Stop Chasing Field Mice (4 Things Not Worth Your Time)

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Did you almost kill yourself trying to get rid of it! (Raises hand)

It's kinda crazy too because it's so small. It's not like it's going to hurt me but just seeing it scurrying and flitting around so fast makes me nervous. Like, where is it going to go next. And don't get me started on the horror if it runs between my feet. 

I think part of the problem is that they move so FAST! 

In the animal kingdom, the lion is also pretty fast. And check out this little piece of tidbit trivia. A lion can actually CATCH a field mouse. 

Lions are carinivores. Which means a low-carb diet is their go-to thing. And technically a field mouse counts as meat. But for the mighty lion, it pretty much amounts to the equivalent of a Mickey McNugget. (I know that was bad, but I couldn't resist.)

And the energy and calories expended to catch this tiny morsel outweigh any nutritional value. In fact, it creates a deficit. 

So even though the lion CAN catch a field mouse, it's not worth his time. 

Can you identify with that lion? Are you chasing things in your life that use up too much energy and create an emotional or even physical deficit? Are you wasting your precious time trying to catch something that will do you more harm than good?

Let's look at 4 things not worth your time and energy. 

1. Stop Chasing Approval 

We all need to be accepted. And we want to be loved and appreciated by others. But you shouldn't have to chase after these things. 

Don't be one of those people who spend countless hours trying to take the perfect selfie or post the funniest meme just to go back and count how many 'likes' and comments you received. Your self-worth cannot be centered around how other people respond (or if they don't). 

Don't put yourself in compromising positions trying to fit in. This includes both your personal and professional life. You must be willing to stick to your beliefs and convictions. You have to be strong enough to stand against the differing ideas of others. 

It's hard to believe today with all the hype - but two mature people can still agree to disagree on a subject and still be civil and kind. If someone is willing to make you an enemy because you don't see things the same way they do, then walk (very far) away. 

Stop playing the role of a people pleaser. I am guilty of this more than most. I try to avoid conflict. I want smooth waters. So I put up with and overlook things to keep all the cogs moving. But sometimes the cogs need to STOP moving. 

Being a people pleaser does not guarantee anyone will like or approve of you. It simply means you are on the fast track to have others take you for granted, or worse, take advantage of you. 

Yes. Be kind. Yes. Be fair. Yes. Go above and beyond for the good of others. I'm not advocating selfishness. I'm advocating for you to be one of the many people you work so hard to please. Be good to yourself! 

Worry so much less on the opinion and approval of others, and work towards inner peace and a clear mind and heart. The people who are supposed to be in your life will accept you just the way you are. 

2. Stop Chasing Someone Else's Dream

Most of us have an inner drive. A dream. A goal. We have a passion to make a difference or express our individuality. My passion is Hope Boulevard. Even on days when I feel like giving up, I hold on to the thought of that one person who might find 'hope' from something I do or say. 

But some of you have put your dream on hold to pursue what someone else has told you to do. 

This could be a child giving in to the pressure of a parent who insists they play a sport when they really want to play the piano. Parents, let your kids find their own way. Yes, guide them. And it's ok to have them finish a course/season they started. But stop short of forcing them to continue what does not bring them joy. It will only build resentment. 

This could be a young adult being afraid of disappointing their family by not following the career path once talked about. Family expectations weigh heavily on young minds. But it's ok to follow your heart. Your life's work should be something that fulfills YOU. 

This could be a spouse/partner who stops chasing their passion because of ridicule or indifference. I truly hope that the person you choose to walk through life with supports your goals, but if they don't, keep going anyway. Now, there is often a time when one partner has to put their dreams on hold so the other can excel. However, that sacrifice should be rewarded and returned when possible. 

It is great to ask for guidance. Listen to the advice of others, especially those with more experience and wisdom. Consider their points. But at the end of the day, you are responsible for the choices and decisions you make. 

3. Stop Chasing Another's Heart

This is a tricky one. There's a difference between and lovingly and actively pursuing a love interest and obsessively stalking someone who is not interested in you. 

