Personal Convictions – Know Them. Own Them. Live Them.

(Staying True To Your Core Beliefs in 2018)

As we enter a new year, the internet and social media is flooded with quotes and memes encouraging us to pursue dreams, proclaim resolutions, lose weight, change careers, believe in ourselves, love freely, etc. (I’m guilty, I posted one today as well.) And while things are perfectly wonderful and a part of every New Year celebration, I would like to propose a slightly different approach on something to carry over into 2018 – Your Personal Convictions.

It is my opinion that we live in a world that often asks us to question our convictions. We are accused of being closed-minded, out-of-date, insensitive or stubborn if we do not choose to adopt the cause/idea/thought of the day/time/movement. It is my goal, today, as the calendar rolls over into a brand new year, to encourage you, my Hopefuls, to stand firm in your values and in your core beliefs.

Now, before we go any further, let me say, that I am not talking about rejecting anything new or progressive. Life, love and the world are constantly evolving, and it benefits us tremendously to embrace a spirit of open-mindedness. By this, I mean it is great to be curious, to consider to the ideas of others, to talk and exchange views. Listening is a great tool (and one we could all utilize more). When we hear (listen to) the opinions of others, it should be to gain knowledge and not always to argue or offer opposition. We may learn a new side to an issue or discover facts that might alter or enhance our own outlook. It is a good and positive thing to accept that our convictions and beliefs can evolve over time; with thought and consideration. My concern, however, is for those who blindly follow the masses with what is known as “Herd Mentality”.

If asked individually, most would issue a strong denial, however, many of us fall into the category of being persuaded by our culture, friends or even social media to conform to certain beliefs. Few people actually relish the idea of standing alone. It is even a scientific fact that our brains fight against this very thing. When we take a differing stance from those around us, there is a portion of our brain (the anterior cingulate cortex) which actually sends out an ‘opps’ or ‘error’ signal that makes us question ourselves to be sure of our position. Here is an example.

There was an experiment carried out with ten people. They were each shown three lines together on a board; A in the middle and B and C on either side. They were to decide, in a specific order, and out loud, which line (B or C) was closer to the middle line A. One by one they all said Line B. When it came time for the last woman to give her choice, she also said Line B. At the end of experiment, it was revealed that the first nine people were in on it and were all told to say Line B, even though Line C was indeed the correct answer. By the time her turn came around, the woman (who thought C was correct) was too intimidated and lacked enough self confidence to go with what she really thought was the right answer; so she followed the herd. When asked about it, she admitted that she didn’t want to stand out or look stupid. She would rather be wrong with the crowd than risk being right all by herself. (How many of us have done something similar?)

There was another study where a group of people where put in a room and told to walk around randomly without speaking to anyone. Two of the people were secretly told to walk in specific patterns with a bold stride. Before long, everyone else in the room was blindly following one of those two individuals. The point of the experiment was to show that being confident is often all it takes for some to follow. But confidence in one’s beliefs does not always mean they are right.

My mother was a simple, but extremely wise woman. Whenever I would struggle with belief systems or become persuaded with flowering speech, she always encouraged me to trust my instincts and know who I was and what I stood for. One of her favorite expressions was, “Someone can be sincere and still be sincerely wrong.” There are many passionate people in the world who will fight to defend their position. And for them, they truly believe and embrace that position. I am not here to pass judgement on another’s right to their opinions; I just want to encourage everyone reading these words, to hold on to theirs!

Did you know that former Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn gave one piece of advice to all new members of Congress? His famous quote was, “If you want to get along, you have to go along.” (Seems to me that might be why our political system is a little awry.) I would strongly encourage you to do the opposite. Do not ‘go along, just to get along’. Know what you believe, and why. Determine your own path. Practice self-discipline (and not just with a diet and health plan). Take pride in your integrity and have the courage to defend and stand up for what you believe to be right. I would never ask anyone to be a bully or obnoxious. We do not need to adopt the mantra; “I Shall Not Be Moved.” Be gracious. Show understanding and compassion. Walk peacefully, but walk with a purpose; your purpose. Do not be deterred or shy away from the beliefs and core values that you have adopted for your life.

My Hopefuls, as this new year dawns, my wish is that each of you view the coming days with awe and a sense of adventure. I truly hope that this can be your best life now! I am so very thankful for your part in my journey and excited to find out what lies ahead for all of us. Believe in yourself and your worth.

Be open to ideas, but hold tightly to ideals; and please know the difference. 

And always, always, always.

HOPE WITH ABANDON!


Hope Out!

The 12 Days Of SINGLE Christmas

On the First Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: A smile and a twinkle in my eye. (Because, single or not, I’m happy with myself and loving life.)

On the Second Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Two Match.com dates. (One was late, didn’t look like his picture and ‘forgot’ his wallet, and the other didn’t show up at all) and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Third Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Three Hallmark Christmas movies. (Have I ever told you that I am one of only five people in the entire world that doesn’t watch Hallmark Christmas movies?) Two Match.com dates and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.


