It’s OK To NOT Have A Plan - The Non Resolution New Year



This is the time of year when people come out of the woodwork to expound on the benefits of starting a new routine, charting a new course, mapping out a new strategy. As the face of Hope Boulevard, I was a little torn this year on my participation on this trending bandwagon. On the one hand, I felt it was my responsibility to infuse ‘hope’ into your plans and goals; to join my inspirational voice with the throng parading through your social media. On the other hand, this year, I decided I’m not. Instead, I want to come to you from the sidelines, in a quiet voice, giving you permission to not stress about or frantically search for a PLAN.  
  
I just simply want you to have joy; whatever that means to you.  
  
2018 was somewhat of a chaotic year for me, both personally and goal-wise. Coming off the high of publishing my book at the end of 2017 I had so many PLANS! I researched, read articles, made charts and slideshows. I downloaded apps to track my every move and keep me motivated and focused. I discovered that I knew almost nothing about the ‘business’ of writing. I was doing it all wrong; from the titles of my blogs, to the length, to the hashtags, to when to post, to the 3.2 lists required to hold the reader’s attention. I made it a point to follow all the ‘rules’ on how to be successful, noticed, appreciated. And while I indeed did learn a great deal, I also lost a little in the process.  
  
I lost my free time, some of my friends, and at moments, even my sense of self. “You have to be willing to sacrifice to see your dreams come true.” I absolutely agree with that statement. But anyone who tells you it is necessary to sacrifice who you are, or forsake the down time required to recharge and regroup your peace and sanity is wrong. (In my humble opinion). There has to be a balance in every relationship we have, even the one with ourselves. It doesn’t matter how lofty the goal or pure the intention, emotional energy does not spring from an eternal source. Burning the candle at both ends does eventually result in just a hot waxy mess.  
  
So what am I saying? Have I jumped off the Hope Boat? Not at all! I love writing. I love the idea of inspiring a person I’ve never met on the other side of a computer screen. I love the thought that my middle name, HOPE, was divinely bestowed for a purpose. (Ok, maybe that was a reach, but hey, a girl can wish). What I didn’t love was having to formulate all of the above to fit into a box that ‘someone’ deemed important. So, I’m throwing the formula out the window! And I encourage you to do the same!  
  
If there is something you have always wanted to do, do it! Not because it is 2019, and not because there is a mini cheerleading squad in your iPhone. Do it because YOU want to. Do it because it makes YOU happy, feel fulfilled, or brings peace. And by golly, if you are perfectly content with your life the way it is… don’t change a thing! Contentment is priceless, trust me on that one.  
  
I am not advocating everyone abandon their dreams and drown their motivations. I just want you guys to be true to yourselves. Be happy with who you are, where you are. Love your family and friends. Be kind. Make a difference. Do little things with great emphasis and on purpose. Live your life; unscripted, unrehearsed, and sometimes (gasp) without a plan!  
  
As for me, I will return to writing for the pure joy of it. If you guys like it too, that’s fabulous, but this is my fire burning within me and I’m going to let it out without the rules or formulas to fit into a mold. I don’t need a mold. And for just today, I don’t need a plan. I just need HOPE! 
  
Have A Happy No-Plan New Year! 
  
And Always…. 
  
Hope With Abandon (Now that is one plan I can always stick with!) 
  
Hope Out

Mental Illness, Stress and the Holidays


The holiday season is anticipated with joyous expectations for many of us. Family, friends, festivities abound. But there are millions of people battling mental illnesses everyday that have a different type of anticipation: social anxiety, loneliness, depression, fear and even dread. The hoopla and chaos that delight some, overwhelm and shutdown others. If you feel frozen and confused in the midst of this warm and hopeful time, I would like to offer a few thoughts you may find helpful.
Set Boundaries. The most important thing you can do to cope through the holidays is to know yourself, your limitations and your strengths. Have realistic expectations for the events you attend and the people you rub shoulders with. Do not give in to well-meaning people who may pressure you to stretch yourself and your emotions too thin. When at all possible, keep your regular schedule: eating, sleeping, medication. A steady, predictable routine will help balance you and keep you moving forward. You should definitely try to make time to celebrate with those you care about and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season, just make sure you are true to yourself and take the steps to unwind and relax when things get hectic.
Life Isn’t a Hallmark Movie. We may all binge watch these sweet ( and sometimes sappy ) movies from time to time, but make no mistake, life rarely works out with neatly tied bows and perfect smiles just in time for Christmas Eve around a roaring fire and sparkling lights. We hurt. We lose people we love. We are disappointed. Families aren’t always loving and kind. Depression and loneliness greatly intensifies during this time of year when social media and advertisers portray everyone as having a perfect life. We wonder where we went wrong because that certainly is not us!  I have news for you; NO ONE has a perfect life! We all just have to do the very best we can with where we are. The world keeps revolving regardless of the date on the calendar. Take care of yourself and never compare your place on the path with anyone else’s. We all have pain and we all have joy; we just don’t all express it the same way.
Find a Support System. This may be family, or it may not, but everyone needs a tribe, a few select people who accept and support without judgment or expectations. I am not saying this is an easy task. It means we have to be open and vulnerable ( and honest ) with others and this can be extremely difficult. It helps if we practice living our lives with acceptance of others and adopting a non-judgmental attitude of those around us. This allows us to be seen as caring and supportive and others will be drawn to that. If the thought of attending a company party or family dinner distresses you, ask a friend to go with you. Be willing to return the favor if asked. If that is not possible, designate someone as your text lifeline. If you feel anxious in a situation, slip them a text and share your feelings. Their comforting feedback will help calm your nerves. You can also use your faith to comfort you. Pray. Meditate. Talk with your pastor (or a pastor). This is a good time to remember the reason we celebrate CHRISTmas in the first place.

