Posts

Why Didn’t He Call Back? (Dating Mystery #23)

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If you notice, the title does not read, “4 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call Back”. That would be a statement implying I know the reason (4 of them to be exact). I intentionally presented this as a question, because, in fact, I don’t know the answer. I have theories, and I am willing to share them with you, but unfortunately this is just one of dating’s true mysteries that strikes everyone from time to time. I am no exception and even though I use this platform to offer advice and encouragement, I ask myself that same question when it happens to me. There are some dates where you know right away that no follow up call/date will come and with most of them you are truly grateful for that knowledge. Then there is the occasional ‘great’ date where all the elements seemed to fall into place. There was connection, ease, fun, maybe even chemistry. After a few bad ones, this date goes just the way you wanted it to. It ends with a lovely, “We should do this again sometime.”  Then……………………..cri

When You Let Yourself Down (How To Get Back Up)

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We don’t want to admit it, not out loud. We don’t like the way it makes us feel. We grow accustomed in life to handling when another person or situation disappoints us; but what if the person who let you down was yourself? I know that sounds harsh and possibly even cruel. We beat ourselves up way too often as it is. Why add another layer of guilt? My Hopefuls, this is not about guilt, it is about letting go, learning a lesson and turning a page. It is about forgiving ourselves when we mess up. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am writing to reach my inner self, who struggles with insecurities, set-backs, wrong turns and bad decisions. But I need to believe, for my own reassurances, that I am not alone in this fight. I want to use my challenges to encourage you to become a better advocate for yourself and a stronger voice in your own life. Let’s look at a few stumbling blocks and steps we can take to get back in the game and back on track. Procrastination – “Wait… I’ll finish

An Empty Saddle (6 Signs You Are Not Ready To Move On)

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Most humans are social creatures, meaning we seek out and enjoy the company of other humans; being alone distresses us and we do not really want to be a solo act. After a breakup, most of the advice centers around getting back in the saddle and not giving up. In theory, this is sound advice, but what is often left out of the equation is the time involved. Everyone has a different timetable when it comes to moving on. It is not healthy to push yourself, or someone else, to speed up that process. Successfully navigating towards a new healthy relationship looks different for each individual and all should be allowed to work through the pain and journey at their own pace. While there are no real preset guidelines for when you should consider yourself ready, there are a few red flags that spotlight you are not quite there yet. 1.       Stalking Social Media…. Whether it is their Facebook, SnapChat or Instagram account, you find yourself checking your ex’s status and following t

When HOPE Is Hard To Find

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We woke up yesterday morning to news of another tragic mass shooting spree. We tried to wrap our minds around the incredible mayhem and death while listening to news commentators rattle off statistics and recount past occurrences and our capacity to comprehend maxed out. Our hearts hurt and our minds flooded with questions and fears and we wondered out loud, or maybe quietly to ourselves; “What in the world is going on?” We look around at the grief and pain and collectively, as a nation, feel the loss of not only innocent lives, but also our peace, as nowhere seems completely safe now and our HOPE, because we sometimes fail to see it in times like these. What are we to do when HOPE is hard to find? Where do we turn? How do we handle the uncertainty? Faith is a great place to start. There were thousands of Facebook messages and Twitter posts all proclaiming “Prayers for Las Vegas”, and that is a sweet sentiment, but just typing in the words for our social media feed is not th

My Date With Non-Shallow Hal

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Shallow Hal was a quirky romantic-comedy movie from 2001 starring Jack Black as a man only interested in the outward physical beauty of a woman; earning him the obvious name Shallow Hal. He was grossly inept at meeting women and after a brief encounter with famous life coach Tony Robbins, was hypnotized to only see a woman’s inner beauty. The rest of the movie unfolds as he starts to date; then lose, then date again a woman who is outwardly obese, but a true gem on the inside.  The moral of the age-old story; that beauty is only skin deep. Fast forward to 2017 and my encounter with a very progressive; non-shallow Hal (aka Chuck). Chuck and I met; where else, online. He was from the mid-west; in the medical field and new to the area. He was a few years older than me; with three daughters. His first wife died when his daughters were very young, and I was impressed with the way he spoke about being a single father. (I know I shouldn’t be more impressed when a guy does it; women do

