Real Talk - The Rise Of Depression & Suicide In Mid-Life Women

I’m going to start with this right here…

Suicide Text Hotline – Text: CONNECT to 741741

Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 (24 Hours A Day)

Hello My Hopefuls! This week it was important for me to talk about a topic that has been showing up everywhere recently because of some high-profile victims – Suicide.  Specifically, for this post – Suicide Among Mid-Life Women.

This is not my ‘normal’ wheelhouse subject matter, but it has been weighing on my heart, so I wanted to share my thoughts. “Normal” is the pivotal+ word here because that is probably where many of the problems arise. If we could eliminate the need to try and achieve such a mystical obscurity, half of the battle could be won.

I was very surprised to learn that suicide among women in midlife has risen steadily every year and is considered one of the top ten leading cause of death in this age range. We devour article after blog after YouTube video on how to look young, eat healthy and exercise, yet it appears we are ignoring another major key in our overall survival – mental health.

It’s not a glamorous topic. It’s scary, embarrassing and everyone hates to admit to not having it all together. As women especially, we have fought so hard to be seen as strong and capable and equal that we don’t want to even hint at a problem. We struggle to balance successful careers, relationships and family. As we approach midlife, physical and hormonal changes also begin to play a role in our overall outlook on life.  

Another surprising fact I discovered was that anxiety and depression prescriptions have tripled over the last decade while seeking professional therapy and counseling has actually declined. This is an alarming trend of self-medicating that appears to be back-firing. I would like to suggest we try to reverse this trend, or at least learn to practice Skills vs Pills.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting it is easy, nor do I believe it is just a matter of pulling up your big girl panties and marching forward. I understand there are real problems, significant issues and legitimate obstacles to face. I also admit I am no professional and these are just my thoughts and opinions that flow from a loving part of my heart that truly wants you, My Hopefuls, to live your best lives NOW and be full of joy, peace and of course… to Hope With Abandon. So how does one start to fight this battle?

What are the risk factors in our midlife journey that whisper to us the possibility of checking out and leaving everything we know and love? A family history of mental illness is certainly one, but oftentimes depression can strike all at once. And depression is a very real disease. Much like a virus or cancer invades our body, depression infects our minds. It lowers our emotional defenses, makes us feel vulnerable and weak and can paralyze our thought processes. We don’t trust ourselves to make good decisions and lack emotional and even physical energy to fully participate in life. Another risk factor is a sudden loss or change. Maybe you have gone through a devastating divorce and feel unlovable or undesirable. Or maybe your partner passed away. The overwhelming sense of being alone and facing the future by yourself can be terrifying. Being diagnosed with an illness can leave us with more questions than answers and we wonder if we have the strength to fight.  Having children leave the home and discovering an empty nest can sometimes bring on a sense that no one needs you anymore and what’s the use. Please, please, please, do NOT fall into any of these traps baited with LIES.

While it is true that very painful things happen in our lives, it is also true that beauty happens too. We can heal from a broken heart. We can move past tragedy. We can learn to manage disease. There will always be someone in your life that needs you, values you, depends on your warmth, smile and love. Do not let temporary moments of agony or misery define the rest of your life….or tempt you to end it.

Another point I want to make is how important our friendships are and how much we need each other. Social media can be used for great things, but it can also isolate us. We (myself included) scroll through post after post and think everyone else is having a better life; with more fun, greater adventures and we become secretly jealous or feel excluded or forgotten. As women, especially, we become competitive and suspicious at times of each other when, in reality, we NEED each other. We all, yes all, go through times of loneliness, self-doubt and insecurity. We need to reach out, connect, support and uplift.  In a Get-Real-For-A-Minute I’ll use myself as an example. Most of you know I wrote a book, I obviously write a blog and I try to post a motivational quote every day. I’ve done some phone interviews and a podcast. Was it fun? Yes. Did it change my life? No. I still get up every day, work, take care of my family and my business. I still have goals and a dream, but I still struggle with all of the same things everyone else does. Never let anyone fool you. We ALL have moments of pain and hurt and we ALL need support.

