When I started this train of thought, I was sure I could put
down all of my wisdom in two little standard blog posts. Turns out I have more
to say on this subject than I imagined. Probably has something to do with the
fact that I’ve been on more first dates than I care to mention. So while this
is still Part 2, there will now also be a Part 3! I know, the anticipation is
exhilarating.
The last time we met here we discussed steps to take and
hopefully pitfalls to avoid when choosing to communicate with someone online. Thus
laying the groundwork for the progression to..The First Date. As comfortable
as it is to sit all cozy at your home in your PJs and just talk with someone on
the phone, you will never know if there is any real connection until you are
face to face. (However this should never take place in your home OR in your
PJs.) No, you have to take a deep breath, summon your courage and go for it.
But before you head out the door, let’s cover some of the basic elements.
Lukewarm Feet….Is There Half a Date?
If, after all the preliminary checks, you are still not
comfortable with a full on date, you can start with a Meet & Greet. This is
a common term swirling around these days. Maybe it is our addiction to the
drive thru or lingering commitment issues, but a lot of us just do not want to
invest too much the first time out. Instead we opt for the microwave version. A
Meet & Greet is designed to limit your initial exposure and usually takes
the form of a cup of coffee somewhere or a very unassuming lunch. I have done both.
A lunch works well because I only have an hour. What can go wrong in an hour,
right? (I once knocked over a full glass of sweet tea in this guy’s lap. He
went to the restroom to clean up and never came back. True story.)
When You’re Ready To Go.….Where to Go??
Whether you choose the quick get-in-and-out version or the
whole enchilada, you obviously have to pick a place. It can be quiet and
romantic, which is conducive for talking and listening if your goal is to
gather more information. It can be loud and crowded if you just want to let
loose and have fun. If you would rather gauge their spontaneity and skill sets
(plus see how he looks in a pair of jeans) suggest a round of putt putt or go
shoot a game a pool. Wherever you pick, make sure it is a public place. Where
you arrive separately. I know, I sound like your mother. And most likely this
is already in your playbook. But in case there are Online Newbies, please do not give out your address. No
matter how sweet they talk on the phone or how appealing a home cooked dinner
and movie in front of the big screen TV sounds, this should never be the first
date. This is not just for the ladies. And it isn’t even necessarily a safety
feature, even though that’s a valid point. No… until you know that this person
will not park in your driveway with headlights (or a spotlight) pointing into
your living room window playing a Garth Brooks song at full volume at 1 am, do
NOT let them know where you live.
Location Keyed in GPS…..Now To Get Dressed
Picking out what to wear plays a very important role in this
operation.
We have already ruled out pajamas.
This is particularly excruciating for me. I have been known
to pull out almost EVERYTHING from my closet, try on, toss, and repeat only to
end up with the FIRST thing I picked. It is a hard balance for me. I have
business clothes, but I’m not going to work. I have dressy clothes, but I’m not
going to church. I have fun clothes, but I don’t want to appear to be too much
fun; yet. (You get where I’m going with that, right?) I don’t want to look like
a 51 year old grandmother. And yet, I am
a 51 year old grandmother. So what else is there to look like? I will admit
sometimes I probably push the envelope a little. Understated is typically not a
word used to describe me. If I were smart, I would probably let one of my
classier friends take me shopping for a chic first date outfit. But there’s no
need to lead the poor guy on like that. Best to just stick to being me; fur
vest, knee socks and all. But this isn’t about me, it’s about YOU. And trust me,
you probably don’t want my advice on this subject. Sorry, you’re on your own
with this one.
The Conversation – You Mean We Have To Talk?
I am one of those people that can talk, a lot. I have been
told more than once that it is easy to have a conversation with me. That makes
me smile. The danger in talking too much though is revealing things about
yourself sooner than you should. Or the flip side to that is learning things
about your date that forever stays stuck in your head. Like the guy who talked
about government listening devices in our light bulbs and believing in aliens.
Hey, if you don’t look like Tommy Lee Jones, don’t talk Men In Black stuff to
me. Ok?
Or the time I had the most perplexing conversation with a
police officer I went out with. He was so fine! I mean a great looking guy.
Super Sweet. Met my testosterone requirement. Some girls have a height requirement
or a W2 requirement. I just like my men to be men! And if we had stopped there
and just stared into each other’s eyes, we might still be at that restaurant. But
he had to start talking. His first admission to me was being afraid of heights.
Well, I’m afraid of heights too, so I can’t really say much to that one. When
the talk turned to travel he mentioned that he never stays at a hotel with a
door to the outside and even then he always props a chair up against the door
knob. Now this is a guy who has a badge and carries a gun for a living! I am a
single woman who has traveled alone or with small children, and even I don’t go
that far. His list of phobias would
fill up an evening on the Discovery Channel. Then the conversation moved on to
holidays. He was having trouble with the concept of Thanksgiving vs Christmas.
He didn’t understand why Thanksgiving was always on a Thursday yet Christmas was
a different day each year. You can call me mean right now, I was teasing him a
little at this point. I can’t be with a guy if I am braver AND can read a
calendar better than he can. The final straw was when he leaned in (I swear)
and asked “This gets me too…when is the Fourth of July?” Right hand in the air,
he asked that question. Now look, I get that most likely he didn’t understand
how that sounded when it was said out loud. And I will guess he was talking specifically
about which day of the week it fell on. But in the moment, in the context of that conversation, it was all I could take.
Date over.
Now don’t let these isolated walks down my memory lane stop
you from communicating. It is important. And I trust you all to know that the 4th
of July falls on, well the 4th of July. So share away. Talk about
dreams, ideas, back grounds, goals. You obviously don’t want to start planning
a wedding or a nursery, but let them get a real glimpse of you.
Now What?
Enjoy. You shouldn’t need any hand holding here; at least
not by me. The scenarios are endless. Every person and every plan is unique. The
stage is set, own it and set about to being fabulous. The most important key
here is to be yourself. The second most important key is to have FUN. If you
are having fun and being yourself then there is no way the right person will
not be enthralled. Watching someone truly having a great time is magnetic. They
will be drawn close to you and hope the magic will transfer over. Be magical
for someone.
Hope Out
PS. Of course there are times when despite our best efforts, things just don’t go well. Stay tuned for Part 3
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