOUR job to live your best life as you make this journey. Be true to yourself and walk peacefully. The rest will fall into place.

#2. Your To Do List Will Never Be Completed

I don’t have a hard time with this one. The solution for me is to never HAVE a to do list. But I know that I may be in the minority on this one. Most people I know have an endless daily agenda of things to accomplish. We have reminders on our phone. Cards attached to our fridge. Stickies on the bathroom mirror. We can’t escape it! Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting you forget to pick up your dry cleaning or milk and let the dishes pile up in the sink. But I am here to remind you that child or sweetheart that wants a hug or the friend that needs to talk is just as important. If not more so. We can spend our entire lives “doing” things yet never actually “living”. Checking another task off our list shouldn’t define our worth. Find the balance. Have some fun. Release yourself of the self-imposed sentence of trying to be perfect or Super Woman/Man. You were super just the way you woke up this morning. Learn to believe that.

#3. You Deserve Better (But only if you really do)

I recently listened to a radio talk show host say she hated the phrase; ‘I Deserve Better’. It took me listening for quite a while to understand what she meant. We will flippantly throw out that statement about how we deserve better then what we have. But seldom do we make the right decisions or do the hard work required to actually make ‘better’ happen. If we are content or complacent with what we have or where we are, and just want to complain about it, but not do anything about it, then maybe we do deserve what we have. BUT I submit to you that if you are in a difficult or disagreeable situation, please BELIEVE that you can make a change. And that it IS worth the effort.

There are many examples, but I will use the one of being in an unhealthy relationship. It doesn’t even have to be bad, just not good for you right now. You make excuses. Or rationalize. Blame yourself as mentioned above. Fear of being alone or starting over seems overwhelming. But my dear friends, do not fall for those emotional lies. Do not allow someone to dull your sparkle or block your life’s road. I know it is extremely clique…. But today is the first day of the rest of your life. Choose to take back the control and imagine a brighter future. Stronger Joy. Deeper Connections. More Respect. Even if you have to start over and be alone. There are few things harder or scarier. Trust me, I know. But there are also few things more satisfying then knowing you took care of yourself; your business; your life. That you are strong and capable and amazing. The boost to your inner self is incomparable and will carry you through the uncertain times. I challenge you to test that.

Ok, I have rambled on enough. I guess it should be my epiphany to know when to stop typing. But I hope in some small way I have encouraged someone to take that first step. We play up the concept of epiphanies, as if they are grand and momentous. Suppose they can be. But I find the best way to make a change, is one step at a time. One day at a time. One AHA at a time.

Here’s to your AHA Day!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

https://www.facebook.com/hope.boulevard.54

Thank You!!

Hello and Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday! There have been hundreds of posts and quotes and collages from wonderful and beautiful people celebrating and spreading wishes and blessings this New Year Season. I find it quite heartwarming and uplifting. It is encouraging to realize that no matter what we go through as individuals, families, friends, cities or even a nation, there is something about January 1^st that is so refreshing. Realistically we understand it is just another day on the calendar of our lives. But idealistically it is a chance to re-evaluate and re-group. Affirm what we are doing right and tweak things maybe off the track a bit.

For me at this moment, what I most want to say today is THANK YOU!

Last January I started this blog. It was clumsy and rambling. At times, it still is. It had a different name, and probably even a different purpose. A few days ago I re-read my first post. I jumped into this new adventure full force. But it (Or I should say… I) had its ups and downs. In the beginning I wrote all the time. I was bursting with stories and pent up thoughts and opinions. The floodgates opened. The funny thing about floodgates though is eventually the water slows down to a trickle. As did my exploits and musings.  I panicked a little. What would I say now? Who was listening anyway? And that is where my big THANK YOU comes in.

Because no matter what I wrote. No matter the grammar mistakes or rabbit trails, YOU have consistently supported me. From the moment I hit my very first ‘publish’ button, I have been amazed and tremendously grateful for the positive reinforcements. All the likes, shares, comments. Everyone who made a point to tell me in person or send me a text when something touched them or brought a smile. There are not adequate words to express what that meant to me. Seriously. I am beyond humbled and still blown away at times of the graciousness bestowed upon me. And it was those encouragements that kept me going.

I had weeks, even months-long dry spells. I avoided my computer. Binged watched stupid shows on Netflix. Found things to do to convince myself that I was too busy to write any more. But in the back of my mind I didn’t want to quit. Or fail. I was scared to continue and scared to move forward. Anyone else ever been there? I set deadlines that I missed. Imposed goals that I blew off. As if life didn’t intimate me enough, I managed to do it to myself.

