A Reason To Keep Swimming - You Don't Have To Be A Drowned Rat

Ok - I get that the first blog post I have written in months should probably not be about drowning rats - yet here we are.

And what, you might ask, do rats of any kind have to do with Hope?

As it turns out, in the pre-animal rights era of the 1950s, a scientist at John Hopkins did a cruel, yet impactful study on rats. It was called, of all things, the Hope Experiment.

There are a few different versions of the experiment, but I’ll try to spare the brutal details with the condensed version. Hang in there with me, there is a lesson to learn.

For the first round, rats were put into a bucket of water to see how long they would attempt to tread water to stay alive. The time was about 15 minutes.

In the second round, just before they were about to give up, they were rescued. Dried off. Allowed to recoup a bit. Then they were put back into the bucket.

This time, they swam longer, harder. They fought on. Endured. Caught a second wind and kept the faith.

Do you want to guess the average time they lasted the second go-round? One hour? Four? Try 60!!

So what was the difference between the 15-minute rats and the 2+ day team?

HOPE!

Once they had been saved, they kept going because they knew there was a chance of walking on dry land again!

(I wonder if this is where the movie Hope Floats got its name??) Sorry, I had to ask.

Now I understand the cruel nature of the experiment, and I’m sure such research would not be conducted at such a prestigious university today, but the conclusion is hard to ignore.  

Hope is a very powerful weapon.

Do You Feel Like You Are Drowning?

I know I do sometimes. The waves just keep coming and I’m convinced they are going to drag me under to stay. Treading life’s emotional water is exhausting and it’s easy to feel like I’m all alone out there.

But I also know I have reasons to keep swimming. And when my strength is almost gone, I hold on to them.

What are some things that you might do to maintain Hope and keep swimming?

Embrace (Or Find) Your Faith

God is the original manifestation of Hope and the word is used 129 times in the Bible. In fact, the verse on my website declares that He plans to give us "hope and a future". (Jer. 29:11).

One's faith is a very personal decision and I would not dare dictate how it should look for you. I can only encourage you to look beyond yourself for the help and healing that comes from a relationship with your soul's creator.

Get Out In Nature

Speaking of creation, get outside and get it all over you. (Brownie points if you know what movie that's from.)

There is something refreshing and calming about being outside. Whether you prefer the soothing sound of water, the fragrance of radiant blooms, the sweeping vistas of the hills, or the quiet of the sunrise or sunset, there is a stillness to being in touch with nature.

Explore Your Talents/Strengths

I don't care what anyone has ever told you (or what you have told yourself), there is something you are good at. You have a talent. A gift. A strength. Find it. Use it!

When you tap into what makes you unique, you will find your swimming superpower. GIfts look different on everyone. Some are obvious, like the creative types. Or athletic ones. Others are more serene and less visible.

Did you know being a great listener is a talent?

Having the ability to organize and plan?

A good communicator is a great gift to possess.

Your strengths and gifts not only set you apart from everyone else, but they are also part of your purpose for being here. Once you focus more on your purpose and less on your problems, the waters will part and you will hit the ground running.

Pursue Yourself

There is tremendous hype these days about self-help. And sometimes I think that we can get so caught up in self-help, that we become self-absorbed. (Sounds like a good blog idea.)

But I do believe there is value in knowing and nurturing yourself.

Take care of your body. Feed it healthy foods. Move it with exercise. Get enough sleep. Create balance in your life.

Stay connected to friends. No wo (man) is an island, and if you find yourself swimming alone towards one, that's not a good sign. We need connections, allies, compadres, partners. Someone who gets us. Find your tribe and nourish each other.

Do You Know Someone Who Is Drowning?

There is life-saving truth that it is difficult to save a frantic person from drowning in water because they are so desperate they unintentionally can pull you under as well.

This does not necessarily translate to emotional drowning.

While there may be certain circumstances that require immediate and/or professional help, there is almost always something you can do to help someone you know who is struggling. Even if you are struggling as well.

