Your Life Is Beside The Point (And So Much More Than A Dot)
Are You Living In Fear? How To Distinguish Healthy VS Unhealthy Fear
Are you afraid of something right now? The future, your finances, a health crisis, concern for someone you care about? Worried about the state of a relationship?
If you said no, then you are probably either lying to yourself or me.
Most of us are dealing with a certain amount of fear every day. Some are rational, healthy, and keep us on the right track. But some are crippling, unproductive, and can stall out your life.
I, for one, am concerned about the future. Just a few years back, all I really worried about was making sure my 401K was growing and I was counting the years to retirement and spending my days writing to you from somewhere warm and breezy.
Now it seems every day there is something new popping up to steal our attention and our joy. There is so much strife, uncertainty, division, and anger in the world. It's understandable that we are more anxious.
The key is to learn to separate the healthy from the unhealthy fear around us. That allows us to focus our energy on things we can control and release ourselves from the burden of those things we can't. Let's take a moment to discover the difference.
Healthy Fear
A good dose of healthy fear keeps us from being stupid (most of the time). We try to live within the law to avoid legal trouble. We manage health issues to keep us feeling good and out of the hospital. We are aware of our surroundings to self-protect. We treat those closest to us with love and respect to keep them in our lives.
Fear is also biological. Our bodies are hard-wired to respond to danger with a shot of adrenaline and a 'fight or flight' reaction. This jump-start allows us to pay attention and deal with the pending crisis. It alerts us to danger. And it gives us the motivation to prepare for future events.
Healthy fear is based on a real problem - with a real solution.
Unhealthy Fear
There are a few other words that can replace 'fear' in your mind. Stress. Anxiety. Worry. Panic. Even Phobia. When fear takes this dark turn, it often becomes unhealthy and of no real value.
This type of fear is not only crippling emotionally, it sits under an umbrella of hopelessness, because the very basis of unhealthy fear is knowing you can't do anything about it. It's a vicious cycle.
Like I said earlier, I do worry about my financial future and stability. But I can't spend all my time obsessing over it. There are so many factors out of my control. I can try to make good decisions and stay informed, but I can't let the panic suck out all the joy I have in each day.
It's the same with my health. I'm not going to spend hours on Google searching every symptom I have to see what tragic ending awaits me. Again, I can do what I know to be healthy and follow my doctor's advice, but I have to focus on living today!
We can also experience unhealthy fear in our relationships. As parents, we spend half our time preparing our kids to go out in the world, and the other half trying to keep them away from the world. The fear for our children is legit, but it can't be crushing, either to them or you.
Within reason, and with proper precautions, you have to trust them to follow your guidance and find their way. Micro-parenting and trying to predict and solve every problem before it happens, does not adequately prepare them for the real world.
We can also micro-manage our love relationships out of an unhealthy fear. For those who have been betrayed or mistreated in the past, it can start a damaging cycle of trying to make sure you are never hurt again. that makes sense
That's almost impossible to ensure and can easily turn into controlling and manipulating behavior which is very likely to damage the relationship, or run them away. The aftermath of your previous experiences is real, no doubt. But be careful not to let your unhealthy fear punish away the one person in your life who has promised to be there and have your back. if the person has not given you
So with the many and various layers of fear, what are the best coping skills? How do you manage the fear?
How To Deal Handle Fear
The biggest problem is you just can't see around the bend. You truly have no idea what is coming, and that is scary.
And so far, there hasn't been any handwriting on my wall either to tell me what to do. (Did you know the Old Testament tells of a time when the Jews were in captivity. The King in charge was in his chambers one day when a hand (yes, just a hand) appeared and started writing on the wall. It foretold the punishment for his wrong deeds.) Talk about a fearful experience!!
But even with the uncertainty, there are still things we can do to keep fear from controlling our lives.
First - pray about it. I can't promise you the answer will appear instantly or all your problems with disappear. But I can tell you that God cares, listens, and provides a peace that nothing else comes close to.
Second - take a good hard look at your fears and determine which ones are healthy and which ones are not. The best test is to decide if there is anything concrete you can actually do about the problem.
If there is, then do it. Save the money. Be smarter in your decisions. Take back control of your health. Get help for addiction issues. Take parenting classes. Go to marriage counseling. Enroll in a self-defense course. Face your phobias.
Pay attention to the events around you, locally and globally. Not obsessively, but to understand and prepare. Don't stick your head in the sand. Knowledge is power. And that power runs away the fear.
And for the things you can't control. Learn to let it go. If this means help from a therapist, then do it! Or talk to someone you trust.
If you have panic attacks, develop a coping strategy to shorten their intensity and length. Learn how to be mindful and appreciate the good things in your life.
If you need medicine, don't be ashamed to ask for help.