And yet YOU were still out there. Asking me when I was writing again. Saying you missed it. Pushing me forward. Telling me to never give up. So the key to never giving up, is to never give up. It’s quite simple actually. One day at a time. In my case, one word at a time. So here I am, the start of 2017 continuing my journey. With some new ideas…

I have decided to take a leap of faith. I have created a Hope Boulevard website. (www.hopeboulevard.com). Now trust me when I say that I have no website building experience. It is simplistic and elementary in this infant stage. But to my surprise, the domain name was still available. That has to be a sign. At this point, it is just basically another forum to post my blog. But I did add one feature. Stepping Stones to Joy.

I want to use this section to provide tips, quotes, ideas to help each of us increase our happiness. One step at a time. I’m still working out the kinks, but I want it to be a place where you can go and find something positive and uplifting. Maybe humorous. Inspiration. HOPE. I welcome ideas or contributions.

And last but not least, I wanted to create a Virtual Blessing Jar.

A dear friend of mine had a few of us over to her house for a Blessing Jar event. She supplied mason jars and decorative supplies and we spent the evening creating a holder for our blessings. The idea is to start at the first of the year. Whenever something good or memorable happens, write it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. At the end of the year all the pieces are dumped out and read. As a great reminder of all the joys, accomplishments and blessings.

I thought it would be a wonderful idea to have a virtual blessing jar where anyone who chooses can post a good thought, blessing, word of encouragement. So I have made a Facebook page. It is named Hope Boulevard, but it is a Virtual Blessing Jar. As many of you that want can be friends on the page. It is to be used exclusively to post positive things. We can check in whenever we need a emotional lift. Or to share our own blessings. I hope many of you will want to get on board! 

Have I bitten off too much? Probably. Just like the 20 extra pounds I want to lose. Day 2 of the diet is fading with a half eaten donut on my table. I don’t know that I will succeed or be consistent. But I do know that I will try. Harder on some days then others, but still try. And I want you guys to try too.

Find something positive. Find something good. Look for ways to pay it forward. Seek opportunities to get outside of your struggles to help someone with theirs. Let’s all journey on Hope Boulevard together. Let’s all take those one small steps at a time towards our dreams and goals. Let’s name our blessings and share them.

I know this isn’t my typical blog entry. I hope I will be forgiven. But I wanted to share with you the vision I have to get out of my own way and attempt to do something just simple and good. And I want to let each of you know that all of this is possible because of YOU.

Thank you for being in my corner. I hope to be able to return the favor, today and many days going forward.

Hope Out!

Have Yourself a Merry Single Christmas

So here we are again. Christmas is right around the corner. And here I am again, alone. Watching an almost constant barrage of “Every Kiss Begins With K” commercials. (Am I the only one that really, really dislikes them?) And Facebook posts with couples and parties and presents and joy. Bah Humbug!

When did Christmas become such a romantic holiday? And whose idea was it to start kissing under the mistletoe?

Did you know that mistletoe is actually a parasite? It attaches itself to a tree or shrub and absorbs the moisture and nutrients from the host plant. (Sounds like a couple of boyfriends I’ve had.) It can even eventually kill the branch or entire shrub it clings too! Doesn’t sound so romantic to me. I did some research though and did find the probable origins of the custom. It most likely started with the Celtic Druids. Because mistletoe can bloom even during the frozen, coldest of winters, the Druids viewed it as a divine indication of life and energy. They began to use it as a fertility drug. (Just one more reason I choose stay away.)  I guess throughout the centuries the custom evolved a bit and it took on a life of its own.

There are other elements of our holiday traditions that seem sweet and romantic at first glance. But things are not always as they appear. Take Christmas songs for example. (Now stop with the eye rolls. I don’t hate Christmas music. At least not ALL Christmas music.) However, you gotta admit there are some questionable ones out there.

 For example…

“Baby, All I want for Christmas is You”…

“I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know”

Now for starters that’s most likely not true. But even if it is, that is one possessive and neurotic person right there.

Then there’s..

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

“I really can’t stay
Baby, it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away
But baby, it’s cold outside.”

The poor girl is trying her best to leave. I’m sure it was cold when she got there and she most likely has a coat and a car with a heater. But she can’t seem to get away. Doesn’t anyone else see that as a little creepy??

And let’s not forget

“Santa Baby”

“Santa baby, Been an awful good girl
Santa honey, I'll wait up for you, dear”

Know any girls like this? Trying to lure a married man, who is working none the less, to hurry over and give her expensive gifts. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

And last, but certainly not least..,. the beloved classic “Winter Wonderland”.

Now for what it’s worth, I love this song. But here’s the thing. Maybe I don’t want to conspire and dream by the fire. And who is Parson Brown anyway? If I ever do get married again, it certainly won’t be by a talking snowman impersonating a minister.

