The Journey Of Your Words - Where Are They Taking You?

We are a world of words. They are everywhere. 

24 hour news cycles. 

Endless social media streaming. 

Tik-Tok Fever (Not sure how the sound of a clock became the name of the fastest rising video sharing service.)

We are showered with words, thoughts, ideas, agendas, philosophies, opinions, and viewpoints in an endless cycle. 

So what is the aftermath of all this information? What is the consequence of all those words? 

Life Is A Journey of Words

One of the first sounds most newborns hear is the sweet voice of their mother. This sound (vibration) literally follows them the rest of their life. The longing to hear the sound of your mother's voice never goes away. 

Soon after, the race is on to teach that precious child as many words as possible. 

Children develop their first ideas about the world from their parents. Right or wrong, good or bad. Their consciousness is shaped by the very words overheard at the dinner table, in the car, and even through closed doors in hushed tones. 

A victim mentality, all types of prejudices, intolerance, bias etc - these are not genetic traits. No one is born having those thoughts or reactions. They are learned and/or followed behaviors. (The same holds true for kindness, charity, thoughtfulness, acceptance, etc.)

And they are learned to a great extent through WORDS. 

The good news is that not all children who grow up hearing words of hate grow up to hate. Some do develop the interest and curiosity to expand their view. They widen their circle and set out to discover the words of others and from different opinions. 

I recently read, and re-quoted, a phrase that simply said "you can't change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around". 

The Words You Hear

Words are little seeds looking for a place to be planted, take root, and grow into ideas. 

As mentioned above, a child's mind and heart are extremely fertile ground and those seeds settle quickly and sprout. They really have no choice to control what they hear or what's planted and it can be a long and deliberate process to pluck out the bad. 

Children who were told they weren't good enough, smart enough, attractive enough grow up to believe they are inferior and typically align themselves with partners who reinforce those beliefs. 

Children who grow up in a polarizing and prejudice atmosphere are more likely to carry on those beliefs. 

The words you hear help steer your life's journey. Where have you traveled based on the negativity or affirmation you received? Did you travel down a road towards happiness? Or did you take a detour into self-doubt and get stuck in fear and confusion? 

The good news about the adult brain is that the ground is less fertile and we have more power than we think to control what takes root. 

You are NOT the sum of the WORDS someone says about you. You are not destined to journey towards despair and the bleak. 

Today is the day you can begin to re-write the story of your life. To choose different WORDS to re-shape and re-define the person you want to become. You are not tied to a specific destination. 

Re-set your internal GPS with WORDS of hope and encouragement and joy!

The Words You Say

In the same way that the words of others impact you, your WORDS have the same power over others. 

Every time you speak to someone you have the choice to offer encouragement, wisdom, love - OR you can choose to plant fear, disharmony, strife. 

Not only can words map out your destination, you can lead others as well. You can take them with you to opportunity or mire them down in defeat. 

Oh, but you say, I can't help it. I am who I am. People have to 'deal'. This is only true if you are a robot, which I highly doubt any form of artificial intelligence would take their time to read my blog. 

You DO have the power to change your outlook and your words. 

How do you speak to your partner? Are you affirming? Loving? Encouraging? 

What words do your children hear most out of your mouth? Do they inspire? Teach? Guide? Uplift? 

It is not my intention to hammer away with MY words and make you feel bad. But it is my goal to help you examine the far-reaching vines of your interactions with others. 

We all can do better. 

The Words You Tell Yourself

Sometimes the most damaging words that fall on our ears come out of our own mouth. 

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

Sometimes it's a product of what we have heard others say to us. Other times is it buying into hype on social media about what we should have, be, think, or look like. 

When we fail to measure up to someone else's standard, we often berate and ridicule ourselves. Saying things in the mirror we would never say to anyone else. 

Listen to me.... Your goal is never measured by another's. The benchmarks you set for your career, health, style, relationships, and dreams should be driven by what's in YOUR heart. 