It is a human nature trait to value something you earned, worked for, went after. So it is ok to show excitement and affection for someone you are dating or would like to date. The balance there is they are showing the same excitement back. 

I am completely against 'playing hard to get'. It is confusing and a waste of time. If someone shows interest, and you return that interest, then let them know. If you don't, then, again, let them know. 

And if someone tells you (or shows you), that they are not romantically interested in you, then move on! 

Don't expend your emotional energy and resources where they are not wanted. It is not realistic to expect to wear them down and then win them over. If it takes that much work to get them, you won't have anything left to maintain the relationship. 

There is someone out there who will appreciate the effort you put in. Learn when it is time to let go. Desperation is never attractive. 

4. Stop Chasing Revenge

A very popular movie plot is based on the theme of the hero losing something dear and spending 1.5 hours plotting and exacting revenge.

By the end of the movie, they feel vindicated and all is right with the world.  

That might work well in the realm of cinema, but in real life, it seldom turns out that way. 

Yes, when someone wrongs us, or those we love, we take a personal interest in bringing them down. Making them pay. Finding justice. And there are times when justice is needed. But you need to let that happen through the proper channels. 

More often, what is needed is a time of healing and then forward movement. Stop spending time working on ways to inflict pain on someone else. Your days are too valuable and limited to waste them on someone who has hurt you. 

It is ok, and maybe even helpful, to express your hurt and disappointment to them. You have the right to be heard. But then put it behind you. Let life, natural consequences, or God handle whatever happens to them next. 

Be happy. Be at peace. Turn the page. Learn your lessons. Stop chasing the high you think you will feel even if you succeed. An eye for an eye seldom brings the satisfaction you are looking for. You are still left with the original pain and you have spent valuable time down in the mud with them. Clean yourself up and let it go. 

Learn To Recognize Your Emotional Field Mice

I just mentioned a few things. I'm sure there are other examples of things we waste time on that are not worth the effort. 

Take a hard look at where you invest your time and energy. Does the reward equal the effort? Are there other goals more befitting and honoring of who you want to be? Pursue those! 

You are the King/Queen of your life. Leave the pesky field mice running around alone. You have better things to do and bigger dreams to chase!

And as always...

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

 

How To Clean Your Emotional Closet (4 Things To Clear Out For The New Year)

Are you one of those who use the New Year to re-organize and throw out things you no longer want/use? 

Do you spend hours going through drawers, cabinets, closets in an attempt to keep your life in order? 

Is it your goal to cut down on the clutter and chaos and live a more minimalistic lifestyle? 

If you actually achieve this let me how you did it! I'm terrible at it! 

Did you know there are other 'things' you can get rid of as the New Year dawns that can make your life easier, more productive, and peaceful? Do you need to clean out your emotional closet? Those are things I CAN help you with. Read on!

Trim Your Friend's List

We all want to have friends and make connections. And for some, the number of 'friends' on their social media feels like an indicator of how popular and accepted they are. But that's not always the case. 

It is super easy to hit the "Add" or "Follow" buttons. You do it for people you don't even know, and others do it as well. It is an easy (and mindless) activity to scroll through social media and see the posts, pictures, and comments of everyone on your list. But in reality, how productive or beneficial is that? 

Social media stress  is a real thing. Spending too much time 'invested' in the lives of others can not only be a waste of time but also affect your self-esteem. Most people don't have the perfect life they post about. And whether we realize it or not, we subconsciously compare our lives/stories/families with those on our newsfeed. 

So I said all that to say, why not go through your friend's list and trim it down. Make it truly be friends and family that you desire to connect with. If you don't know them or have outgrown them, unfriend them. It's not a reflection of their value of a person, just who they are in your world. 

And let's go one step further, and examine the 'real-time' friends you hang out with. Have you grown apart with some? Have circumstances or situations caused a rift? The word toxic is thrown around way too much, but sometimes there are just people who bring you down more than lift you up. 

It is ok to limit your time and emotional resources on those who bring tension, hassle or drama into your life. You don't need a huge confrontation. Just quietly distance yourself and stick with those who truly value you. 

