How the #MeToo Movement Is Affecting Dating

(Are You Confused About Flirting? MeToo!)

I have never been good at flirting. I have said that my entire life and have often felt like I missed the Flirting Gene that so many of my friends use with ease. Me; I’m uncomfortable and have this bull-in-a-china-shop kinda experience when I try. Now with the #MeToo movement sweeping the headlines, I suddenly feel I have an abundance of company on the awkward side of the fence.  

Everyone is afraid. Personally, I think that is pretty sad.  

This post isn’t going to be about men-bashing or how everyone has a story to tell. Truth be told, I have a story too. But today isn’t the day. My hope for this post is to bring some clarity and common sense back to dating and leave the eggshells for the compost pile and paint color

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With the exception of arranged marriages, all relationships start with a first date, and in order to have that first date, someone has to be brave enough to ask. Traditionally (don’t send me hate mail) this has been done by the guy and usually after some playful banter and mutual interest shown. Nowadays, guys are afraid to show too much attention or offer compliments for fear of offending, let alone ask to be alone with a girl on a date! And gals are dissecting every word/gesture/emoji a guy sends to make sure she isn’t being harassed. This is creating a culture of shallow interactions. The text message has already taken a toll on our conversations, we can’t allow this new trend to even further divide us. We all have to be willing to engage in honest dialog and true revelations.  

Come on people! Let’s lighten up a bit! Dating is supposed to be FUN! So what can do we do? 

Guys –  

Don’t – Explain or defend every failed relationship you had. Yes, we want to know a little about your past, but it Is impossible to prove up front that you have never harassed anyone. You can’t really prove that in reverse. You have to prove it every day, now!  

Do – Understand that women are more sensitive now to the ‘buzz’ words. Don’t be a jerk. Be very careful when flirting or approaching someone much younger or a subordinate at work. Use wisdom and common sense. Have good manners.  

Do – Recognize and accept the signals. As I continue below, I’m going to tell the gals to give clear signals. When you receive them, respect them. If a girl is playing coy or hard to get; too bad for her. No means no. Whether it is a date, a kiss, sex; whatever. If she tells you no, walk away. Hopefully, if any type of relationship exists, there will be mature communication to go along with the rejection, but if not, take it like a man and walk away.  

Don’t  - Use your power, influence, size, position to persuade, entice or bargain with a woman. She will either accept you for who you are, where you are, how you are, or she won’t. If your intentions are genuine, then allow hers to be as well.  

Gals -  

Don’t - Look for ghosts. There is not a predator lurking behind every smile/compliment or request for your phone number. Absolutely use wisdom and make safe, reasonable decisions, but be careful not to paint all men with the cowardly stripe of a few.  

Do – Give clear signals. As I mentioned above, be very clear with any guy who is coming to you with a request. If you don’t want to go out with him, be honest with him. Yes, it may hurt his feelings and no one likes rejection, but being vague will only keep his hopes alive and he will most likely ask again. Know what you want (or don’t want) and articulate that information.  

Do – Deal with previous hurt/harassment. I am not so naïve as to not recognize that many of us girls have been victims to some degree of emotional or sexual harassment. Those scars do not just go away, and the pain is real. Talk to someone. Take time to heal. Learn the valuable lessons and move forward with confidence and wisdom, but understand there are still good and honorable men in this world.  

My Hopefuls, as 2019 opens before us with all of her wonders, possibilities and promise, it is my hope that each of us make the most of every moment. If you are in a relationship, value and respect your partner. Strive every day to show them their worth in your world. If you are still on the Dating Roller Coaster, I’m right there with you! My best advice is to be true to yourself, know what you want, and learn how to effectively communicate both. Keep your eyes open for fraud and deception, because I do know it exists, but always, always, keep your heart open for love and true warmth. It is also out there in abundance. Let’s collective vow that #WeToo will be happy and at peace with ourselves.  

And above all.... 

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out 

www.hopeboulevard.com 

  

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Support Staff - When You Care Enough To Bring Your Very Best

We all remember the star of the show, their name in lights, the celebration of their accomplishments. But it is important to remember that rarely does one ascend to the top of the rungs without the valuable support of those holding the ladder itself. Successes do not occur in a vacuum and we all need a little help every once in a while. And we will all be called upon to BE that help. Do not take this responsibility lightly. Let’s take a minute to consider Michael Collins.  

