I was 75% into a non-traditional, yet festive Thanksgiving
Day blog when the words just stopped. It was light and frivolous and very likely
to show up one day soon. But it didn’t fit my mood. Originally I wasn’t going
to do one at all. People are busy today. Plus there is really nothing new under
the sun about the holiday. We know the origins. We are all extremely grateful
for our blessings. We live an abundant and wonderful life all things
considered. But something kept nagging in the back of my brain. So I decided to
just relax a minute and see what else came through my turkey and pumpkin pie
haze. So for the next few minutes, without too much filter or editing, I’m
going to just speak (aka type) from my heart.
Thanksgiving (and the holiday season in general) is about
family. Friends. Gathering and Celebration. We all put on our best and fresh
faces and garments. Pull the finest china and goblets from the back of the
hutch. Light the candles. We look around at the happy faces and stuffed bellies
and feel accomplished and satisfied. All of those things are wonderful.
Meaningful. Excellent. But I dare say in many gatherings today, there will be
someone missing from the fold. Someone, who at one time was welcomed at the table
to share a slice of ham or cranberry sauce. So where are they today? Do we
know? Do we want to know? Am I depressing you and ruining the holiday?
There are empty place settings around certain tables because
of the ultimate loss. For those I am truly saddened and my sympathies are abundant.
It has been several holidays now for me without my mom or my dad. There are
those missing because of work or distance or other obligations. But those are
not the ones I’m referring to. I am asking each of us to consider the
proverbial lost sheep.
Individuals get disconnected from families for a variety of
reasons. It can be a bad decision. They took a path that was not in line with
the family values. They got lost in a place that seemed shiny on the outside
but painful and dark on the inside. Maybe they want to escape but don’t know
how. Maybe they chose partners or associates that made the family
uncomfortable. Unfortunately biases and misconceptions exact a high price. The resulting
toll quite damaging.
It could be because of hurt feelings. Something said last
week or 20 years ago. Often words no one even remembers. How common is that? Feuds
and angry feelings fester and are passed down and the original slight cannot
even be recalled. Or maybe it can be recalled. Maybe it is heard in the back of
your mind every day.
I do not have any real answers. I understand some transgressions
are severe and cannot just be ‘forgotten’. Wise people choose to leave a bad situation
because it is the healthiest thing for them. Those decisions I applaud and encourage.
It takes a brave soul to rebuild and heal yourself. At times doing it all
alone.
However occasionally it is just plain stubbornness that keeps
us apart. The unwillingness to forgive or ask for forgivness. Squaring off at a
virtual line with each party just waiting for the other one to flinch. Is it
really that monumental and earth shattering? Is it worth years of separation
and fracture?
Here is my suggestion. If at any point in reading this someone
crossed your mind then stop a minute to consider them. Is there a path to reconnect?
Today could be the perfect opportunity to reach out with a phone call or text.
Say Hello. Say I Love You. Say I’m Sorry. Say I Forgive You. Say something….
Who knows, maybe they were there holding their phone wanting to do the same
thing.
And if you are the one alone today or feel estranged, please
know this. There are times when standing alone is the hardest yet greatest gift
you can give yourself. Find friends and like-minded individuals who can and
will support you. But if you have left the family fold and regret it and want
back in…. Take action. It is never too late. Again, be brave. Stir up the courage
to be humble enough to admit a mistake. Let today be a fresh start.
Please, please do not let these few words put a damper on
your festivities. Maybe they were just meant for me. Maybe there is someone
missing from my table. Maybe I am the preacher AND the choir. But if just one
person reading this reaches out to a loved one today… then for THAT I will be
truly THANKFUL.
Hope Out And HAPPY THANKSGIVING
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