Throw Out The Bad Attitudes

Just like you throw out the clothes in your closet that don't fit or are frayed and torn, it's time to throw out those destructive attitudes. 

It is often true that we are our own worse enemies. The things we say to ourselves is usually way more damaging than the things said by others. 

Let's start the new year by throwing out negative self-talk and harmful attitudes. 

Stop saying: I CAN'T. No, you probably can't do everything, No one can. But you are stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Try it out and see for yourself. 

Stop saying: I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You are not broken. Yes, there may be a few cracks, bruises (or in my case, age spots), but you are worthy of love, joy, and acceptance. Everyone's journey is different, but no one gets out unscathed. Be proud of your scars and the lessons they taught you. 

Don't judge others for what you don't know about them, and don't allow someone to judge you for what they don't know. 

Steer clear of jealousy. If you have a valid reason not to trust someone, then don't trust THEM. Don't punish everyone else in the process. And for those who appear to have it better or easier, be happy for them.  Jealousy is a very bad look. 

Stop playing the victim. It is true that someone may have wronged you. Pick up the pieces and move on. Don't milk it for sympathy or attention. That stunts your emotional growth. And sometimes what we claim as bad luck is simply consequences for mistakes or bad choices. Own both the good and bad decisions and keep moving forward. 

Let Go Of The Past

Nothing clogs up your life's closet like excess emotional baggage. Dig it out and let it go. 

Forgive those who hurt you. What if they don't ask for it? Doesn't matter. It's for YOU and your peace of mind; not theirs. 

Forgive yourself for mistakes. Seriously, I've done so many things the wrong way. But I can't wallow around feeling defeated. We all have to dust ourselves off and move forward. You will never be perfect. But you must always be persistent. 

Move on from people, events, or situations that you can't fix or control. An abusive relationship. A dead-end job. Fear of failure. Make healthy decisions for your future that include self-love, self-care, and plenty of love for those who support and encourage you.  

Change Your Definition Of Happiness

As the world around us spirals frantically in so many directions, we are left to try and keep up. The Most. The Best. The Top. The Biggest. If we just get 'IT', we will be happy. 

Yeah, see, that never works. Because there is always the next thing down the line. 

For this new year, change the way you define happiness. 

Things won't make you happy; experiences will. 

People won't always make you happy; memories will. 

Status won't make you happy; personal accomplishments will. 

A clear mind. A full heart. A calm spirit. THOSE will reshape your view of happiness. 

And Happiness is what I wish for you!

My Hopefuls, I wish for each of you a year filled with love, joy, and especially HOPE. 

I know each day won't look or feel like the best day ever. But each day is a blessing. Each day is an opportunity. And each day offers you the chance to be kind, do good, and make a difference. 

Clean out your emotional closet of anything that weighs you down, stops your creativity, stifles your spirit, or chokes out your love. Keep it open for all the good things this year will bring you!

And, as always......

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Believing The Unbelievable - A Not So Silent Night You Can Relate To

Has doubt ever invaded your heart?

Do you ever question your purpose? Path? Choices? Circumstances?  

Did you know you are not alone? 

Did you know the most famous mother of all time, Mary, also struggled with acceptance and believing the unbelievable? 

For most of us, depictions of the nativity scene show a serene setting, with calm and stately adults surrounding a sleeping baby. 

But I'm not so sure that rendition is entirely accurate. It most certainly was a holy night, but I wouldn't bet so much on a silent night. Mary and Joseph had to travel out of town in her 9th month of pregnancy for a census. (You know how today we fill out a form that comes in the mail? Yeah, they didn't have that back then. Joseph had to actually GO to his hometown to be counted.)

That town, Bethlehem, was crowded. Census time brought in people from everywhere and all the restaurants and inns were full of loud and boisterous people. And what did those noisy people ride into town on? Loud and boisterous animals. And where did those noisy animals spend the night? 

The stable.

But I got ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning. 

