Tips For Dating Someone With A Mental Illness

We have all dated someone we later called ‘crazy’. Whether that was a true reflection of their mental health issues (probably not) or a random statement regarding our personal feelings about the relationship (most likely), chances are you will again meet and date someone who suffers from a mental disorder.

The truth is 1 in 10 of us will have a mental health issue in our lifetime. My personal feeling is that number is higher, but there is still so much stigma and shame surrounding the term that many suffer in silence.

And while it is true that some mental illness is severe and not conducive to a sustainable relationship, those are not necessarily the norm. It is possible to have a loving, fun, and successful relationship with someone who is actively working on and treating their mental illness.

There are still unique challenges to making a go of it and I’ll try to address some of them here.

Were They Honest About Their Condition?

Some people live in denial about their situation, and still others are fully aware, and even treat it, but are uncomfortable sharing this information. While it is not exactly reasonable to expect someone to disclose a litany of emotional issues on the first date, if the dates continue there should be an honest discussion.

If the diagnosis is mild and they are handling with medicine and hopefully therapy, you might never know otherwise, but it is always a sign of good faith when someone is upfront. In this case, I would encourage you not to hold this against them if other characteristics and values line up. It is really no different than if they were diabetic, for example, and were correctly taking the right steps to control it.

Now if you learn of their highs and lows the hard way, and they are not properly managing their symptoms, you may wish to re-evaluate continuing your relationship journey. Please understand this:

YOUR LOVE WILL NOT CURE THEM

Love can do a lot of things. It is comforting, encouraging, uplifting, and even inspires passion. But one thing it CAN’T do is rewire the brain. If your potential love interest has a chemical imbalance, the only fix for it is proper medication and treatment. Do not be fooled or manipulated into believing their outbursts, relapses, or struggles are your fault.

(Here is where I am going to put in my disclaimer. I believe everyone deserves a chance, as long as they are honest and trying. However, unfortunately, there are some individuals with severe or untreated conditions that are not fit or ready for a relationship. Be wise and cautious when pursuing a long term commitment. Don't become a martyr or someone who enables bad behavior. If they are toxic and unhealthy, walk, or run, away.)

Can You Accept A New Normal?

Living with someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, or being bi-polar will require you to re-think how you view a ‘normal’ relationship. You will need to learn their triggers and avoid them if at all possible. And you need to be honest with yourself, and them, if their triggers or reactions are deal-breakers.

If your love interest has severe social anxiety, and you love huge gatherings and lots of interaction with people, this is not the right match for you. It doesn’t mean they are defective or you are unkind. It is simply a reality that is better addressed sooner rather than later.

Compromise is built into every successful relationship. You have traits and quirks that they must accept and adapt to as well. Emotional trauma or mental illness does not have to distress or damage a relationship if both partners are committed to an open line of communication.

Empathy is also an important component. If you have never experienced what they have gone through, it’s hard to understand. But you can still make it clear that you hear them, you accept them, and you validate their feelings. (This can be very difficult if their bad feelings are directed at you, but with love and practice, it can be done.) This brings us to the next point.

Don’t Take It Personally

This can be extremely challenging. When disagreements arise, or they simply have an emotional crisis eruption, they may easily turn their frustrations onto you. And just like you can’t fix them, you didn’t break them. It is not your fault.

Whatever verbal tirade they throw at you, keep in mind their words and actions are not a reflection of their feelings towards you but, instead, a manifestation of the severe mental and emotional pain they are suffering. 

What I can caution you about, though, is not reacting in a defensive manner or lashing back out. Realize they are having a moment and allow them space and time to decompress. You may need to remove yourself from the situation for that to happen. Or you may just need to quietly be there for them as they calm down. Only time and experience will reveal how to best help them and, in turn, help the relationship. 

But as a side note - These meltdowns do not give them permission to mistreat you!

Respect And Loyalty Are Still Non-Negotiable

As humans, we often look for excuses to our bad behaviors. For someone with mental illness it can often be used as a crutch or ‘reason’ why they acted out. While there may be some truth to that, the bottom line is baseline respect and loyalty are non-negotiable within the relationship.

They cannot use their condition as a ‘get out of the doghouse free’ pass when they cross the line. They must be held to the same standards of any healthy relationship. If they are unable or unwilling, to take on that responsibility, you are not bound to endure abusive or disrespectful behavior.