Ok, ok, so enough of the silliness. I’m really not a scrooge. (Regardless of what my children might tell you.) And even though I’m not really concerned about being ‘single’ this Christmas, there is a little of the whimsy missing when you go through it alone.

There are many reasons why someone can find they are unattached at Christmas. And for many the holidays are not all that happy.

Some have lost loved ones; spouses or partners. This season can be especially difficult and sad when you are missing someone’s laugh. Or their touch. Or their shoulder to lean on. Memories are bittersweet. These precious people put on a brave face and do their best to enjoy the festivities, but just know they are still hurting inside. If you know one, give them hug. Send them a text. Let them know their loved one is not forgotten. Maybe share a Christmas memory if you have one. Don’t forget to tell them how much you love and appreciate them too. I promise you it will make their day. Maybe even their holiday.

Divorce takes a huge toll on Christmas spirit as well. Traditions are lost or have to be shared or divided. Children are shuttled between family gatherings or worse, miss out on being with one parent at all. Divorce also causes financial distress that can become apparent when looking under the tree. There are no easy answers here. Sometimes it is just difficult. I guess the best we can do is try to show a little extra compassion. If you are in this situation, please try to avoid conflict in front of the children; even if they are older. It may seem like a good idea to let them know who caused the problem, but in the long run it really doesn’t. Children just need to know they are loved and treasured. The dollar amount on the receipt never replaces the hugs and giggles and memories you make.

And sometimes, through no fault or tragedy, we are just alone at Christmas. And that’s not necessarily a bad or sad thing. Just a fact thing. Being single at Christmas usually isn’t an option we hope for, but it definitely is not a curse. Don't think me to be bitter or jealous. I love all my couple friends and I am very happy.  Because I know for me I am richly blessed. With family. With friends. With you. And this I believe, that for the most part the Christmas Season brings out the best in people. There is a little more patience. A little more joy. A lot more love. And that is what I wish for all of my friends; single or not.

But if the parasite… I mean mistletoe… is not part of your Christmas this year, here is my advice. Gather with friends. Attend a church service. Call someone who would love to hear your voice. Hug your kids. Watch all the sappy Hallmark movies you want. (Or not.)  Drink the eggnog from the carton. Eat all of Santa’s cookies. Wear your flannel pjs to bed. Spend all the gift card money on yourself! And most important of all…..

Have A Very Merry Christmas!!

Hope Out! 

Let This Thanksgiving Be A Time Of Healing - Back To The Fold

I was 75% into a non-traditional, yet festive Thanksgiving Day blog when the words just stopped. It was light and frivolous and very likely to show up one day soon. But it didn’t fit my mood. Originally I wasn’t going to do one at all. People are busy today. Plus there is really nothing new under the sun about the holiday. We know the origins. We are all extremely grateful for our blessings. We live an abundant and wonderful life all things considered. But something kept nagging in the back of my brain. So I decided to just relax a minute and see what else came through my turkey and pumpkin pie haze. So for the next few minutes, without too much filter or editing, I’m going to just speak (aka type) from my heart.

Thanksgiving (and the holiday season in general) is about family. Friends. Gathering and Celebration. We all put on our best and fresh faces and garments. Pull the finest china and goblets from the back of the hutch. Light the candles. We look around at the happy faces and stuffed bellies and feel accomplished and satisfied. All of those things are wonderful. Meaningful. Excellent. But I dare say in many gatherings today, there will be someone missing from the fold. Someone, who at one time was welcomed at the table to share a slice of ham or cranberry sauce. So where are they today? Do we know? Do we want to know? Am I depressing you and ruining the holiday?

There are empty place settings around certain tables because of the ultimate loss. For those I am truly saddened and my sympathies are abundant. It has been several holidays now for me without my mom or my dad. There are those missing because of work or distance or other obligations. But those are not the ones I’m referring to. I am asking each of us to consider the proverbial lost sheep.

Individuals get disconnected from families for a variety of reasons. It can be a bad decision. They took a path that was not in line with the family values. They got lost in a place that seemed shiny on the outside but painful and dark on the inside. Maybe they want to escape but don’t know how. Maybe they chose partners or associates that made the family uncomfortable. Unfortunately biases and misconceptions exact a high price. The resulting toll quite damaging.  

It could be because of hurt feelings. Something said last week or 20 years ago. Often words no one even remembers. How common is that? Feuds and angry feelings fester and are passed down and the original slight cannot even be recalled. Or maybe it can be recalled. Maybe it is heard in the back of your mind every day.

