Posts

Death of a Marriage - 5 Steps to Healing

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There are few life events more stressful than going through a divorce. For many of you, divorce actually feels almost like a death. In reality, it was the death of your fairy tale. We know the statistics going in, but we all think we are the exception, our love is real, strong enough, the forever kind. Of course, there are always some who foresee trouble and bring out the prenup, but the majority of us believe we will beat the odds. To realize one day that we lost at the table of love is devastating and it affects our brains much like a physical death does. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the Five Stages of Grief as it relates to death. I would like to suggest we experience similar responses when we are first faced with the reality of a divorce. DENIAL…. It’s not true. It’s just simply not true. “He’s just going through a phase. She’s very stressed at work. They are just bluffing because we had a fight.” We come up with reasons to explain why our partner just dropped the

Finding A Date Is A Job!

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When I was younger, getting a date was easy. I wasn’t easy, but finding a date was. They may not have all been stellar evenings at the ball with Prince Charming, but all in all, I could hold my own. Over the years, the field has thinned out (while I have not) so now it can be a little more challenging. With all the dating apps, swiping right and questionnaires that make me doubt compatibility with my own self, it feels like a job to find someone to date. Then, all of a sudden, it fell into place for me and I knew what I needed to do. So I developed my very own Dating App(lication)! As it turns out, there is quite a lot of information found on a job application that is also quite useful when weeding out potential suitors. By utilizing this dating application I intend to be able to sort through a list of variables and come up with a select group of candidates who fulfill my love requirements! So what, do you ask, is on my dating application?? Here are the highlights. Name –

Do's And Don'ts For Ex-Spouse Day

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Today, April 14 th, is Ex-Spouse Day.  Celebrating a divorce is almost akin to an oxymoron. Very few people actually rejoice in the thought of dissolving a union entered with such pomp, circumstances and commitment. Unfortunately, divorce is sometimes a harsh reality and whether you wanted it or not, you have to deal with the aftermath. Everyone has to process grief and loss in their own way. Take positive steps today to reclaim your future and your joy.  Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts to make it through the day both emotionally (and physically) sound. Do: Finally, delete all their old pictures and texts from your phone. I know this is a hard one. If you are still in love and hurt from the divorce these are reminders, even if painful ones, of better times. You catch yourself looking back and re-living the pain. This is unhealthy and will not bring healing or closure. It is a huge step, but when the divorce was final, all of this information became irrelevant and a r

Pay It Backward (Lessons For Our Daughters)

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*Disclaimer* I try to make a habit of staying off of soap boxes because soap is a slippery substance and one can easily fall off the box. However, this has been weighing on me of late and I just felt the need to ‘go there’.  This post will reveal a bit of my southern conservatism; for which I am unapologetic. You may not agree with everything I say, but if you have daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc.; at least please try to hear my heart. As many of you know, I have a second job with an event company. Part of that job includes working various concerts. This can be fun (depending on the artist), but as I found out recently, it can also open my eyes. A few weeks ago I worked an event featuring a male singer at a small venue attended by a late teen/early twenties crowd; mostly female. (I am being vague by intent.) I understand that each generation tells the previous generation that they just do not ‘get’ their choice in music. And in this case, that is correct; because I absol

Owner's Manual (AKA Womanual) - A Guy's Guide

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So last week we discussed tips and suggestions for women to keep her man (and the relationship) running in tip top shape. And, as promised, this week we are going to turn the table and give the guys some help. Now I will admit I felt a little nervous about using the same title; Owner’s Manual. There are quite a lot of hurtful and damaging things said in regards to men treating women like property. I absolutely do not want to contribute to this stereotypical objectification (those are two very long words) of women. But I trust you. And I hope you trust me and know my heart. This is just meant to be entertaining and insightful. So in keeping with last week’s theme, let’s explore the ways a man can fine tune the relationship with his lady. Let me first start with this….. I am not going on record as saying that women are more complicated than men. But I will admit there are multiple varieties of women. And layers to those multiple varieties. And by-products to the layers to thos

Owner's Manual (A Girl's Guide For The Man In Her Life)

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Whenever something new is brought home, the first thing you see when opening the package is the owner’s manual. The manufacturer has carefully provided instructions on how to take care of, maintain and get the most use and enjoyment out of your new find. Unfortunately, sometimes the instructions we need the most pertain to the upkeep and support of our partner. Wouldn’t it be great if they were supplied on the first date? I will say up front that I am certainly not an expert. However, I do believe I have learned a few things over the years (some the hard way). I also do not intend to suggest that these apply to all men. And let me be clear, this is not intended to degrade men or reduce them to ‘property’ to be handled. This is just meant to be a light read, hopefully providing some insight and direction. If you have been blessed with a partner who has chosen to go through life with only you, the very least you can do is try to understand how he operates. If you are still waitin

Life Is A Highway (Part 2)

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AKA Love Is A Two Way Street (This phrase is a flawed analogy.  A two-way street literally means each car is traveling in opposite directions. Which is very much not what love should be. But it sounds catchy and works for my title. Flawed and all. ) If you are keeping score (and someone was); I missed last week. My apologies. I hit a bump in the road. (Get it.. J ) But I have restored order and am now back on track. And speaking of track, today we are going to continue our discussion of road signs.  The kind of road signs one might encounter when traveling down the very winding and often times slippery Freeway of Love. Fasten your seat belts, here we go. Merge – So there you are driving along, minding your own business, not texting, not speeding, just 10 and 3 and rolling. When seemingly out of nowhere, another road appears. With another car and a sign. At some point in the very near future the two roads will merge into one and the cars will now be traveling t

Life Is A Highway (Part 1)

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That, of course, is the title of a Rascal Flatt’s song. My favorite life/highway/song analogy is actually too long for a blog title, but it is my life’s theme song. The Eagle’s “Take It To The Limit”. The chorus reads.. “So put me on a highway and show me a sign And take it to the limit one more time….” That just speaks to me about determination and courage and going full speed in the direction of your dreams. That actually is not the theme for today’s blog (but maybe soon). Today, however, I do want to talk about signs; road signs specifically.  Travel down any highway and you will see a variety of signs. Warning Signs. Direction Signs. Instructional Signs.  If we pay attention, they will help us avoid trouble on the road. If we ignore them, we are setting ourselves up for disaster.  We can also learn some lessons from these road signs to navigate down life’s highway. So let’s go! A U-Turn is made when we no longer wish to proceed forward but believe we should go b

The Keys

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You know that feeling… the one where you have just shut your car or front door and instantly realize the keys are inside…locked out of reach. It can be a feeling of panic. Or frustration. Knowing you will be late. Or delayed. Trying to crawl (and fit) in the window (without the neighbors ringing the police) or calling someone who has a spare key or worse; a locksmith. Being locked out is a helpless feeling. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves emotionally locked. It seems we are trapped in a destructive cycle and unable to break free. It feels like everyone around us is moving along with ease and comfort, and we are stuck, locked out of the joy. My friends, today, I want to provide you with a set of keys. These keys are valuable and if you will use them, the locks on your life can be opened. Lock #1 – Depression No one likes to admit they are depressed. Yet one out of every ten person takes some form of anti-depressant. For women over 40; it is one out of every four . Wh