You, in turn, must afford them the same courtesies. You should never belittle them because of their illness or use it against them to make them feel inferior or weak. That is cruel and they in turn should walk away from anyone who treats them this way.

My Hopefuls, people who suffer from mental illness deserve love and healthy relationships. They are not broken or defective. Their hearts are capable of giving as well as receiving love. 

This does not mean you should feel obligated to pursue a relationship with someone just to prove you are compassionate. But it does mean a mental health diagnosis is not something to run from if you are attracted to another person. Compassion, empathy, communication, and good old fashion LOVE can prevail. 

And as always......

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Relationship Advice From Termites - Lose Your Wings

While working on a blog article for a pest control company I came across a tidbit of information that I thought was quite interesting. Never one to keep such pearls of wisdom to myself, I decided to share it with you.

If you want to know a secret to a long-lasting marriage, look no further than wood chomping insect hopefully NOT hiding out in your walls.

The Mating Ritual

Termites live in colonies that are led by a king and queen. (That in and of itself is noteworthy, and will be expanded on later.) When a colony exceeds its size threshold and it is time for new colonies to be formed, termites start their ‘swarming' season.

Termites are born with wings. During the swarming season, they fly around looking for a mate. When the love ‘bug’ bites and they choose their termite spouse, they then go set up house in a tasty wood bungalow alone. And get this, as soon as they enter, their wings fall off at the door.

What?? And why, may you ask, does that happen? Because the new termite union no longer needs them. They have found their forever home.

Ok, that might have been a little long on the sappy, but the point was just too good to pass up. If a termite can figure out how to stay committed and faithful, it shouldn’t be so hard for us humans.

The Swarming Season

Dating in today’s world can certainly seem like a swarming season. There is a whirlwind of dating apps, texts, online chats, etc, and so forth. There is an abundance of possibilities, and it takes time and a clear head and heart to make the right choice.

Don’t fall for the first pretty set of wings that come your way. Your king or queen is out there, you just need to make sure you hold out for the one worthy of letting go of your wings.

And just because so many others are swarming out there with you, don’t be in a rush. The right one will find you. Overlooking red flags and moving too quickly is a dangerous combination that will surely set you up for disaster, if not failure. Do your due diligence and reap the reward.

Then, just like that sawdust chewing ant clone, once you have chosen someone to go through life with, it’s time to remove your wings. No safety net. No escape route. (Now, let me just add this, so there is no mistake on my position. IF the person you have chosen turns out to be mean, unstable, or a dangerous partner, do not continue to live in fear or intimidation. If you can't fly, then run, walk, or crawl back out into the sunlight.)

How To Remove Your Wings

It is now time to settle in and give it your all. Here are some things that will help.

Delete Your Ex's Information

Your ex is an ex for a reason. Whether you called it quits, or they broke your heart, they are in the rearview mirror. There is generally no reason to keep their contact information stored in your phone. (And that includes photos and texts). When things get rough at home (and they will occasionally), it will be too easy to get back in touch. What you may call a simple text just to ‘say hi’, could open the door to a ton of problems.

Of course, if you want to reconnect with someone it is easy enough to do even if you do delete their information, but the process itself shows good faith and moving forward in the right direction.

On a side note, stay out of your high school yearbook. There is story after story of someone contacting their high school sweetheart through social media to see how they are. While this seems sweet and innocent enough, it can easily trigger old feelings. Seldom do those connections lead to anything fulfilling, and they can actually do damage to your current relationship.

Don’t Willingly Follow Temptation

Temptation is going to find you. It just is. It might be a new co-worker, the teller at the bank, or the Amazon driver for all your new online shopping sprees. It doesn’t matter who it is, it is what you do when you recognize it.

SHUT IT DOWN

We all like to feel attractive, valued, and remembered. But you can’t get validation from someone who still has their wings. Be friendly, stay cordial, and keep your distance if any feelings start to bubble up on either side. Trust me, the sooner you do that, the easier it will be to stop.

Treat Your Partner Like a King or Queen

In the article I read for my research it said the King Termite took care of the Queen. (I promise, I’m just passing along what I read.) And while I love that idea, I understand it should be a two-way street. It is not just the responsibility of one person to hold up the relationship.

If you have done a good job at picking a partner, and then set about to make them feel warm, respected, and loved, I’m betting your old musty, shriveled up wings will be the last thing on your mind. Your focus will be on their happiness, and theirs will be yours. Neither one of you will be looking for an escape hatch.