Because here's the thing. We will never totally eliminate fear from our lives. But we can choose to manage it, or it will manage us.
My Hopefulfs, I struggle with this too. Uncertain times and global unrest are not easy to shrug off. And I'm not suggesting you flippantly disregard reality. I just want us all to live today to the fullest. Enjoy our loved ones. Be thankful for our blessings. Dwell in the present.
Yes, prepare, the best you can, for the future, but don't let it rob you of joy and HOPE today!
And as always...
Hope WIth Abandon!
Hope Out
www.hopeboulevard.com
Stop Chasing Field Mice (4 Things Not Worth Your Time)
Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Did you almost kill yourself trying to get rid of it! (Raises hand)
It's kinda crazy too because it's so small. It's not like it's going to hurt me but just seeing it scurrying and flitting around so fast makes me nervous. Like, where is it going to go next. And don't get me started on the horror if it runs between my feet.
I think part of the problem is that they move so FAST!
In the animal kingdom, the lion is also pretty fast. And check out this little piece of tidbit trivia. A lion can actually CATCH a field mouse.
Lions are carinivores. Which means a low-carb diet is their go-to thing. And technically a field mouse counts as meat. But for the mighty lion, it pretty much amounts to the equivalent of a Mickey McNugget. (I know that was bad, but I couldn't resist.)
And the energy and calories expended to catch this tiny morsel outweigh any nutritional value. In fact, it creates a deficit.
So even though the lion CAN catch a field mouse, it's not worth his time.
Can you identify with that lion? Are you chasing things in your life that use up too much energy and create an emotional or even physical deficit? Are you wasting your precious time trying to catch something that will do you more harm than good?
Let's look at 4 things not worth your time and energy.
1. Stop Chasing Approval
We all need to be accepted. And we want to be loved and appreciated by others. But you shouldn't have to chase after these things.
Don't be one of those people who spend countless hours trying to take the perfect selfie or post the funniest meme just to go back and count how many 'likes' and comments you received. Your self-worth cannot be centered around how other people respond (or if they don't).
Don't put yourself in compromising positions trying to fit in. This includes both your personal and professional life. You must be willing to stick to your beliefs and convictions. You have to be strong enough to stand against the differing ideas of others.
It's hard to believe today with all the hype - but two mature people can still agree to disagree on a subject and still be civil and kind. If someone is willing to make you an enemy because you don't see things the same way they do, then walk (very far) away.
Stop playing the role of a people pleaser. I am guilty of this more than most. I try to avoid conflict. I want smooth waters. So I put up with and overlook things to keep all the cogs moving. But sometimes the cogs need to STOP moving.
Being a people pleaser does not guarantee anyone will like or approve of you. It simply means you are on the fast track to have others take you for granted, or worse, take advantage of you.
Yes. Be kind. Yes. Be fair. Yes. Go above and beyond for the good of others. I'm not advocating selfishness. I'm advocating for you to be one of the many people you work so hard to please. Be good to yourself!
Worry so much less on the opinion and approval of others, and work towards inner peace and a clear mind and heart. The people who are supposed to be in your life will accept you just the way you are.
2. Stop Chasing Someone Else's Dream
Most of us have an inner drive. A dream. A goal. We have a passion to make a difference or express our individuality. My passion is Hope Boulevard. Even on days when I feel like giving up, I hold on to the thought of that one person who might find 'hope' from something I do or say.
But some of you have put your dream on hold to pursue what someone else has told you to do.
This could be a child giving in to the pressure of a parent who insists they play a sport when they really want to play the piano. Parents, let your kids find their own way. Yes, guide them. And it's ok to have them finish a course/season they started. But stop short of forcing them to continue what does not bring them joy. It will only build resentment.
This could be a young adult being afraid of disappointing their family by not following the career path once talked about. Family expectations weigh heavily on young minds. But it's ok to follow your heart. Your life's work should be something that fulfills YOU.
This could be a spouse/partner who stops chasing their passion because of ridicule or indifference. I truly hope that the person you choose to walk through life with supports your goals, but if they don't, keep going anyway. Now, there is often a time when one partner has to put their dreams on hold so the other can excel. However, that sacrifice should be rewarded and returned when possible.
It is great to ask for guidance. Listen to the advice of others, especially those with more experience and wisdom. Consider their points. But at the end of the day, you are responsible for the choices and decisions you make.
3. Stop Chasing Another's Heart
This is a tricky one. There's a difference between and lovingly and actively pursuing a love interest and obsessively stalking someone who is not interested in you.
It is a human nature trait to value something you earned, worked for, went after. So it is ok to show excitement and affection for someone you are dating or would like to date. The balance there is they are showing the same excitement back.
I am completely against 'playing hard to get'. It is confusing and a waste of time. If someone shows interest, and you return that interest, then let them know. If you don't, then, again, let them know.