On the Fourth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Four Christmas Carols. (He limited it to just four this year, because all the rest are used in commercials that play 24/7.) Three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Fifth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Five Gold-en Rings. (Because it’s looking like that may be the only way I get one, and my elf was feeling generous that day.) Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates (the first guy texted me to say he found his wallet and asked if I wanted another date….No Sir, I don’t), and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Sixth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: A six pack of Sun-Kist (My wish list said to be kissed at sunset, but apparently my elf was having trouble reading that day.) Five Gold-en Ring. (You know, you say those three words slower, like in the song, even as you are reading.) Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Seventh Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Seven holiday parties (I only went to two, but a girl needs options), a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.


On the Eighth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Eight pairs of socks (It’s not romantic, but neither are cold feet. Have you ever been startled from your sleep by a frozen hallux? That’s just a fancy name for a big toe, people.) Seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Ninth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Nine Christmas Candles. (He got me the battery-operated ones this year. Last year he got me the regular ones and I feel asleep while watching one of those repeat Hallmark Christmas movies with one of those Match.com dates and almost torched the place.) Eight pairs of sock, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Tenth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Ten - Reasons to give my family while I’m still single. (I’m holding out for Owen Wilson… I want to continue to drink straight from the milk carton… I am too busy folding those eight new pair of socks… You know, important reasons like that.) Nine Christmas Candles, eight pairs of socks, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies (he threw in a new one for good measure), two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.  

On the Eleventh Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Eleven Christmas Cards. (These are to put on my mantel so when people come over, it actually looks like I have a life. I’ve told him not to bother, that no one sends Christmas Cards anymore, but he points out that my negative attitude is starting to get on his nerves. It takes a lot to tick off a Christmas elf.) Ten reasons for why I’m still single (My elf has a few ideas of his own.) Nine Christmas Candles, eight pairs of socks, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

One the Twelfth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Twelve Christmas Cookies. (My elf said I needed something sweet going on in my life, and he is going to help me join Weight Watches for the New Year). Eleven Christmas Cards, ten reasons for while I’m still single (eating twelve cookies at one sitting doesn’t help), nine Christmas Candles (the batteries died already), eight pairs of socks (actually, I’ve lost three socks in the dryer, so I now have five pairs of socks and three singles, like me), seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates (The no-show actually had the nerve to send me an email wishing me a Merry Christmas)… And most important of all……. 

A Smile And A Twinkle In My Eye!!!


My Hopefuls, I put this together as a light-hearted look at being a SIM (Single In Mid-Life) during the holidays, but I do know that it can also be a little lonely at times. My wish for each of you is to share in the joy of the season with your family and friends and truly believe in your worth and beauty. There are movies, songs and parties that can highlight our single status, but there are countless other ways to embrace and enjoy the holidays. Always remember the Reason For The Season and reach out to those less fortunate. Make the most of each day during this holiday and may you also have a smile and a twinkle in your eye!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

*LIKE* and *SHARE* if you enjoyed!!

Hope With Abandon!


Hope Out!

Christmas Angels (How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays)


The holiday season is filled to the rim with good cheer, music, parties, laughter, traditions, lights and great food; yet there are still those of us who experience an overwhelming sadness in the midst of all the Christmas joy. For anyone who has lost a loved one, grief creeps in and threatens to dull the season’s sparkle. It might be a recent event, or even years ago, but there is still a void and the sheer fullness of the holiday can often highlight their absence. Maybe you miss sharing a special tradition, like driving around to see the holiday lights, baking cookies or opening just one present on Christmas eve. Perhaps they had a specific Christmas ‘job’ they did so well; like placing the star on the top of the tree or making their one-of-a-kind orange spice cake every year. You wonder if the holidays will ever be the same. Well, in truth, they may not ever be the ‘same’, but with a little time, love and a sprinkle of Christmas spirit, they can become joyful again.

The first thing I would encourage you to realize is that your loved one (and I like to think of them as Christmas Angels, at least during this time of year) would really want you to enjoy the holidays. They would not wish for you to dwell on your sorrow or remove yourself from the festivities. You do not need to feel guilty for finding enjoyment during this time of year, and you should not boycott the cheer in an attempt to prove your love and ongoing sadness. It is obvious you will miss your loved one, but their desire would be for you to feel the love and good will that flows in abundance at Christmas.

So how do you connect the two; the joy of the season and the pain of your loss? What are some real and tangible things you can do to honor your lost loved one and still celebrate the holiday spirit? Let’s look at a few:

Take on one of their holiday traditions as your own. Find their special recipe and make that orange spice cake, even if it doesn’t turn out quite the way they did it. Read the Christmas story by candlelight or say grace before the big meal. Whatever makes you feel closer to your loved one, do that one thing in their place.



Light a candle every night in their honor. If their life was a light in to yours, use this symbol as a reminder.  


Make a donation, in their name, to their favorite charity or volunteer for an organization they believed in.

Buy a unique ornament that represents their spirit or essence and hang it on your tree.
You could also have a special memorial ornament made to celebrate their life.

Gather with family or friends and share stories about past holidays where your loved one did something sweet, funny or memorable. Pull out pictures from your album and display them in Christmas frames.

Put a fresh flower bouquet on the Christmas dinner table in honor of their memory.

Last, by not least, give yourself permission to feel, whatever the ‘feeling’ is. If you are sad, take a moment to just be sad. If you find yourself having fun and being happy, go with that too! It’s ok!