You MUST speak words of acceptance and value and inspiration to yourself even if no one else ever does. 

The Truth  

What I am suggesting is not easy. I don't pretend to say it is. Blocking out any negative you hear. Being mindful of what you say. Becoming your own best friend. The truth is - it will take diligence and purpose. 

Those roots can run deep and the roadway so familiar the thought of anything else is overwhelming. But my dear Hopefuls, I do want you to understand that change IS possible. That good IS around the bend. That you ARE deserving of happiness, peace, and HOPE!

If nothing else, I HOPE these words brought reassurance and comfort to your life today. 

I trust the journey of your words lead you to JOY!

And as always....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Clothing Required - And Other Remote Learning Tips For Parents

Ok, I admit my experience with remote learning is limited to three days with my 9-year-old grandson. So I don't claim to be an expert. 

I do claim to have been highly frustrated with the process.  

It is my humble opinion that remote learning does a great disservice for younger (elementary age) children. They are not mature enough to understand or deal with this situation and so many are falling through the cracks. 

Many school systems were ill-prepared, if at all, and there is way too much responsibility put on the parent and the child to perform the duties of the education system. 

Now that I have said my peace, let me step down from my soapbox and offer some practical advice for those parents (and grandparents) who still wade in these waters every day to help their children learn. 

1. Wear Clothes

Now I did not personally have this problem, but I have heard the stories. Zoom classrooms use cameras. Cameras see things. And in the case of parents who forget this tiny detail, Johnny, all these classmates, and the teacher are seeing quite a bit more than they expected. 

This holds true for those who have been driven to day-drinking. I strongly recommend refraining from that activity. The teacher does not need your visual aid assistance with upending a bottle of Chardonnay during science class. 

Yes, you may be in your home. And yes, you technically have the right to walk around how you please and do what you please. However, the world is watching. Literally. Be mindful of where you are in regards to the Chromebook camera and dress and behave accordingly. 

TIP: Have a designated area for 'school'. Ideally, it should not be a bedroom if at all possible. The kitchen or dining room table is a good option. If you have a home office or study, that is also great. And if you have more than one child, try to give each one their own area so they can concentrate. 

I saw kids on their beds or on the living couch. This is not conducive to paying attention or learning. They were moving around, laying down, playing with pillows. Yes, you want your child comfortable, but they should have some semblance of a desk and be able to sit upright in a chair. If kids could learn on couches their school rooms would look like a Hilton Inn lounge. 

2. Stay Off Your Phone

In addition to cameras, those Chromebooks have microphones. So the argument with your spouse is now being broadcast to the entire 6th grade. Or that budgetary meeting with your boss is being heard. And don't think the juicy piece of gossip about Amanda's mom and the Fed Ex driver will stay a secret very long. 

You would not go into your child's classroom and start talking on the phone. So don't do it when they are doing remote learning. Even if no one else can hear you, your child probably can. And it is distracting. It is difficult enough to learn common core math on a good day. Having to filter out your latest personal tragedy does not help. And trust me, you don't want the teacher to tell you to SHHH!

TIP: Teach your kids to mute. Unless they have a specific question to ask and the opportunity to ask it, the Chromebook should be on mute. 

Part of the chaos with my grandson's remote zoom class was that almost all the kids had their microphones on. That meant everyone else, including the teacher, could hear whatever was going on. From some kids playing with their dogs, to grandma's singing, to someone watching The Today Show. 

You know the commercials that show too many conversations going on in someone's head and that person going insane. Yes, it's just like that. 

This also made it very hard for the teacher to do her job. She was unable to hear a specific question or concern that a particular child was having. They had to repeat the issue. She had to repeat the solution. Not only was it irritating to listen to, it wasted ALOT of time. 

Just MUTE!

