I always did pretty well in school. I had to work really
hard at it, but I made decent grades. Except when it came to Chemistry. It was
always my worse subject and I barely passed the class. Who knew that it would be
an issue that followed me around through life?
In the simplest of terms, which is all I can relate to
anyway, Chemistry is the changing state of matter. This actually describes my
love life perfectly. An ever-changing state. And it does matter.
I have recently become curious about the ‘Chemistry of
Love’. You hear the phrase all the time about how much ‘chemistry’ two people
had or didn’t have. It is a crucial element (get it…..element?) in the love
equation. But it is a huge mystery to me. Where does it originate? What causes
it?
In my experience, it seems to bypass all the traits one would associate with
a great catch. I have met guys that on paper were fantastic. A full checklist of attributes that would
make my mother, and probably most mothers, proud. Good Job. Mature. Stable. Manners.
Hair (Ok that one is just on my checklist). But still. Yet, once they are off
the paper and actually face to face…..nothing. No sparks. No Giddy. No ‘Chemistry’.
Why is that? Is it subliminal? Am I self-sabotaging? Do I have defective
pheromones?
There is a recordable and actual chemical reaction to
falling in love. It includes a racing heart, flushed skin, sweaty palms, loss
of appetite and focus. (Sounds to me a lot like the flu. Makes me wonder why we
try so hard to get there.)
In reality, it is the release of Dopamine; which
is the ‘pleasure’ chemical. (Not sure we studied this one in the tenth grade,
at least not in class.) And Norepinephrine. Together they form a ‘Love
Cocktail’. (The Ultimate Happy Hour) Which when served up is pretty powerful
and mimics the same characteristics as elation and adrenaline. But it is not a
tangible substance (matter). It is elusive, floating around in the atmosphere
like the pretty blue-green Argon gas just waiting for the right two people to
ignite it.
So can we set ourselves up to miss it? Or is it beyond our
control? What factors do our background, experiences, and beliefs play in our
own personal chemical energy that surrounds us? Can we re-formulate it? Or is it ‘just who we
are’? I truly have no idea.
I understand the theory of it. I have experienced the reality
of it! I still do not understand the mechanics
of it. Why does it work sometimes, and other times not. I guess that is
part of its beauty. If we could break it down and re-create it in a lab, then a
generic form of it could be sold at Wal Mart. (Too many comments, not enough
time.)
Would we want that? Sometimes I think I would. Sometimes I think it
would be highly beneficial to me to find the ‘right’ guy, slip us both a
Dopamine Mickey into our lemon water and the rest would be history. (I know.
It’s too Frankensteinish. Plus I would somehow manage to screw it up and offer
the married choking guy in the next booth a sip of my water, and …well…like I said,
Chemistry is just not something I should play with.)
There are some who offer advice and hints on how to
artificially simulate this feeling to try and trick yourself (or your date)
into thinking it is there. Sounds a little underhanded to me. But I am not
above trying it.
One suggestion is to ride a roller coaster together. (Actually
this probably wouldn’t work for me. The sweaty palms and nausea would not be
the Dopamine; it would be the need for Dramamine.)
Another idea is to take a
walk on a high bridge over rushing water. The physiological response to both
activities mimics the Love Cocktail and whomever you are with will associate
this feeling to you. The problem with this approach is having to move to Six
Flags or Niagara Falls to stay in love.
So is it absolutely necessary? The butterflies and fireworks?
It wears off anyway, right? Just like that Argon gas, those glow sticks do not
‘glow’ indefinitely. At some point, you still need a good old-fashioned
reliable flashlight. Can’t we just jump to that stage?
I wish I knew the answer
to that. I am sure there have been moments in my life that would have gone
smoother if my decisions were more logic-based and less elation-based.
If I
could just shake off that twinge in the pit of my stomach and go straight for
responsible and reasonable. Why do they have to be exclusive? DO they have to be exclusive? I hope
not.
Personally, I do think that Chemistry is necessary. It is
those fireworks that light the way through the dark moments that can tear down
a relationship. It is an intimacy that forms the unyielding bond that holds it all
together. Of course, I want reliable and
trustworthy. I just want the steady hand that holds mine to also be sweaty.
(Just a little)
The bottom line for me is that I want both. And even though I can’t explain or understand it, I’m holding
out for my very own Love Cocktail. I
can’t say for sure that is a smart choice or one that will ever take place.
This much I do know.
Hope Out
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