How to Maintain Hope During Times of Fear

As adults, we don’t like to admit when we are afraid. For those of us with children, we spend a fair amount of time telling them NOT to be afraid. Of what’s under the bed or in the closet, of an upcoming test, or the bully at school.

Of course, this means we have to appear brave in their eyes. Never let them see you sweat, right?? I agree to a certain extent. We don’t want to impart unnecessary fear into their tender hearts and minds.

However, it is still a very natural thing for us, as adults, to also experience fear and uncertainty.

And right now there are a lot of things going on to make us feel afraid. But we can’t bury our heads in the sand. We have to get out there and live and thrive and not give in to the fear.

I wish I had the right formula to fix the stock market, or a miracle pill to kill all the viruses. In truth, I don’t have the solutions to these or any host of other problems causing you anxiety.

But I do have some very real strategies to help you cope and find ways to maintain your HOPE during these times of fear.

Acknowledge It

My first suggestion is to acknowledge and define your fear. What exactly are you afraid of? An unidentified monster is much scarier and harder to handle than one out in the open.

You might find once you are able to define your fears, they aren’t quite as overwhelming as you once thought. When you know your enemy, you can develop an attack plan.

Do What You Can (And Let Go Of What You Can’t)

There are some things in life you just can’t control. It rains on both the good and the bad, and some days your umbrella just won’t open. Learn to accept that some details you can manage, and others have to play out like intended.

With that being said, you should always do what you can. Take action. Don’t just sit and wait for the chaos to come to your door.

Educate yourself. Now, this doesn’t mean believing everything you read. Use wisdom. There is a platform for almost every crazy theory out there. Practice common sense.

Take precautions. Be diligent. Listen to those you trust and whose opinion you value.

Be prepared, but don’t get so caught up in preparing for tomorrow, that you forget to live today. Remember, today is the only day we are promised anyway.

Talk About It

Despair is a real thing, and it can be crippling. There is no shame in talking about it. And you have several options for your audience.

Might I suggest God first? Prayer is a fantastic fear buster.

Friends and family are also a great resource. They know you and can help calm and steady you. They can also help with the action steps above. A community banded together can handle almost anything that comes their way.

If you still feel lost and distraught, seek the guidance of a professional. A therapist or counselor is trained to help lead you through the weeds of despair and the darkness. Allow them to help you.

Express Gratitude

There are few things more healing and calming than gratitude. It can literally chase away the negative thoughts and energy. Whenever you are feeling thankful and blessed, there is no room for fear.

We all have so much to be grateful for. They may not all be the same things for everyone, but I’m pretty sure anyone who is reading this is blessed in many ways. I read a quote just today that said somewhere there is someone praying for the things you/we take for granted every day. 

Let that sink in a minute.

Help Someone Else

Another way to lose sight of your fear is to help someone else. Get your mind off of imagined scenarios and get busy lending a hand. You won’t have to look hard to find someone who needs help.

And I want to encourage everyone here to be cautious, but not suspicious of others. The worst thing that we can do is turn against each other. We cannot allow ourselves to be ripped apart by distrust.

Speak up if you must. Be an example, not an instigator. It is in times like these where leaders arise. Do your part to instill hope and peace to those around you.

My Hopefuls, I am not coming to you from a lofty position of having succeeded in all of these steps. I’m afraid too. There are times when I wish I knew what laid ahead, and other times when I’m glad I don’t.

But I can tell you this. I do have HOPE. And I’m learning each day to live in peace and practice joy. And I’ve discovered another truth….

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the resistance of it.

So go resist today!!

And as always….

Hope With Abandon

Like and share if this spoke to you.

Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

www.hopeboulevard.com

How Snapchat Changed Dating

I have been at this dating thing for quite a while now.

When I took my first dip into online dating, it was still very new and even considered taboo. I wouldn’t call myself a pioneer, but when I started, flip phones were still popular and I had never even heard of the word ‘app’.

And Snapchat had not been invented.

We didn’t even really text much back then. We emailed then talked on the phone and then we met. It was a fairly simple process.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Dating has always been challenging. It’s never easy to find just the right spark and match and someone with the same set of quirks, or accepting of others. But back then, getting from point A (a profile) to point B (an actual live in-person date) was straight forward.