I do not have any real answers. I understand some transgressions are severe and cannot just be ‘forgotten’. Wise people choose to leave a bad situation because it is the healthiest thing for them. Those decisions I applaud and encourage. It takes a brave soul to rebuild and heal yourself. At times doing it all alone.  

However occasionally it is just plain stubbornness that keeps us apart. The unwillingness to forgive or ask for forgivness. Squaring off at a virtual line with each party just waiting for the other one to flinch. Is it really that monumental and earth shattering? Is it worth years of separation and fracture?

Here is my suggestion. If at any point in reading this someone crossed your mind then stop a minute to consider them. Is there a path to reconnect? Today could be the perfect opportunity to reach out with a phone call or text. Say Hello. Say I Love You. Say I’m Sorry. Say I Forgive You. Say something…. Who knows, maybe they were there holding their phone wanting to do the same thing.

And if you are the one alone today or feel estranged, please know this. There are times when standing alone is the hardest yet greatest gift you can give yourself. Find friends and like-minded individuals who can and will support you. But if you have left the family fold and regret it and want back in…. Take action. It is never too late. Again, be brave. Stir up the courage to be humble enough to admit a mistake. Let today be a fresh start.  

Please, please do not let these few words put a damper on your festivities. Maybe they were just meant for me. Maybe there is someone missing from my table. Maybe I am the preacher AND the choir. But if just one person reading this reaches out to a loved one today… then for THAT I will be truly THANKFUL.

Hope Out And HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Treat Me Like A Dog….(Does)

I will be the first to admit that I am not a big dog (or cat for that matter) person. I am not anti-dog, just have never invested the time, money and energy into raising one. However, I know plenty of people who adore their four-legged furry friends. They are considered part of the family. And I take no issue with that. In fact with the more modern view of canine co-habitation some of the traditional expressions seem dog-gone mean. "Sick As A Dog"…"Going To The Dogs"…"He’s A Dog". And while that last one in particular is meant to be an insult, I would like to suggest we evaluate exactly what it would mean if "He" or "She", behaved more like a DOG.  I believe we might all have better relationships if we took our cues from the canine variety.

Let’s Take A Look

They Are Extremely Loyal – This marks the highest and most valuable trait.  Dogs are with you no matter what. Bad hair days all the way to bad everything days. The good ones too. They are unshakeable. Right by your side. Unconditional love. Whether you want to take a run in the park or have to curl up on the couch with the flu, they are faithfully right there.  Is that the way you behave towards your significant other? Do they know how important they are. That you are there for the long haul. They should. Loyalty is the one quality you cannot fake or buy. You either have it, or you don’t.  

They Are Always Happy To See You Come Home – When the key turns in the lock, they perk up. Sometimes you have been gone all day at work. Or it is just a night out with friends. But when you return home, they greet you with a wet kiss and great excitement. When your love walks in, do you take the time to show your delight? To know they have been missed with great expectancy for their return is excellent insurance to secure that return. (Read that sentence again and let it soak in.)  We tend to want to be where we are most appreciated and welcomed.

They Make The Best Cuddle Partners – Whether on the above mentioned flu couch or just all settled in for movie night, your faithful pooch loves nothing more than to scoot in as close as they can to you. When was the last time there was no discernible daylight between you and your partner? Cozy up soon. Even try a little petting. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.  

They Will Run Ahead To Blaze The Path And Stand Between You And Danger – I love that no matter how small the dog or fierce the adversary, your pup will not back down. My heart breaks to read stories of faithful dogs that have paid the ultimate price to save or stay with their owner in peril. Ladies, that is exactly how your man should treat you. Would he run into the fire for you? Stare down a villain? Of course, I pray you never need to find out, but sometimes the little things are important too. Make sure you choose the one who will always have your back. There is a reason they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And while I am not sure that is true, I will use that phrase to share this. You are not going to change your partner. If they are not good to you now, they never will be.

Dogs have other characteristics too. They are very smart. They can be taught to fetch and roll over. (I’ll let you decide when those actions might be appropriate.) They are very playful. And one of my favorites…non-judgemental. They don’t care if you drink the milk straight out of the carton. And they won’t rat you out if you wear the same socks or pjs two nights in a row. (Not that I’m admitting to either….)

Now we do have to put up with some less than stellar attributes as well.

Some shed. So know that wayward hairs can show up in unusual places.

They will watch you eat and beg for food.

On occasion they may sniff around and/or mark their territory. That’s all good. It just means all functions are a go. Being territorial is not always a bad thing. It is comforting to feel insulated and guarded. They say every dog will have his day. So let him have his.