As I stated above, most photos of Mary and Joseph, have them both being adults. And Joseph probably was, but most likely Mary was still a teenage girl. In the custom of those days, girls became engaged or 'betrothed' in the early to mid-teen years. 

Now think of a teenage girl you know before reading any further. 

In the culture at the time of Jesus' birth, women's rights were not quite as advanced as they are today. They didn't receive higher education, hold jobs outside the home, and they certainly didn't get visited by angels! And not just any angel. Gabriel was pretty high up the archangel ladder and yet he took a short business trip at God's command to visit young Mary with an unbelievable message. 

The Bible doesn't really describe the setting, but it does say Gabriel appeared. So it wasn't a dream. Or just a thought or 'quickening' in her heart. He actually showed up in Nazareth where she lived. Now I don't know about you, but at 57 I'd be pretty freaked out if an angel showed up at my home. So you can imagine that young Mary was pretty terrified. 

Gabriel reassured her all was well. That he had good news. That Mary had found favor with God and she was chosen to be the one to bring the Son of Man into the world. 

This was one heavenly gender reveal!

Except there was one problem. She was still a virgin.

No problem, Gabriel said. God's got this. This was going to be a holy in vitro. 

Now, this was a heavy bit of news for this teenage girl. I mean, how could this possibly be real. Maybe the goat milk was spiked. Or the lamb chops had gone bad. You gotta remember, she didn't have the benefit of knowing what we know. She couldn't jump ahead a few chapters and know what was going to happen. 

She had to accept this news on FAITH! She had to believe the unbelievable. 

Then she had to face Joseph. 

Can you imagine how that conversation went? 

"So Joseph sweetie. You are never going to believe what happened to me today. I had lunch with Gabriel, the angel, and I'm going to give birth to the Savior of the world."

You know that moment in the movies when one of the characters hears news that is too incredible to believe and everything just slows down and the camera closes in on their expression of disbelief. That turns to suspicious, and then wary, and then even anger. 

Yep, that's how Joseph felt.

"Surrreeee........ An 'angel' visited you today and said you were going to have a baby. Right! Who is this Gabriel guy and how could you do this to me? I will be the laughingstock of the town. My fiance is having a baby and I've only stolen a few kisses behind the barn!"

I mean, you get it right? This was a big deal. His (and her) reputations were on the line. His carpenter business could suffer if word got out. And he certainly didn't want to raise another man's child. 

See, we have the benefit of the neat and tidy version from the Bible. And we know the reasons and the wonder of it. But at that moment, both of their lives were in turmoil and Joseph was trying to 'handle' the situation. He was trying to find a way to move on with his life and still keep Mary from being a social outcast. 

He fell into a troubled sleep and then Gabriel shows up again in a dream. He confirms that everything that Mary had told him was true. He encouraged him to stay the course. He assures him that all of this is God's divine plan and that he and Mary were chosen and highly favored. 

So even though Mary and Joseph are now on the same page, it is still not an easy page to be on. There is still gossip, disapproving glances, whispers. There isn't any mention of how their families reacted, but you know this was highly unusual and a heavy burden to bear. 

And yet still teenage Mary continues to believe. I mean, it's hard not to. She is still a virgin and yet baby Jesus is growing inside her. But there had to have been hard days. Of confusion. Fear. The "why me". The inexplicable pressure of raising the Son of God. 

There must have been days when the crushing stress and fear of failure caused tremendous tension on their relationship. Yet she believed. 

Then came the trip to Bethlehem. Very late in her pregnancy. No comfy car to ride in. No midwife to travel with them. And once they got there, no room at the inn. 

As her labor pains started, she found herself surrounded by smelly animals in a stable that was definitely less than sterile. No ice chips. No epidural. Just a scared teenage girl in a dirty stall laying on the ground. While the world around her was oblivious to the miracle happening in the most humble of places, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And to keep from putting him on the ground also, Joseph made room in a food trough (manger) to put him in. 

At that moment Mary probably questioned everything she thought was true. Surely the King of the world would not be born in a stinky stable all alone. He should be born in a palace and she should have help and servants. This is not how she envisioned it. 