I understand that all of these suggestions will not work for everyone, or for others the pain is still too fresh to consider any. Each person must grieve and then heal at their own pace. However, my dear Hopefuls, it is my desire that you do not let the holidays pass in a blur of mourning. As the carols play on the radio and the scent of fir/pine fills the air, picture your own Christmas Angel looking down on you with love.

Take comfort in the memories and past shared holidays and believe they truly want the brightest and best season for you now! Take the moments to cry, pray and remember, but also take the moments to share, laugh and love. The Christmas season is a beautiful, magical time of year and we should all do our part to celebrate the most wonderous and ultimate Gift of Love.

To all of you, my Hopefuls, I wish a peaceful and love-filled holiday. May God’s peace rest in your hearts if you are missing someone dear this year.

May your Christmas Angel bring warmth and comfort.

Merry Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

(If this post touched your heart, or believe it would help someone else, please share.) 


Tips For Enjoying A ‘Single’ Holiday Season (Don’t Be A Self On The Shelf)


Do you ever feel like the adult mixed-up version of Elf On The Shelf? Does it seem like you have been propped up somewhere in the corner where people see you, maybe even watch you, but never truly interact with you? Like everyone talks at you, has expectations and opinions, but then come and go with their lives leaving you alone, waiting and watching from the sidelines? Bah SIM Bug! My Hopefuls, I understand it can be difficult to go through the holiday season alone. Whether you have been single a long time, or just found yourself recently unattached; watching Christmas unfold can heighten your loneliness. From research, many SIMs (Single In Midlife) have a harder time during the Christmas holiday season than even Valentine’s Day. The lights, music, parties; everything just seems a bit more magical and romantic.

I have spent many holiday seasons single and I would like to use this post today to encourage you to embrace your status and embrace all the beautiful and fun times you can still have. I want to share some tips to help get your Self OFF The Shelf and out enjoying the holidays!

Don’t Dwell Too Long On Hallmark Movies. I know, I know, boos all around. Most everyone I talk to just loves Hallmark Christmas movies and I understand I’m in the minority here. I am not suggesting they cannot be watched and enjoyed, but don’t spend all your time curled up on the couch wrapped in your cozy blanket to live vicariously through a movie written to have a fairy tale happy ending. I want you to get out and create your own happy ending; unscripted!

Get Your Party On! When in a relationship, celebrations must be divided into his/her work parties, family get-togethers, social functions. As a SIM, you get to pick whatever event YOU want to attend. Maybe you want to go to a special church service, a local tree lighting, or even a tacky sweater party; or all three and then some! It doesn’t matter, because you do not have to align your schedule or likes with anyone else. You are free to enjoy the festivities on your terms and timetable. If you are reluctant to go alone, enlist another single friend to go with you. I do want to encourage you though, to not let going alone stop you. I understand it can feel intimidating to walk into a venue by yourself and integrate into the gathering, but if there is an activity that you truly want to do, please consider pushing through the discomfort. Once you are there, enjoying the event you will be proud of yourself for not letting your single status slow you down!

Reach Out. Please know there are so many others out there struggling during this time of year. Almost every organization that provides help to individuals need extra hands during the holidays. Volunteer at a shelter, food back or through a church. Visit a local nursing home or senior center and bring treats, or just sit and talk to someone. So many residents there get little or no visits/attention during the holidays. You can make a big difference with just a little bit of your time and heart.

Don't Reach Out To Your Ex. Christmas time brings with it a flood of memories, and as humans, we tend to remember more of the good ones. It can be tempting to call/text your ex just to see how they are doing and wish them a Merry Christmas. In most cases, this is a bad idea. If you are on good terms, or have minor children still involved, obviously you will need to communicate. That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about looking backwards at an unhealthy relationship and feeling a pull to reconnect. Don’t. It is only the sentiment of the season putting those thoughts in your head, and you need to shut them down. If you decided to walk away from an unhealthy partner, or you were discarded and hurt by an insensitive one, there is absolutely no reason to go there. The wounds will just be reopened and no amount of holiday spirit can undo that.

Enjoy Your Family/Friends. It is true, not everyone has a Christmas Card family. Sometimes, part of being alone, is distancing ourselves from unhealthy relationships that can be attached by a DNA thread, but ‘family’ does not always have to be ‘blood’. Choose to spend time and celebrate the season with those that mean the most to you. Travel, if you can, to see them. Reconnect with old friends. Slow down and spend quality time with those around you who have been there for you and understand your value and worth. Surround yourself with love because it comes in many forms and expressions.

Appreciate. You are blessed. I know I am too. We all should use this season to reflect on the blessings and beautiful life that we have been given. Is it perfect? No. Do we still struggle? Yes.  But gratitude and appreciation go a long way to restoring our peace and happiness. Dwelling on what the lost, or how we were hurt, will not have a positive impact. Sometimes bad things just happen and people betray and abandon us. I am truly sorry if that happened to you. However, I also truly believe there is still so much beauty and good in your life and in your heart. That thought is what I am asking you to embrace today, this season and all the coming days moving forward. 


If you were dreading this single holiday season, I hope something within this post helped to lift your spirits and motivate you. Please do not be a Self On The Shelf of your life. Get out there and be the very best version of YOU!