3. Don't Take Your Frustrations Out On The Teacher

I can pretty much assure you, they don't like this any more than you do. They did not sign up to be a TV moderator, family therapist, or computer technician. Yes, they are prepared to stand before you children and teach, but remote learning puts such an added strain on their full plates. 

As parents (and grandparents), we have many concerns. There are technical glitches, missed meetings, lost assignments, unclear directives, and the list goes on. As humans it is tempting to take those frustrations out on the messenger. That's unfair and unproductive. 

Yes, you are entitled to know what is going on with your child's education. And you and your child should have clear instructions on when to attend zoom meetings, where to find assignments, and how and when to turn them in. But you may want to give the teacher's a break from time to time. 

TIP: Set up a line of communication with the teacher. The vast majority of teachers got into this profession to actually teach. So their goal is to be as effective as possible. They are frustrated, confused, and trying to learn new tricks as well. They WANT your child to succeed and they understand you need to be involved. 

For me, I asked for the teacher's phone number so we could communicate by text. This worked out very well. When I didn't understand something, I could simply ask. She didn't always have time to respond immediately, but she always responded. When I explained a few issues we were having, she was patient and worked with me to solve the problem. 

If you approach your child's teacher with respect and civility, it will go a long way. They are not the problem. I can't promise all of them will give you their cell phone number, but simply ask if there is a way to communicate questions and concerns. If they see you are trying to be on the same team, they will welcome the input. 

4. Understand Your Child Is Not An IT Specialist (And Probably Neither Is The Teacher)

One of the greatest challenges for younger children is just learning to operate the Chromebook itself. Yes, kids are way smarter with phones and apps than some of us older folks, but if they have never used a Chromebook, it takes a minute. 

They must also learn the online software and programs for the lessons and assignments. I have a friend whose son did all his work, but didn't understand how to transfer and send it back correctly. The teacher got a blank worksheet back. He was allowed to do it again, but it was still frustrating. 

And depending on the Wi-Fi connection, that brings a brand new set of problems. There will be lost connections and possible delays in transmitting and receiving information. 

This creates a huge added stressor to the child. They are just trying to get through the third, fourth, or fifth (etc) grade. They are not applying to work at Microsoft. I heard one child openly crying because they could not get the computer to work right. 

I understand this will not be an issue for all kids, especially older ones, but many elementary school-aged children will struggle with just learning the equipment. 

TIP: Take a few minutes yourself to get familiar with your child's device. If you already know, that's great! Now spend a few more minutes learning the software and all aspects of what is expected of your child. Once YOU have it down, teach it to your child. Do this when 'school' is not in session. 

Be patient and remember they are not IT professionals at this age. If you take the time to show them how to maneuver the Chromebook and the software, they will be able to settle down and concentrate on learning the actual lesson for the day. 

My Hopefuls, I am certainly glad this is not something I have to deal with every day. And for those of you who do, I empathize with you. 

I hate that our children are being denied their standard in-classroom education and social interaction with their peers. Unfortunately, there is little I can do. 

But I felt it important and necessary to pass along the wee bit of knowledge and experience I obtained in my three days of remote learning. And if you remember nothing about this blog, remember to 

KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON!

And as always...

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

How To Be - Happy Is As Happy Does – Life Lessons From A Country Song

 

It has been said that most of our life experiences have ended up as a country song.

Being someone who likes country music, I find that statement somewhat true.

Being someone who likes Kenny Chesney, I found his latest song hit right on the mark with how I feel about the world, in general, these days. There have been several songs released in all musical genres to try and capture an artist’s view of today’s events. I have no idea when this song was actually written, but today, my advice for you comes straight from the lyrics of his song.

Don’t Look Too Long In The Rear View

Some find it in the scripture or a Polaroid picture
Or flip a coin, heads, you're goin' to Tucson, Arizona
But it sure ain't in the lookin' back on the stuff you never did
Sometimes you're gonna feel that, but life is better when

Life is better when you don’t look back. Your life now is a product of the decisions you have made so far. The good ones enriched you, and the bad ones educated you. It is a waste of time to dwell on the past. If you have always wanted to do something – go for it. The future is yours to create.

