When Truth (And Kindness) Are Hard To Find

I have always hated politics and therefore I have never followed them with great interest. I will be the first to admit I cannot hold an In-depth conversation about policies, parties or agendas. I have also always believed in order to climb the political ladder you had to sell out to something or someone. True mavericks rarely make it to the top.

This past week was heart-wrenching to witness. And unless your head was buried in the sand, there was a flood of information pouring over you. Information that was vile, biased, mean and just plain unimaginable at times - from both sides. Grown men and women of all affiliations behaving in ways that to the rest of the world has to appear childish, ridiculous and incredulous. A horrendous example to our youth today of mature conduct. My two takeaways from what I witnessed this week are #1 - the facts about these two individuals lay probably somewhere in the middle and #2 - if everyone acting pious and self-righteous this week had to admit their teenage wrong-doings on the world's stage, the vast majority would have kept silent. It's very easy for anyone to sit in judgment of others while sitting on their own sins.

There was a time when I could turn on my TV or read a news article and believe, wholeheartedly, in what I saw. I am sure I was duped a time or two, but I did have faith in the ‘system’. I looked to those outside my small circle of life to bring me the truth; both the good and the bad. Unfortunately, though, somewhere along the way we have lost the sanctity and purity of honesty.  I am having a really difficult time wrapping my mind around the ease with which lies and half-truths are passed off as news or facts and how quickly we are to soak them up and even help spread them.

I am not here to take a side or expose what I think is true or false. Honestly, I don't know what to believe, and that is the real problem I have. I am saddened that as intelligent, richly blessed individuals in the greatest country in the world, we have forgotten how to treat each other with kindness and common decency.

So what is the answer? How are we to react when the truth is hard to find or define. What is our responsibility in this life when faced with uncertainty and turmoil?

Be Smart. I'm sure all of you know this already, but everything reported is not based in fact. With 24-hour news cycles and social media outlets with no accountability, there will be things that cross your path that are simply not true. Not just in politics, but in all areas. Learn to use common sense. Think about what you read and digest it before repeating or believing. Be a responsible consumer of information. If you are unsure and it is important to you, research it. Be open-minded, but if something sounds off don't buy into the hype. Make informed decisions for yourself based on sound judgment and logic.

Do The Right Thing. Basically, this boils down to the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. We all learned that as children, but some of us take a pass on it as adults. So stop it! I am 100% confident those who are reading this all possess the reason and intelligence to discern right from wrong. So do the RIGHT thing. Do not put fame, money, position or pride ahead of values. Never compromise your integrity for any type of gain. Take responsibility for your words and your actions. One person at a time, one day at a time, one RIGHT at a time, we can make a significant difference.

Stay Positive. This one is the hardest; even for me. Sometimes I want to throw up my hands and walk away from the table. What's the use? Who is listening? I give in to the pessimism at times, I admit, but I also recognize that for all the negative, there is triple the good! Of course, that doesn't get reported as often, but it's out there. People helping people. Heroes. Those going the extra mile and loving their neighbor and even strangers. If we learn to embrace and share the beauty that is in this world, there will be less time or patience for the ugly.

My Hopefuls, there will be situations in your personal life and in those of the world around you that confuse, dismay or upset you. You will search for truth and strain to find the good. Never give up. It's out there. How do I know? Because YOU are out there. And I believe in you! I believe you are the truth and kindness that this world needs. Use each day given to you as an opportunity to radiate joy. I charge each of you with spreading your own personal brilliance, goodness, love and HOPE!

And with that...always..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

https://www.hopeboulevard.com

Did God Close Your Door? (Or Maybe It Was Just The Wind)

There is a popular quote that has been around for a long time and is still circulated today, that says, “When God closes one door, He opens another.” I understand the sentiment or message. It is one of HOPE. It encourages us to believe when something is taken away or withheld from us, that something better is coming down the road. In terms of a hopeful message, I love it. In terms of theology, I’m not sure it holds up. Now let me say right up front, that I’m not a Bible scholar or theologian, but I am not convinced that everything unfortunate or unhappy that happens to us is God’s fault or doing. I don’t actually imagine Him as a Divine Doorman going around slamming all these doors shut. I believe we have to accept that doors open and close for a variety of reasons.

Other People Can Close Our Doors. This ‘door’ is actually presumed to be our heart. We leave it open and wait for someone to walk through, love us and hitch their wagon to ours. The thing about hearts (and doors), is that we can’t seal them shut to prevent escape. If someone chooses to walk back out, there really isn’t much we can do about it. In fact, in this case, they don't even close our door; they just leave the same way they came in. We can choose to keep it open for the next one, or we can close it while we heal. This scenario doesn’t always mean a love relationship; it can also be a friendship or even family. We cannot force anyone to stay in our lives, or predict when they may choose to leave. Maybe it was something we did they didn’t like, or maybe they are dealing with issues of their own. Whatever the case may be, we have to comes to terms with and respect another’s wishes if they cross back over our threshold.