Who is that you ask? Let me give you a hint. Do the names Neil Armstrong and Edwin (Buzz) Aldrin mean anything to you? Of course, they do. They were the first two men to walk on the surface of the moon during the Apollo 11 - 3 Man Mission. Three men, you say? Yes, because while Neil and Buzz are household names, they would have been unable to complete this incredible feat without the help of Michael Collins. It was Michael who stayed on board and circled the spacecraft around the moon during the 21 + hours his fellow astronauts were making history. 

This was not his first space mission. In fact, he was the pilot during Gemini 10 that circled the earth with the purpose to conduct docking tests. During that mission, Michael made two spacewalks, spent over an hour outside the ship, and became the first person to meet another craft in orbit. He was commissioned specifically for his skills and experience to man the module for the Apollo 11 trip. During his day flying solo around the moon, there were 48 minutes each orbit where he was out of contact completely with Earth and utterly all alone in the universe. While this could certainly make some of us feel extremely isolated, he is quoted as saying he never felt lonely. This is a quote from his autobiography. “This venture has been structured for three men, and I consider my third to be as necessary as either of the other two.” It is reported that he felt an extreme sense of “awareness, anticipation, satisfaction and confidence”. 

What a GREAT lesson for each of us today. For certainly we will be called upon to work behind the scenes. Maybe it is the role of a parent. Or a spouse. Maybe it is a work assignment. A friend may need your help. Maybe you volunteer for an organization or are part of a church body. It doesn’t really matter the scope of the project. We can’t all orbit the moon, but we CAN all be a part of something larger than ourselves. And when you are ‘commissioned’ to lend your hand and your heart, take the words of Michael Collins seriously. Go into the project with an awareness of the special skills only you possess. Anticipate the goodness of the goal. Feel satisfaction in a job well done. Walk away with confidence that you were part of something great.

  

I do wish for each of you the feeling of rising to the top and accomplishing a personal goal. If/when that happens, please recognize the contribution of those around you to make this happen. In the meantime, please understand everyone cannot be the one to walk on the moon. It takes dedication and a willingness to be part of a team to achieve the better good.  

I encourage each of you to do your very best at whatever task you are given in this life. Be proud of your contributions, but keep vanity at bay. Be supportive. Be kind. Be gentle in spirit. And during those moments when you feel all alone in the process and wonder if anyone will ever even remember your name, please know that HE will and you will have the personal satisfaction of a job well done. It doesn’t get much better than that.  

And as always... 

Hope With Abandon! 

Hope Out! 

www.hopeboulevard.com

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It’s OK To NOT Have A Plan - The Non Resolution New Year

This is the time of year when people come out of the woodwork to expound on the benefits of starting a new routine, charting a new course, mapping out a new strategy. As the face of Hope Boulevard, I was a little torn this year on my participation on this trending bandwagon. On the one hand, I felt it was my responsibility to infuse ‘hope’ into your plans and goals; to join my inspirational voice with the throng parading through your social media. On the other hand, this year, I decided I’m not. Instead, I want to come to you from the sidelines, in a quiet voice, giving you permission to not stress about or frantically search for a PLAN.  

  

I just simply want you to have joy; whatever that means to you.  

  

2018 was somewhat of a chaotic year for me, both personally and goal-wise. Coming off the high of publishing my book at the end of 2017 I had so many PLANS! I researched, read articles, made charts and slideshows. I downloaded apps to track my every move and keep me motivated and focused. I discovered that I knew almost nothing about the ‘business’ of writing. I was doing it all wrong; from the titles of my blogs, to the length, to the hashtags, to when to post, to the 3.2 lists required to hold the reader’s attention. I made it a point to follow all the ‘rules’ on how to be successful, noticed, appreciated. And while I indeed did learn a great deal, I also lost a little in the process.  

  

I lost my free time, some of my friends, and at moments, even my sense of self. “You have to be willing to sacrifice to see your dreams come true.” I absolutely agree with that statement. But anyone who tells you it is necessary to sacrifice who you are, or forsake the down time required to recharge and regroup your peace and sanity is wrong. (In my humble opinion). There has to be a balance in every relationship we have, even the one with ourselves. It doesn’t matter how lofty the goal or pure the intention, emotional energy does not spring from an eternal source. Burning the candle at both ends does eventually result in just a hot waxy mess.  

