4 Keys To A Relationship – Unlocking Love

The concept of a lock and key dates back thousands of years tracing its way to Ancient Egypt. The first keys were made of wood and worked by displacing pins held in place by gravity. Keys have obviously changed tremendously over time, but their importance has stayed the same. People utilize keys to keep safe the treasures that are important to them, however, it is worth noting that all keys are not created equal, and therefore, not all ‘treasures’ have the same level of protection.

Today I want to explore the amount of protection that you provide for your relationship and what that might say about the importance of it in your life. You can also use this guide to help determine how a potential partner views your place in their life. As with all my analogies, this is not a one-size-fits-all post and every relationship is as unique as the parties involved. These are just some of my random thoughts and ideas.

Hotel Key – A hotel key is issued to a guest upon arrival and is good only for the time reserved. Some individuals do have extended stays, but for the most part, a hotel visit is limited in time and scope. If your relationship has a hotel key, then you are not in it for the long haul. Oh, you might say you are, but truth be told, you are not. The classic hotel key scenario is, of course, the one-night stand. For this post, however, I will use it to describe short-term, casual relationships. Every relationship does not lead to marriage, and if both parties are honest, short-term unions can be fun and even help guide through a rough time. The problem comes when one person has a hotel key and the other is expecting more. Always be upfront with a new partner about your intentions and goals. Never lead someone on or promise more than you can deliver. If you are falling for someone and they are being vague or unclear about what they want, you should assume they are using a hotel key. Do not give more of yourself than you are getting in return. Once this type of relationship runs its course, there is no going back, and this key will never work again.

Bump Key – A bump key can open almost any standard lock because the teeth are set really low. A standard lock has tumblers which are pins in various heights that meet the exact height of the cylinder to keep it from turning. When a bump key is used, for a brief moment, all of the tumblers pop into the exact position for opening. It takes skill to use a bump key, and obviously, most are used by those with bad intentions. In relationship terms, a bump key is used by someone who just wants to play the field. They ‘unlock’ as many hearts as they can with no real desire to form anything of value. The biggest difference between a bump key and the hotel key is that most victims of the bump key have no idea there are others. Be careful if you notice these red flags in a budding relationship….Missing pieces of time and information…..Vague answers to legitimate questions. Every person you date does not owe you their life’s story, but if you sense they are not on the same page, nor want to be, then step back and evaluate what is really going on. A person who dates multiple partners does not have the time or energy to develop anything substantial. If you are ok with that, then go in peace. If you want more, then change your lock.

Skeleton Key – As you might imagine, the skeleton key is used by many people. This key locks away their (your?) skeletons. We all have them; the trick is whether or not we have learned from them or if they rear their ugly heads at the wrong moments. Emotionally healthy individuals never stop growing and learning. The end of a relationship should always be a teachable moment, either of something to do differently or knowledge of what not to tolerate. When someone pushes their pain into a hurt locker without dealing with it, the skeleton key will unlock it at the most inopportune time. It is my opinion that the skeleton key should only be used with a professional to work through a painful issue, or with the right person in a healthy environment to move forward and forge a new path and future. It should never be used as a weapon and be very careful of someone who uses this key to constantly live in the past. Whether good or bad, the past cannot be relived, and you should only align yourself with those with purpose and a drive for a positive future.

Deadbolt Key – The deadbolt is one of the most secure locks. It provides maximum security for whatever is held behind its protection. Having a key to a deadbolt ensures your valuables are defended and unharmed. This is the type of relationship that most of us long for. We seek a strong, sound partner with our best interests at heart. Someone who treasures our love and values our soul. Most of us have gone through times where this type of relationship seemed out of reach or too difficult to maintain. Maybe that is where you are today. My Hopefuls, if it is, I want you to know that I understand it can be frustrating. Feeling alone and seeing others have what you long for is challenging. It can sometimes tempt you (us) to use one of the other keys. To find a temporary solution for a long-term desire. I encourage you strongly to not fall for that. There is only heartache and misery on that path. Hold tightly to your deadbolt key and wait for the right person to use it with. I promise it will be worth the wait.

I trust as you have read through the different ‘keys’ used in relationships, that you have discovered something about yourself. If you have been using the wrong keys, or have allowed someone to use one on you, I hope you decide today to change the locks on your heart. The locks should never be so tight that no one can get in, but it should be reserved for someone special who holds just the perfect key to YOUR heart!

And always, always remember…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com  

Happy Single Mother’s Day

There are countless cards, poems, quotes and memes that pay tribute to the wonders and worries of being a mom. I am not here to re-invent the wheel. I am here to shine a light on the women who sail these oftentimes stormy seas alone, without a first mate – The Single Mom.

I have been a single mom since my children were very young, and by single, I mean completely. There were no every other weekends or monthly child support. Do I deserve a prize? Not at all. I used poor judgment and decision making skills and my children paid the price. I often regret the circumstances surrounding their childhood. There is plenty of blame to go around, but I bear some of the responsibility. I really never knew any other way and looking back, I am extremely thankful for the lessons.

I had a great support system and that was my saving grace. My parents had my back from day one until their last day on earth. As a grandmother today, helping with my own grandson, there are times when I shake my head and wonder how my mom did it. An endless supply of love and southern grit is the only thing I can come up with. She never let me down. But I know there are thousands of single moms out there who do not have that support. Their struggles are many and frustration and depression are widespread.

For those of you today who feel forgotten, dismissed, insignificant, lost, under-valued, exhausted, lonely and maybe not even knowing for sure where next month’s rent will be found…here is my 

SHOUT OUT to you! (And what your kids will tell you one day!)

THANK YOU for never giving up, even when you wanted to.