I can speak from personal experience that it doesn't take a grand gesture to turn the tide. A simple text. Call. Email. Check in. How are things? Do you need anything? Want to grab lunch?

We don't need you to change the world for us. We just want to know our presence in the world still matters.

So many people are crying on the inside. They are frantically treading emotional waters you never see. You are surrounded by them every day. In traffic, at the office, standing in the check-out line, sitting in the next booth, maybe even sitting beside you on the couch.

Don't wait to show kindness. Don't assume everyone is fine. Don't think your actions don't matter. They do! One small act of kindness can literally turn someone's day or even life around. Even a genuine smile to a complete stranger can help them feel a little less alone in the world. Or in the water.

Be the reason someone keeps swimming!

My Hopefuls, I go through days when I look and feel like a drowned rat. It takes all I got to keep treading water. It's those days when I don't feel like I have anything worthwhile to share with you. So I don't.

But I'm learning that part of my swimming stamina comes from my connection with you. That YOU help keep me going. So while I'll never perfect the breaststroke or nail the 400m relay, it is my goal to keep swimming.

And to keep HOPE alive for all of us!

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

My Therapist Dumped Me ("It's Not Me, It's You")

So my therapist dumped me. Is that even a thing? Don't they have to take some Hippocratic oath to never give up on a patient? Talk about a hit on someone's self-esteem! If my therapist can't deal with me, what does that say about everyone else in my life? 

Just to be clear, I'm fine. I mean, yes, it stung a little. It was out of the blue and I wasn't expecting it. We were about halfway into our last appointment when she just said she didn't think this was working. I was caught off guard and not exactly sure what to say. What DO you say when someone wants to break up with you? 

First, let me just say it is humbling to even admit I was seeing a therapist. And honestly, it shouldn't be. But I come from a long line of stubborn, independent, and self-sufficient survivors. The thought always ran through my head that a strong will, squared shoulders and a can-do attitude will get you through anything. (That and a daily dose of Jesus.)

But sometimes you just need a different perspective from a trained eye. To help steer you back into a healthy and productive lane of travel. Like going to the doctor. However, the key to a successful doctor/patient relationship is following the doctor's advice. And there, my friends is probably the main reason for my now current therapist-less condition. 

Clearly Defined Goals

In order for most relationships to thrive, there must be a clearly defined goal. In the dating world someone who wants a casual relationship with one weekly dinner should not get into bed (literal or otherwise) with someone looking for a trip down the altar. They don't have the same goal and the relationship is sure to fail. 

It is fair to say my therapist and I had different goals. She was/is extremely well-intentioned. She listened to me, asked questions, took notes. She ultimately came up with a plan to change something in my life.  But the problem was, I wasn't looking for a change. 

I don't wish to go into personal detail, but the bottom line is my goal was to find sort of a guide map to help me on my current journey. She wanted me to completely change the destination. I wasn't ready for that. My resistance to her strategy confused and stymied her. She was sure the new destination would be wonderful for me and she couldn't understand my refusal to budge. 

When We Get In Our Own Way

I don't completely understand my refusal to budge either. Let's go back to the doctor analogy. If I go to the doctor with a severe respiratory condition and I smoke (which I don't), they are going to tell me to stop smoking. 

If I then refuse to stop smoking, they will become frustrated. Why would I not do the one thing that could help my situation? Why would I not get out of my own way?

You know when you are in the grocery store and you are walking ahead of someone pushing the cart. Only they aren't paying attention to you and you aren't paying attention to them and BANG, they run into your heel and ankles? Is there anything more startling and painful? That's what I'm talking about. 

We sometimes push our own grocery cart while still trying to stay ahead of it. We want to prepare for the future while still controlling the present. But then we get tripped up. We don't get out of our way soon enough and a collision occurs. 

My therapist could sense a pending collision and was trying to steer me in a different direction. But I'm stubborn, strong-willed and believe I am in full control of my grocery cart. Until I'm not.   

So Who's Right and Who's Wrong? 