Christmas is a time for giving, loving, sharing, reflecting and most importantly to acknowledge and honor the best gift ever presented to mankind: Love coming down from heaven in human form – The Christ Child.

Have Yourself A Very Merry Single Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!



(Do you have tips/ideas on being a SIM through the holidays? If so, share them with me! And share this article if it spoke to and encouraged you!) 

Cyber Dating Monday – Tips For Making This Holiday Season Merry & Bright Online

Today is Cyber Monday and all online retailers have a frenzy of deals and gimmicks all designed to entice you to buy their goods this holiday season. There is also another type of cyber frenzy that starts up about now; online dating. While Cyber Monday is not the busiest day for new online dating accounts, it does mark the beginning of the hustle and bustle of finding someone to spend the holidays with. Unfortunately, if you are not careful, you will also find gimmicks, not-so-great ‘deals’, and those wanting to sell you a bill of goods. So today seemed like a good day to discuss having a successful and safe online dating experience this holiday.

In the dating world; fall and winter is defined as the cuffing season. Simply put, it is the time where even singles who typically enjoy their freedom, tend to want to settle down and be ‘cuffed’, or tied into a relationship for these colder months. The idea is to have someone to snuggle up with while waiting for spring. The shorter days mean more indoor activities, and holiday festivities are all around us. Many just want to avoid another round of questionnaires and the shaking of heads on why they showed up, again, single for the office Christmas party. Now, truthfully, these reasons in themselves, are not the signs of someone looking for a real relationship, and that is why it is important to be realistic in your expectations and wise in your decisions as you shop the virtual halls of dating profiles.

(In a strange, yet true, opposite statistic, the holiday season will also find a spike of new relationships ending. Many who start a relationship in late summer or early fall and are not quite ‘feeling’ it, will make the break now. Theory is that they want to avoid spending money on presents and parties and/or not mislead their new partner during the most romantic time of the year.)

So, what should one do with these tidbits of information? Well, my Hopefuls, I suggest you take a few steps to protect and enhance your online dating experience during the holidays. Here is how:

1.     Update Your Pictures – Studies show that wearing the color red makes one appear more attractive. This is the perfect time to update your profile picture with that red dress, shirt, scarf or sweater. This goes for guys as well (sans the dress). You could also include a picture with a tacky Christmas sweater. Why??? Do you ask? Because it is a conversation starter! It can be challenging to know what to say in that first message. Having an ice-breaker type photo is a great, light-hearted way to start.

2.      Be Creative In Your Headline/Profile – Show a little holiday spirit. Be festive and merry, and above all positive! Negative headlines are huge red flags! Borrow a few lines from a Christmas song or poem. Be original and you will stand out among those who put in little or no thought and effort. And note to self, don’t spend too much time talking to anyone with a bare profile. If they do not think it is important to invest energy into a good profile, they probably won’t invest much in you either.

3.      Honesty Is The Best Policy – From the pictures you post, to your hobbies and goals, it is always in your best interest to be upfront and truthful. The biggest fib women tell is about their weight/body type and men bend the truth about their height. Age is another thing both genders fudge a little on. The problem here is that all of these (except maybe the age) can be determined at the first meet, so what is the point? If you show up looking different than your pictures and/or description you are starting things off with dishonesty and there is really no where else to go from there.

4.      Learn To Read Between The Lines - Over the years, online profilers have gotten savvy when it comes to writing their profile. There are some distinct phrases that sound good, but you should proceed with caution. “Looking For Fun” does not always mean going bowling or out dancing. It can often just be of a sexual nature. “Open-Minded” also sounds good, but, again, usually leans towards a sexual encounter. “Friendship First” tends to be someone who has been hurt and wants to move very slowly. There is nothing wrong with that, just understand their viewpoint. Be very cautious about anyone who has limited information on their profile. They are either not truly available or have no real interest in finding anyone of quality. It is just as important to understand that they are not saying, as what they are. Genuine people have no problem being genuine.

5.      Determine Their Motive – This brings us back to the cuffing season. While it is perfectly ok for someone to decide ‘now’ is the time to pursue a relationship, be careful that you are not just someone’s short term plan to survive the winter blues. You are not a hibernation buddy. I do not advise having long term commitment talks during the first conversation, or even first date; but listen to what they are telling you. If they have a pattern or history of short term partnerships, be on the look out for why. And most importantly, if they tell you they are not looking for a long-term commitment, believe them! Do not try to change their mind or re-route their heart.

Being single during the holidays is not a punishment or a curse. It can be a grand opportunity to meet new people and explore experiences on your own terms. This can be a time of starting new traditions or reconnecting with family and friends through existing ones. The point is to embrace your place. Own your spot in this world and be fabulous in it! Whether you choose to tackle Cyber Dating Monday, or curl up instead with your own cuffing season tied to a cup of cocoa and a great book/movie; pursue what makes you happy and feeling festive!

In this season that represents my life’s passion…it is my goal to remind you to always….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Hold On To Your Towel (3 Reasons NOT To Surrender)

Have you ever just wanted to ‘throw in the towel’? (Maybe the kitchen towel, because the dishes somehow magically multiply overnight and you never seem to catch up. Or the bath towels, because the laundry piles up and who is around to smell check them anyway!) Actually, I’m talking figuratively about the mental fatigue that is sure to show up when you least expect it and the feeling that it’s time to call the fight.