THANK YOU for the sleepless nights rocking, crying, praying and watching.

THANK YOU for every doctor appointment, school function, teacher conference.

THANK YOU for helping with all the homework (even though you always hated math).

THANK YOU for fixing all the meals (even though some were peanut butter and jelly, grilled cheese or Ramen Noodles; and maybe you didn’t get to eat at all).

THANK YOU for doing all the laundry (even the stuff stained beyond repair with Kool-Aid, ketchup, markers or even blood).

THANK YOU for being Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy (even when it meant you had to do without).

THANK YOU for putting the band-aid on the knee when the bike was wrecked, and then fixing the bike.

THANK YOU for teaching your daughters how to respect themselves.

THANK YOU for teaching your sons to respect someone’s daughter.

I know there are days when you think there is never “enough”; that you are never “enough”. Believe me when I say….YOU ARE!

When all is said and done children need much less for survival than commercials and social media would have us believe. The one thing that money cannot buy and no one else can ever provide is YOUR LOVE. That came in an endless supply on the first moment you held that baby in your arms. 

Did you feel it that strongly every day? Maybe not. We are only human and have our breaking points, but if you are reading this, then I believe in your eternal well of love that will always protect and nurture your children.

Single Moms rarely get the attention or recognition they deserve on Mother’s Day. Most never wanted, nor imagined, this path. If you are a single mom, I hope these few words have helped make this day a little less frustrating. If you know a single mom, call/text/email her today and let her know she is doing a great job and you are very proud. You may be the only person who acknowledges her today. Do not miss the opportunity to sow that seed of joy.

To ALL the moms, I want to say a heartfelt and huge HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I am blessed to have had an amazing mom and I am now so proud to watch the awesome mothers that my daughters are becoming.

Today is a day to celebrate US!

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Distractions – What Are You Afraid Of

Today’s blog is an open letter to myself.

In recent weeks I have struggled with distractions. Work, family and even situations created by my own hands. For the most part, they were minor to medium challenges that involved my time and attention to correct and work through. The thing about time, though, is that it does not flow from an eternal source. We have limited hours in a day, days in a week and so on. Our very lifespan is hemmed in by factors mostly out of our control or knowledge. We are all encouraged to make each moment count and count the moments so our goals can be realized. So how do we minimize the distractions? Or are they distractions at all? Could we (I) be subconsciously disrupting momentum driven by fear? Fear of what? What are we (I) so afraid of?

Fear Of Success – I honestly had never even heard of this until recently and would not have considered it a legitimate possibility, however, I was listening to a radio talk show when a woman called in with an idea that fear of success was stalling her medical career. The host of the show unwittingly sided with me by scoffing and retorting that she did not believe there was such a thing. I have researched it however, and there is enough chatter about it to make it worth mentioning.

There are different theories behind having a fear of success. One is a person’s struggle with accepting that they deserve it. Can they handle it? Hugh MacLeod, an advertising guru and cartoonist, once said that success is more complex than failure. There are varying degrees of success and each new level creates distinct obstacles and decisions. Am I ready? Do I know what I’m doing? Will I be made a fool of? For me, honestly, I try not to think about success. It seems vain and arrogant, even though I understand a broader platform would mean bringing my message of HOPE to a wider audience. But for me, the one (silly) concern is opening the door for criticism. Right now, I enjoy a fairly insulated bubble of friends and family who support and encourage me because of their affection for me. For others who do not share that affection, I may experience negative feedback or even hurtful opinions and reactions. People can be quite vocal while hiding behind a computer screen. I guess for all of us, the drive towards the goal has to outrun any rejection.

Fear Of Failure – This fear is much easier to understand. I dare say everyone has had one or two moments of being afraid to fail, lose, fall short, miss the boat. Most of us have these moments all through life. Big (and little) decisions regarding jobs, relationships, purchases, parenting, health; we all filter through our mind’s colander to try and catch all the potential flaws in our plan. This is also known as over-thinking and people do this more than they realize. The what-ifs have stifled many a dream.

Again, for me, the fear of failure looks more like a waste of time. Is that you too? The wondering if all the time and energy invested would be better served doing laundry, weeding the garden or catching up with friends? Do we (I) use the distractions of a busy life to put our dream on hold ‘just one more day’? My Hopefuls, we must realize that our days are a precious commodity. Of course, we must attend to our responsibilities, but we must also make time for the passions and pursuits that excite and motivate us. Failure is only in the surrender. Giving up is not an option. For any of us.

Fear Of The Unknown – Certain people have the Explorer Gene and love to attack life head-on with little or no fear. I did not inherit that gene. For us mere mortals, the familiar is our comfort zone and outside the fence is a scary place. We can predict with some certainty what will happen if we stick to our routine and not cause waves. There is safety in the ordinary and unremarkable but seldom do great things come from ordinary. I want the chance to be memorable and remarkable, so that requires a leap of faith into the unknown. I do not know where your comfort zones are or how safe your limits. What I do know, is that if there is a purpose driving you, open the gate and drive straight past those cozy fences. And know with certainty, that I am coming up right behind you!

There is one thing I want to make clear…I do not live my life in fear. I love my life and very thankful and extremely blessed. I will admit there are times when I struggle with my own direction and purpose. That might give some cause to wonder why I believe I could help others! My answer to that is..... we are all in this together. We need to support, uplift and encourage one another. It is my passion in life to spearhead that operation. Do I have all the answers? No way! Is my heart in the right place? You bet it is! We can all learn from each other and step by step make a positive impact in the world where we live. If everyone does that, image how far reaching that good can travel? Will you help me? Will you set aside your distractions and fears? Can we, together, accomplish the daily goal to….

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out