Does that sound familiar? Has life not exactly turned out the way you thought? 

Yet, Mary held on to the hope and news she received that day those months ago. And she believed that God would turn this questionable beginning to unquestionable wonder. 

So, you might ask, how does my retelling of the Christmas story (with a little creative license) have to do with your life? You most likely were not visited by an angel and not asked to be a famous and integral part of the history of the world. 

But you still play an integral part in YOUR world and with your family and friends. And I'm willing to bet you still have doubts. Of your place in this world. Of God's plan for your life. Of your ability to handle whatever you are going through. 

And that's ok, because everyone struggles with fear. Loneliness. Doubt. It's hard to believe that everything is going to be alright. This time of the year especially brings out insecurities and hurt feelings and problems seem to grow. 

But just like Mary believed, I want you to believe. That you are strong enough. That you are capable. That this world needs you and your contribution and your light. 

That God will give you the grace and strength to handle your circumstances. 

That the world's whispers don't matter. That where you find yourself today, however humble, will not be where you stay. That you have a future and God has a plan. 

Your struggles and fears are real. I'm not asking you to ignore them. But I am telling you to not give up. Give it your best every day. Show up. Be consistent. Be the best version of you.

And even if, and when, good things seem too good to be true, and unbelievable....'

I'm asking you to BELIEVE! 

And to always....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

  

Compromise or Coercion - The Fine Line That Can Ruin A Relationship

A relationship, by definition, is the coming together of two distinct individuals. 

As such, each person brings their own ideals, values, habits, and idiosyncrasies. 

It is impossible and unrealistic to think or expect two people to agree on everything. 

If that were the case, there would never be another Hallmark movie, heartbreak song, or counseling hotlines and therapy sessions. 

The truth is, we have to learn the art of compromise. 

But did you know that compromise in the wrong hands or with the wrong intentions can quickly turn into coercion? 

Let's look at the difference. 

The quick difference is that compromise involves both parties working together, while coercion finds one person with the power and the other feeling helpless. 

Coercion Can Be Masked To Look Like Compromise

Let me start by saying that not everyone who resorts to coercion has devious or harmful intentions. Many times it is an act of desperation. Someone who feels the relationship is slipping through their fingers will oftentimes try anything to keep from losing their partner. Even if their very acts almost guarantee that result. 

Co-dependents commonly use coercion to gain control and convince their partners to meet their very plentiful and exhaustive needs. 

Narcissists are the most obvious examples of purposeful coercion. 

The conversation centers on what THEY need, how THEY feel, and what YOU must do to prove your love, commitment, and loyalty. 

They introduce the topic as an act of compromise, when in fact its sole purpose is to convince you to come over to their way of thinking. 

This closely mimics control and manipulation. "If you love me, your will....., you won't.....etc"

If someone is asking you to constantly prove your love by doing something that goes against your nature, personality, or values, then it is not compromise. It is coercion. And you are most likely being bullied. 

True Compromise Benefits Both Parties

The key to whether a conversation is rooted in compromise is the ability to truly listen to the other person. To set aside pre-conceived ideas about what's fair or what you want, and really hear what they need, want, or can offer. 

If both sides truly want what's best for their partners, and not just seeking to win a competition or get their way, then true progress can be made. 

It is win-win for both parties when each feels valued, understood, and knows the other person is willing to sacrifice on occasion for their benefit. That softens the times for when the sacrifice is then required of them. 

Appreciation for the concession is a vital component of continued successful compromise. 

What Are Some Examples Of Compromise vs Coercion

Family Get-Togethers

When it comes to the holidays and family celebrations, it can be tricky to navigate who goes where and when. There are a million variations of family dynamics, but family is one thing that can truly cause a rift in a relationship. 

A compromise fairly negotiates how holidays and celebrations are handled. Whether it is every other year, or your turn to host, or separate visits. There really isn't a wrong way as long as the decision is mutual and reasonable. 