So, now that we have identified some very real causes for legitimate issues, how do we not let them get the best of us? Well, of course, you should always seek professional help if you are having thoughts of hopelessness or wanting to end your life. We should also make helpful daily changes. Eat a better/more balanced diet. Take care of our bodies, so we feel the best possible. Develop a support system. It can be family, friends, a good local church. Find a hobby. Pursue a dream. Get outside! Sunshine can be a terrific mood enhancer. Volunteer. Get outside of yourself and give back to others. Involve yourself in LIFE. Touch. See. Hear. Do.

And if you see anyone in your world displaying any of these signs, please do not hesitate or ‘mind your own business’. Reach Out. Love. Support. Pour into their lives. There is no ‘normal’. There is only LOVE. Love and embrace the people around you. And let them embrace you back! Life is hectic, painful, confusing and BEAUTIFUL. And we only get ONE! Please do whatever it takes to enjoy yours!!

And always, always, always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

4 Keys To A Relationship – Unlocking Love

The concept of a lock and key dates back thousands of years tracing its way to Ancient Egypt. The first keys were made of wood and worked by displacing pins held in place by gravity. Keys have obviously changed tremendously over time, but their importance has stayed the same. People utilize keys to keep safe the treasures that are important to them, however, it is worth noting that all keys are not created equal, and therefore, not all ‘treasures’ have the same level of protection.

Today I want to explore the amount of protection that you provide for your relationship and what that might say about the importance of it in your life. You can also use this guide to help determine how a potential partner views your place in their life. As with all my analogies, this is not a one-size-fits-all post and every relationship is as unique as the parties involved. These are just some of my random thoughts and ideas.

Hotel Key – A hotel key is issued to a guest upon arrival and is good only for the time reserved. Some individuals do have extended stays, but for the most part, a hotel visit is limited in time and scope. If your relationship has a hotel key, then you are not in it for the long haul. Oh, you might say you are, but truth be told, you are not. The classic hotel key scenario is, of course, the one-night stand. For this post, however, I will use it to describe short-term, casual relationships. Every relationship does not lead to marriage, and if both parties are honest, short-term unions can be fun and even help guide through a rough time. The problem comes when one person has a hotel key and the other is expecting more. Always be upfront with a new partner about your intentions and goals. Never lead someone on or promise more than you can deliver. If you are falling for someone and they are being vague or unclear about what they want, you should assume they are using a hotel key. Do not give more of yourself than you are getting in return. Once this type of relationship runs its course, there is no going back, and this key will never work again.

Bump Key – A bump key can open almost any standard lock because the teeth are set really low. A standard lock has tumblers which are pins in various heights that meet the exact height of the cylinder to keep it from turning. When a bump key is used, for a brief moment, all of the tumblers pop into the exact position for opening. It takes skill to use a bump key, and obviously, most are used by those with bad intentions. In relationship terms, a bump key is used by someone who just wants to play the field. They ‘unlock’ as many hearts as they can with no real desire to form anything of value. The biggest difference between a bump key and the hotel key is that most victims of the bump key have no idea there are others. Be careful if you notice these red flags in a budding relationship….Missing pieces of time and information…..Vague answers to legitimate questions. Every person you date does not owe you their life’s story, but if you sense they are not on the same page, nor want to be, then step back and evaluate what is really going on. A person who dates multiple partners does not have the time or energy to develop anything substantial. If you are ok with that, then go in peace. If you want more, then change your lock.

Skeleton Key – As you might imagine, the skeleton key is used by many people. This key locks away their (your?) skeletons. We all have them; the trick is whether or not we have learned from them or if they rear their ugly heads at the wrong moments. Emotionally healthy individuals never stop growing and learning. The end of a relationship should always be a teachable moment, either of something to do differently or knowledge of what not to tolerate. When someone pushes their pain into a hurt locker without dealing with it, the skeleton key will unlock it at the most inopportune time. It is my opinion that the skeleton key should only be used with a professional to work through a painful issue, or with the right person in a healthy environment to move forward and forge a new path and future. It should never be used as a weapon and be very careful of someone who uses this key to constantly live in the past. Whether good or bad, the past cannot be relived, and you should only align yourself with those with purpose and a drive for a positive future.