My Hopefuls, I am all too familiar with the struggles of a long term relationship. The added stresses of today’s world will also take a toll on even the strongest of unions. It is not my intention to throw a few words out into the atmosphere and believe all will be romantic and rosy.

But it is my intention to shed a little light on one simple truth that I discovered in an unlikely place in nature. Even termites understand the importance of commitment. Even termites know the value of discarded the one thing they could use to bail when things got rough.

Even termites know to LOSE THE WINGS!

And now so do YOU!!

And, as always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out!

www. hopeboulevard.com

Are We Still Really The Land Of The Free And The Home Of The Brave?

In 2020, I'm not so sure anymore. 

I love America. I'm not particularly political, but I am all in patriotic. And I'm not ashamed of being that way. But I am, at this point and time, pretty confused. 

I'm no expert, but it feels as if America has been sucker-punched. And I'm not a conspiracy theorist or suspicious by nature. I just believe we are starting to lose our way. 

For starters, for living in the land of the free, almost everyone is afraid. And living in fear is not living in freedom. 

Some people are afraid to go anywhere without wearing a mask. 

Others don't want to wear masks, but are afraid of being told they are selfish if they don't. 

Black people are afraid of being a victim of racism. 

Almost everyone else is afraid to say or do anything that might be thought of as racism. 

Peaceful protestors are afraid of being harassed by bad police. 

Good police officers are afraid of being targeted and attacked by violent protestors. 

Many people are afraid to drive through the streets of their own cities for concern of being blocked or attacked. 

People are afraid to voice an opinion too loudly at the risk of being misunderstood and losing friends, jobs, or family. 

People are quickly and quietly being 'forced' to take a 'side', without understanding what each side is actually fighting against or standing for. And heaven help us all if you pick the 'wrong' side. 

None of those things sound like the land of the free. It sounds like chaos that has been left unchecked. And it feels like the bully mentality has taken over. 

And what about bravery? Where does that come in? 

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to stand up to fear and fight for what you believe in. That's how and why our nation was founded in the first place. 

The problem with bravery is that bullies can't stand it and try to tear it down. 

Bullies come in all colors, cultures, economic status, and political affiliation. 

Burning down a business and looting is the act of a bully. 

Controlling people by mass fear is the act of a bully. 

Mistreating someone, or a group of someones, because of the color of their skin is the act of a bully. 

Pretending you can re-write laws, history and decency is the act of a bully. 

So what are we to do?? 

Perfect love casts out all fear. And yes, that is a Biblical reference. And yes, that actually needs to be our first step. Once again becoming one nation under God. And from there, these steps of love. 

If you have hurt someone, make it right. Without being forced to. Without being shamed into it because it was caught on video. Just do the right thing. You don't have to pay for the mistakes of others, but you should make amends for your own. 

If someone has hurt you, find a way to heal. You can tell that person and give them a chance to accept what they did and fix things. But you can't make them. You can, however, choose to walk away from that person. No one has the right to continue to mistreat you. But what YOU don't have the right to do is make everyone else around you pay either. You can't become bitter, suspicious, and abrasive to all for the acts of one. There are ways to heal, and you owe it to yourself to find them. 

If you see someone hurting another, take a stand. Say something. Do something. Protest if you must. But stay focused on what you are protesting. Stay committed to the true cause. And when others use your bandwagon to play their music, call them on it. They have to find their own bandwagon and not hijack yours or your message. 

We have made a mistake in telling everyone they get a trophy for participating. You are not entitled to a trophy for showing up in this life. 

You were given one life. Not everyone is given the same circumstances, advantages, gifts, and talents, but everyone is given a chance. What are you doing with yours? 

Are you taking the steps to make it better? Are you learning what you can to have the facts? Are you committed to living your best life despite what anyone else says? Are you willing to take responsibility for your corner of the world? 

My Hopefuls, we still DO live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. And don't let anyone take that away. Be true to yourself. Do you. Be respectful of others, but stand for what you believe. Don't fall for the tactics of bullies, and never become one yourself. 

Be as brave as you need to be so you can be as free as you want to be.  

And as always.....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

 

Black  

Both Of Their Lives Matter To Me - How We Forgot The Golden Rule

Meet my two beautiful grandsons. I am very blessed to be their MeMe. 