We Are All in This Together. Maybe you are reading this, but don’t really identify with anything I’ve said. Good for you! Chances are though; you know someone who is affected and struggling. Educate yourself. Be aware of those around you showing signs of anxiety or sadness. Do not try to ‘fix’ them, just accept them. Offer to help, support, and be there. Give them a safe place to decompress or allow them to vent, cry or release pent up emotions. You don’t have to understand what they are going through, just be available to listen.
My Hopefuls, I truly wish each of you a Merry Christmas. I am aware this particular post may be coming a little late in the season as Christmas is right around the corner now. I do wish I would have put it together sooner, but just like many of you, I struggle myself. I watch those around me celebrate with such joy and sometimes it feels like I’m standing in the cold with my nose pressed against the window watching the beautiful people do beautiful things oblivious to my existence. Can anyone relate? Maybe it’s just me. But what I finally realized is that MY people are beautiful and MY life and the things in it are beautiful and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. So surround yourself in your own special, unique brand of beautiful. Be proud of who you are and believe in the power of love and the goodness that shines brighter this time of year than any other.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

New Relationship?? – How to Navigate the Holiday Season with Your New Love

Starting a new relationship can be one of life’s most exciting experiences. It can also be scary with moments of insecurity and a million questions.
It is a process of discovery to determine if this other person, whom you have an initial attraction to, is someone you wish to invest time and emotional energy into.
But what happens when this relationship begins just before or during the holiday season?
Diving into dating after October brings a completely new set of challenges. In addition to the learning curve in deciding whether or not this person has long term potential, there are the added pressures of parties, family get-togethers, and what gifts to buy.
And don’t get me started on Hallmark Christmas movies!
Everywhere one looks, there is love in the air.
With all these emotional stimuli at every turn, it is tempting and easy to fast track a new relationship. This can cause conflict and could even derail what would otherwise be a sweet budding romance.
If you truly wish to develop a solid relationship, then it is advisable to work out some holiday logistics.
So what to do?
Honesty and Balance Are Key
It goes without saying that honesty is the bedrock of any relationship, but an extra dose is required during the holidays. Expectations can run high and not everyone has the same amount of Christmas spirit. There are also religious and cultural preferences to be considered.
It is vital to make your wishes known while also honoring and respecting those of your new partner. Both parties need to understand the timing might not be right for certain holiday traditions. This first holiday season may not be the time to be inseparable.
You also need to figure out a way to balance quality time together while still fulfilling seasonal obligations. Don't just leave Mr. Love Bug alone every weekend while you run all over town in your festive garb. And don't expect Ms. Cutie Pie to sit by and wait for you to drink eggnog and eat sausage balls with all your buddies and then show back up New Year's Eve.
You must find time to incorporate them into your holiday even if that means making new plans or even starting what may turn into a new tradition just for the two of you.
Let’s take a look at some of the pitfalls for new relationships during this time of the year and how to best avoid them.
#1 – Meeting the Family/Parents
There are no hard rules when it comes to early dating etiquette this time of year. Both parties need to be comfortable bringing the other into their personal family holiday plans, especially if travel is involved.
If you are not ready to introduce your new love interest to your family (and their endless questions) then don’t feel pressured to do so. And on the flip side, don't use a guilt trip to get a holiday trip to the family home. There is plenty of time for that in the future.
If, however, you do decide to take this step, discuss expectations. Prepare your family and confirm it is ok to bring a new guest and let your new love in on little family traditions or any overnight stay rules.
#2 - The Office Party
If the idea of bringing them to your office party shorts out your Christmas lights, then only RSVP for one.
Your work environment is almost like a second family. You spent a great deal of time with them and they know your best (and worst) stories.
You may want to have a little more solid experience with this person before letting them into that part of your world.
#3 - The Gift
The holiday season is the official “Every Kiss Begins with K” time of year. Most of the commercials both on TV and online are focused on what to buy your significant other to prove your commitment.
Do not let a clever marketing strategy convince you to go overboard with your new love.
When it comes to gifts, I suggest discussing a dollar limit. It may not sound romantic, but it should help ease the concern about how much is too much and also avoid disappointment on either side.
Depending on the length of the relationship, you could both decide to forego giving gifts at all and instead donate to a charity or volunteer together.
A Christmas present should not be seen as a way to prove your interest. If you both would like to exchange a fun gift or thoughtful expression, by all means, do. But make sure both parties are in agreement on the decision and then follow through. A surprise at the last minute may sound sweet but could create an awkward moment.
The Bottom Line
The holidays are extremely stressful in the best of circumstances. Adding the uncertainty of a new relationship can make things seem to be more chaotic. It doesn’t have to be that way. This is the time where fun and open communication should be paramount.
Find a way to enjoy this festive season in ways both parties are comfortable with while also respecting the wishes and boundaries of the other party at this stage.
Understanding and compromise may come into play and should be handled with tact and maturity.
But just don't forget to enjoy yourself and have a Happy Holiday!!!
And as always..
Hope With Abandon