Coercion comes into play when one person uses manipulation or guilt to always get their way. "My family is closer than yours." "You don't even like your brother." "Your mom hates me." These are statements made to convince one partner that their wishes are not as important. 

Another subtle form of coercion is to change plans suddenly when it's their turn to compromise. They suddenly don't feel like going, or forgot and made other plans. It's not an outright refusal, but a last minute plea to get off the hook 'this time'. 

Introvert vs Extrovert Date Night 

They say opposites attract, and few things are more opposite than dating an introvert if you are an extrovert. Almost everything about how you two view life is from opposing vantage points. 

That doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, but it does mean that one person will most likely be either uncomfortable or dissatisfied on date night. So it is important to honor their sacrifice and then graciously offer yours. 

The obvious compromise is one date night is planned by the extrovert and the other by the introvert. There should be some ground rules in place beforehand so no one is thrown into a completely awkward situation. Then each partner makes the most of each date. 

Coercion rears its ugly head when someone agrees to this arrangement, but then doesn't follow through on their end. They make excuses. Or worse, they complain or refuse to fully engage in the plan. They say "I tried, but you know I hate to ......" 

If you don't truly believe you can follow through with a specific plan, then re-negotiate BEFORE the date. Don't wait until you are in the middle of it, or just before it starts, and back out. 

Sexual Differences

This is a touchy subject and not one I dive into often. It is also a subject where coercion is highly masked as compromise. 

Sexual wishes, desires, and needs are varied and highly individual. It is always a good idea to have an honest and open conversation about this when the relationship has progressed to this point. 

It is unfair to you and your partner to hide or disguise things that will eventually become important or a potential issue. 

And here is where it becomes tricky - compromise takes the form of when, how often, etc. Each person has the absolute right to decide 'now' does not work for them. Now, in a loving relationship, they also understand the needs and desires of their partner and will work to make the 'rejection' less stinging and then make it up to them as soon as they can. 

Coercion is heart-breaking and even dangerous in this arena. It seeks to shape the conversation based only on what one person wants. They try to convince their partner to engage in actitivites without respect for their comfort level or boundaries. 

They use phrases like, "Just try it for me." "Don't be a prude." "If you want me to stay happy, then do...." "You did it before, what's the problem now?"

It is perfectly fine if you want to try something new. It is equally fine, once you try it, if you don't want to do it again. Exploration MUST be mutual. Your love is not proven by how many shades of gray you like. 

What If There IS No Compromise

The hard truth is that certain issues can't be resolved by compromise. There are some principles and values that do not have wiggle room or bargaining power. They are just that important. 

If you are attempting to be in a relationship with someone who has opposing views on those matters, you need to face the fact that the relationship is not meant to be. 

That doesn't mean the other person is bad, misguided, or doesn't love you. It means you are not both on the same page, and trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole will never truly make either one happy in the long term. 

My Hopefuls, I only touched on a few drops in the massive ocean that encompasses compromise in a relationship. And it isn't only romantic relationships that require compromise. Every relationship - friendship, family, work - all require give and take to become successful. 

The key is balance and fairness. If you are always the one giving in and sacrificing, then it isn't compromise, you are being coerced. And it is unhealthy and damaging. You need to learn to stand up for yourself and right the ship before it is too late. 

Never let someone take your good nature for granted and always stay true to your principles. 

And always....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Forgiveness Is A Verb - How You Can Choose To Let Go Of Hurt

Has anyone ever hurt you? Mistreated you? Betrayed you? Taken advantage of you? 

If you have lived longer than five minutes on this earth, someone has probably wronged you in some way.

Whether it was reckless, a misstep, or an outright deliberate act, we have all been on the receiving end of someone's hurtful actions. Today I want to spend just a few minutes talking about moving on from that - in the form of FORGIVENESS. 

Most people think of forgiveness as an emotion. Being a sensitive gal myself, I'm all about some feelings. I can do heart emojis for days scrolling through feel-good social media posts.

But if we wait until we FEEL like forgiving someone, it's like waiting for the next season premiere of our favorite Netflix binge obsession. An eternity. 