And I can promise you that both of their lives matter a great deal to me. 

As you can tell, my older grandson is white and my younger one is bi-racial. 

I have watched the events of the last several weeks unfold with confusion and a little bit of a broken heart. These are my thoughts, for whatever they may be worth to anyone. But I hope one day, they will be worth a lot to my grandsons. 

I may not have everything right, but my heart's in the right place. 

I am 55 years old and spent much of my life in the south in a predominantly black county. It is the county that my parents grew up in and where I raised my two daughters. There may have been some racial tension, but I honestly don't remember much. 

When my daughters started elementary school, one was the only white girl in her class, and the other was the only white child in her class. And I can tell you that racism isn't a trait someone is born with. Because neither one of them had any problems there at that age. 

Racism is taught. And not just by white people. And I'm not defending anyone or anything, I'm just saying that parents and culture have a huge influence on children and the adults they soon become. 

Jokes, TV shows, comments made when you think no one is listening, conversations with others, reactions to events; all of these things are witnessed by our children and leave an impression. We can preach one thing all we want, but they will pick up on what they see and hear from us in our daily lives. 

We owe it to future generations to be aware and diligent and purposeful in our goal to teach love and respect to everyone, regardless of skin color, culture, or ethnicity. 

My oldest grandson's father is a police officer. My youngest grandson's father is a black man. Does that mean my grandsons will not get along? I absolutely cannot bear that thought. Right now they love each other unconditionally and immeasurably. And I'm going to do my best to keep it that way. 

My oldest grandson is not going to be taught to be suspicious of someone just because their skin tone is different from his. And my youngest grandson is not going to be taught to be afraid of someone in a blue uniform and a badge. 

It starts with us, the adults. The generational experience, of both good and bad, start with how we raise our children. Unfortunately, not all parents act like adults. And that is a huge problem from the get-go. And often parents pass down traditions, biases, and sentiments without stopping to examine if they are positive and serve a greater purpose. 

The Golden Rule is a fairly simple concept. Treat others the way you want to be treated. In one of the greatest nations in the world, why is that so hard to understand? 

We must do better. The future for our children and our grandchildren depend on it. 

My parents grew up in the depression and they literally had nothing. They worked hard all their lives and provided the best they could, but we were not rich by any means. I wore hand made clothes and learned never to ask for the latest of anything because money was not to be wasted on foolish things. 

I am not asking you to feel sorry for me. I was happy. I was loved. But it never occurred to me that I was 'privileged'. And I know that means something different in this arena. That the term represents the ease at which opportunity is available or nods of acceptance more freely given. 

And maybe they were, and I didn't see it or recognize it as such. I have always believed I am the product of my decisions and earned my way. My first job was in the tobacco fields, with as many blacks as whites. My second job was as a waitress, where I served just as many blacks as whites. I have made decisions, some good, many bad when I was younger. I have been homeless, penniless, and then one day a single mom with two small children, working multiple jobs to keep the bills paid. 

Again, I'm not asking for sympathy, nor am I comparing myself to those who have suffered discrimination or harassment, or worse because of the color of their skin. I know racism exists, in all walks of life, jobs, and cultures. And it breaks my heart.

What also breaks my heart is the amount of hate and discord that is being spread at an alarming rate over social media, the news, and in person. Good people, honest people, kind people are fighting each other because we, as a country, are scared. 

Scared of losing our freedoms in an attempt to secure freedom for all. Scared of going too far in the other direction to prove we understand. Scared of calling right/right and wrong/wrong because we never truly know what to believe. Scared of the manipulation and downright ignorance in some cases that run freely and openly on both sides. 

And I'm scared for the world now that my grandsons are growing up in. I used to just worry about bullies, the school system, and maybe even how the economy would affect their lives. Now I'm worried that my oldest grandson will be vilified or targeted because his father is a cop, even though that sweet child had nothing to do with that. I'm worried that my youngest grandson will always be seen as either "half" white or "half" black, and not the whole beautiful boy that he is. 

And the experiences that await them will come from, in part, by how we as a society handle what is going on now. And we are handling it terribly. On both sides. Everyone would rather point fingers and show statistics and graphs to prove they are right, then to actually work together to help the ones who really need the help. 

And I guess I'm part of the problem because I don't have a solution. Because the solution involves mature, clear-headed, reasonable people coming together and requiring better of themselves and those around them. And I don't see much of those characteristics on display. We have gotten way off course. 