We also have to contend with other losses. We may lose our job or an opportunity we have been working on. Maybe we invested time, money or other resources into a venture that didn’t pan out. Sometimes it is just bad timing or bad luck. It could also simply be an unwise venture to begin with. Unfortunate things happen to all of us from time to time. It does little good to assign blame. The idea is to learn lessons and grow so better decisions can be made next time. If it was just ‘one of those things’, then we learn grace and fortitude. (If we decide to.)

We Can Close Our Doors. Just like I mentioned above, it is pretty difficult for another person to close our door/heart. We pretty much control how open and receptive we are to others and opportunities. However, it can be a good thing to close our door for a bit from time to time. If the world is closing in and the chaos is affecting our peace, get up and close the door. Shut out the noise and turmoil and use the time to restore calm and peace to your life. Reflection, meditation and prayer can be useful tools and activities when we close our own door for a while. Just don't stay hidden from sight too long. Swing wide those doors and get engaged back into your life.

The Wind Can Close Our Doors. Have you ever been in a room with an open door and an open window? If the wind blows just right at just the perfect angle, BAM the door shuts with no human (or divine) intervention. What does this mean? It means, sometimes things just happen. The tire goes flat, the milk gets sour, the payment gets lost in the mail. The washing machine breaks, it rains on your vacation, your dog runs away. There is no way to escape the hazards of living this life, and it is of little good to worry about who is responsible. You just have to rise to the occasion; fix the tire, buy more milk, learn to sing in the rain. When life's winds start blowing, prepare yourself for the possibility of a closed door, and then do whatever it takes to re-open it!

Please understand I am not discounting faith. I absolutely believe that God does work in our lives and it is His mercy and love that carry us through. I just don't want to us to confuse Life's Disappointments with God's Disapproval.

One other point I want to make is to not sit around waiting for your door to magically open. Get up and open it yourself! I am not saying to make a rash decision or rush into another relationship when you are not ready. I am saying, do not waste your life waiting for something to happen TO you. Make life happen FOR you. We only have one life; a number of days allotted for us here. Please, my Hopefuls, make the most of every one. Do not sit on the sideline of your life, behind a closed door, watching it for movement or listening for a rustling behind it. Swing it open; wide open. Walk through it and enjoy, explore, LIVE!

God (and the rest of us) are waiting for you!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

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Differences In A Relationship. How Much Is Too Much?

They say opposites attract. That you should be with someone who expands your borders and motivates you to experience new things. Those ideals are great and I’m not here to argue that point, and we certainly don’t want to date our clone, but just how much contrast do you really want with your partner? When does the variety turn into conflict?

Let’s start with some significant differences.

Politics & Religion. “They” say never discuss politics and religion on a first date. Well, if not the first one, then definitely by the second. Now, I did not say debate them, just discuss them. Everyone has a right to believe how they choose. The idea isn’t to criticize or convince, just to get an understanding of what their views are and how they line up with yours. Now, if you are just casually dating someone, this may not present an issue, but if you are looking for long-term, it could definitely have an impact. The political climate right now is at an all-time high in intensity. If you have strong opinions, then make sure you know and can accept what your date has to say. If you choose a partner with a vastly different political view than yourself, you two need to agree right up front not to argue about it. Religion, in my opinion, might be even more of a sticking point; especially if you want a family with children. Those with deep religious convictions will want to raise their children with these same convictions. If that is you, then you want to think carefully before aligning yourself with someone who does not share them. Even if they claim not to care and are fine with whatever you want, that doesn’t mean they will actively participate and that is ultimately what you will want them to do. Never tell yourself that your love will convince them to change their beliefs; it won’t. It is confusing to children to have Mom and Dad voice and claim opposing ideals. It is much better to partner with someone who shares your belief system before entering into a long-term relationship.

Family - Speaking of family; not everyone wants one. That’s not an indictment or a bad thing. There are those who simply want to be free to live their life without those connections. I think it is sad, but not the sign of a bad person; however that person might be bad for YOU if having a family is your goal. You need to find out pretty early on what their views on family are. I don’t suggest asking on the first date if they want to get married, that will send them packing for sure. But it is fair to have a conversation early what they want when it comes to that. This is also another area where you should never expect or hope your love will change their mind. So many relationships have started where one person wants a child, and another doesn’t, and both are convinced they will change the other’s mind just by loving them enough. That’s not how it works. You love someone enough to let them live the life they want. If that life doesn’t align with what you want, then you make a decision not to pursue a relationship with them. Otherwise, someone will win out by begging or bribing and the other will eventually become resentful. They may stay in the relationship, but it will not be the same. (And ladies, never, under any circumstances ‘allow’ yourself to get pregnant if the guy you are dating has said he doesn’t want kids and believe once you are pregnant he will change his mind. He may do the ‘right’ thing by you, but he will feel trapped and that is not how you want to get someone to stay.)