  

So what am I saying? Have I jumped off the Hope Boat? Not at all! I love writing. I love the idea of inspiring a person I’ve never met on the other side of a computer screen. I love the thought that my middle name, HOPE, was divinely bestowed for a purpose. (Ok, maybe that was a reach, but hey, a girl can wish). What I didn’t love was having to formulate all of the above to fit into a box that ‘someone’ deemed important. So, I’m throwing the formula out the window! And I encourage you to do the same!  

  

If there is something you have always wanted to do, do it! Not because it is 2019, and not because there is a mini cheerleading squad in your iPhone. Do it because YOU want to. Do it because it makes YOU happy, feel fulfilled, or brings peace. And by golly, if you are perfectly content with your life the way it is… don’t change a thing! Contentment is priceless, trust me on that one.  

  

I am not advocating everyone abandon their dreams and drown their motivations. I just want you guys to be true to yourselves. Be happy with who you are, where you are. Love your family and friends. Be kind. Make a difference. Do little things with great emphasis and on purpose. Live your life; unscripted, unrehearsed, and sometimes (gasp) without a plan!  

  

As for me, I will return to writing for the pure joy of it. If you guys like it too, that’s fabulous, but this is my fire burning within me and I’m going to let it out without the rules or formulas to fit into a mold. I don’t need a mold. And for just today, I don’t need a plan. I just need HOPE! 

  

Have A Happy No-Plan New Year! 

  

And Always…. 

  

Hope With Abandon (Now that is one plan I can always stick with!) 

  

Hope Out

Mental Illness, Stress and the Holidays

The holiday season is anticipated with joyous expectations for many of us. Family, friends, festivities abound. But there are millions of people battling mental illnesses everyday that have a different type of anticipation: social anxiety, loneliness, depression, fear and even dread. The hoopla and chaos that delight some, overwhelm and shutdown others. If you feel frozen and confused in the midst of this warm and hopeful time, I would like to offer a few thoughts you may find helpful.

Set Boundaries. The most important thing you can do to cope through the holidays is to know yourself, your limitations and your strengths. Have realistic expectations for the events you attend and the people you rub shoulders with. Do not give in to well-meaning people who may pressure you to stretch yourself and your emotions too thin. When at all possible, keep your regular schedule: eating, sleeping, medication. A steady, predictable routine will help balance you and keep you moving forward. You should definitely try to make time to celebrate with those you care about and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season, just make sure you are true to yourself and take the steps to unwind and relax when things get hectic.

Life Isn’t a Hallmark Movie. We may all binge watch these sweet ( and sometimes sappy ) movies from time to time, but make no mistake, life rarely works out with neatly tied bows and perfect smiles just in time for Christmas Eve around a roaring fire and sparkling lights. We hurt. We lose people we love. We are disappointed. Families aren’t always loving and kind. Depression and loneliness greatly intensifies during this time of year when social media and advertisers portray everyone as having a perfect life. We wonder where we went wrong because that certainly is not us!  I have news for you; NO ONE has a perfect life! We all just have to do the very best we can with where we are. The world keeps revolving regardless of the date on the calendar. Take care of yourself and never compare your place on the path with anyone else’s. We all have pain and we all have joy; we just don’t all express it the same way.

Find a Support System. This may be family, or it may not, but everyone needs a tribe, a few select people who accept and support without judgment or expectations. I am not saying this is an easy task. It means we have to be open and vulnerable ( and honest ) with others and this can be extremely difficult. It helps if we practice living our lives with acceptance of others and adopting a non-judgmental attitude of those around us. This allows us to be seen as caring and supportive and others will be drawn to that. If the thought of attending a company party or family dinner distresses you, ask a friend to go with you. Be willing to return the favor if asked. If that is not possible, designate someone as your text lifeline. If you feel anxious in a situation, slip them a text and share your feelings. Their comforting feedback will help calm your nerves. You can also use your faith to comfort you. Pray. Meditate. Talk with your pastor (or a pastor). This is a good time to remember the reason we celebrate CHRISTmas in the first place.

We Are All in This Together. Maybe you are reading this, but don’t really identify with anything I’ve said. Good for you! Chances are though; you know someone who is affected and struggling. Educate yourself. Be aware of those around you showing signs of anxiety or sadness. Do not try to ‘fix’ them, just accept them. Offer to help, support, and be there. Give them a safe place to decompress or allow them to vent, cry or release pent up emotions. You don’t have to understand what they are going through, just be available to listen.