You can find comfort in memories, but that’s not where you live. Make the most of each day you are given. Tomorrow is not promised. Today is a blank page to write your very own life’s best seller.

Don’t Judge Yourself (Or Others) By Their Social Media

Contentment is the cornerstone of happiness. The key to contentment is not being jealous of what other people have or do. Social media is like those distorted mirrors in a funhouse. Things are never really quite how they appear.

Be very careful not to feel envy or resentment for the ‘lucky’ ones. We can all be creative with the little world that everyone else sees on their phone screen.

I am as guilty as everyone else. I post my best side. My greatest victories. The good hair days. Why? I want someone to be impressed. Why? I don’t know! If I’m happy with my side, victories, and hair what difference does it make who else is? And if I’m not happy with it, having someone ‘like’ it, won’t help me one bit.

I am not saying we all need to ditch our social media accounts (although a little less time spent on them each day might help), but I am saying we need to read between the lines (and posts).

Everyone else in the world does not have it all together either. Their children are not all scholars and their spouses are not all Hallmark movie characters. They have struggles, insecurities, and disappointments just like you do.

Be happy with who YOU are and what YOU have and then be happy for the good fortune of others as well.  

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear/Read

Common sense is not very common these days. I did a little research to see if this was a trait that could be taught, or if everyone just got what they got.

Turns out, in some aspects, it can be taught. The definition of common sense is ‘good and sound judgment in practical matters'. Another description was “a form of practical decision-making and the ability to realize the consequences for every action you take.”

It is a combination of experience and applied knowledge. My theory on why so many people today lack in common sense is they were never taught (or made) to learn from their experiences and adapt good decision making skills.

If a child grows up having all their decisions made for them, and never having to experience defeat, a loss, disappointment or the consequence of a bad decision, they will be severely stunted in the common sense department.

Parents have a protective desire to shield their children from pain, but as a society we have gone too far in some areas and many have been raised ill-equipped to handle what life throws at them. Without a solid base of experience and consequences, they enter the world believing whatever is put in front of them.

There is a website/opinion/article/post to support almost every argument out there today.

The trick isn’t finding something to believe it. The trick is finding something that is believable.

My Hopefuls, it doesn’t take long to find something distressing, frustrating, and even scary about today’s world. And even though we need to be mindful and aware, we can’t allow it to defeat us.

Wisdom is required for sure. A solid foundation for your values and causes. A willingness to spread hope, kindness, and truth. And then you can sing along with Kenny…..

Happy is as happy does

Grab a six-string, find a rope swing
Hang a palm tree in your truck
Steal a slow dance in a rainstorm
And a kiss from who you love
Laugh and live with a half-full cup
'Cause, happy is as happy does

And as always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

 

Tips For Dating Someone With A Mental Illness

We have all dated someone we later called ‘crazy’. Whether that was a true reflection of their mental health issues (probably not) or a random statement regarding our personal feelings about the relationship (most likely), chances are you will again meet and date someone who suffers from a mental disorder.

The truth is 1 in 10 of us will have a mental health issue in our lifetime. My personal feeling is that number is higher, but there is still so much stigma and shame surrounding the term that many suffer in silence.

And while it is true that some mental illness is severe and not conducive to a sustainable relationship, those are not necessarily the norm. It is possible to have a loving, fun, and successful relationship with someone who is actively working on and treating their mental illness.

There are still unique challenges to making a go of it and I’ll try to address some of them here.

Were They Honest About Their Condition?

Some people live in denial about their situation, and still others are fully aware, and even treat it, but are uncomfortable sharing this information. While it is not exactly reasonable to expect someone to disclose a litany of emotional issues on the first date, if the dates continue there should be an honest discussion.