The phrase, throwing in the towel, originates from the boxing world. When a fighter had taken too much of a beating and was unable to go on, his coach threw a towel into the ring to mark the end of the fight. The boxer had no more strength or resilience to keep going. We often feel like that fighter from time to time in our lives; that the world and circumstances have beat us down to a point where we just do not think we can muster the energy to keep going. We have moments where we sit alone with our thoughts and consider the concept of ‘throwing in the towel’. Maybe it is a goal you have been working on, the pursuit of a passion, or a relationship issue. It could be controlling your finances, emotions or even career. My Hopefuls, before you take that thought any further, let’s look at three very important reasons to hold onto that towel just a little while longer.

#1. Your Peace/Satisfaction – While it may sound like a good idea in the moment, it will not make you feel better to quit. Motivations can run low, but deep down we all desire to do our best and we love the feeling of accomplishment when a task is completed. Do not give in to the temptation to just let this ‘one thing’ go. If you need a break for a fresh perspective; take it! If you need some help to get over a hurdle; ask for it. There is no shame in reaching out for help. Find the resources you need, but believe in your journey. Understand that reaching a goal brings a sense of joy and satisfaction with yourself that few other things can. Never let fear overtake your desire to succeed and keep moving forward. Your peace of mind at the end of the day for the work, effort and dedication you have put in, is priceless.   

#2. Your World – There are people in your world that need and depend on you. I am sure, like me, you juggle many roles and wear a variety of hats. The demands can oftentimes seem daunting, but your life has a purpose and meaning. That purpose can sometimes look up at you from a place of need, or across to you from a place of companionship. There will always be those ahead of you, beside you, and some coming up behind you. They all need you to stay in the game and do your very best. In fact, we all need each other. I know there are days that a phone call or a text comes at just the right time to keep me on track and uplifted. Never underestimate your impact in the world. You will say or do something at just the right time to encourage and inspire. You will be the bright spot in someone’s day.

#3. Yourself! – If I could cue up the theme from Rocky, this portion would have a greater impact. Here is a paraphrase from a scene in the movie: “The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The world will beat you to your knees and try to keep you there if you let it. Nobody hits as hard as life, but it’s not about how hard you hit. It is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.” I would like to inspire the inner Rocky in all of you to never give up. When you get knocked down, stand back up. Even when bruised and bloody by life’s battles, look your challenges square in the eye and never surrender. I understand the emotional and even physical toll this pep talk requires. I am not oblivious or insensitive to your pain. But I know you can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU! You, in turn, must believe in yourself.

Now, before I end this post, I would be remiss if I did not address the flip side to this lesson. Because it is fair, and even right, to mention that sometimes it is ok to quit. Not every endeavor, situation or relationship we attempt or find ourselves in, is worthwhile or healthy. There is no dishonor in deciding something is bad for us and choosing to walk away. The key is understanding how in tune we are to our inner soul so we can distinguish between unhealthy behaviors/people and just mental exhaustion. Once you recognize and acknowledge that something or someone is damaging, you need to take the appropriate action. Release negativity from your life; regardless of the source.

As we approach the busy holiday season, I know many of you will be stretched to the limit. Demands, deadlines, decisions; all will pile up. You may find yourself wringing that towel in your hands. You may even be very tempted as you lean, tired and worn, upon life’s boxing ropes, to toss that towel into the ring. Don’t do it. Take a deep breath, say a little (or big) prayer, stand back up and get back into the fight. You are so close to victory. I just know it.

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out


Life To My Days


Last weekend I took a road trip with some friends of mine to Nashville, TN. I had been looking forward to this trip for a very long time. While I have known these ladies for quite a while, this would be my first such adventure with them, and I was excited for the new experience. I was not disappointed. Let me also add that each of these ladies has their own unique story, background and bring something rare and precious to the table. Suffice it to say this was not a cookie cutter convention, and yet there was mutual respect and admiration for all. I felt accepted, safe and appreciated; which is really all anyone can hope for within their circle of friends. We had a great time, and this blog post is dedicated to just one small blip from that trip that made a big impact on my heart.

On Friday night we went to see The Grand Ole Opry at the Ryman Auditorium. It was so much fun to be there live and hear all the great music. My favorite was a bluegrass group; Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver, who performed one of their songs; “Life To My Days”. Here is a small excerpt….

I wish we all could live at least until we're 90
Without any aches, or pains, or a cloudy mind
I wish everyone could taste the kind of love they dream of finding
And get to see their ship come sailin' in at least one time

I've been here long enough to know
That ain't the way it always goes

So if I'm one of those travelers whose journey gets cut short
And leave the ones I leave behind wishin' I had more time
All I can say is I can't add more days to my life
So I'll add more life to my days

Something about that song just stuck with me. The honesty of it. The reality mixed with hope. It strikes a balance between knowing there are certain hardships we encounter and things in life we may desire and strive for, but maybe not quite see fulfilled. It also offers the listener the opportunity to take back a little control over their happiness and impact in their world. We all have the chance, and yes, even the responsibility to add more LIFE to our DAYS! How do we accomplish that?