And let’s not forget the treats…. Rewards work well. And I do not mean that in a degrading way. Positive affirmation and special goodies forge a lasting bond. You are barking up the wrong tree if you think you can withhold love and affection to use as incentives. That will only backfire on you. Your favorite pooch will always return home when let out to run, but if you starve them, they may rustle through the neighbor’s yard. Keep them well fed at home.

Ok, enough of the double entendres and silly comparisons. I think I have made my point. As humans we all crave love and attention and affection. I guess, the animals do too. Probably why they are such a good fit for us.  The bottom line is this..…treat your love like you want to be treated. Some would even say treat your love as good as you treat your dogs!

I will now just let this sleepy dog lie.

Hope Out!

I am writing this on the evening of my 52^nd birthday; sitting on the dark porch of a rustic mountain cabin listening to the beautiful sound of a rushing creek literally feet away. This is a perfect spot to celebrate the victory of another year well lived and the promise of a new one dawning. As I have driven around these mountains this weekend with all their twists and turns and passed trees of magnificent color my heart is full. I am richly blessed and abundantly thankful. And as I pause here on this secluded spot hidden from my noisy and sometimes complicated world, I want to talk a minute about acceptance.

When I look up acceptance in the thesaurus, the three words that speak to me the most are: Approval, Recognition and Permission. All three of these combined embody the sentiment that I am fully aware and give myself the permission and green light to own these personal discoveries. That is actually quite a liberating accomplishment.

Very few days go by where I am not the recipient of an email that states I have been approved or accepted for some amazing offer. An offer that most likely is a scam or the very least sketchy and unreliable. Most too-good-to-be-true deals are exactly that and have a catch.  I rarely ‘accept’ those rainbow and unicorn promises. But as I face the first day of my 53^rd year, I have determined there are a few things that I will now accept.

I accept that everything in my life did not turn out the way I wanted. I am not alone in this, I understand. I do however intend to be one of the few who do not constantly bemoan the fact. Short changes happen. Skip overs exist. I did not get hired, chosen or loved on more than one occasion. I grew up in the generation where everyone did not get a trophy for just showing up. I have gone home empty handed. Yet I survived and became stronger. Sometimes it is as simple as a bad decision. Whether rebellion or dream following, a desired path can sometimes dead end. Lead to nothing. Or worse than nothing; heartache, debt or loss. It is difficult to admit sometimes that we need a do-over. Fortunately in life we are allowed U-Turns. There is always a new road waiting to be traveled and explored. I can accept that too!

I accept that I am not a Size 8 anymore. (Ok, maybe I haven’t quite accepted this, but I’m close.) I have three closets full of clothes. A closet for clothes a size too big; a closet for clothes a size too small, and the closet I used today; just right. (I suppose being in the mountains made me channel The Three Bears.) But it’s true. I don’t want to give up the size too small, because maybe…just maybe. And well, let’s face I did eat a lot of junk food this weekend. The closet across the hall might become useful. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to just lose those pesky ten pounds. Or twenty. But even if only for today, I accept that I am just right!

I accept that I am an introvert. This is a recent personal acknowledgment. I belong to a wonderful and vibrant social group. Over the years I have attended countless events and functions. And while I love them all and have met the greatest of friends, there are times when I feel alone in the crowd. That my emotional energy was checked at the door with my coat. From time to time I worried that I was defective. That it was abnormal. That I was a misfit. I have come to understand, and yes, even accept that in fact I am just an introvert. And to correct a fallacy, that is not even close to a mental illness. It just means that I step a little further inside of myself when I am out in the world. My life’s circle may be a bit smaller than others, but no less dynamic. Being alone for me can sometimes be a blessing and not a curse. And when I choose to engage in a conversation with somone it is because I am genuinely interested and believe I have something of value to contribute. However if I choose to just listen, it is because I am genuinely interested and believe I have something to learn. I may not always love the fact that I cannot be the life of the party or sparkle in the room, but I can accept that I am uniquely qualified to be me. And that is enough.

Finally, I accept that everyone will not like me. This is probably the hardest one. Because I’m such a dang likeable gal. What’s wrong with them? Seriously, I’m a hard core people pleaser and it has been challenging to come to terms with this. But I have. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I do not always fit nicely into a pre-determined box. My views and ideals are colorful, diverse and at times even rebellious. I tend to speak my mind more now and worry about it less. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still extremely mild mannered by most standards. But I’m ok with being different. And I’m definitely ok with those that don’t like my  unique kind of different. Their approval is not required to make my life rich and wonderful.

So as I finish up to head inside to fall asleep to the sound of the creek outside my window, I want to thank all of you in my life. Those that have helped me conquer a fear or realize a dream. Those that offered their shoulder to lean one when my life took a wrong turn. Or shared a decadent dessert with me. Or talked to me at a party when I sat alone on the couch. Everyone that helped me learn to accept this wonderful life that I have and aided in my beautiful journey. It is because of all of you that I celebrate this birthday with peace and joy and of course…. HOPE!