Insta-Love - How Instagram Is Changing The Way We Date

As someone who has been single for quite a while, I have researched (and experimented) with my fair share of dating apps and websites. The paid ones, the free ones, the ones you probably wouldn’t want your Mom to know you used. It seems like every month there is a new avenue to find someone to hang out, date or otherwise connect with, but what I didn’t see coming was the rise of Instagram on the dating scene. 


I did know that Instagram was gaining in popularity and now has an estimated 800 million users worldwide! The photo-sharing platform provides easy access to the things we love to post and a peek into a bird’s eye view of our own piece of the world. A potential suitor can learn quickly of similar interests, ideals and even what we have for dinner, our fashion sense and possibly even our relationship status. It is all that combined that has made Instagram the new go-to place to meet someone. It has become so popular, it even has its own terminology. 

Tindstagram. The dating app Tinder provides the option to link your Instagram account. I am not a personal fan of this, but it can open dialog with someone even if you did not swipe right. They can track you down on your social media account and try again to get your attention. I have even heard stories of people being asked why they didn’t ‘swipe right’. Just know if you connect your public social media platforms with dating apps, you will most likely receive at least some unwanted attention.  

Thirst Trap. At first glance, this may sound a little underhanded, but in reality, I don’t suppose it is. It is simply posting an image intended to attract attention and elicit responses. It doesn’t have to be provocative. You can post a photo at the coffee shop with a caption: (How do you like yours?) or out hiking (Can you name the trail?) and you set up the scenario for answers and reactions from followers. The ‘stories’ feature works particularly well for this because you can go into the settings and hide the post from most followers and only those you select can see it. There is also the option from the stories setting to open a private chat.  

Slide To The DM. When I first heard about this phrase, I thought it was only one person’s name for it, but as I did my research, I found it was actually a ‘thing’. After a few public comments/posts a person can casually slide the conversation into direct messaging. This, of course, makes it a bit more personal and possibly intimate. The biggest key to getting to that point (except those trying to sell you something) is to make sure there are mutual likes and public comments. You can’t expect your love interest to do all the work. If someone catches YOUR eye, be sure to pass along the virtual love on their posts.  

Instagram is slower than your average dating app (despite the play on words) and since it was not originally designed for dating, you can’t be sure anyone ‘liking’ and ‘commenting’ is interested. (Nor would you want that.) But slower is often better and there is the added benefit of viewing multiple dimensions of someone’s life and not just one or two photos on a dating app with a lame headline and little pertinent information. The key is to be consistent but not overwhelming. Never ‘stalk’ someone’s Instagram page or comment on every post. Creepy is universal. On the flip side, be cautious about anyone posting inappropriate comments on your page and never hesitate to remove negative or disturbing followers. Do not provide personal information in a direct message until you are comfortable with the other person. You also need to be mindful to the location of anyone who has caught your eye. Instagram’s reach is worldwide and if you jump too soon, you will find yourself beginning a long distance or even online-only relationship. 

I do not believe that Instagram will replace the more popular dating sites like Match or E-Harmony, but it is a highly used social platform, and all things social open up possibilities. It’s a great big beautiful world with genuine people of value in it. Instagram is about expression and seeing the world through your unique lens. If someone likes the same view; then you never know what might happen! As with any form of dating connection; virtual or down the street, please be careful, be respectful, and most importantly BE YOURSELF! 

Here’s to clear focus, perfect shots, compelling hashtags and maybe, just maybe, Insta-Love for you! 

As always. Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out 
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