Let’s Talk Money - Right after family values, comes the money talk. You never really know someone until you start talking money. Most people are either spenders or savers. Depending on how strongly entrenched they are, conflicts will come fast and often if they date someone who believes differently. A spender lives life in the moment and doesn’t give too much thought for tomorrow. They buy what they want when they want it. The saver is always thinking two steps ahead and wants a way to pay for those steps. In a dating environment, this really isn’t too much of a problem because each one carries out their own lifestyle. The only issue might be if the spender keeps running out of money and the saver has to fund the relationship. The big problems come if they get married and join finances. There will always be a power struggle with how to spend the money. Pay attention to the financial attitude of anyone you date and be aware if you are not on the same page.

Introvert/Extrovert - Most of us fall in the middle of the ‘verts’ and can easily adapt to being alone or being in a crowd. However, there are those who actively reside on one side or the other. Again, neither is a bad thing. Often, introverts complain that an extro only wants attention or can’t be alone with their thoughts. Or the extrovert can’t understand why someone actually wants to be away from the chaos and enjoys their own company and space. Ridicule is not helpful nor nice, but it is important to find out where your new date falls on the scale here and how that might affect the relationship. If you need to be on the go all the time and love life on the move surrounded by a multitude of people, you will have a hard time being in a relationship with an introvert. You will constantly be begging them to go with you and will get frustrated when they don’t want to. If you consistently go anyway, without them, that will create tension and possibly even doubt and trust issues. As an introvert, you will dream of being tucked away with your love and not understand their desire to always be out and about. You may begin to have self-doubt and wonder why your love isn’t ‘enough’ to make them stay home. That would be a very incorrect viewpoint and unfair to your partner. The feelings of introverts and extroverts are legitimate and important regardless of which side you fall. Please be mindful of how the differences will play out in real time if you choose to pursue someone on the opposite end of the spectrum.

To Skydive Or Not! - I talk a lot about compromise. We are not going to find someone who only likes what we like and only wants to do what we do. And that’s beautiful! We need others to open our eyes and our minds to new adventures. It is perfectly fine to date someone who has a variety of interests and activities that may differ from ours; and vice versa, just as long as we do not become selfish and demanding. If you are an adrenaline junkie and love to skydive or bungee jump, and your partner is afraid of heights, you will NEVER convince them to try. No amount of tricks or bribes will work. That is not about compromise, it is about fears or strong personal preferences. It is ok to ask someone to try a different restaurant, or learn a new hobby (that doesn’t involve knife throwing, etc), but to try and coerce someone to do something they expressly resist or fear is not fair or loving. These types of differences do not necessarily doom a relationship from the start, but it is very important that everyone understands your partner is not obligated to try something they are afraid of or opposed to just because they love you. Got it?

The bottom line of all of these examples is that you will never be able to change anyone into the person you want them to be, nor should you try. They either are right for you, right now, or they aren’t. If they aren’t, then just accept this reality and move on. You don’t have to be critical or demeaning. You don’t have to act hurt or resentful. They are not bad people just because they are not a good match for you. And it is a wise and mature individual who can recognize these differences and realize the long-term effects and decide to continue to seek a more like-minded partner. Please do not settle out of fear of being alone or because the attraction is so strong. Fear is a terrible motivator and attraction fades quickly when the conflict starts. Pick someone who aligns with your views, convictions and lifestyle. Wait for them if you must. It will be worth it and the journey will go much smoother.

And always, whether alone or with a partner…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Raves For The Rays (Solar Power For Your Mind And Body)

Today I am all about the sun!

I know most articles you read will give multiple reasons to stay out of or away from the sun. Not me! I love the sunshine and for a few minutes, I want you to soak in the sight and the sound of the sun!

The sun is our very source of heat and light and the very point this swirling ball of joy and chaos revolves around. It is both a literal and metaphoric expression of radiance, sparkle and delight.

Did you know that natural sunlight triggers the production of Vitamin D in your body? It is actually called the Sunshine Vitamin. It helps fight inflammation, lowers blood pressure, increases the absorption of calcium and improves brain function. It also helps boost immunity! And you just thought you were working on a tan and 'soaking up the sun'.