And if someone tells you (or shows you), that they are not romantically interested in you, then move on!
Don't expend your emotional energy and resources where they are not wanted. It is not realistic to expect to wear them down and then win them over. If it takes that much work to get them, you won't have anything left to maintain the relationship.
There is someone out there who will appreciate the effort you put in. Learn when it is time to let go. Desperation is never attractive.
4. Stop Chasing Revenge
A very popular movie plot is based on the theme of the hero losing something dear and spending 1.5 hours plotting and exacting revenge.
By the end of the movie, they feel vindicated and all is right with the world.
That might work well in the realm of cinema, but in real life, it seldom turns out that way.
Yes, when someone wrongs us, or those we love, we take a personal interest in bringing them down. Making them pay. Finding justice. And there are times when justice is needed. But you need to let that happen through the proper channels.
More often, what is needed is a time of healing and then forward movement. Stop spending time working on ways to inflict pain on someone else. Your days are too valuable and limited to waste them on someone who has hurt you.
It is ok, and maybe even helpful, to express your hurt and disappointment to them. You have the right to be heard. But then put it behind you. Let life, natural consequences, or God handle whatever happens to them next.
Be happy. Be at peace. Turn the page. Learn your lessons. Stop chasing the high you think you will feel even if you succeed. An eye for an eye seldom brings the satisfaction you are looking for. You are still left with the original pain and you have spent valuable time down in the mud with them. Clean yourself up and let it go.
Learn To Recognize Your Emotional Field Mice
How To Clean Your Emotional Closet (4 Things To Clear Out For The New Year)
Are you one of those who use the New Year to re-organize and throw out things you no longer want/use?
Do you spend hours going through drawers, cabinets, closets in an attempt to keep your life in order?
Is it your goal to cut down on the clutter and chaos and live a more minimalistic lifestyle?
If you actually achieve this let me how you did it! I'm terrible at it!
Did you know there are other 'things' you can get rid of as the New Year dawns that can make your life easier, more productive, and peaceful? Do you need to clean out your emotional closet? Those are things I CAN help you with. Read on!
Trim Your Friend's List
Throw Out The Bad Attitudes
Steer clear of jealousy. If you have a valid reason not to trust someone, then don't trust THEM. Don't punish everyone else in the process. And for those who appear to have it better or easier, be happy for them. Jealousy is a very bad look.
Stop playing the victim. It is true that someone may have wronged you. Pick up the pieces and move on. Don't milk it for sympathy or attention. That stunts your emotional growth. And sometimes what we claim as bad luck is simply consequences for mistakes or bad choices. Own both the good and bad decisions and keep moving forward.
Let Go Of The Past
Change Your Definition Of Happiness
And Happiness is what I wish for you!
Believing The Unbelievable - A Not So Silent Night You Can Relate To
Do you ever question your purpose? Path? Choices? Circumstances?
Did you know you are not alone?
Did you know the most famous mother of all time, Mary, also struggled with acceptance and believing the unbelievable?
For most of us, depictions of the nativity scene show a serene setting, with calm and stately adults surrounding a sleeping baby.
But I'm not so sure that rendition is entirely accurate. It most certainly was a holy night, but I wouldn't bet so much on a silent night. Mary and Joseph had to travel out of town in her 9th month of pregnancy for a census. (You know how today we fill out a form that comes in the mail? Yeah, they didn't have that back then. Joseph had to actually GO to his hometown to be counted.)
That town, Bethlehem, was crowded. Census time brought in people from everywhere and all the restaurants and inns were full of loud and boisterous people. And what did those noisy people ride into town on? Loud and boisterous animals. And where did those noisy animals spend the night?
The stable.
But I got ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning.
As I stated above, most photos of Mary and Joseph, have them both being adults. And Joseph probably was, but most likely Mary was still a teenage girl. In the custom of those days, girls became engaged or 'betrothed' in the early to mid-teen years.
Now think of a teenage girl you know before reading any further.
In the culture at the time of Jesus' birth, women's rights were not quite as advanced as they are today. They didn't receive higher education, hold jobs outside the home, and they certainly didn't get visited by angels! And not just any angel. Gabriel was pretty high up the archangel ladder and yet he took a short business trip at God's command to visit young Mary with an unbelievable message.
The Bible doesn't really describe the setting, but it does say Gabriel appeared. So it wasn't a dream. Or just a thought or 'quickening' in her heart. He actually showed up in Nazareth where she lived. Now I don't know about you, but at 57 I'd be pretty freaked out if an angel showed up at my home. So you can imagine that young Mary was pretty terrified.
Gabriel reassured her all was well. That he had good news. That Mary had found favor with God and she was chosen to be the one to bring the Son of Man into the world.
This was one heavenly gender reveal!
Except there was one problem. She was still a virgin.