When a romantic relationship ends the blame game usually begins. He/she did that. She/he said this. They didn't/don't/wouldn't/couldn't. The list is long and wide. The truth is there are times when someone did make a mistake and is at fault. More often than not, it just simply didn't work out. 

Not having someone to blame doesn't make it easier. Truth be told (don't tell her I told you this), but I was considering breaking it off with her too. Not because I didn't value her advice, I did! I thought she was great. But I also felt like I was disappointing her. I wasn't following the advice that I just said I valued. 

In reality, no one was wrong. She was doing her job to the best of her ability. And I was trying to be true to myself and to the reasons I chose to continue traveling down my current path. It became clear those two sentiments didn't align. And she was aware and kind enough to do the hard part. 

So What's Next

She asked if I wanted a referral. I declined. I'm not ready to move on yet. I need time to reflect. Honestly, maybe I'm therapist-resistant. You know, like some people who are medicine resistant. 

Maybe I'm too set in my ways. 

Maybe I have too high of an opinion of my decision making abilities to actually try something different. 

Maybe I'm just too scared. 

My Hopefuls, I shared this with you for two reasons. First, because I want you all to know it is OK to seek help/guidance from a trained/experienced therapist or counselor. There is no shame in needing an extra set of emotional eyes. And sometimes we do need help getting out of our own way. 

Second, it's also OK to trust yourself. Every relationship you are in, whether it's personal or professional, requires you to be comfortable and honest. If you ever lose sight of yourself or your goals it is OK to reevaluate. 

And last, but not least, I completely understand we all have struggles. Everyone has a battle to fight. Some days we win the skirmishes and some days we lose. The key is we get back up, take a deep breath, and start over again the next day. 

I do not have all the answers. Shoot, some days I can't even push my own grocery cart. And I have the dubious honor of being dumped by her therapist. BUT I believe this life is good. And full of love. And that we all should...

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Cancel Culture - Have We Cancelled Our Brains? (Don't Water Down The Sweet Tea)

I've reached the old and cranky stage of life, so when I started to hear the term 'cancel culture', I wasn't even sure what it meant or if I even cared what it meant. Maybe it was the name of a new boy band, restaurant, or worse, another flash-in-the-pan political stunt to further divide the country. 

Turns out, the latter is pretty close to the truth. Only it appears to be gaining momentum instead of losing it, and while there are political laces running through it, I think it's more about pushing limits than an actual agenda or platform.

So I decided to crawl out of my self-imposed Covid/Introverted cocoon to take a deeper, and hopefully, more objective look at this social experiment that has gone terribly off the rails. To find what good may have been intended and to root out the useless and damaging elements that have come to define the cause. 

So, you ask, what is Cancel Culture? Are we living in a 'cancel culture'? Or are we 'cancelling culture'? Or both? Here is a definition I found online:

The phenomenon of promoting the 'cancelling' of people, brands, shows, movies, etc to what some consider to be offensive or contain problematic remarks or ideologies. 

On the surface, that doesn't sound all that bad. We don't need any more offensive or problematic ideologies floating around. I've been against those for years. So what's the issue then? Stick with me kid, and I'll tell you.

What Is Culture?

Let's back up a minute and talk about the meaning of culture. Before anyone can cancel anything, they need to know what they are cancelling. 

Culture is a fancy word for the way a group of people live. It is their behaviors, values, beliefs. It is their customs, religion, food, social habit, routines. 

It is the the groundwork for how we look at life, our views of marriage, family, even music and the arts. Some elements are more intimate and come from within the family unit. Others are more regional or geographically influenced. 

It is how we see life and how we experience it. It is how we identify ourselves. Take me for example. I identify as a Southern/Christian woman. I grew up in the rural south. Grew up in church. Drove a tractor before a car. Worked in a tobacco field for my first job. And drank gallons of my Momma's sweet tea. (Mentally bookmark that statement, because I'm coming back to the sweet tea in a minute.)

Can Culture Be Bad/Offensive?

Wow, that's a tough question. Of course it can. And that's true for a couple of reasons. 