That is not the case anymore.

I could blame my age. I could blame the MeToo movement. I could blame my shrinking patience and expanding waistline.

But I blame Snapchat.

Snapchat was the brainchild of some restless guys from Stanford University in 2011.

The idea behind the app was to create a platform that took communication to the next level. Instead of just being able to send messages through text, they wanted an option to use images and photos to convey sentiments and information.

(Did you know the original name was Picaboo?)

In theory, it sounded almost sweet and endearing. To develop a connection and closer bond than just words alone. After all, that one picture could be worth a thousand words.

Unless, of course, that picture disappears.

What made their app so unique was the fact that whatever was sent had a very limited life span. The messages disappear within moments of being opened. So what is so endearing about that?  

I will try to reserve judgment against these fellows that I know nothing about it. Their intentions MAY have been legit, but as with many good things, it only takes a few to distort and twist until the original objective is unrecognizable.

And here is where my beef with Snapchat begins: That very first time some guy or gal dared,

begged or encouraged someone to send a racy photo. And the rest is history.

I am not sure if we have lost our modesty and self-reserve in recent years, or if the only thing holding us back was fear of discovery. Either way, the invention of the disappearing photo opened up a whole new world of ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’.

And I’m not even going to blame the guys completely here. It takes two to tango. I believe there are just as many gals (or close) that want to get in the game. And that’s really the root of the issue, in my humble opinion.

In the last 9 years, there has been a surge in apps designed to create a secret life. A big part of that is probably for those intent on cheating. But for others, it is a way to create a false sense of intimacy and sensuality.

For every girl who sends a racy or naked photo seeking attention, she is growing the expectation that more girls will do the same thing. For every girl who encourages a racy or naked photo to be sent to her, the perception increases that it is acceptable behavior.

For every guy who sends an unsolicited photo, there are so many more women out there saying why? And don't! And stop!

Now I know I sound like a prude. Old-fashioned. Fuddy-duddy. And honestly, I’m not. I have no real issue with how two consenting adults choose to conduct their love life.

Here is my issue. Snapchat made it easier (not necessarily safer) to send racy pics and so, therefore, it became more common (aka acceptable). More common means more people ask and expect it early on in the dating process, often even before meeting.

This entire shift in the dating hierarchy and traditional timetable has had a ripple effect. While the majority of Snapchat users are teenagers, the ramifications reach further down the generational lines.

I do not mean to imply that everyone is doing it. I know that is simply not the case. However, I am convinced that enough are to have altered the way dating (the online variety at least) is conducted. I hear story after story from those who have been on the receiving end of unsolicited (and generally, unwanted, photos).

So what is the takeaway here? A couple of things. (These are for both genders.)

Don’t give your cellphone number away too quickly. Try to have a better understanding of someone’s intentions before taking that step.

If you get any type of communication you don’t like/want, make it known immediately. It’s your decision to walk away at that point or not, but you should at least set your boundaries.

If you flirt heavily or suggestively, be prepared.

If you do use Snapchat, or other picture-sharing apps, be careful who has access to those accounts. Again, use caution when handing out the information.

If you currently use and are happy with, Snapchat for whatever your consensual recreational activities are, then ignore the previous 700 words.

And one last thing, keep in mind that once the 'sent' button is hit, most things are never absolutely ‘gone’. Just because an image disappears from someone’s phone, tablet or laptop screen does not mean it is completely erased.

I am the first to admit I don’t understand servers and domains and encryptions, but I’ve done enough research to know that disappear doesn’t always mean what you think it means.

My Hopefuls, I genuinely want all of you to have successful and healthy relationships. And only you and your partner can define what that means.

For those of us still single and waiting, set your personal boundaries, make them known, then go forth in this dating world with enthusiasm and delight.

And do your chatting, but go easy on the snapping.

And as always...

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

3 Keys To Not Sink Your Ship - The VASA Syndrome

The VASA is a Swedish warship from 1628 that sank 1400 yards into its maiden voyage killing 30 of the crew. The ship was ordered to be built by reigning King of Sweden; Gustavus Adolphus.

During the 17th century, Sweden was growing in world prominence partly due to their military dominance led by King Adolphus.