Let Go Of The Past… There are people and circumstances in your rear-view mirror that hurt you. Leave them there. The only real purpose of that mirror is to quickly glance to see how far you’ve come. If your focus is looking back, you will never appreciate the view in front of you. Don’t hold a grudge or wait for an apology that may never come. Learn from your mistakes, accept the mistakes of others and move beyond the pain. The road ahead is open and waiting for you; make the most of each new adventure with a clear and open heart.

Pursue Yourself… One of my favorite expressions is “Pursue Yourself; Relentlessly”. Now I understand the concept can be taken too far and one can become overly self-absorbed and a royal pain to be around. I’m not talking narcissistic behavior or becoming insensitive to the needs of others. To me, this simply implies being in touch with what drives you, inspires you and encourages you. There is another quote that says: “You can’t serve from an empty vessel.” We all need to find the time to pursue the activities and habits that fill our love and energy tank. These activities will be as varied and diverse as the individuals reading this post, so do not look to copy another’s game plan. Create our own! If this is a new concept for you, it may take some trial and error, but I promise it will be worth it. Learn to love yourself and each day will be an adventure.

Love Unconditionally… There are people in your world that need your love and acceptance. Freely give that to them. Openly and often express your love and appreciate for the ones who make your world a better place. Never underestimate the power of “I Love You”. Those three words never get old. As emotional beings, we crave that affirmation daily. Tell your partner, your children, your parents. Call someone who may not have heard from you in a while and catch up. Find an outreach to devote time and even resources into. We are approaching the time of year where those in need will come across your path. Be wise, but also be willing to help, donate or just BE there for someone. Love is the one commodity that is never depleted when given. The more love you pour out, the more that wells up within you. Make it a point to give some away every day.

My Hopefuls, my goal for you today is to understand the precious fleeting days of our lives. Time passes without consideration and no one is promised tomorrow. The songwriter is so very true in his sentiment. When all is said and done, there is very little we can do to add days to our lives. Of course, healthy living and taking care of ourselves will certainly help, but our days are numbered, and we are not given that information when we are born. Make each one count. Do your best to leave a positive impact. Love. Respect. Pursue. Be the kind of person who can truly say…

So I'll add more life to my days

Hope With Abandon


Hope Out

Why Didn’t He Call Back? (Dating Mystery #23)

If you notice, the title does not read, “4 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call Back”. That would be a statement implying I know the reason (4 of them to be exact). I intentionally presented this as a question, because, in fact, I don’t know the answer. I have theories, and I am willing to share them with you, but unfortunately this is just one of dating’s true mysteries that strikes everyone from time to time. I am no exception and even though I use this platform to offer advice and encouragement, I ask myself that same question when it happens to me.
There are some dates where you know right away that no follow up call/date will come and with most of them you are truly grateful for that knowledge. Then there is the occasional ‘great’ date where all the elements seemed to fall into place. There was connection, ease, fun, maybe even chemistry. After a few bad ones, this date goes just the way you wanted it to. It ends with a lovely, “We should do this again sometime.” 

Then……………………..cricket, cricket……..nothing.

So, what happened? Let’s look at a few things.

1.      The most obvious reason could simply be he didn’t want to. Just because you (we) think the date went great, doesn’t mean he did. Maybe he is just a polite, great guy and had a nice evening but decided, for whatever reason, that you were not the one he wanted to pursue. So, he didn’t. Now, yes, it would have been helpful if he had followed up just to say that so there is no wondering and speculating, but in reality, that is a difficult task and honestly many do not take that extra step.  Another theory here is that there was someone else that he just liked a little more. Attraction is layered in so many things and many out here dating are talking to multiple people. You could have been a solid number two contender, but in the game of love, that’s really not where anyone wants to be. It could also be true, albeit not too likely, the one he has been holding out for, showed back up at the most inopportune time (for you, anyway).

2.      It is possible that something felt ‘off’ to him by the end of the evening. People dating in this day and age get spooked by the strangest things. The evening could have been going great, and then something you said or a reaction to a situation might have triggered an unconscious response. It most likely was completely innocent on your part, but just like we have certain red flags, so do guys. Certain men look for signs that a woman is controlling or too independent. They believe that will make for a difficult relationship with power struggles. Other guys try to pick up signs that you might be high maintenance or hard to please. In addition, men have a keen knack for sensing if a girl is just a little too needy or possibly in a hurry to start a new relationship. This will send a guy in the opposite direction quickly. I know this sounds unfair, because these assessments can often be made in error with no solid basis, however if they see or hear something that makes them question the ease of a long-term arrangement, they will cut their losses early.