First, there are bad people in every walk of life (culture). They do bad things. Say bad things. Create chaos. Does that mean everyone in that culture is on their side or is equally bad? Definitely not. 

Second, depending on YOUR culture, there may be things in OTHER cultures you inherently find uncomfortable. My particular upbringing makes me sensitive to excessive foul language. Does that mean I judge everyone who curses as a bad person? No.

Does it mean I choose to limit my interactions with them? Probably. Or choose to limit my entertainment options to those more suited to my comfort level. Yes. But it also means, for those times when I encounter a less than ideal situation for me, I deal with it. I'm an adult. 

It is not my place to cancel every person or situation I don't like. 

So Who Gets To Make That Decision?

And there is the rub. The nag in the back of your brain. The shake your head moment. Who are these people deciding what is 'good' or 'bad'? Who appointed them the Grand Poobah of Conclusion to determine what is worthy to be seen, heard, remembered, acknowledged? 

Are there things in the past that were/are hurtful? Absolutely. Are there things in the here and now that are damaging still? For sure. Have every one of us done things we regret? No doubt. 

So who is responsible for righting the ship and staying on course? 

If we are talking children, then it's the job of the parent. Hands down they are the ones to train their kids on both the good and bad of a history we can't erase no matter how hard we try. And they are the ones to lead by example so history does not repeat itself. 

Sadly, many have not accepted that challenge. It's easier to let TikTok and Instagram do it for them. (And that is a topic for another day.)

If we are talking adults, which I'm guessing most of you are, then the decision and responsibility are YOURS. You have a brain. USE IT. Initiate common sense. Open your eyes. See what needs to change. Be a part of that change. But don't mindlessly follow the crowd just because it is easier than actually taking a stand and doing the work. 

There are no brownie points for silent submission. 

So Does Culture Even Need To Be Cancelled?

This is a trickier question. 

There are hard nos when it comes to what is acceptable. Abuse of anyone in any fashion is one. 

Racism is another. And racism was, in fact, the main catalyst for the trending cancel culture. It was decided that any and all things racist needed to be annihilated, destroyed, erased, CANCELLED. 

And on its face value, I agree. 

For a brief moment, I considered the title for this blog to be "My Racist Family". I love a good play on words, and it fit with my underlying message (which I haven't gotten to yet, sorry). But I KNEW that was not a good idea because most people would see those words and NOT see the forest for the trees. 

So let me explain my rationale. 

My son-in-law is a black man. I have a bi-racial grandson. That family unit is sensitive and aware of the problems caused by racism. And as someone who loves them, I am as well. 

It is also fair to say that I do not always agree with every one of their sentiments or conclusions. But I always listen to them. I have learned things. I have recognized behaviors and attitudes on my part. I am trying to keep my fingers and heart on the pulse to be on the right side of the issue.  

And we have worked our way back to my Momma's sweet tea. 

Let's pretend for a moment we have a huge barrel of sweet tea. Delicious, ice-cold sweet tea. And just for today, that sweet tea represents the lessons we as a nation (or simply the human race) needs to learn about racism. 

And we are learning. Our collective eyes have been opened to the injustices, roadblocks, inconsistencies, and struggles that bias, bigotry, and discrimination have caused. We are drinking the sweet tea. 

Then cancel culture comes along. And it appears to be their mission to re-write history and make today the only day that counts. I am a product of more than just what I do today, the good and the bad. In fact, the person I am today is what I learned from both the good and the bad of my past. 

With every new 'cancellation', the barrel of sweet tea becomes a little more watered down. It is becoming diluted with every new 'drop' and the much needed movement is becoming weaker. As such, it is becoming harder to swallow by those of us who want to learn from the knowledge of the sweet tea barrel. 

We want to make a difference, but not at the expense of the useless and baseless trashing and bashing of things and people. There are enough real problems today. We don't need to borrow any from cartoons, ice cream trucks, or even insensitive, ignorant people who operated in a different time under different values. We can (and mostly have) overcome and bettered those values. 

What Does All This Mean? 