Deadbolt Key – The deadbolt is one of the most secure locks. It provides maximum security for whatever is held behind its protection. Having a key to a deadbolt ensures your valuables are defended and unharmed. This is the type of relationship that most of us long for. We seek a strong, sound partner with our best interests at heart. Someone who treasures our love and values our soul. Most of us have gone through times where this type of relationship seemed out of reach or too difficult to maintain. Maybe that is where you are today. My Hopefuls, if it is, I want you to know that I understand it can be frustrating. Feeling alone and seeing others have what you long for is challenging. It can sometimes tempt you (us) to use one of the other keys. To find a temporary solution for a long-term desire. I encourage you strongly to not fall for that. There is only heartache and misery on that path. Hold tightly to your deadbolt key and wait for the right person to use it with. I promise it will be worth the wait.

I trust as you have read through the different ‘keys’ used in relationships, that you have discovered something about yourself. If you have been using the wrong keys, or have allowed someone to use one on you, I hope you decide today to change the locks on your heart. The locks should never be so tight that no one can get in, but it should be reserved for someone special who holds just the perfect key to YOUR heart!

And always, always remember…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com  

Happy Single Mother’s Day

There are countless cards, poems, quotes and memes that pay tribute to the wonders and worries of being a mom. I am not here to re-invent the wheel. I am here to shine a light on the women who sail these oftentimes stormy seas alone, without a first mate – The Single Mom.

I have been a single mom since my children were very young, and by single, I mean completely. There were no every other weekends or monthly child support. Do I deserve a prize? Not at all. I used poor judgment and decision making skills and my children paid the price. I often regret the circumstances surrounding their childhood. There is plenty of blame to go around, but I bear some of the responsibility. I really never knew any other way and looking back, I am extremely thankful for the lessons.

I had a great support system and that was my saving grace. My parents had my back from day one until their last day on earth. As a grandmother today, helping with my own grandson, there are times when I shake my head and wonder how my mom did it. An endless supply of love and southern grit is the only thing I can come up with. She never let me down. But I know there are thousands of single moms out there who do not have that support. Their struggles are many and frustration and depression are widespread.

For those of you today who feel forgotten, dismissed, insignificant, lost, under-valued, exhausted, lonely and maybe not even knowing for sure where next month’s rent will be found…here is my 

SHOUT OUT to you! (And what your kids will tell you one day!)

THANK YOU for never giving up, even when you wanted to.

THANK YOU for the sleepless nights rocking, crying, praying and watching.

THANK YOU for every doctor appointment, school function, teacher conference.

THANK YOU for helping with all the homework (even though you always hated math).

THANK YOU for fixing all the meals (even though some were peanut butter and jelly, grilled cheese or Ramen Noodles; and maybe you didn’t get to eat at all).

THANK YOU for doing all the laundry (even the stuff stained beyond repair with Kool-Aid, ketchup, markers or even blood).

THANK YOU for being Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy (even when it meant you had to do without).

THANK YOU for putting the band-aid on the knee when the bike was wrecked, and then fixing the bike.

THANK YOU for teaching your daughters how to respect themselves.

THANK YOU for teaching your sons to respect someone’s daughter.

I know there are days when you think there is never “enough”; that you are never “enough”. Believe me when I say….YOU ARE!

When all is said and done children need much less for survival than commercials and social media would have us believe. The one thing that money cannot buy and no one else can ever provide is YOUR LOVE. That came in an endless supply on the first moment you held that baby in your arms. 

Did you feel it that strongly every day? Maybe not. We are only human and have our breaking points, but if you are reading this, then I believe in your eternal well of love that will always protect and nurture your children.

Single Moms rarely get the attention or recognition they deserve on Mother’s Day. Most never wanted, nor imagined, this path. If you are a single mom, I hope these few words have helped make this day a little less frustrating. If you know a single mom, call/text/email her today and let her know she is doing a great job and you are very proud. You may be the only person who acknowledges her today. Do not miss the opportunity to sow that seed of joy.

To ALL the moms, I want to say a heartfelt and huge HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I am blessed to have had an amazing mom and I am now so proud to watch the awesome mothers that my daughters are becoming.