Hope Out

Come Sail Away

This was meant for Columbus Day, but I missed the mark just a bit. (Yes, the pun was intended.)

Hopefully it will still resonate with the Explorers of Life out there.

I love the following quote. It inspires me because it speaks of bravery, adventure and even my favorite….Hope!

If the highest aim of the captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it forever in the port.

Becoming the Captain of a ship is a high honor. The title is not bestowed lightly or achieved with ease; but earned through a demanding and rigorous process. There is also great responsibility as he (or she) is tasked with all aspects of operation; the seaworthiness of the craft, navigation, the crew. This ship is the visible evidence of all their hard work and a source of great pride. The very last thing a Captain would want is to see any harm befall the treasure he has been charged with. But this magnificent vessel with swabbed decks and polished brass cannot just float grandly in the safety of the harbor. A ship is designed for open waters. It was meant to conquer the waves and the wind. The only way for the Captain to fulfill his destiny is to steer out into the waiting expanse. For as surely as the Captain loves his vessel, he must also love the sea.

Now, for me personally, I understand all too well the urge to play it safe. Hunker down. Drop anchor. Ride out the storm. Let someone else chart the course. But that’s the problem. Because then it becomes ‘their’ course. We all have to pilot our own voyage. Whether or not we believe we are up for the task of Captain, we have all been given the responsibility of our own Life Vessel. There is no one more uniquely qualified than you.  A First Mate by your side can be a welcomed addition, but always cherish and take seriously the job of finding your own way.

Of course there will be times when you do feel lost. The water goes on for miles. The horizon seems endless. Please know now is not the time to abandon the ship.  There are plenty of ‘navigational’ tools to utilize. Lessons learned from others. Books. (My personal favorite is the Bible.)  A trusted friend. Sometimes even a professional opinion is needed. A good Skipper understands he does not have to do everything alone and will use the resources at his disposal to make sure he does not run aground.

Also, I am not discounting the storms. They will come. You will need to batten down the hatches at times and cling to the mast. Just remember the winds are only for a short time. Do not despair. And even though you probably cannot see them, there are other craft out there with you. Their boats are rocking and lurching as well. Instead of giving in to your grief and fear, try to give aid to someone else. Most of you know, or have heard the name of Captain Edward Smith. He was the Captain of the Titanic. (That was not his finest hour for sure.) But how many of you know the name of Captain Arthur Rostron? He was the Captain of the RMS Carpathia. That ship was also nearby in the same waters when the Titanic hit the iceberg. When Captain Rostron heard about the disaster, he steered his vessel towards the sinking ship and was responsible for the rescue of many survivors. He could have decided that his vessel was too precious to head towards peril, but he didn’t. He faced the peril and as a result lives were saved.

We may not actually have too many chances to save someone from an iceberg, but I bet you can find those that do feel like they are drowning. Your kind word, encouraging text, dinner out, or prayer on their behalf may in fact be the lifeline they need. Never get so immersed in your own struggles that you cannot reach out to be a beacon for someone. The residual splash back can put your vessel back on the right course as well.

Now we must also be careful to not relinquish the care or steering of our vessel to anyone else. Truth be told, in your lifetime you will run across a multiple of people who will try and take the helm of your boat. Pull out the plank and want you to take a stroll. (Usually that means they have shipwrecked their own and want to have a shot at yours.) Pirates do not always look like Blackbeard. Or Somalis. They can look quite familiar and take the form of family and friends or even a partner. Some well intentioned; some not so much. Advice can be helpful at times. And a faithful crew is certainly very valuable. We were not meant to sail alone. But YOU are the CAPTAIN. Never forget and never let go.

Sailing is not a perfect science however as we circle back around to Columbus. Even with all his skills and education, Christopher still did not end up where he thought he was going.

(Hmmm. Now doesn’t that sound familiar.) Occasionally however these ‘mistakes’ can turn out to be the best thing that could happen. Life’s waters can push us away from where we thought we wanted to land and move us on to a better shore. We can the update our navigational charts and add a new destination to our map. Discovering a brand new world can make us feel pretty darn special and victorious.

And the one really grand thing about a ship…if in fact you do drop anchor at an unfriendly port, the sea is still out there waiting for you to try again. The sun on the horizon is calling your name. Treasure your Life Vessel, but never hide it in a cove.  

