Most Days I'm The Windshield - Today...I'm The Bug

It happens.  I can admit that today (and yesterday) were not my best days. Don’t worry; nothing bad took place. I am still one very blessed and thankful woman. I have no legitimate reason to be gloomy. (Well, the Panthers did lose the Super Bowl, but to be sure that isn’t it.) And yet I am. Blue. Mopey. Out of sorts.  I debated on whether to share this. TMI! It’s a downer. Who wants to be bummed out, right? Just feed us the cheerful stuff Hope!

And it would be great if every day was a cheery and bubbly day. Some people seem to have them. Those people tend to annoy me, but still. Maybe they know a secret. But for me it seems there are times when, despite our best efforts and bravest fronts, we just don’t quite make it to the top of Happy Mountain. The trail runs cold or the wind is too strong. Maybe we dropped our favorite grappling hook. So we stand there looking up, with our hands to shade our eyes, at what appears to be an unattainable peak. Our focus is where we haven’t yet been. The climb looks steep and we are tired. We rarely stop to look below at the remarkable progress we have already made. Maybe looking back can sometimes be a positive thing. To see how far we have come. How far I have come.

What causes these emotional hiccups? No good answer here. Stress at work. An anniversary of an event you wish you didn’t have to remember. Regret for a decision that backfired. Fatigued at the magic money stretching to cover the bills. Maybe just one too many cutesy Facebook quote put you over the edge. I guess the why doesn’t matter. The whys will invariable come from time to time. It is the navigation through them that highlights our courage and resolve.

Starting this blog has been a blast and surprisingly uplifting for my spirit. The goal was to be light hearted, maybe goofy and sometimes even self-deprecating. Sharing my personal glitches and true stories with the awareness that we are all in this together. It is beneficial to have that reminder. The feedback has been tremendous and for that I am more grateful then I could ever adequately express. And yet today I struggled. Today I didn’t feel like writing. Today I didn’t feel like even leaving the house. (I did. My boss is funny about that sort of thing.) But my emotional well is low. Like that annoying sucking sound your straw makes when you want that very last drop of Chocolate Mocha Caramel Milkshake from Cook Out.  (I’m not sure they actually have that flavor, but they should.)    So is this ok?  To admit when you are weak? When your foundation shakes a little?  Are we really all in this together? Oh yeah we are. We have ALL been there.

There’s a line in a new song I heard on the radio that goes, “Flying feels like flying ‘til you hit the ground.” That line has stuck with me.  The really good days are really good days. We just don’t always know when the ground is going to catch up to us.

So now what? What do I do? I don’t know. Wait it out I guess. Maybe read a book (or a blog). Watch a movie (with Bradley Cooper). Or have a Chocolate Mocha Caramel Milkshake.  It’s not like this is the first time I’ve been depressed. It won’t be the last. I’m not freaking out or anything. Here’s what I DON’T want. I don’t want you guys to feel sorry for me. (I already have that covered, thanks!)  I will be just fine. It will pass. Just one of those little bumps in the road.  In fact, just putting these few words together here is already helping.

I just decided that along with the good vibes and the funny anecdotes, I would also share the less delightful moments. Moments of doubt. Of loneliness. Fear. So on the off chance that anyone else is experiencing these, they will feel less isolated. Maybe this post should serve as a reminder that having a bad day is not a reflection of who we are as individuals, where we are on our journey, or punishment for unknown transgressions. Just simply a notice to take a moment, use the down time and regroup. Sit on the side of that mountain. Enjoy the view. Reflect on the victories.  Take courage that tomorrow will open with the same opportunities as yesterday. One day at a time. That’s all any of us can do.

So if today you’re the bug too, enjoy the cool smoothness of the windshield before taking flight again with me tomorrow!

Hope Out