If the diagnosis is mild and they are handling with medicine and hopefully therapy, you might never know otherwise, but it is always a sign of good faith when someone is upfront. In this case, I would encourage you not to hold this against them if other characteristics and values line up. It is really no different than if they were diabetic, for example, and were correctly taking the right steps to control it.

Now if you learn of their highs and lows the hard way, and they are not properly managing their symptoms, you may wish to re-evaluate continuing your relationship journey. Please understand this:

YOUR LOVE WILL NOT CURE THEM

Love can do a lot of things. It is comforting, encouraging, uplifting, and even inspires passion. But one thing it CAN’T do is rewire the brain. If your potential love interest has a chemical imbalance, the only fix for it is proper medication and treatment. Do not be fooled or manipulated into believing their outbursts, relapses, or struggles are your fault.

(Here is where I am going to put in my disclaimer. I believe everyone deserves a chance, as long as they are honest and trying. However, unfortunately, there are some individuals with severe or untreated conditions that are not fit or ready for a relationship. Be wise and cautious when pursuing a long term commitment. Don't become a martyr or someone who enables bad behavior. If they are toxic and unhealthy, walk, or run, away.)

Can You Accept A New Normal?

Living with someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, or being bi-polar will require you to re-think how you view a ‘normal’ relationship. You will need to learn their triggers and avoid them if at all possible. And you need to be honest with yourself, and them, if their triggers or reactions are deal-breakers.

If your love interest has severe social anxiety, and you love huge gatherings and lots of interaction with people, this is not the right match for you. It doesn’t mean they are defective or you are unkind. It is simply a reality that is better addressed sooner rather than later.

Compromise is built into every successful relationship. You have traits and quirks that they must accept and adapt to as well. Emotional trauma or mental illness does not have to distress or damage a relationship if both partners are committed to an open line of communication.

Empathy is also an important component. If you have never experienced what they have gone through, it’s hard to understand. But you can still make it clear that you hear them, you accept them, and you validate their feelings. (This can be very difficult if their bad feelings are directed at you, but with love and practice, it can be done.) This brings us to the next point.

Don’t Take It Personally

This can be extremely challenging. When disagreements arise, or they simply have an emotional crisis eruption, they may easily turn their frustrations onto you. And just like you can’t fix them, you didn’t break them. It is not your fault.

Whatever verbal tirade they throw at you, keep in mind their words and actions are not a reflection of their feelings towards you but, instead, a manifestation of the severe mental and emotional pain they are suffering. 

What I can caution you about, though, is not reacting in a defensive manner or lashing back out. Realize they are having a moment and allow them space and time to decompress. You may need to remove yourself from the situation for that to happen. Or you may just need to quietly be there for them as they calm down. Only time and experience will reveal how to best help them and, in turn, help the relationship. 

But as a side note - These meltdowns do not give them permission to mistreat you!

Respect And Loyalty Are Still Non-Negotiable

As humans, we often look for excuses to our bad behaviors. For someone with mental illness it can often be used as a crutch or ‘reason’ why they acted out. While there may be some truth to that, the bottom line is baseline respect and loyalty are non-negotiable within the relationship.

They cannot use their condition as a ‘get out of the doghouse free’ pass when they cross the line. They must be held to the same standards of any healthy relationship. If they are unable or unwilling, to take on that responsibility, you are not bound to endure abusive or disrespectful behavior.

You, in turn, must afford them the same courtesies. You should never belittle them because of their illness or use it against them to make them feel inferior or weak. That is cruel and they in turn should walk away from anyone who treats them this way.

My Hopefuls, people who suffer from mental illness deserve love and healthy relationships. They are not broken or defective. Their hearts are capable of giving as well as receiving love. 

This does not mean you should feel obligated to pursue a relationship with someone just to prove you are compassionate. But it does mean a mental health diagnosis is not something to run from if you are attracted to another person. Compassion, empathy, communication, and good old fashion LOVE can prevail. 

And as always......

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com