My Hopefuls, this has been a very long post. If you have made it this far, I applaud your diligence and patience. Part of it is I haven't written in a long time, and the other part is I just couldn't stop typing once the thoughts started flowing. 

I do believe I am in a unique situation. I know I am from a generation that tolerated insensitive and inappropriate behaviors at times. And I am currently emotionally invested in making sure we/I do better. 

But I absolutely do not need someone else to determine for me what part of history or current events I need to embrace or discard. Stay out of my sweet tea. I got this! And I'm hoping you do too!

I'll close with two additional statements. 

The color of your skin doesn't protect you from being evil or cause you to perpetuate evil. 

Victimization and being a victim are both generational curses that need to be broken. 

And always.....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Failure To Imagine - How Your Life Can Improve With Awareness, Thoughtfulness And Action

A very interesting phrase resurfaced this week due to the recent events in Washington. This post has ZERO to do with politics, but I did want to capitalize (pun intended) on how these three simple words can transform your life if you open up your mind to the process. 

This phrase has been around for several decades, but maybe the most memorable use was after the attacks of 9/11. One writer suggested that the 'success' of the enemy was not brought about by the breakdown of intelligence or coordination. Both of those things were available in abundance. Our collective downfall as a country was the failure to imagine such evil intentions and the extreme measures our adversaries would take to further their cause.

The phrase ‘failure to imagine’ was used again this week in an attempt to explain away lack of preparedness and a total inability to either read the writing on the wall (of social media) or the choice to ignore it. 

How often do each of us do that in our daily lives? Are we guilty of being short-sighted and rob ourselves of the benefits of taking steps to improve our future selves? An article in Psychology Today talks about the trap some people believe themselves to be in. They live in a small orbit of family, friends, jobs, and can't envision a path forward from good to better.

It offers the idea that true fulfillment requires we need to "first imagine a life that transcends" our current vision. In other words, we need to embrace both short-term goals as well as long-term ones.

Intentional Thoughtfulness

So how do all these lofty words and ideals translate into a better life for YOU?

It starts with intentional thoughtfulness. The ability to make informed choices and take deliberate action without an immediate reward. We live in an instant world. From microwaves to ATM machines, to Amazon Prime 2 day delivery, we have grown accustomed to having what we want (or think we want), right NOW!

And even though NOW is where we live, we should plan and prepare for the many nows that will hopefully come later. Think of it as your life's version of the decades' old candy:

You can (and should) enjoy your life now while still planning for the later. 

Here are a few places to start. 

Imagine A Healthier You

Sure, maybe your blood pressure, glucose levels, and ideal weight are spot on. Congrats!

Don't be fooled into believing that your food and exercise decisions today won't affect your overall health and wellness in the years to come. And you do want years to come.... right? 

Even if you currently struggle with certain medical conditions, it is never too late to try and do better. Try to see past the immediate desire for a double cheeseburger and 'imagine' being around to play with your grandchildren or feeling up to a rousing game of golf or tennis in your retirement. 

And be careful to heed the advice of your doctor. You should not put off taking medications or having preventative tests. Both of these can help you live a longer, healthier life. 

Imagine Happier Relationships

The energy and passion of young love is the subject of many books, poems, and songs. What they fail to accurately represent is the hard work involved in maintaining that love. 

It is all too easy to get caught up in what feels good now and what my needs are today. Being selfish is a common roadblock to a long-term love affair. 

Nurture and commitment are the cornerstones of any successful relationship. Romantic or otherwise. 

Forgiving and also being able to ask for forgiveness in return. The resolve to push through the hard times. The dedication when the fun flat-lines and struggles show up. The understanding that most storms ends with a rainbow and that beautiful symbol of conquering the squall is best shared hand-in-hand and together. 

It is necessary through the difficult times (and even the good ones), to 'imagine' what your relationship will look like in years to come. Envision growing old together. Picture yourselves as the cute old couple that everyone wants to be. 

Then set about the work to make that picture a reality. 

Imagine Financial Security

In these uncertain times, I'm not sure what financial security even looks like. I wrestle every day with debt vs savings vs what to do with my 401K. But I do know this, long range financial security doesn't just happen.