Today is a day to celebrate US!

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Distractions – What Are You Afraid Of

Today’s blog is an open letter to myself.

In recent weeks I have struggled with distractions. Work, family and even situations created by my own hands. For the most part, they were minor to medium challenges that involved my time and attention to correct and work through. The thing about time, though, is that it does not flow from an eternal source. We have limited hours in a day, days in a week and so on. Our very lifespan is hemmed in by factors mostly out of our control or knowledge. We are all encouraged to make each moment count and count the moments so our goals can be realized. So how do we minimize the distractions? Or are they distractions at all? Could we (I) be subconsciously disrupting momentum driven by fear? Fear of what? What are we (I) so afraid of?

Fear Of Success – I honestly had never even heard of this until recently and would not have considered it a legitimate possibility, however, I was listening to a radio talk show when a woman called in with an idea that fear of success was stalling her medical career. The host of the show unwittingly sided with me by scoffing and retorting that she did not believe there was such a thing. I have researched it however, and there is enough chatter about it to make it worth mentioning.

There are different theories behind having a fear of success. One is a person’s struggle with accepting that they deserve it. Can they handle it? Hugh MacLeod, an advertising guru and cartoonist, once said that success is more complex than failure. There are varying degrees of success and each new level creates distinct obstacles and decisions. Am I ready? Do I know what I’m doing? Will I be made a fool of? For me, honestly, I try not to think about success. It seems vain and arrogant, even though I understand a broader platform would mean bringing my message of HOPE to a wider audience. But for me, the one (silly) concern is opening the door for criticism. Right now, I enjoy a fairly insulated bubble of friends and family who support and encourage me because of their affection for me. For others who do not share that affection, I may experience negative feedback or even hurtful opinions and reactions. People can be quite vocal while hiding behind a computer screen. I guess for all of us, the drive towards the goal has to outrun any rejection.

Fear Of Failure – This fear is much easier to understand. I dare say everyone has had one or two moments of being afraid to fail, lose, fall short, miss the boat. Most of us have these moments all through life. Big (and little) decisions regarding jobs, relationships, purchases, parenting, health; we all filter through our mind’s colander to try and catch all the potential flaws in our plan. This is also known as over-thinking and people do this more than they realize. The what-ifs have stifled many a dream.

Again, for me, the fear of failure looks more like a waste of time. Is that you too? The wondering if all the time and energy invested would be better served doing laundry, weeding the garden or catching up with friends? Do we (I) use the distractions of a busy life to put our dream on hold ‘just one more day’? My Hopefuls, we must realize that our days are a precious commodity. Of course, we must attend to our responsibilities, but we must also make time for the passions and pursuits that excite and motivate us. Failure is only in the surrender. Giving up is not an option. For any of us.

Fear Of The Unknown – Certain people have the Explorer Gene and love to attack life head-on with little or no fear. I did not inherit that gene. For us mere mortals, the familiar is our comfort zone and outside the fence is a scary place. We can predict with some certainty what will happen if we stick to our routine and not cause waves. There is safety in the ordinary and unremarkable but seldom do great things come from ordinary. I want the chance to be memorable and remarkable, so that requires a leap of faith into the unknown. I do not know where your comfort zones are or how safe your limits. What I do know, is that if there is a purpose driving you, open the gate and drive straight past those cozy fences. And know with certainty, that I am coming up right behind you!

There is one thing I want to make clear…I do not live my life in fear. I love my life and very thankful and extremely blessed. I will admit there are times when I struggle with my own direction and purpose. That might give some cause to wonder why I believe I could help others! My answer to that is..... we are all in this together. We need to support, uplift and encourage one another. It is my passion in life to spearhead that operation. Do I have all the answers? No way! Is my heart in the right place? You bet it is! We can all learn from each other and step by step make a positive impact in the world where we live. If everyone does that, image how far reaching that good can travel? Will you help me? Will you set aside your distractions and fears? Can we, together, accomplish the daily goal to….