My Hopefuls, I can only pray every day that God sends healing to our land and our hearts. That people see the value of love over hate and acceptance over ignorance. That we have the discernment to recognize when we are being played or lied to, no matter the source, no matter the side. That we use wisdom in how we deal with people. That our conduct is based on basic goodness and being fair. 

It can, and should, start with me. I pledge to do that. For my innocent and beautiful grandsons. 

Will you join me? 

And as always (even in these times, and even more because of these times)....

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com

What I Discovered About Being A Mom

It's hard. Sometimes being a mom is hard.

There I said it.

Is it worth it? A resounding YES! But make no mistake there will be days that test your sanity, exhaust your patience, and don't even get me started about your bank account.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Not by a long shot. The best thing I ever did was to raise my two daughters. It's my one single greatest accomplishment. And along the way, I learned some valuable lessons, at least for me.

I'd like to share them with you.

No Two Children Are The Same

If you have more than one child it doesn't take long to realize that even though they all may have your DNA, they do not present the same way. 

And that's a good thing because you don't need clones running around. You want variety, a potpourri of personality if you will. The key is to discover that each child may need different things from you. 

The sensitive child may need more understanding. The hard-headed one may need a more focused direction. The introvert may need quiet time. The extrovert may need more social time. The daredevil may need to live closer to the ER. 

My point is, you must adjust your parenting style to meet the specific needs and emotional make up of each child. Discipline may not look the same, and expression of love may not either. Just as adults have love languages, so do children. Learn the love language of each child and speak it often and freely. 

Time Is More Important Than Money

We all want to give our kids the world. What we often fail to understand is that to our children, WE are the world. Our time. Our attention. 

Yes, they will want the 'latest', whatever that is depending on their age. Sometimes we can provide that for them, and sometimes we just can't. You are not failing as a mom if you can't keep up with all the brilliant marketing strategies out there designed to entice our children to want something new and different every day. 

I've heard it over and over, even from my own, that NOTHING is a substitute for love, time, and attention. They will not remember the overpriced toy or outfit you bought, but they will remember the living room blanket tents, the burnt cookies, the help with the school project, chasing the monsters from under the bed, sitting by their bed all night when they were sick, the holiday traditions, the birthday parties. 

The list is endless and you get my point. There will always be something to buy and of course, you want your children to have beautiful things, but beautiful memories are priceless. 

It Is Ok To Be Selfish (Sometimes)

So there is one piece of cake left. What do you do? Share it so everyone gets a taste? NO. Take that piece of cake and enjoy every bite. 

That might seem like a trivial example, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to completely disappear as a person just because you have children. There are things you still want to do, need to do. You still have a life. 

Now, that life will look different now because you do need to make your children's needs a priority and that will involve sacrifice of both time, wants and money. But don't lose yourself in the process. You can pick the restaurant sometimes. The movie. The weekend plans. These are not only healthy for you but learning lessons for your kids that life does not always revolve around them. 

And it is ok to take time to be alone and recharge. Now you have to be wise and responsible with the care of the kids, but YOU time is allowed. I'll write the permission slip myself if that will help. If you drain every bit of energy on the care of others, you will soon be of no good to anyone. Trust me on this. 

You Never Stop Being A Mom

My daughters are grown now with children of their own. And while I respect and (try) to treat them as adults, I still see them as skinned knee little girls with chocolate milk mustaches and running in the house to show me something they found in the yard or telling me about an adventure with their granddaddy. 

I still worry about them. Lose sleep over them. Give them advice (sometimes unwanted, lol). I am not trying to keep them children, but you can't just turn off the mom switch. And I would never want to. 

What I love about having adult children is the ability to have adult conversations with them. I made mistakes, many of them, when they were young. I was a young, single mom, and boy did I have a lot to learn. We have talked it about. I have acknowledged my shortcomings. And for the most part, what I considered as failures on my part, did not even register on their life path. They instinctively forgave me before I even knew to ask. 

Mother's Day Is Every Day

I know we pick one day a year to celebrate moms. And I'm all for that. My mom was an amazing woman and I love to use this day to take a moment and reflect and remember. 

But once you become a mom, every day is mother's day. 