3.      Maybe he is sitting there asking the same question about you! This is where it gets tricky for me. I am of the generation where the guys did the follow up; the chasing, the pursuing. It was a rite of passage for the man to be the one to steer the early stages of a courtship. Nowadays, not so much. And it’s just not with the younger guys. I recently had a conversation with a guy; a little older than myself. We had plans, through a text, to talk on the phone two nights later because of our schedules. There was no one specified to do the ‘calling’, but I assumed he would. I never got a phone call. Three days down the road I get a text message that simply said ‘?’. I was confused, so I asked him what was the question. He replied that he wanted to know why I didn’t call him. That started a back-and-forth text conversation that including phrases like ‘communication is a two-way street’ and ‘it takes fifty-fifty’. He was clearly agitated that I had not called him. And while I was not exactly agitated, I did surmise from his silence that he was no longer interested. It apparently was a misunderstanding that is repeated in scenarios everywhere. I am not opposed to calling or texting a guy. In a relationship, I do it quite often. I have also done my fair share of initiating contact either through online dating messages or follow up texts after a date.  However, it does register on my radar how often a guy reaches out to me and in what context. As I have gotten older (and maybe wiser?) I am more likely to give them the space to make that decision. It is really the only clear indicator to gauge sincere interest. I said all of that to say this; there are some guys who either from a place of insecurity or shyness, are waiting for you to make the next move. It is up to you to decide if you are comfortable with that and willing to assume that role.

The bottom line here, is that there are no easy answers or concise reasons for why a guy may not call you back. And the truth of the matter is, in the majority of cases, it is not because of anything you did wrong. So many variables go into the mix, and honestly there are more misses than hits. The goal then is to not focus or obsess about each date. Dating should be fun. So to the best of your ability, just enjoy the moments. Do things you want to do, go places you want to go, be yourself and soak up the experience. If it turns into Date #2, great! If it doesn’t, then recognize it as another chance to meet someone new, learn more about yourself and hone your social skills. Before you know it, the right one will appear, and Dating Mystery #23 will be a thing of the past!

Hope With Abandon


Hope Out! 

When You Let Yourself Down (How To Get Back Up)


We don’t want to admit it, not out loud. We don’t like the way it makes us feel. We grow accustomed in life to handling when another person or situation disappoints us; but what if the person who let you down was yourself? I know that sounds harsh and possibly even cruel. We beat ourselves up way too often as it is. Why add another layer of guilt? My Hopefuls, this is not about guilt, it is about letting go, learning a lesson and turning a page. It is about forgiving ourselves when we mess up.

Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am writing to reach my inner self, who struggles with insecurities, set-backs, wrong turns and bad decisions. But I need to believe, for my own reassurances, that I am not alone in this fight. I want to use my challenges to encourage you to become a better advocate for yourself and a stronger voice in your own life.

Let’s look at a few stumbling blocks and steps we can take to get back in the game and back on track.

Procrastination – “Wait… I’ll finish this one later.” Yes, that’s how easy it is to do. Your intentions are good. You have a plan and maybe even supplies. What you don’t have (or don’t think you have) is time. So, you put ‘it’ off, just one more day/week/month, etc. Whether it is a home improvement/fix, updating paperwork, saving money, helping a friend, volunteering, making amends, organizing the closet, righting a wrong or even pursuing a dream; there are so many things we say we want to accomplish, but never do. That is until time runs out, an emergency happens or we are called out on our delay; but then we rush, cut corners and then make excuses. I don’t know what drives the decision to wait. Part of it might simply be a lazy streak. I also truly believe depression plays a part in the lack of motivation for some. Others mean well and just get caught up in a busy life and just struggle to juggle all the balls. Whatever the reason you have for not handling a situation, determine in your mind to take care of it. Formulate a plan. Take that first step. If you need help, enlist it. If you need motivation, tell yourself how great it will feel to finally check that off your to-do list. Go easy with the self-blame and simply resolve to follow through. Today.  

Fear - “I can’t do/handle/finish this.” Fear cuts us both ways. For one, just the fear itself is crippling, but then often we become angry and disappointed in ourselves for having the fear. It makes us feel weak and unable to handle a situation. Because we are feeling bad about ourselves, we hesitate to share our fears with others because of possible ridicule, so we harbor and dwell on it. Maybe we are afraid to stand up to someone who is mistreating us. It could be at work or with a family member or social setting with a ‘friend’. Maybe we are in an unhealthy romantic relationship and we stay for fear of starting over and being alone. We are ashamed at our inability to be our own best advocate. My Hopefuls, please know your worth. Please understand how valuable and unique you are. It is ok to be fearful or unsure about a situation. It is ok to ask for advice and wisdom. It is not ok to do nothing. Trust your instincts. Follow your heart. Do the right thing, even if it turns out to be extremely difficult or unpopular. Believing in yourself and standing up for your values and ideals will develop strength of character and each victory brings a level of bravery that will make the next battle easier. Stay focused and strong on what drives you and makes you happy.

Bad Decisions – Ok, I know I’m not alone on this one. We have all made questionable decisions in our lives. Some we knew were wrong from the beginning. Others were made with good intentions, but not enough thought or research was applied. Whichever the case, we oftentimes find ourselves in a situation dealing with someone or something that causes us stress and irritation. The decision can also cost us financially and emotionally. The first step to recover from a bad decision, is to recognize and acknowledge that one was made. Do not make excuses or blame another; own your part. It does no good to dwell on the mistake, but it is important to take responsibility for it. Next, assess any damage. Can you just walk away from the decision, free and clear? Do you have an obligation to fulfill or monies to pay? Never skip out on the issue because that will only make you feel worse. If the decision caused another to suffer, you may need to make amends and apologize. You will be amazed at the relief that comes from this one step. Take care of the situation the best you can. Learn what to do differently next time. Forgive yourself. Move On.