Sail Towards Your Destiny

Hope Out

Speed Dating Or Speed Trap (It Is About Time )

I recently missed an opportunity to go to a Speed Dating Event. And by missed, I mean, I chose not to go. Not because of lack of interest. I have been curious about it for years. The Greased Lightning of Love.  I am just not sure how well I would do. I am a wallflower, watching the room from the corner kind-of-girl.  At these events, they don’t put the tables in the corner. You have to jump right in at a break neck pace and bring your A Game. Whatever alphabet my game has typically works at a snail’s pace. (Can we all say Over-Thinker?)

The origins of speed dating, in a very interesting piece of trivia, traces back to 1998 when a Los Angeles Rabbi trademarked the term and the concept as a way for Jewish people to meet and marry. Seriously... I would not make this up. (Just sit on that information for a minute.)  Now, I absolutely am not an expert in Jewish traditions, culture or dating habits, but I find it extremely fascinating that a Rabbi came up with the original In-Person Tinder Ap.

So let us review the basic concept of Production Line Dating.

It can vary from location and sponsor, but basically you have tables in a room with an even number of women and men. One gender is designated as the slider. Usually it is the men.  So all the women come in and sit down on one side of the table. The men then come and find a seat across from a woman. A start buzzer sounds and you have approximately 6-8 minutes to talk with the person directly in front of you. When the buzzer sounds again, all the men slide one chair over and the process begins again. There is a tally sheet and each person notes who they would like to get to know better. At the end of the night, if there is a ‘match’, both people are given the others contact information.

I don’t know about you, but that seems like a lot of pressure to me. The upside is you can meet a lot of guys/gals, but I have enough trouble getting psyched up to try and impress one guy….now I have to impress 15??  And what can you actually accomplish in 6 minutes? You can’t even boil an egg or make it through the Zaxby’s Drive Thru. It takes me 6 minutes to figure out which shoes to wear, much less which guy I want to give my phone number to. And don’t get me started me on the competition. They are literally on either side. That’s all I would need, as my luck would have it, to sit between the likes of Jennifer Anniston and Sandra Bullock! Plus, knowing me, I couldn’t concentrate because I would eavesdrop on the other conversations. I’m just nosey like that. It all makes my head hurt a little.  

Since my curiosity was already piqued I did a little more research. Turns out, according to a study in the Science of Love (true thing), it only takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes of face-to-face interaction to determine attraction. (I guess this would explain the dates that have left me before the drinks arrived.) In another unusual tidbit of this study, travel was more important than previous marriages or a smoking habit. (They obviously didn’t talk to me. My marriage stories are far more entertaining than my travel ones.) Age (as in younger) is more important to men and height (as in taller) is more important to women. The men have the advantage here because chairs are an equalizer in height; not so much for wrinkles.

There are variations of Speed Dating too. Some cities have Speed Networking. People show up and exchange business cards, chat briefly in a happy hour type setting in order to broaden their exposure and increase their contact base. In the UK, they actually have Speed Political Meetings. Constituents can come meet their representatives. (They just can’t stay long enough to ask a question that would make the representatives uncomfortable.)

And then there is Speed Food Gathering. There is a new grocery store opening in the area. The one service they hype is the Personal Shopper. You go online, fill out your list, drive up to the store and they bring out your order. Admittedly that is pretty sweet. I despise grocery shopping. But there is still something to be said for the process. I do not think I’m ready to surrender my power to check the expiration date or squeeze the tomatoes. I like to check out the deals and yes, I admit, I will buy something if I like the packaging. I can see how curb side milk pick up might be handy, but I still believe certain things need hands on attention. What is the limit to all these new fangled time saving tricks?

And why are we this terribly obsessed with saving time? What are we doing that is so important  we have to rush through important experiences and decisions in our lives? We have become a society that doesn’t appreciate putting time and effort in what should be a meaningful journey. We operate at full throttle like we are just on the verge of missing the next big thing, yet we end up missing all the little things. Checking off too many tasks in a day planner that doesn’t leave time for the day. I think the phrase is called…going nowhere fast. What are we doing to ourselves my friends?

I think I got off track a little. It does strike me though as ironic how much work we put into saving time just so we have more time to do work. I vote we all slow down a bit. Take a break. Enjoy the sunrise; or sunset. Walk the dog. Take a hike. Watch a movie. Go on a date with ONE person. Talk 60 instead of 6 minutes. See how that might work.

I’m not totally against Speed Dating. I might try it one day. At the very least, it should provide enough fodder for one of these entries. But for now I think I will avoid hitting the fast track of love. I’ll just take the scenic route. Maybe stop by the grocery store, actually go inside and ram my cart into the cute guy at produce counter.

We both still like to squeeze our own tomatoes.

