Fatigued, loss of appetite, headache, nausea, irritability,
body pain, lack of motivation….Do these symptoms sound familiar? Do you relate
them to a night of excessive drinking OR a painful break-up? Both?? Well,
that’s very often true! Both sets of problems feel extremely similar, and there
are scientific theories to back that up.
It turns out that the effects of alcohol and the feeling of
being in love mirror each other. Both can make someone feel elated, invincible,
uninhibited, strong. The region of the brain often called the ‘reward’ system,
is tied to all addictions; alcohol and love included. There have been studies done
that show the ‘love’ hormone Oxycontin mimics the intoxicating results of
drinking. They target different areas of the brain, but have similar results. The
bad news is the after effects of both can also be quite parallel.
There are those who scoff at the physical ramifications of
heartbreak, but there is an actual clinical term called ‘Broken Heart
Syndrome’. It is also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy. I don’t mean to
alarm anyone, not every break up causes a medical emergency, but my point is,
there are some very real physical responses. You can experience intense chest
pain (which is actually a reaction to the surge of stress hormones). The drop
in dopamine and Oxycontin (the feel goods of love) and the rise of cortisol
(stress on steroids), puts your body into chaos.
We’ve all been there. (And if you haven’t, then you are the
rarest form of unicorn.) We’ve all had to deal with a broken heart, and it is
one of few things in life that is completely non-discriminate. There is no age
limit, racial boundary, gender preference or financial hedge; everyone is
vulnerable to this devastating life event. My goal today is to reassure you,
that it is indeed, just one life event, and does not define your entire life. I
am confident of this, because I am on the other side of my own Heartbreak
Ridge. Several years ago, I went through an extremely painful and almost
crippling break up. I believed he was most definitely the ‘one’ and I had hit
the jackpot. My future was planned and secure; until it wasn’t. And he left.
And everything in my world flipped upside down. I understand for those spinning
in this misery cyclone, that it’s hard to imagine feeling good again, but hear
me out, trust the process, and I promise you will. Here are some tips to fix
your Heart Hang-Over.
Resist The Urge To Contact – You will spend countless hours
second guessing yourself. What did you do wrong? What could you have done
better? It has to be a mistake, a misunderstanding. To be sure, if you guys
could talk just one more time, it could be worked out. You just want to hear
their voice again. This is just desperation and emotional fatigue talking. Shut
it down. They broke up with you for whatever reasoning they thought was the
right decision for them, or just because they were not good people. You will
never control another person’s mind or heart. Leave them alone. Speaking of that….
Do Not Stalk Social Media – I am not suggesting you have to block
them (although it might not be the worst idea, depending on how things went
down), but I would certainly unfollow them. You do not need to see their face
and their activities on a daily basis. There needs to be some distance for your
heart and mind to heal. Also, do not ask their family or friends to keep you
updated or spy for you. What your ex does from now on should have no bearing on
what you do.
Express Yourself - Cry. Scream. Vent. It’s normal and it is
even beneficial in measured amounts. You need to release the built-up emotion
and get it out of your system. Almost like a purge of the pain.
Accept You May Need Down Time – You will most likely
experience a loss of motivation to do just about anything. This is the
depression part that zaps you of your emotional strength and energy. It is ok
to allow yourself some time to recover. Binge watch Netflix, splurge on your
favorite takeout, stay in your PJs all day curled up with a good book. However,
understand it is NOT ok to wallow. Please learn the difference between healthy
sadness and unhealthy fixation and hopelessness. Reach out to someone (even a
professional) if you are having extreme difficulty coping.
Get Moving – As in whatever physical activity suits you
best. Go dancing, hiking or to the gym. Take a brisk walk around the block or
to work. The exertion is good for you; body and mind. It is also a
not-to-subtle reminder that YOU have power over your life. You are not a victim
to another’s whims or choices. You have the say in what moves you forward, and
feeling the burn can drive that knowledge home.
Take A Deep Breath – And Get Back In The Game (Of Life) – It
may be a while before you are ready to date again, and I do not even suggest
looking right away, but life is too short and too valuable to waste on the
sidelines. It is called a broken heart, but it isn’t truly broken. It is a
large and abounding vessel full of love, support and passion to pour out. Find
a willing container. Reconnect with family and friends. Start a new hobby, or
pick up an old one. Rekindle or repurpose your bucket list. Refuse to allow your
self-worth or self-esteem to tumble. Take back control of your journey and
makes beautiful plans.
My Hopefuls, I am convinced that a Heart Hang-Over is real
and tangible thing. Whether we were three sentiments to the wind, pickled by
passion or fell off the love wagon, the end of relationship is difficult. There
are biological reactions and emotional distresses, and even knowing all of
that, the bottom line is it still takes just plain old time to recover. My hope
is that you hold on to the belief that you will. Have faith in the process and
allow your support system to be there for you. Before long, you will be joyful
and engaged in life and being able to…..
Hope With Abandon
Hope Out!
(Like and Share if you enjoyed. Read more of my blogs at
www.hopeboulevard.com)
You hit the nail on the head about being in love like being drunk on alcohol. It's intoxicating until you realize it may not be good for you. Then you want to barf. Or, you find out the guy you were madly in love with was an alcoholic.
ReplyDeleteI will like to use this platform to share my experience although the story is quit long i will try to be brief. My husband and i have been married for Four years now, we have been doing relatively fine although is mother doesn't like me,she has been trying to separate us ever since we got married. Out of the blue my husband started acting weird, he doesn't eat home anymore nor relate with or play with our son. He came home one fateful day and said he wanted a divorce, i was so heart broken and confused i didn't know what to do. I was surfing through the net one faithful day and i came across an article about how to cope with divorce and all that. after reading it someone commented on how she was helped by a spiritualist/spell caster who helped her in saving her marriage, she dropped the spell caster email address so i decided to contact him. He promised to help me in getting my husband to love me like before and he promised me that he wouldn't want the divorce once he is done with the spell. surprisingly he made it happened and i didn't spent much. All i am trying to say is sometimes we need a little help in keeping the ones we love, i am not ashamed of what i did plus it doesn't have a negative effect on him.
ReplyDeleteIf you need this spiritualist help in saving your marriage you can contact him on his email address nakodako@outlook.com