Up until that point, most of the naval fleets were small to medium size vessels with only one gundeck and armed with medium size cannons. The king’s vision was to create a more massive ship with a double gundeck and more/larger cannons and artillery.

That goal, in and of itself, was not a bad idea. He saw a problem and worked out what he thought was an outstanding solution. The problem was in the execution of the plan, and that is where we get into trouble in our own lives.

The king took shortcuts, didn’t listen to wise advice and let his pride overtake his sensibilities. The result was disastrous, and oftentimes we are guilty of those same mistakes.

As we travel through life we find ourselves in conflict or struggling to overcome adversity and instead of thinking the problem through or following helpful advice, we plunge headfirst with our own impulsive ideas and find ourselves in worse shape.

So how could the VASA disaster have been avoided? And what can we learn for our lives today?

1. Plan And Prepare.

The king knew he had a problem, but he was in a hurry. He was impatient to show his power and wanted to get that ship out on the water with her double gundecks and massive artillery cannons. He put unrealistic timelines on his builders and allowed them to take shortcuts to get the job done.

How often in our struggles do we rush to a conclusion? Do you get so focused on winning that you do not properly prepare for the battle? Whether your goal is better finances, strong relationships, a healthier lifestyle; none of those things happen overnight! They take thought and planning.

Showing impatience or bypassing proven methods will not yield the results you want and you will end up right back where you started; or worse.

2. Ask For (And Consider) Wise Council.

Naval engineering has come a long way since the 17th century, but there were still those working on the project that knew the ship was unstable. They could not simply add another level to the ship, straight up, and not widen the base to handle the extra load.

Questioning the king’s command is always a scary thing, but history records that a few did try to warn him. However, in his arrogance and presumed self-wisdom, he brushed aside those warnings and ordered the work to continue as he designed.

We also ignore good advice sometimes. Those near us and who love us, will show us the flaws in our thinking and offer suggestions and even their help, but so many of us are legends in our own minds and we are convinced that we are the exception and don’t need any help from anyone.

Our decisions can become clouded for any number of reasons, and we can’t see the error of our ways. If there is someone in your life whom you trust and respect, and they are asking you to reconsider or revamp your plan, listen to them!

You don’t always have to take their advice, but you should always give it thought and consideration. It is true, that sometimes, two heads are better than one.

3. Stick To Solving The Problem/Not Self-Promotion.

In addition to the extra level of cannons on board, the king also wanted his new ship to be adorned with great sculptures. This was traditional for those times and a sign of the king’s wealth, position and power.

He hired artists to render huge ornamental pieces that were bolted to the ship; all totaled about 500 were recovered in the wreckage. It is said the sculptures themselves took almost two years to complete.

One could argue that if the king was willing to invest as much time and thought into the stability of the ship as he was the adornment, it might have made it past her maiden voyage.

How much does pride go into your decisions? How important is it for you to look good instead of actually striving to be a person of integrity and stability? Looks and opinions are fading and subjective. My suggestion, dear friends, is to focus on the quality of your life’s decisions and not so much on your life’s ornaments or trophies.

The morning of August 10, 1628 dawned clear and calm. It was the day of the launch and hundreds were at the waterfront to watch The VASA depart. Her gun ports were open and she was scheduled to fire celebratory shots as she sailed away.

As she moved past a gap in the bluffs, a gust of wind blew in and lurched this top-heavy and unstable vessel onto her side. As the lower open gun ports reached the water’s surface, it rushed into the openings and began filling up the bottom chambers of the ship and eventually made its way to the hold where it began to sink.

While the crew frantically tried to save the ship, and then themselves, it sank in full view of the crowd gasping and helpless at the shore; 390 feet away. 30 men lost their lives that day. The king was furious and demanded an explanation, but sadly, most of the fault pointed back to him.

He was impatient, careless, prideful, refused to listen and with no checks and balances, his decisions came to an embarrassing and extremely costly end.

My Hopefuls, it is my goal today to encourage you to give time and thought to the decisions in your life. We all have the responsibility to handle issues and problems, and we even have to take risks sometimes.

I trust in your ability to find solutions and in your courage to carry them out; I just hope we all put in the time and work it takes to execute them properly.

Use wisdom. Plan out the pros and cons. Talk to a trusted friend. Pray. Then, when you believe you are doing the right thing for the right reasons… SET SAIL!