Forgiveness Is A Verb (Break The Shackles)

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When I Googled the word ‘forgiveness’; (4) of the first (6) results were religious and Biblical in nature. While this was interesting and even comforting to me, it also made me wonder if the act of forgiveness took a measure of strength required from a higher power and that people, by nature, were not pre-disposed to forgive willingly. I suppose that is the origin of the phrase; “To err is human; to forgive divine.” Why is that? Why is forgiving someone such a monumental task? We all want to be forgiven for our mistakes, so what drives us to be so stingy when it is asked of us?   Part of the answer to that question lies in the harshness of the standard we impose on others, while cutting ourselves a continuous break. Take, as a simple example, a common exchange in any household down your street. John is tasked with taking out the trash and Beth is tasked with picking up the milk. Both forget and fail to complete their tasks. Beth’s internal (and most likely external as well) di

Your Life Is Beside The Point (And So Much More Than A Dot)

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Now before you start scratching your head or crafting your strong rebuttal, hear me out. I promise you, it’s good news. While scrolling (or trolling, depending on your outlook) Facebook recently, I ran across an article that described a professor and an experiment he assigned to his class. He walked in, told everyone there was a pop quiz and handed out the test paper, face down. He then had them all turn the paper over at the same time, only to find the paper blank save one small dot in the middle. The assignment was to describe what they saw. The students were confused and waited for the catch, but finally set out to complete the task. When they had finished, he gathered all the papers up and began reading them, out loud to the class. Collectively, the entire group had all written about the same thing, the dot. They gave details on the size, color, position on the paper. There was great emphasis and time spent on the dot.  And nothing at all on the rest of the pristine, clean

Are You A Candle Or A Bon-Fire? (The Winds of Toil)

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I would like to point out before I begin that science was my least favorite and also least successful subject to study. For anyone reading this who determines I have mixed my metaphors or butchered the science, I apologize in advance. Fire is a tremendous energy. It is a source of heat and light; a purifier and protection. It is one of the main elements of our sustenance. For the purpose of this blog, it is also an analogy of your life; your spirit; the essence of YOU. There is a fire kindled within each of us at the start of life’s journey that consists of our hopes and dreams for the person we desire to become.  Unfortunately, this journey also brings obstacles and trials.  The difficulties and troubles we face along the way will do one of two things to our fire; extinguish it or fan the flame. The outcome is up to you. Fire needs three things to survive; fuel – heat – oxygen. Too much or not enough of any of these will kill the flame and the darkness and cold will retur

What’s In A Name? New Dating Trends That Are Not All That New

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If you take the time to read dating articles in magazines or on the internet, you most likely have run across a few talking about new terminology for dating trends. In the wee hours, when someone had little else to do, a list of very common words were recycled and put to a very uncommon use. At first glance, they appear bizarre and totally unrelated to the act of dating at all. When you look closer, and discover their meaning, you find out these practices are really not new or even trendy. These types of bad behaviors have been around for hundreds of years. As humans, we have not invented anything original; just found a shiny new label for actions that can be traced back simply to that of another name.  Let’s take a look at a few. Cushioning …This describes a person who is in a relationship, but has ‘cushions’ of other people around they flirt and hang out with. They have this cushion, or safety net, for use to break their fall when the relationship is over. They simply boun

Wash Your Dishes (It’s Time To Clear Your Plate)

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I wish I could take credit for this title/concept, but unfortunately, I cannot. I have a friend, Bruce, who checks in with me occasionally and when he does, I give him the rundown of all my activities, progress, jobs and current events. The last time we went through this, I ended by saying, “I just have too much on my plate.” To which he immediately quipped back, “Well, it’s time to wash your dishes.” All I could do was laugh….and agree.  As I try to do whenever quoting a ‘phrase’ in my blog, I wanted to determine the origins of having ‘too much on your plate”. There really wasn’t much out there except to find out the phrase has been around since about 1928. For me, the expression usually means I’ve just made a visit to the buffet at Mutt’s BBQ and I’m trying to keep the sweet potato crunch from sliding into my coleslaw while maintaining my leaning tower of hushpuppies. It also means I have probably taken on too many commitments.  And I am quite sure I am not alone.  Everyone