Hope Out

Serial Daters (Silly Rabbit, Two Scoops of Magically Delicious Chaos)

As a single girl I have learned over the years that we all have different relationship goals. Some want to get married. Some want a steady romance, but not ready for marriage. Others actually like being single and the ‘goal’ is to stay that way. And then there are those, whom by choice or mental instability go the route of the serial dater.

A serial dater is defined as one who dates and/or has multiple partners. A revolving door, if you will, of playmates and activities. They enjoy the variety.  No pressure to focus on just one person.  It has even been referred to as a “healthy option to avoid obsession”.  Yeah, that’s a stretch for me, but nice try.

There are those that believe it decreases boredom while increasing amusement. However that usually comes at someone’s expense. And speaking of expense, it is not the path to take if you are on a tight budget. Going out several times a week can put a huge dent in your pocket. Serial dating can also take on different forms. It can be used by those just looking for fun and an assortment of activities.  Some apply the concept just to have casual sex. Others might combine those two while claiming to actually be looking for someone to take seriously.

I guess it sounds like I’m a hater. I don’t really mean to be. I understand you cannot meet one person, one time and decide you have found forever. (Unless you live in a Lifetime movie.) It is a process. I get that. Maybe I’m just jealous. I am not good at juggling. At my age I can’t remember my grocery list if there are more than two items. I certainly could not be responsible for remembering multiple names/dates/places to be. I would have to be lucky enough to only date guys named Bill. Or Xavier.

So since I am obviously incapable of being a serial dater, I will do what everyone else does when they can’t master a skill….. Mock it.

So here is my Ode To Cereal (I mean Serial) Daters:

Alpha-Bits – This Serial Dater (hereafter referred to as SD) has a Rolodex of names ready at their disposal for a last minute rendezvous.

Fruit Loops – This wacky SD can’t make up their mind and keeps going back to ‘recycle’ dates. The crazy thing about Fruit Loops, is that it takes one to know (or go back to) one.

Cheerios – Just happy being free and unattached. Always up for a good time.

Corn Pops – The SD who pops in and out of your life/phone just when you think they are gone for good. The difference between Fruit Loops and Corn Pops is that you don’t keep falling for their games.

Corn Flakes – This SD is just Plain and Non-Committal. (At least if you are going to be non-committal, be exciting and flamboyant.)

Frosted Flakes – Non-Committals with gray hair.

Fruity Pebbles – We ALL know SDs like these. Just plain crazy.  Avoid at all costs.

Honeycomb – These are the sweet talkers. They want you to believe they are not really SDs. They know just the right things to say to make you believe they are legit. It takes a little time and gut instinct, but you will eventually see through them.  

Life – This SD is of a more serious variety. They are not ready to settle down, but they are upfront about their plan/agenda. I guess if you are going to spend time with a SD, this would be a good one to go with.   

King Vitaman – Since they don’t have a Queen Vitaman, I’m going gender specific and say.. He’s the MAN. (Or thinks he is.)

Kix – Just wants to have fun. Similar to Cheerios, except much more exciting.

Lucky Charms – If you are charming, you might get lucky.  I actually met a guy whose online profile name was Lucky Charms. True story.

Raisin Bran – This one tries hard to keep you going.

Rice Krispies – Snap, Crackle, Pop. Always exciting, but with too much going on. Hard to pin down to anything specific and not much substance.

Special K – He/She is convinced you will keep answering their texts, because they are Special…K?

Total – No lack of self-confidence with this SD. They believe they are the whole package. It is quite possible they are. But no one is permitted to stick around long enough to find out for sure.  

Trix – This silly SD always has something up their sleeve.

And last but not least…

Wheaties – The SD of Champions. They are experts at juggling and multi-tasking. Maybe they are honest about it. Maybe they are comfortable with this lifestyle. One thing for sure, they have done it for so long they couldn’t be in a serious relationship if they wanted to.

Ok, ok…I guess I am finished with the ridicule. It is probably true that many serial daters are just in a transitional phase and want to explore possibilities. There is no crime in that. It is helpful when they are upfront with their dates about their motivations . I will be optimistic and say most of them probably are. For those of us who still fall for, or are mis-lead by them, just know it has nothing to do with you or your worth. It is just where they find themselves on the journey. We are all allowed a spot on the path.  

It is very difficult to be single, starting over and dating after 50. The pool is shrinking, the waistline is expanding; it’s not always easy to read the intentions of the person sitting across the table from you. Just keep a positive outlook. And understand there is no one-size-fits-all way to dating. Stick to what feels authentic to who you are. If you become really good at being yourself, you will attract the right people into your life. Dating or otherwise.

As for me,  I’ll stick with Capt’n Crunch. (I’ve always loved a man in uniform.)

Hope Out.