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

3 Ways To Re-Charge Your Life (Emotional Spring Training)

Most baseball enthusiasts look forward all winter for the beginning of Spring Training. It’s the time when new players compete for teams and positions and returning players practice and hone their skills prior to the season opener. There are exhibition games to work out the kinks and roster and it is a good warm-up before the regular season begins.

In life, we technically do not get a warm-up period. Every day is the regular season. But today I would like to use the concept of Spring Training as a way to reboot some areas in our life. To work on skills that will benefit and help us succeed. To practice ways to throw off the negative and embrace the positive. I want us to have an Emotional Spring Training. Let’s get started.

#1. Train Your Heart To Forgive – It doesn’t take long in this world to learn we all make mistakes. As humans we make wrong decisions, hurt the feelings of others or act recklessly. Most of the time it is not intentional, but it happens nonetheless. In one of life’s great ironies, we all WANT forgiveness for our transgressions, but we fight and hesitate to GIVE it to others. I have no doubt that you have been hurt and wronged. Sometimes it is by someone we love, and other times it is an enemy of our life trying to cause distress. Either way, the only way to move forward is to forgive. I can’t promise that an apology will be given or a request for forgiveness made. If it does happen, and you believe it sincere, this step is certainly easier. There are situations though where you must extend forgiveness even when not asked. This takes place in your heart and the other person may never even know. This is done to keep the lining of your heart soft and porous for all the other beautiful moments and people who will walk in. We cannot become bitter and hard with resentment lodged in our hearts, and we must fight against the desire for revenge. Each situation is different, and I don’t have time to explore every scenario, I am simply suggesting that valuable time and emotional energy is exhausted every day by those who refuse to forgive and start a mission of retribution. It almost always fails and is never satisfying. We must find the strength to let go of the hurt.

I would like to make one other point here. Forgiveness does not mean you have to forget or even let the person back into your life. As I mentioned, there are countless ways someone can hurt and betray you. The correct decision, at times, is to walk away from a situation or a person. Repeated offenses, intentional disrespect, abuse; any of these situations is in your best interest to cut ties. No one should be allowed access to your life that is destructive, but you must still forgive them. For YOUR emotional health and happiness.

#2. Train Your Mind To Focus – Life today is so busy and scattered. We all run at full speed in several different directions. We have work, family, responsibilities, passions, goals. Each one is constantly vying for time and energy from you. If we are not careful, we will burn out and be of little or no good to any. It is important to be able to prioritize and focus. In real time, this means learning to say ‘no’. The key to doing this wisely is knowing yourself. If you become overwhelmed, it may be time for a Focus Intervention. I have to do this from time to time. Sit down (with pen and paper if it would help) and write down everything you need/want to accomplish. You can do it on a daily/weekly basis. You can even jot down long-term dreams. Then you need to prioritize and rid yourself of empty distractions. Regardless of intentions, there are only 24 hours in a day. You cannot please everyone or meet every need. There may even be things on the list that you have to cross off (or delay) that YOU really want. The purpose of this exercise is to determine the things that need focus. And by focus, I mean your full attention and best efforts. You will be amazed at the relief when you have a plan and know where to steer your energies. This is not an easy task, but trust me, it will work. As you focus on the important things, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and learn time management skills. The real goal here is to be able to walk in peace and contentment of your accomplishments while maintaining a healthy focus on YOU.  

#3. Train Your Soul To Have Faith – There is less talk about faith (in my opinion) in this day and age than any other. We have become such a ‘realistic’ society. It’s about what we have, what we can gain, the tangible manifestations of our efforts. We lose so much hope by only measuring our worth or charting our success by what can be held in our hands. The world is unsteady and the future unknown. What we have today can be lost. Without faith (and hope) we live in a constant state of fear and stress. I see more and more people becoming ‘control freaks’; believing they have power over the outcome. Yes, we contribute to our ongoing success and failures, but some things are completely out of our control. It is during these times that we need faith. Faith in God’s plan, love and mercy. Faith that we can handle what comes our way. Faith in the beauty of simple things. Faith in ourselves. Believing there is a higher purpose and deeper meaning to our existence here frees us from selfish, pointless pursuits.