I became a mom at the young age of just 20. I'm 55, so that's a lot of mother's days. And I cherish every one. I haven't always been a good example, and the three of us have been through some times, but the love, laughter, and memories are my driving force and I'm forever thankful and humbled by them. 

Family doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. Your children don't have to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist in the human realm. 

Just love fiercely. 

Find joy in the little things. 

And always....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

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Embrace The Setback (How To Handle Failure)

I may be preaching to a choir of one today (myself), but if that’s the case; so be it.

This past week I encountered a series of setbacks. Nothing profound or catastrophic, just some projects I have been working on and for the life of me I can’t seem to get them right or completed. I’ve questioned my competence and even my will to continue. I considered (briefly) giving up, but being the stubborn and hardheaded type, I decided to press on. As of this writing I still have not successfully accomplished my goals, but I did want to pass along some insights I’ve uncovered in the process.

First of all, I have decided that it is ok to embrace the discouragement. In a weird twist of blog confirmation, as I was watching my DVR’d latest episode of This Is Us; teenage Kevin so eloquently declared, “Sometimes you just want to feel bummed.” We are consistently bombarded with messages of positivity and told to resist and rebuke the negative. I am offering the suggestion that maybe, for a reason and a season, we should set our parking brake on that exact spot of disappointment. Soaking up those feelings often provides the fuel for our next steps. We can’t fully appreciate the win without a few losses. What immediately follows the crushing weight of defeat is the sudden appearance of a crossroads. The easy path, of course, would be to take the short exit to surrender. (Which, I’ve already decided against, and so should you.) The longer, less traveled, route is one of perseverance. We must double down on our efforts, research other options, or even ask for help.  The sting and irritation should be the catalyst to continue to try again, because the victory after a hard-fought battle is certainly sweeter than a trophy handed out for just showing up.

Of course, I would prefer that everything I attempted worked out beautifully the first time. Who wouldn’t? Reality, however, has taught me this is seldom the case. But it is also in these moments where growth begins, and growing pains often accompany this process. If you are experiencing difficulty in a certain area or task in your life; that most likely means you are trying something new. That’s wonderful! We should all be willing to expand our boundaries and take on challenges. If it is a new hobby, don’t expect to be a pro right off the bat. If you are committed to a healthier lifestyle and making better choices, don’t beat yourself up if you slip every now and then. Whatever you are working on, keep plugging away even when it’s messy, takes longer than you thought, or no one is around to cheer you on. Be your own cheerleader and believe in the personal satisfaction that will come with the effort.

I have one other interesting tidbit of knowledge about the word ‘setback’. It is also an architectural

term. It is defined as a recess in the upper part of a structure to allow light and air to reach the bottom of the building. It is a process that also lowers the building’s total center of mass, redistributing the load of gravity so it becomes more stabilized. (A very well-known example is The Empire State Building.)

Do get what I’m saying here? A setback that we encounter in our life can have the same effect on us. Disappointments and challenges serve to keep us in balance by redistributing our efforts. They force us to test our limits and strive to complete a task. Accomplishments and goal winning provide a stable foundation for our self-worth and belief in ourselves. If we never overcome an obstacle, we will never believe we can. It also works in the pay it forward department, because once you realize you can, it puts you in the position of encouraging others that they can as well. Which is hopefully where I come in.

My Hopefuls, I do not know what difficulties each of you are facing, but I am confident that most are experiencing some sort of challenge. I know all too well the frustration that can materialize when, despite all your best efforts, things still do not work out the way you want them to. I wish I had an easy answer or magic wand, but I have neither. What I do have is a decent understanding of the human will. If we believe what we are working on, or fighting for, is worth it, we will keep on keeping on. Whether it is an educational goal, career move, personal accomplishment, or even a relationship issue, we must press forward. Use the disappointments as leverage. Claim the setback as motivation. Determine to beat failure at its own game. I am confident in your abilities to succeed. And one other thing, this process or challenge is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not fall into thinking there will always be a quick resolution. Sometimes it happens, but often there is patience and time required. Put in work required and wait.

As I leave you now to restart my own efforts, I trust you are renewed in your determination to try again as well. I would love to hear back on your successes and I will certainly be there for you in the failures. At the end of day, we are all in this together and we need each other. Do not let the disappointments in life rob you of joy. We all experience them and we can all overcome them. Release that parking brake now and plow ahead. And while you are at it……

Always….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out!