There is a fine line between enjoying your life today and setting aside for a rainy day. I am not an advocate of never reaping the fruits of your labor. It is OK to occasionally buy something that makes you happy, look great, or feel better.

I am a big believer in family vacations and memorable experiences. If you save every penny your entire life and never have a beautiful memory of that life, I'm not sure that is the picture of success.

On the flip side, you should balance what you spend for today's pleasures with saving for those you want tomorrow. That can be easier said than done for some, and I understand that. But even small steps will add up over time.

Cut out unnecessary expenses for certain conveniences or subscriptions. Look for ways to save just a few dollars here and there, and then set aside those dollars for your future. There are apps that will help you invest or if that thought scares you (it does me), simply save them.

The key is to 'imagine' your future as being self-sufficient and independent. That you have the financial freedom to support yourself without working until the very end. Those goals start with wise spending choices today.

Imagine The Fulfillment Of Your Dreams

While all the above are worthwhile and important, this one is probably the nearest to my heart. 

There are more articles, encouragement, and tools available today than ever in the quest for the fulfillment of dreams and goals. The problem for some traces back to the issue above about wanting to see immediate results.

The beginning painter's work will probably not immediately go to a museum. 

The musician's first song will most likely not win a Grammy. 

My first book did not end up on the New York Times Best Seller's List. 

There are rare (and exciting) moments when the novice reaches the pinnacle of the mountain with their original endeavor. However, for most of us, it takes time, work, sweat, and patience. 

But my advice will ALWAYS be to never give up. The goal should not be perfection or recognition. It should be to persist and hone your craft or vision. To be the best version of you. To grow. Learn. Improve. 

And to 'imagine' reaching your goals. To plan and implement the steps involved believing you will succeed. And then measure that success not only on monetary gain or prestige, but personal satisfaction and undeniable accomplishment. 

Imagine Your Potential

My Hopefuls, it is my goal today to encourage each of you to imagine your potential. In all areas of your life. To not settle for just good enough. To not believe this is all there is. To limit yourself to the mundane. 

But to purposefully visualize the life you can have. 

Never let your life or your dreams fall victim to the failure to imagine. The road ahead is full of promise, love, goodness, and HOPE. 

And with that in mind....

Always..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

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www.hopeboulevard.com 

 

Facing Down Fear - Hope For The New Year

 

Many people, including myself, experienced a good deal of fear in 2020. 

From riots to Covid to isolation to lockdowns to remote learning and working to natural disasters to one crazy presidential election, there was always something coming around the curve to keep us off-balance. 

In all honesty, though, I've lived with fear much longer than just this past year. In fact, it's hard to remember a time when fear wasn't motivating me in some manner or another. 

It is a bit humbling to admit as someone who proclaims so fervently about HOPE, but it is true just the same. And I DO believe in HOPE. I believe the path forward is paved with it. I also recognize our paving equipment may need some annual maintenance. So here goes. 

What Are We Afraid Of

This is almost impossible to answer because people process and express fear differently. Their life experiences also play a large role. Fear isn't always a bad thing, either. It is a protection mechanism. It helps guide certain decisions. It also motivates to inspire change. 

Some have constant fear regarding financial issues and making ends meet. Others battle illness. The person how has a loved one struggling with addiction fears every unknown phone call. 

Those with mental illness often experience highly irrational fears. And the people who love them often live in fear of THEM. 

The root of fear is feeling out of control. That we are helpless and drifting around on a tiny raft during a raging storm. And the truth is, much of what happens (not all) in our lives is out of our direct control. Life happens, as they say. But our response to those happenings is COMPLETELY within our control. And that's where the key lies in living in fear and overcoming it. 

I've come up with three universal fears and my thoughts on dealing with them. I'm no expert, mind you. I'm on a journey for answers myself. Maybe together we can all find strength. 