No - we can't rely on our feelings to determine when, or if, to forgive. Just like we've all heard countless times how love is a verb - so is forgiveness. It is an action that allows you to move past the pain, heal, and find balance again in your life. 

So, you may ask, why do I have to do all the work? Why do I have to take the steps/action/movement? They are living their life like nothing ever happened? Why do I have to let them off the hook without consequences? 

Because.....

Not Forgiving Is A Cancer That Devours YOU

Bitterness starts to grow and then spread when unforgiveness is left to fester. And the thing about bitterness is that it doesn't just contaminate your life - it flows out of you and touches the other relationships in your life. Relationships that had nothing to do with the original wrongdoing. You then start to hurt the wrong people.  

Holding onto hurts or a grudge does very little, if any, damage to the one who wounded you. They may not even know you are hurt. It could have been an offhanded comment that you took wrong or a simple misunderstanding. Even if it was intentional, and they know what they did, don't waste another second waiting for them to express remorse.

Their remorse (or even acceptance) is not a requirement for your forgiveness to work. 

Forgiveness is the anti-venom to bitterness. It allows you to release the pain. It frees up space in your heart and mind that was held hostage with anger. Forgiveness is like opening the door to a damp, musty room and allowing all the bad particles to escape and all the fresh, clean air to come pouring in. 

Forgiveness Is A Choice

In addition to a verb, forgiving someone is a choice. We make choices every day; big ones and small ones. We live a life of intentions. 

We choose to go to work or school. We choose to be kind to our loved ones. We choose to make decisions that keep us safe, happy, and healthy. 

And sometimes one of these choices is to forgive someone. Be specific. Be intentional. And the best part is, they don't even have to know. Of course, if it is someone you currently have a relationship with, it is definitely wise to try and have a discussion and possibly even a resolution. 

But if that isn't possible, that doesn't have to stop you. Some hurts fester for years. Some pain is pushed down into our deepest parts. If the person who damaged you isn't around anymore - YOUR healing is still available with the act of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting

The truth is, it is the ones closest to us that hurt us the most. Face it, a stranger who makes a mean comment does not cut to the heart nearly as fast or deep as someone who knows us. 

It is that intimate knowledge of us from those in our circle that allows them to know just how to offend and scar us. So even though you make the decision to forgive, you can cut yourself some slack in the forgetting department. 

Forgiveness is not an erase button. It isn't even necessarily require a do-over. If the betrayal or injury was intentional and severe, you can make another choice. The choice to no longer have a relationship with that person. 

If that person is family, and you can't completely distance yourself physically, you can certainly limit your interactions with them. 

Learning to trust that person again is possible, and if both parties are willing to work towards that end, then that's a beautiful thing. But don't feel pressured or obligated to pretend. 

Your emotional health and peace of mind if your ultimate goal. Not soothing their ego. 

Don't Forget To Forgive Yourself

It has been my experience, literally, that the hardest person to forgive is the one in the mirror. 

We often hold ourselves to a higher standard than anyone around us. Not sure exactly why that is, but it is still true. 

And if you haven't messed up yet - believe me when I say you will. We all make bad decisions, with damaging consequences. And the key to getting past them is to own your misguided choices, forgive yourself, take a deep breath, and move forward. 

And on that note, if your reflections cause you to realize you have harmed someone else, it is then on you to ask for their forgiveness. This doesn't guarantee they will, but at least you know you tried. 

My Hopefuls, I understand all too well the pain of living with unresolved bitterness and anger. We expect the people in our lives to treat us with respect and return the love with pour into them. The truth is, though, it doesn't always happen that way. 

Forgiving someone who hurt us is oftentimes the only way we can move forward into our life and future. Resentment follows like a dark cloud just waiting to erupt into a dangerous storm. Don't allow it to stay.

Turn the tables. Stand up to the bitterness. Recognize the power YOU have. Forgiving someone does not let them off the hook. It lets YOU off the hook. Release their toxic hold on your life. 

Go forth and be free!!!

And always....

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com