Being Passive – This is a two-level approach. None of us should stand by and watch injustice or unfairness rule the day. We all need to know what we believe in and would fight for and not live in the shadows hoping the good will win. We must ensure our participation in the battle for the good. The other view of this; we must always do our best. Show up to be great. I know every day will not be your best performance on record. Some days just getting out of bed is a victory. But do not let a few bad days or experiences rob you of joy. Do not sit on the sidelines of your life. Own your place in this world.

As we all work through the disappointments that sometimes come at our own hands, let us all collectively believe that the best is yet to come. We are not defined by our past or our mistakes. We are of great value and we need each other. Our goal today is to dust off the sadness or any remnants of defeat and press onward. And to always…

Hope With Abandon


Hope Out!

An Empty Saddle (6 Signs You Are Not Ready To Move On)



Most humans are social creatures, meaning we seek out and enjoy the company of other humans; being alone distresses us and we do not really want to be a solo act. After a breakup, most of the advice centers around getting back in the saddle and not giving up. In theory, this is sound advice, but what is often left out of the equation is the time involved. Everyone has a different timetable when it comes to moving on. It is not healthy to push yourself, or someone else, to speed up that process. Successfully navigating towards a new healthy relationship looks different for each individual and all should be allowed to work through the pain and journey at their own pace. While there are no real preset guidelines for when you should consider yourself ready, there are a few red flags that spotlight you are not quite there yet.



1.      Stalking Social Media…. Whether it is their Facebook, SnapChat or Instagram account, you find yourself checking your ex’s status and following their activities. You analyze every post looking for clues to their happiness, regret or even new partner. This is extremely unhealthy and serves no purpose except to reopen your heart’s wound. Right after a breakup, it is a good idea to unfollow your ex. It isn’t necessary to block him/her, but you do not need to constantly be reminded of them and see their updates and pictures. If you still need a daily social media fix, you are not ready to move on.

2.      Hoarding Momentos…. I once kept (for years) a used Band-Aid that the cute guy from the skating rink put on my knee when I slammed into the wall. In my defense, I was 14; but some people do have a hard time letting go of sentimental items. I’m actually not totally against keeping one or two things, in a box, just for memory lane walks. However, if you make a shrine or keep the framed photo of your vacation hanging in your bedroom, that is too much. You cannot find new love when the old one still occupies a space in your heart and on your wall. If you find the reminders particularly painful because of a bitter breakup, it might be best to just do away with them. You must decide to do what works in your best interest.

3.      Showing Up ‘Accidentally’… You know where they buy their lunch and their coffee. You know their route to work and what they like to do on the weekends. You should not have to re-route your entire life, but if you find yourself showing up at these places with the hopes of running into him/her, you still have healing to do. The truth is, if they wanted to see you, they would. It sounds good in a song or a movie, to bump into an old flame and reignite the spark, but that very seldom happens in the real world. Do not ever make yourself appear desperate. Head up and feet moving forward.

4.      Still Learning The Lessons…. You are not ready to move on to another relationship until you can adequately express what went wrong with the last one. Maybe it was simply bad timing, or not enough common interests, but there could have also been loyalty issues, cheating, emotional abuse, bitterness, resentment, anger issues, being unable to commit. The list is long and varied why couples break up, and seldom does the blame just lay on one person. We all bring baggage and issues into our love lives and the key to not repeating the mistakes is recognizing both the bad behaviors in ourselves and our partner. If we are unable to accept responsibility for our choices and our decisions, we are not ready to involve another person in our chaos.

5.      Your Goal Is Revenge – If the only reason for dating again is for the word to get back to your ex, please spare everyone the pain and aggravation. Chances are they won’t care, or worse (for you anyway) be happy for you. You must find a way to let go of the past. Each new decision going forward must be made from a positive place, not a negative one. Focus on reclaiming your happiness and personal vision. Do not lose one more minute of sleep or peace trying to exact revenge on a non-relevant person in your future.

6.      Looking for a Replacement – No one is ever going to be just like your ex, and no two relationships will ever be the same. If your goal is to try and find someone ‘just like him/her’, you are being highly unfair to the new person and setting yourself up for failure. You must allow the next person in your life to be a complete and unique soul. Sure, they may have similar interests, and possibly even the same hair color, but those are random pieces that make up just a part of their whole being. Just like you are irreplaceable, so is your ex.

I understand how important it is to feel relevant, desired and valued again. I want that for you almost as much as you do. The key is to do the work and put in the time to make sure you are ready. Check your motivations. Talk to a close friend if you are unsure and get their take on your emotional barometer. Be honest with yourself before making a decision to involve another’s heart. I promise the day will come when you are ready. Try not to rush the process out of fear or loneliness because it will boomerang right back to where you are now. Be patient and kind to yourself and use this time and experience to grow. Then when the right person walks into your life, you will be a strong and willing partner ready to get back into that empty saddle and ride off into the sunset together.

Hope With Abandon


Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Are You Looking For Excuses Or Solutions (We Find What We Search For)

Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....