Soak Up The Sun - Sheryl Crow

Sunlight exposure also has a dramatic impact on depression. It raises serotonin levels and creates a feeling of well being and contentment. It feels so good, it's almost like....

Walking On Sunshine - Katrina And The Waves

There are two times a day when the sun really plays into our emotions.

Sunrise is a time of Hope and Renewal. A fresh start. Another chance. Yesterday with its struggles is behind us, and the rising sun brings a joyful expectation of crisp, new possibilities.

Sunset is a time of Reflection and Contentment. Of looking back on a job well done or a memory secured. The realization of accomplishment and the satisfaction of contributions to this life.

There are times though when storms and clouds hide the sun and its warmth. We shiver, doubt and feel the pressure and pain of life's rains. Though difficult in the midst, it is those storms that bring the appreciation for the brighter skies and the cheers when the clouds part and...

Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

And of course, when the sun returns....

I Can See Clearly Now (Bright Sunshine-y Day) Johnny Nash


My Hopefuls, I know this may have seemed like a silly post. Nothing profound or thought-provoking, but I just really wanted to spread some 'sunshine' into your life. These are some of my favorite 'sun' songs, and I truly hope that somewhere in these few phrases or even listening to this uplifting lyrics, that the sun has truly shined in your heart. I wish joy and peace for you today my friends. I hope the warmth and love of family and friends flood your life and your world is radiant and abundant.

And I hope you always have sunshine in your pocket....

Can't Stop The Feeling (Sunshine In My Pocket) Justin Timberlake

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Build A Better Boat (Weathering Life's Storms)

"Better Boat” is a song written by Travis Meadows and Liz Rose that Kenny Chesney (featuring Mindy Smith) used on his latest project “Songs For The Saints”. The album was made as a tribute to the human spirit after Hurricane Irma tore through the Virgin Islands in 2017. Kenny has a home there and is a part-time resident. He immediately started planning this album and all proceeds will go to his Love For Love City Foundation, which funds rebuilding projects. When I heard the song on the radio this week, it resonated with me and I knew it was what I wanted to write about.

Life’s storms often come without warning and leave us battered, scarred and not exactly sure what our next step should be. We may even be concerned about the shaped of our ‘boat’, and if will sustain another gale. What I love about the lyrics of this song is that it doesn’t just talk about how bad things can get, there’s a solid message of HOPE. It’s more than just getting through this storm, it’s about preparing for the next one; which will eventually come no matter who you are. And there are strong, actionable steps that you can take to ‘build a better boat’ straight from the words of the song.

‘I’m smiling more despite the pain’. Keep a positive attitude. Life did not conspire against you; it rains on both the good and the bad. The difference in the length of recovery is partly determined by how much grace and gratitude you wake up with every morning despite the pain. With every storm you weather, you are storing up reserves to get you through the next one.

“I breathe in, I breathe out.” Take it one day at a time. Whether you are rebuilding a home, or a life, it doesn’t happen in a day. It takes time, resources, help and pure grit to put things back. Some days there is great progress, and others, it seems like you may have gone backwards. Understand it is a process and continue to breathe. These breathing exercises will serve you well the next time around.

“Got friends to call who let me talk.” What an incredible gift our friends are. The true ones, the ones who are there for us, let us cry on their shoulder and then put that shoulder with ours to do the hard work. Just remember, friendship is reciprocal though. There will come a day after their own storm when they need you too; make sure you show up. Every storm highlights the depth of our friendships and we learn who we can count on when the clouds gather again.

“I’ll let God do what He does.” Faith is a vital factor in weathering life’s storms. So many times we do not understand the whys and the what ifs. We struggle with comprehending how this could happen. We must find a way to trust that God sees where we are and He has a plan. It may not be visible at the moment, but that actually is the definition of faith; to believe what we can’t see. So believe. 

“I ride the waves I can’t control.” How often do you feel things are just out of your control? During a storm, this happens a lot. Don’t fight against the rising seas. Flailing and fear are useless and will only make it worse. In the midst of it, all you can do is just hold on and ride it out. Survival is the main goal. Conserve your energies for when the winds subside and calm is restored.

"I'm learning to build a better boat."

Travis Meadows struggled with substance abuse issues and it was during a recovery meeting where the group was discussing the difficulty in finding peace and serenity during life’s storms. It was then someone in that group uttered the phrase that spurred him to form the anchor line for this song….

Serenity is not found in a calmer sea; it’s found in the building of a better boat.

My Hopefuls, if I could calm the raging storms in your life (or mine), I would. We do not have that power. We do, however, possess immense strength, determination, love and HOPE. It is these attributes that will help all of us craft a better boat. Let’s get to building…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Here is a link to the audio of this song. Take a few more minutes to listen. 

Audio Link To Better Boat