And always..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

For more encouragement and blog posts, check out my website: www.hopeboulevard.com

How to Handle Bad News (Bombshells and Eggshells)

We don’t have to journey very far down life’s highway before we encounter some roadblocks. Often this means dealing with bad or disappointing news.

Bombshells are usually dropped when we least expect them and feel the least capable of handling them.

It can be a text, phone call or the dreaded knock on the door. Maybe you lost your job, had someone end a relationship, got a bad medical report, or one of your kids got in trouble. It could be a rejection (or several) in pursuit of a dream or goal.

We have little choices when it comes to receiving bad news, but we certainly have choices in how we deal with it.

Here are some of my suggestions.

Breathe

Not everyone has a full-on panic attack when bad things happen, but most of us do have a physical reaction. We feel anxious, sad, and maybe even all alone. Fear shows up almost immediately.

Take a few minutes to just breathe. Shut out the rest of the world, even the current news, and focus on clearing your mind. Deep breathing has many benefits for the body, including helping with stress relief.

Don’t Be Impulsive

Part of the adrenaline surge that comes when we hear bad news makes us want to react immediately. Resist that urge. Do not do or say anything on impulse.

If a decision is required right away, make sure you take a few minutes to think through the process. If a decision can wait; then wait.

Be careful not to jump to the worst-case scenario. This will not do you, or the situation any good or bring any comfort. This brings us to the next point.

Seek The Truth

While you don’t want to assume the worse, you do want to know the truth. Depending on who presented you with the bombshell, they may not be the best person for all the facts.

Make sure you go to the source to find out the truth and all the surrounding details. The best course of action cannot be applied until all the facts are out in the open.

Here is where the eggshells come in. It is not always easy dealing with the truth. Do not shoot the messenger just because they tell you something you don’t want to hear. And when the facts involve another party, be very careful with how you handle them.

Don’t spread gossip. Don’t show up demanding answers. Your bad news may also be someone else’s bad news. Now is not the time to make the situation more difficult.

Go easy on yourself and anyone else involved.

Don’t Compare Your Pain To Others

We develop coping skills as we go through life. Some of us are better at it than others. Just because someone doesn’t put their feelings on display doesn’t mean they don’t have any.

Your pain and your experiences are unique to you. You are allowed to own them and work through them. You can request others to give you the time and space to handle the business at hand, but you should not judge how anyone else handles theirs.

Seek Help

Regardless of how alone you may feel at the moment, I’m willing to bet, you aren’t really alone. And it is OK to ask for help.

Prayer is a good place to start. Pray for guidance. Pray for peace. Pray for anyone else involved. Pray for the wisdom to understand this is a bump in the road and not the end of it. Pray for comfort.

Talk to someone. It could be a counselor or professional. Maybe you need a doctor. This could be a good time to sit down with a friend. You may need your family around you for support.

Whatever you need, don’t be afraid to ask. There are those around you who are willing and ready to be there for you. Give them the chance to be your rock.

Develop a Plan/Work the Plan

After you have sat still a minute, gathered your thoughts, discovered the facts, and asked for help, it is now time to put together a plan. And that can take shape in many different ways.

You may need time to grieve a loss. You may need to make important decisions regarding your life, or those of your child. You may need to face hard facts about a disappointment and go in a new direction.

The one thing you must not do is give up. Every bombshell that drops in your path can be overcome. It’s not a race and it is not a contest. You just have to keep moving forward.

And here are some more eggshells. Everyone will not like your plan. And that's OK. If you have sought wisdom and done due diligence and are comfortable with your forward path, then proceed.

It may be necessary to explain certain decisions, but at some point, you must recognize you will not please everyone. Do what is best for you and/or your family.

Bombshells and Eggshells

We never know when the next bombshell is going to fall. Life has a way of surprising us. But with the tools described here, you can be better equipped to handle bad news when it comes your way. 

It will also do you good to remember that others may be affected by what you are going through as well. You can be sensitive to their position and feelings without sacrificing your own.

My Hopefuls, I wish for all of you the grace and wisdom to handle the disappointments and distressing news that is bound to rear its head from time to time. 

I believe in your ability to prevail.

I believe in your ability to be strong. 

I believe in your ability to....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

J. Hope Suis

www.hopebouleard.com 

Like and share if this article was helpful to you. 