Fear Of Judgment

Many people walk around in life boasting, "I don't care what ANYONE thinks of me." "I'll do whatever I want." "Their opinions don't matter." And most of the time those people are lying to themselves. Because whether we admit it or not, we do care what others think. 

If we didn't, half the world wouldn't live their life on social media. They rack up 'likes' and comments and tally them at the end of the day to make sure they are still relevant and pleasing to those around them. 

And the unfortunate events of bullying would be non-existent if we didn't care what people thought. 

It is not a bad thing to wish to be liked and appreciated. It's a sign of community. We need each other. Acceptance is a comforting blanket in a very cold world. The problem comes when we take it too far. 

The bottom line is, not everyone is going to like you (or me). We will be someone's unsweet tea in their corn syrup world. And that's OK. (Although if you know me, you know my tea rivals that of even McDonald's.) My point is, you will be fit into everyone's lifestyle. Nor should you want to. 

The key here is to know and like yourself. Tall order, I know. But once you are cool with yourself, the opinions and judgments of others have less impact on your happiness. 

Take stock of where you are. Improve in the areas YOU think important. Then take a deep breath and march into this world being proud of who you are and what you bring to the table. There are plenty of tables to go around. Don't expect everyone to eat at yours. 

Fear Of Failure

This one strikes home to me more than the first one. I do have a fear of failure. 

As a single mom most of my life, I've looked back and wondered did I fail my children. I wasn't able to provide a traditional, intact home. My marriages failed. 

When I started Hope Boulevard I had such high hope and expectations for reaching and helping people. There have been many days when I have felt I failed at that as well. 

I read an article recently that said you will never reach potential if you are not willing to be embarrassed. I'd never thought about things from that angle. The author suggested that until you completely put yourself out 'there', and risked being embarrassed, boo'ed, or worse, ignored, then you would never truly believe you had given it your all. 

There are dozens of memes and quotes about no risk/no reward. You only fail when you don't try. One foot in front of the other until you make it. Learn from the mistakes. You know, you've read them too. 

And I agree with all of them. The challenge is believing they apply to YOU when YOU are the one dealing with the loss, the setback, the failure. 

You will not be the best at everything you do. The key is to do the best that YOU can do. If you truly do your best, then the result is not failure. It might be disappointing, or not what you envisioned, but never a failure. (Note to self.) 

Fear Of Being Alone

This one really has a two-fold meaning. 

There are those who do fear being alone in the relationship sense. They are compelled to jump from one relationship to another in order to avoid an empty feeling. The result is usually unpleasant and another loss. 

The truth is, that empty feeling is often the result of someone not truly being happy and comfortable with themselves. That void is their own self-acceptance. Since they don't have it, they seek it from someone else. The problem is that piece of the puzzle only fits from within yourself. No one else can give that to you. 

And being in the wrong relationship brings about way more loneliness and strife than being alone. 

But I'd like to shine a small light on another type of being alone. And that is standing up and even alone for what is right. Sometimes that is scary too. 

Just like the fear of judgment and wanting to be liked, some people are afraid to take an unpopular stand, even if they truly believe it right in their heart. They don't want the public ridicule. This is more true today than any other time I have ever known. 

The 'mob' mentality tries to dictate what we should believe, rally behind, endorse. Those with an opposing view are mocked and made to feel inferior or stupid. It is hard to stand alone. 

I am not here to be another to tell you what to believe. It is on you to do be true to your heart and make wise and thoughtful decisions. But once those decisions have been made, hold firm to them. 

Stand up for what you believe to be right. Do so with integrity and a quiet spirit. You don't have to be a bully to get your point across. And you don't have to bow to another bully when you encounter one. 

Facing Down Fear

My Hopefuls, it has been my goal today to help shine a little light on the anxieties and doubts that creep into our hearts and minds. It will happen. Even to those who unwilling to admit it. 

My advice is to learn to control what you can. Take back the reins of your life if you have given them away. Start each day with a fresh dose of grit and encouragement and be the best version of YOU. 

There is only one YOU. Take comfort and delight in that. You should also take comfort in this: 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

And as always, for this new year and beyond... 

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

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