My Hopefuls, I truly wish each of you a Merry Christmas. I am aware this particular post may be coming a little late in the season as Christmas is right around the corner now. I do wish I would have put it together sooner, but just like many of you, I struggle myself. I watch those around me celebrate with such joy and sometimes it feels like I’m standing in the cold with my nose pressed against the window watching the beautiful people do beautiful things oblivious to my existence. Can anyone relate? Maybe it’s just me. But what I finally realized is that MY people are beautiful and MY life and the things in it are beautiful and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. So surround yourself in your own special, unique brand of beautiful. Be proud of who you are and believe in the power of love and the goodness that shines brighter this time of year than any other.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopebouleavrd.com

New Relationship?? – How to Navigate the Holiday Season with Your New Love

Starting a new relationship can be one of life’s most exciting experiences. It can also be scary with moments of insecurity and a million questions.

It is a process of discovery to determine if this other person, whom you have an initial attraction to, is someone you wish to invest time and emotional energy into.

But what happens when this relationship begins just before or during the holiday season?

Diving into dating after October brings a completely new set of challenges. In addition to the learning curve in deciding whether or not this person has long term potential, there are the added pressures of parties, family get-togethers, and what gifts to buy.

And don’t get me started on Hallmark Christmas movies!

Everywhere one looks, there is love in the air.

With all these emotional stimuli at every turn, it is tempting and easy to fast track a new relationship. This can cause conflict and could even derail what would otherwise be a sweet budding romance.

If you truly wish to develop a solid relationship, then it is advisable to work out some holiday logistics.

So what to do?

Honesty and Balance Are Key

It goes without saying that honesty is the bedrock of any relationship, but an extra dose is required during the holidays. Expectations can run high and not everyone has the same amount of Christmas spirit. There are also religious and cultural preferences to be considered.

It is vital to make your wishes known while also honoring and respecting those of your new partner. Both parties need to understand the timing might not be right for certain holiday traditions. This first holiday season may not be the time to be inseparable.

You also need to figure out a way to balance quality time together while still fulfilling seasonal obligations. Don't just leave Mr. Love Bug alone every weekend while you run all over town in your festive garb. And don't expect Ms. Cutie Pie to sit by and wait for you to drink eggnog and eat sausage balls with all your buddies and then show back up New Year's Eve.

You must find time to incorporate them into your holiday even if that means making new plans or even starting what may turn into a new tradition just for the two of you.

Let’s take a look at some of the pitfalls for new relationships during this time of the year and how to best avoid them.

#1 – Meeting the Family/Parents

There are no hard rules when it comes to early dating etiquette this time of year. Both parties need to be comfortable bringing the other into their personal family holiday plans, especially if travel is involved.

If you are not ready to introduce your new love interest to your family (and their endless questions) then don’t feel pressured to do so. And on the flip side, don't use a guilt trip to get a holiday trip to the family home. There is plenty of time for that in the future.

If, however, you do decide to take this step, discuss expectations. Prepare your family and confirm it is ok to bring a new guest and let your new love in on little family traditions or any overnight stay rules.

#2 - The Office Party

If the idea of bringing them to your office party shorts out your Christmas lights, then only RSVP for one.

Your work environment is almost like a second family. You spent a great deal of time with them and they know your best (and worst) stories.

You may want to have a little more solid experience with this person before letting them into that part of your world.

#3 - The Gift

The holiday season is the official “Every Kiss Begins with K” time of year. Most of the commercials both on TV and online are focused on what to buy your significant other to prove your commitment.

Do not let a clever marketing strategy convince you to go overboard with your new love.

When it comes to gifts, I suggest discussing a dollar limit. It may not sound romantic, but it should help ease the concern about how much is too much and also avoid disappointment on either side.

Depending on the length of the relationship, you could both decide to forego giving gifts at all and instead donate to a charity or volunteer together.

A Christmas present should not be seen as a way to prove your interest. If you both would like to exchange a fun gift or thoughtful expression, by all means, do. But make sure both parties are in agreement on the decision and then follow through. A surprise at the last minute may sound sweet but could create an awkward moment.

The Bottom Line

The holidays are extremely stressful in the best of circumstances. Adding the uncertainty of a new relationship can make things seem to be more chaotic. It doesn’t have to be that way. This is the time where fun and open communication should be paramount.

Find a way to enjoy this festive season in ways both parties are comfortable with while also respecting the wishes and boundaries of the other party at this stage.

Understanding and compromise may come into play and should be handled with tact and maturity.

But just don't forget to enjoy yourself and have a Happy Holiday!!!

And as always..

Hope With Abandon