5 Signs You Are The Backup Plan

In many instances, having a backup plan is a good thing. Extra batteries for toys or alarms. Jumper cables in the trunk. A sweater and umbrella in the car. Cash in the sock drawer. More than one option for dinner/movie/music if your first choice is too crowded or sold out. But NO ONE wants to BE the backup plan in someone else’s love life.

Most of us have been there. We meet someone and really like them, and at first, we think the feeling is mutual. Then the relationship starts to feel a little lopsided or even unfair and we begin to question if we are over-reacting or if something else is going on. Have we slid into the backup position? How can we tell? And what should we do?

The last question is the easiest to answer. Never, should anyone, allow themselves to be the backup plan. Everyone has the right to determine what type of relationship is good for them, and if someone doesn’t want to be with you or doesn’t return the same affections/intentions, that's just the way it goes. But they should always be honest about it and you need to accept their truth and walk away with your respect and believe there is someone better suited for you down the road. If, however, you discover that you have unwillingly turned into second (or third) choice, you should never feel bad about exiting the ‘relationship’ quickly without looking back.

So, what are the signs that you are not at the top of the priority list?

#1. You do not meet, or rarely, see their family and friends. We typically do not break that inner circle unless there is a fair amount of interest involved. If he talks about hanging with his friends, or a special dinner with the family, and you are not invited to either, then don’t expect too much of a commitment. Also, in this social media age, if they are hesitant to add/follow you, then they are not serious. If she doesn’t add you, she has no intentions of tagging you, and trust me, that is not a good sign.

#2. They do not spend money on you. This is mainly for you girls. Now I know we live in a self-sufficient society, and many of you ladies are ok with paying your own way. But I am here to tell you, that if a guy is truly interested in you, he has no problem reaching into his wallet to pay for dinner, entertainment, or even to help you out with something. If everything is always split down the middle, that is your cue to split the relationship.

#3. They break plans at the last minute. You guys planned 3 dates this past month, but they only showed up for one. A series of unfortunate events seemed to pop up just before the start time for the other two. Of course, things happen, and we are not always able to keep the plans we make, but consistently bailing on someone is disrespectful and an indication that something came along at the last minute that was a little more enticing. And speaking of last minute…

#4. They only make plans with you at the last minute. I have a personal ‘rule’ when it comes to making a date. In most circumstances, I will not agree to go on a date unless they ask me 24-48 hours ahead of time. Don’t call me at noon on Saturday and ask me out for Saturday night. To me that says you were either waiting for a call that never came, or someone else bailed on you. Either way, I am not a consolation prize. Now, I do understand that last minute opportunities pop up, and in those cases, it is perfectly fine to take advantage of them. I am referring to routinely being the last resort.

#5. They don’t return calls or texts. We are all busy in this world, but we all make time for the things (and people) who are important. If he/she never returns your calls or it takes hours to return a text, then something (or someone else) is ahead of you in line. Another level to this is, when they do catch up with you, the topic of the conversation usually centers around sex. This goes for both genders as I am learning more every day. It’s not just the guys out there looking for a quick hook-up. Don’t fall for a sweet line or a pretty face, if all they are offering is a quick booty call.

People have different reasons for attempting to get away with this kind of behavior. Some are already in a relationship, and you are just a side game. Others are just holding out for what they consider a bigger and better prize but want to keep you dangling on the line in the meantime. But two of my favorite life truths come into play here. People will only treat you in ways you allow. AND People make time to do what they truly want. So if your gut is telling you something is wrong, believe it and move on.

We all crave attention, even the sporadic, questionable kind. When we are lonely, or really want to hang out with someone, it is easy to believe they mean it now, or they just need a little more time. Do not fall into the trap of being at someone’s Plan B. Demand more for yourself and more from others. 

And if you happen to see this type of behavior in yourself….stop to think a minute about what you are doing. If you do not truly care about moving forward with someone, do not string them along or use them as a last-ditch attempt to keep from being alone. Be honest and let them go and find someone who will truly care about them.  

Life is full of plans, diversions and do-overs. That is part of makes it so exciting and wonderful. Just keep in mind what YOUR plans and goals are and never let anyone put ‘Baby in the corner’.

And Always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com