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Overwhelmed? Discouraged? Anxious? Listen To Your Inside Voice

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and anxious? Don’t be ashamed to admit it, I know I am at times. The world around us can be maddening. And loud. Every day there are chores, responsibilities and a seemingly endless onslaught of bad news and images on our TVs and phones. We race from home to work, to appointment, to school, to our kid’s school, back to work, don’t forget the grocery store, and then home again where laundry, bills and dogs to be walked await us before we fall into an exhausted haze that we convince ourselves is a restful sleep. Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe we don’t all experience these things every day, but many of us truly know the feeling of being overwhelmed; like there are not enough hours in the day or energy in the emotional tank to handle what life throws at us. What are we to do then? What choices and options can we embrace to aid in feeling less overwhelmed in our lives? My Hopefuls, the one I recommend today is actually found within each and every one of us; and it is the ability to quiet the noise and listen to your ‘inside voice’; also known as believing in yourself.

That might sound a bit fantastical and maybe even unattainable, because most of our lives we are conditioned to listen to the ‘outside voices’; the voices of those around us who we try to please and aspire to be like. We read books, watch podcasts and scroll past memes all designed to motivate us to work harder, dig deeper and the golden prize is just around the corner. Don’t get me wrong, I love inspiration. I love giving it and I love being on the receiving end, but all of the encouragement in the world will bounce right off if I am not prepared to accept it, and that starts with having a solid foundation of self-love and belief in myself.

Somewhere along the way we have lost the ability to communicate with ourselves. I don’t mean the rambling pep talks we give to the mirror getting dressed for our day. No, I’m talking about sincere times of reflection where we shut out the chaos and really listen to our heart. Parent’s use the term ‘inside voice’ to describe a level of volume for their children that is acceptable and pleasing within an enclosed environment. I suggest that each of us have an emotional inside voice that, if listened to, will bring us self-acceptance and a pleasing outcome. How does this help to reduce stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed? Let’s take a look at a few examples.

Learn To Say No. If your inside voice says that you do not have the time or energy (or maybe even the finances) to participate in an event, fund-raiser, get-together, project meeting, volunteering, etc; learn to bow out gracefully, without excuses. You do not have to agree to do or attend everything asked of you. Yes, it can be flattering, or maybe you feel obligated, or worse, selfishly believe it wouldn’t be the ‘same’ without you, however you owe it to yourself to space out your activities and set aside some down time for relaxing and refreshing. The world will continue to spin if you are not on the axis, I promise.

Learn To Say Yes. Saying yes can be a wonderful mood lifter. Say yes to that outfit or new pair of hiking boots that you have been looking at and even saving for. Say yes to the movie marathon on a cold, wintry day with comfort food, throw pillows and your favorite blanket. Or say yes to your often discussed plan to go visit an old friend or a new city, even if it means going alone. Giving yourself permission to follow your heart’s plan occasionally will reduce stress, lower anxiety and give you a fresh new outlook on life. I do not wish for anyone to act irresponsible with money, hurtful to others, or be careless, but it’s ok to allow for fun and joy in our lives.

Learn To Say I Will. Oftentimes we need to not only listen to our inside voice, we need to speak life and truth to ourselves; out loud. It may sound silly to you, but I suggest going back to the mirror for this exercise. Everyone has their own unique set of ‘wills’, but stand in front of your reflection and proclaim them. “I will be brave.” “I will stand up for myself.” “I will follow that dream.” “I will say I’m sorry”. “I will forgive.” “I will ask for that raise.” “I will try again.” “I will be honest about my feelings.” The list is endless and encompasses anything in your life/love/world that is important to you. Taking the step to make these commitments out loud will propel you in that direction with determination. Test me on this.

My Hopefuls, I understand that feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed are real issues that many of us deal with in our daily lives. Faith and the love of others can go a long way in helping, and my ideas are just some additional strategies. I am not suggesting they are a quick fix or magic pill, but I do believe in the power of YOU. You are stronger than you know. You have been equipped with wisdom and insight into what motivates, inspires and makes you happy. Your responsibility is to LISTEN to your inner voice and then BELIEVE in yourself. Stop looking to others for validation and approval. Don’t judge your failures, or successes, by another’s. The world’s outside voices will drown you in the noise if you allow it. So don’t!

Take a few minutes today to shut out the chaos and truly listen to what your inside voice is telling you. I promise it will change your outlook.

And always remember to:

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

 
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