It happens. I can admit that today (and yesterday) were
not my best days. Don’t worry; nothing bad took place. I am still one very
blessed and thankful woman. I have no legitimate reason to be gloomy. (Well,
the Panthers did lose the Super Bowl, but to be sure that isn’t it.) And yet I
am. Blue. Mopey. Out of sorts. I debated
on whether to share this. TMI! It’s a downer. Who wants to be bummed out,
right? Just feed us the cheerful stuff Hope!
And it would
be great if every day was a cheery and bubbly day. Some people seem to have
them. Those people tend to annoy me, but still. Maybe they know a secret. But
for me it seems there are times when, despite our best efforts and bravest
fronts, we just don’t quite make it to the top of Happy Mountain. The trail
runs cold or the wind is too strong. Maybe we dropped our favorite grappling
hook. So we stand there looking up, with our hands to shade our eyes, at what
appears to be an unattainable peak. Our focus is where we haven’t yet been. The
climb looks steep and we are tired. We rarely stop to look below at the
remarkable progress we have already made. Maybe looking back can sometimes be a positive thing. To see
how far we have come. How far I have come.
What causes
these emotional hiccups? No good answer here. Stress at work. An anniversary of
an event you wish you didn’t have to remember. Regret for a decision that backfired.
Fatigued at the magic money stretching to cover the bills. Maybe just one too
many cutesy Facebook quote put you over the edge. I guess the why doesn’t
matter. The whys will invariable come from time to time. It is the navigation
through them that highlights our courage and resolve.
Starting this
blog has been a blast and surprisingly uplifting for my spirit. The goal was to
be light hearted, maybe goofy and sometimes even self-deprecating. Sharing my
personal glitches and true stories with the awareness that we are all in this
together. It is beneficial to have that reminder. The feedback has been
tremendous and for that I am more grateful then I could ever adequately
express. And yet today I struggled. Today I didn’t feel like writing. Today I
didn’t feel like even leaving the house. (I did. My boss is funny about that
sort of thing.) But my emotional well is low. Like that annoying sucking sound
your straw makes when you want that very last drop of Chocolate Mocha Caramel Milkshake
from Cook Out. (I’m not sure they
actually have that flavor, but they should.) So is this ok? To admit when you
are weak? When your foundation shakes a little? Are we really
all in this together? Oh yeah we are. We have ALL been there.
There’s a
line in a new song I heard on the radio that goes, “Flying feels like flying
‘til you hit the ground.” That line has stuck with me. The really good days are really good days. We
just don’t always know when the ground is going to catch up to us.
So now what?
What do I do? I don’t know. Wait it out I guess. Maybe read a book (or a blog).
Watch a movie (with Bradley Cooper). Or have a Chocolate Mocha Caramel
Milkshake. It’s not like this is the first
time I’ve been depressed. It won’t be the last. I’m not freaking out or
anything. Here’s what I DON’T want. I don’t want you guys to feel sorry for me.
(I already have that covered, thanks!) I
will be just fine. It will pass. Just one of those little bumps in the road. In fact, just putting these few words together
here is already helping.
I just
decided that along with the good vibes and the funny anecdotes, I would also
share the less delightful moments. Moments of doubt. Of loneliness. Fear. So on
the off chance that anyone else is experiencing these, they will feel less
isolated. Maybe this post should serve as a reminder that having a bad day is not
a reflection of who we are as individuals, where we are on our journey, or
punishment for unknown transgressions. Just simply a notice to take a moment,
use the down time and regroup. Sit on the side of that mountain. Enjoy the
view. Reflect on the victories. Take
courage that tomorrow will open with the same opportunities as yesterday. One
day at a time. That’s all any of us can do.
So if today you’re the bug too, enjoy the cool
smoothness of the windshield before taking flight again with me tomorrow!
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