My Hopefuls, today is a great day to start your Spring Training. Pick the areas that need a little coaching and discipline and get to work! It is easy to fall into complacency and routine. Let’s shake up our life’s roster to make room for a new playbook. We owe it to ourselves to give it our best shot every day. Take that grand swing at life and aim for the home run. I’m here on the sidelines cheering you on!

Always Remember….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Guard Your Goat - 3 Ways To Protect Your Inner Peace

I grew up on a farm, but my dad did not raise goats or horses, so even though I have heard the expression “Don’t Let Them Get Your Goat”, I did not know where it originated. I did know what it meant in life terms however. Getting someone’s goat is to steal their peace, attack their wellbeing and throw off their emotional balance. Most often it is an intentional act meant to cause distress, annoyance and anger. I guess the main impulse could be revenge or spite, but I am sure there are multiple motivations.

This phrase dates back to the early days of horse racing in England in the 19^th century. Apparently, horses, especially thoroughbreds, are high-strung and nervous animals. In a time before comfort animals was a ‘thing’, those horse trainers discovered that goats were the ultimate calming agent for a horse. Horses are herd animals and need company to feel safe. The goat is perfect for this job as they have zero predator drive, are highly social, adapt well to their surroundings and even eat the same food! The horse and the goat would create a bond and the goat would then travel in the trailer with the horse to the races. Being in strange surroundings the night before a big race, and being naturally skittish, the horse depended on the goat for comfort and a sense of wellbeing (home). Then along comes the problem -  (competition). It was common within the racing circuit for shady and dishonest owners to try and steal the goat from the best horse’s stall. If the abduction was successful, the horse would usually spend the rest of the night in distress, pacing the stall and be too worn out the next morning to run well enough to win the race. When someone got the horse’s goat, that strong, capable, magnificent creature would become agitated, stressed and unable to achieve peak performance. Even with all their training and natural ability, losing their support system crippled them. Has this ever happened to you? Has anyone ever tried to rob your goat (peace)?

I recently let someone get my goat. I’m not proud to say that, but it’s true. I allowed someone to steal my joy and create havoc in my life. Yes, it was intentional and absolutely unfair. It was not my imagination nor did the situation turn out the way I wanted. I was upset, hurt, angry; I surrendered my goat and gave them momentary power over my emotions. And then I stopped. Re-grouped. Prayed about it. Talked to my tribe about it and went and got my goat back!

My Hopefuls, people will try all manner of ways to tear you down. Some people are jealous, and this is the only avenue they have to neutralize the resentment they feel. Some use it as revenge for a wrong -real or otherwise. Others just do it simply because we allow them to get away with it. It is time we begin to protect our goats. How can we do that?

1. Believe In Yourself. The number one way that another person can steal your peace is to attack your self-confidence. We all need to understand our place and value in this world. You are here for a reason and your presence (and participation) is necessary. Everyone doesn’t have to love you. Do not waste time trying to win over everyone or be a people pleaser. Do the best job you can in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Be kind. Be fair. Do good. If you follow these basic rules you will not bend or break at the whims, musing and falsehoods spread by anyone.

2. Stand Your Ground. There may come a time when you have to face someone who intends to do you emotional harm. Never let them see you sweat. Just like that magnificent horse, you are strong and resilient and able to handle the pressure. Even if you must stand alone, refuse to give up. You may not win the battle, but you will have the personal accomplishment of knowing you held your own. The victory is not always announced with a wreath of flowers or a parade. Some days just knowing you did the right thing will be enough.

3. Let It Go. Don’t spend your precious time pacing around your mental stall in distress over the actions of another. There is a bright and beautiful day dawning and you have a race to run. Never let the actions, thoughts or beliefs of another stand in your way. If you have wronged someone, apologize and make amends. Do you best to take care of issues that need your attention, but let yesterday and the pain that lived here go. If you do not dwell on the negativity of others, there is no way they can have control over your future, or your peace.

Just like those thoroughbred horses, we need a support system. We should surround ourselves with people who love unconditionally, inspire and motivate. We must also become our best advocate. Our joy, peace and HOPE can be attacked. Sometimes we see it coming, but it can also show up as a surprise and feel like an ambush. The best plan is to be prepared. Guard your goat. Fiercely protect your integrity and live an exquisite life. Do not seek revenge and never wallow in bitterness. Rise above the circumstances. Go out there and chase the wind and don’t give the goat thieves a chance.

