"Love
is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
~Mark Twain
~Mark Twain
The word ‘love’ encompasses many aspects of our
lives. We love our children, our parents and family. We love our hobbies,
friends, pets and the life we have created for ourselves. Some of us even love
our jobs. But when most people think about the word LOVE it conjures up images
of romance, commitment and intimacy. The desire for, and search of, a physical
representation of this intangible emotion starts at an early age and follows us
to the grave. This week, and next, I want us to explore why love is so
important in our lives and help on how to find it, and then cultivate and keep
it. Let’s get started.
Whether you believe it is hard-wired into our DNA or
we are all just products of our environment, the idea of finding and maintaining
love occupies a tremendous amount of our thought time. Google searches for
questions concerning love and relationships are five times higher than searches
for science or even technology. (The weather did edge out, but hey, we have to know what to wear!) Why is this such a driving force in our lives?
From the time we are born, we are held close and
made to feel safe by touch. We immediately form attachments and find joy and
comfort there. Humans are social creatures, and as such, we delight in the
company of others. It then goes one level deeper when we decide to form an intimate
bond with just one special individual. This person will, hopefully, know us
completely, love unconditionally and provide a safe place for us to fall. It is
our intention to do the same for them.
So what’s in it for us? This Love Connection?
Love helps us feel better about ourselves.
One could argue this is unhealthy and that we should feel good about ourselves
anyway. I agree in theory; we should not depend on anyone for our self-worth,
but I also recognize the benefit of having someone else in our corner. My
daughter was getting ready to go out the other night and stopped and asked her husband,
“How do I look?” His reply? “You look beautiful.” My immediate thought, that I
accidentally said out loud was…”I wish I had someone to say I looked beautiful.” It’s
not the ‘beautiful’ part that was important to my daughter, or anyone; it’s knowing
you are special and important to another person. That we matter. That we are
noticed.
There is a Facebook video going around where Will
Smith (the actor) talks about a conversation and reflecting with his wife about
how they are on separate journeys that they choose to travel together but realize it is not their job to make each other happy. Each partner is responsible
for their own happiness. There were some aspects of the video that I can agree
with, but I do think being in a healthy and sustaining relationship should bring
a level of joy and happiness to your life. I think that is the way it was
designed.
Love helps us handle the bad times.
There was a study done where couples were put through a series of simulated scary
scenarios. When the couples were together, and could actually touch/hold hands,
their overall physical reaction to the ‘danger’ was less than when they were separated
and by themselves. There is a comfort factor knowing you do not have to face obstacles
or painful situations alone. The “fear” of being alone is a tangible reaction
and a very real struggle for single adults. Unfortunately, it can cause some to
rush into a relationship without truly knowing a person and it will often keep
others in an unhealthy one to avoid
being alone. For those of you in this situation, please remember….The safety net
that love provides is only as good as the integrity and commitment of the
person you trust your heart with.
Love raises our self-confidence. Having
someone love us is the ultimate approval. It provides outward proof of our
value. To know someone loves us, wants and needs us, fills us with purpose. We
have a goal to live up to their belief in us and in the relationship. Many
times, having another person believe in us gives emotional permission and the drive
to step up and move forward with a plan. Dr Sue Johnson, a relationship expert
says, “We’re much more confident when someone has our backs.” Having a cheerleader
in our corner is a great morale booster and provides incentive to push through
times when we question ourselves.
To sum it all up; Love is quite lovely. The emotional,
spiritual and physical connection it provides is unmatched in any other experience
we can have in this life. It is no wonder that we all want and search for it
when we do not have it.
I can only imagine as I write this, that those of
you who are single are saying, “Well,
thanks a lot for reminding me of what I’m missing.” It isn’t my intention to
make anyone feel bad for being alone. I’m right there with you. Friday night I
was out with friends enjoying my beautiful city listening to live music on the square.
During the band’s break there was still quiet music in the background and a couple
went up near the stage to dance. They were basically alone with everyone else
milling around. Then the guy stopped dancing, got on one knee, pulled that little
black box out of his pocket and proceeded to propose. We, the ‘audience’, could
not hear what he said, but it was obvious from her response that she said yes. Was
I happy for her? Absolutely! It was sweet and adorable and a great setting. Was
I a little jealous at the same time? If I’m transparent and honest, yes. Not of
her specifically; but of just knowing she found ‘it’. She was happy and in love.
My discomfort was fleeting and I’m truly content with my life as it stands
right now. My point though, is that I understand. Love is great when you have
it, but sometimes a struggle to find.
It is my wish for you, My Hopefuls, to find that kind of love; if
that is your wish as well. Towards that end, next week we are going to talk
about a few things you can do to increase your chance of finding it, recognizing
it (it might look a little different this time around) and how to maintain it.
Until then…..I want you ALL to know that I love YOU!
And your continued support and encouragement that I feel every day.
Always…
Hope With Abandon
Hope Out!
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I will like to use this platform to share my experience although the story is quit long i will try to be brief. My husband and i have been married for Four years now, we have been doing relatively fine although is mother doesn't like me,she has been trying to separate us ever since we got married. Out of the blue my husband started acting weird, he doesn't eat home anymore nor relate with or play with our son. He came home one fateful day and said he wanted a divorce, i was so heart broken and confused i didn't know what to do. I was surfing through the net one faithful day and i came across an article about how to cope with divorce and all that. after reading it someone commented on how she was helped by a spiritualist/spell castor who helped her in saving her marriage, she dropped the spell caster email address so i decided to contact him. He promised to help me in getting my husband to love me like before and he promised me that he wouldn't want the divorce once he is done with the spell. surprisingly he made it happened and i didn't spent much. All i am trying to say is sometimes we need a little help in keeping the ones we love, i am not ashamed of what i did plus it doesn't have a negative effect on him.
ReplyDeleteIf you need this spiritualist help in saving your marriage you can contact him on his email address nakodako@outlook.com
he can help in any form of relationship distress.