No problem, Gabriel said. God's got this. This was going to be a holy in vitro.
Now, this was a heavy bit of news for this teenage girl. I mean, how could this possibly be real. Maybe the goat milk was spiked. Or the lamb chops had gone bad. You gotta remember, she didn't have the benefit of knowing what we know. She couldn't jump ahead a few chapters and know what was going to happen.
She had to accept this news on FAITH! She had to believe the unbelievable.
Then she had to face Joseph.
Can you imagine how that conversation went?
"So Joseph sweetie. You are never going to believe what happened to me today. I had lunch with Gabriel, the angel, and I'm going to give birth to the Savior of the world."
You know that moment in the movies when one of the characters hears news that is too incredible to believe and everything just slows down and the camera closes in on their expression of disbelief. That turns to suspicious, and then wary, and then even anger.
Yep, that's how Joseph felt.
"Surrreeee........ An 'angel' visited you today and said you were going to have a baby. Right! Who is this Gabriel guy and how could you do this to me? I will be the laughingstock of the town. My fiance is having a baby and I've only stolen a few kisses behind the barn!"
I mean, you get it right? This was a big deal. His (and her) reputations were on the line. His carpenter business could suffer if word got out. And he certainly didn't want to raise another man's child.
See, we have the benefit of the neat and tidy version from the Bible. And we know the reasons and the wonder of it. But at that moment, both of their lives were in turmoil and Joseph was trying to 'handle' the situation. He was trying to find a way to move on with his life and still keep Mary from being a social outcast.
He fell into a troubled sleep and then Gabriel shows up again in a dream. He confirms that everything that Mary had told him was true. He encouraged him to stay the course. He assures him that all of this is God's divine plan and that he and Mary were chosen and highly favored.
So even though Mary and Joseph are now on the same page, it is still not an easy page to be on. There is still gossip, disapproving glances, whispers. There isn't any mention of how their families reacted, but you know this was highly unusual and a heavy burden to bear.
And yet still teenage Mary continues to believe. I mean, it's hard not to. She is still a virgin and yet baby Jesus is growing inside her. But there had to have been hard days. Of confusion. Fear. The "why me". The inexplicable pressure of raising the Son of God.
There must have been days when the crushing stress and fear of failure caused tremendous tension on their relationship. Yet she believed.
Then came the trip to Bethlehem. Very late in her pregnancy. No comfy car to ride in. No midwife to travel with them. And once they got there, no room at the inn.
As her labor pains started, she found herself surrounded by smelly animals in a stable that was definitely less than sterile. No ice chips. No epidural. Just a scared teenage girl in a dirty stall laying on the ground. While the world around her was oblivious to the miracle happening in the most humble of places, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And to keep from putting him on the ground also, Joseph made room in a food trough (manger) to put him in.
At that moment Mary probably questioned everything she thought was true. Surely the King of the world would not be born in a stinky stable all alone. He should be born in a palace and she should have help and servants. This is not how she envisioned it.
Does that sound familiar? Has life not exactly turned out the way you thought?
Yet, Mary held on to the hope and news she received that day those months ago. And she believed that God would turn this questionable beginning to unquestionable wonder.
So, you might ask, how does my retelling of the Christmas story (with a little creative license) have to do with your life? You most likely were not visited by an angel and not asked to be a famous and integral part of the history of the world.
But you still play an integral part in YOUR world and with your family and friends. And I'm willing to bet you still have doubts. Of your place in this world. Of God's plan for your life. Of your ability to handle whatever you are going through.
And that's ok, because everyone struggles with fear. Loneliness. Doubt. It's hard to believe that everything is going to be alright. This time of the year especially brings out insecurities and hurt feelings and problems seem to grow.
But just like Mary believed, I want you to believe. That you are strong enough. That you are capable. That this world needs you and your contribution and your light.
That God will give you the grace and strength to handle your circumstances.
That the world's whispers don't matter. That where you find yourself today, however humble, will not be where you stay. That you have a future and God has a plan.
Your struggles and fears are real. I'm not asking you to ignore them. But I am telling you to not give up. Give it your best every day. Show up. Be consistent. Be the best version of you.
And even if, and when, good things seem too good to be true, and unbelievable....'
I'm asking you to BELIEVE!
And to always....
Hope With Abandon
Hope Out
www.hopeboulevard.com
Are You Looking For Excuses Or Solutions (We Find What We Search For)
Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....
-
Have you ever gone out with a couple friend? Just to avoid going somewhere alone? I have. My best friend and her boyfriend have let me tag ...
-
Excuses are like pennies you find on the floor. Easy to spot and pretty much anywhere, but not really helpful in the grand scheme of things....
-
"No one likes a quitter." "Quitters never win and winners never quit." Those are two of the more well-known quotes, bu...