And always…

Hope With Abandon

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Permission To Pursue Your Dreams (Keep Your Eggs In Your Basket)

This past weekend I went out of town to spend Easter with my two daughters and two grandsons; one who is 7 and one who is 19 months. Of course, an Easter Egg Hunt was on the agenda. We did something different this year and went to an event in another town where they had a variety of Easter festivities that started with breakfast with the Easter Bunny and ending with the hunt. Over the years I have been to my fair share of these events and for the most part, they are all the same. They line the children up by ages, take them to their designated spot and let them loose. The organizer of this particular egg hunt, however, decided to mess with the formula; and oh what a mess it was!

Instead of having the children just go find the eggs, they chose this year to gather them by color. They were to line up, go find a specific color of egg and return to the starting line. Now this concept might have worked on the older group, even though that was also a flawed system, but to expect the 1-3-year-olds to gather eggs by color was never going to happen. To begin with, my 19-month-old grandson doesn’t know a pink egg from a green one, and I never even thought to restrict his roaming and collecting of eggs. He had my permission to gather at will. I promise you once he had picked one up and put it in his basket, he would not take kindly to having it removed.  In fact, that scene played out all over the grassy field as parents were forbidding their children from picking up the wrong color egg, or worse, making them remove the bounty from their basket. There was one meltdown after another! I have never seen so many miserable and confused children at what should have been a fun-filled event. I have no doubts the organizers got quite an earful when all was said and done and I highly doubt they repeat this procedure ever again.

While I was watching the mayhem unfold, the thought came to me how our goals and dreams can sometimes resemble those brightly colored eggs placed carefully in those beautiful baskets.

When we set out on our life’s journey, we gather hopes, gifts, talents and dreams all along the way. Some we are born with and others are triggered by events, influence or even chance. Regardless of their origin, they become special to us and we hold them close. Some of us do not share them right away, choosing rather to wait until we are sure, or have a plan. Some are unable to keep it to themselves and tell everyone they meet about their future goals. There is no right or wrong way to express or share your hopes, but I do want to warn you that not everyone will be happy with your choices.

Just like those parents who were trying to ‘help’ the kids follow the rules and made them remove the blue eggs on the pink run, you will talk to people who will insist you need to remove one or more of your dreams from your life’s basket. It may not necessarily be parents at this point in your life (even though we never really stop being ‘Mom and Dad’), but maybe friends, your partner or others who believe they are providing guidance. I always believe it is good to listen to wise counsel. If someone has attempted (or succeeded) down the path you are walking, hear them out. They may have sound advice that might help you avoid pitfalls or obstacles. But keep in mind, your journey is not like theirs, and neither will your outcome.

You may even run across people who willfully attempt to discourage you. They may be jealous and lack the drive to pursue their own way and do not wish to see you succeed at yours. And unfortunately, there are just certain people who are negative or experienced trauma and do not see the value of such endeavors. Regardless of their motivations, I encourage you to ignore the naysayers. Be polite, of course, especially to those who mean well, but never, and I repeat, never let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Yes, there may be struggles and setbacks. You may even have to set it aside for a time to take care of life, family and responsibilities. I am not suggesting a reckless charge. But I do want you to always keep your basket handy and I want it filled with the ideals and goals that are specific and meaningful to YOU!

My Hopefuls, we only have this one glorious ride called life. There are no refunds and no do-overs. You know what inspires you, delights you, and motivates you. Pursue that! Relentlessly!  Do not buy into the ‘normal’ or ‘cannot’ or ‘are you sure’. Own who you are and collect as many awesome eggs as you want in as many colors, shapes and sizes as you want. I believe in you and know at the end of this life’s egg hunt, your basket will be overflowing with accomplishments and pride. Until then and always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com  

You may also be interested in my blog from last year called "Price Of A Dream"

https://hopeboulevard.blogspot.com/2017/05/price-of-dream.html