Christmas Angels (How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays)

The holiday season is filled to the rim with good cheer, music, parties, laughter, traditions, lights and great food; yet there are still those of us who experience an overwhelming sadness in the midst of all the Christmas joy. For anyone who has lost a loved one, grief creeps in and threatens to dull the season’s sparkle. It might be a recent event, or even years ago, but there is still a void and the sheer fullness of the holiday can often highlight their absence. Maybe you miss sharing a special tradition, like driving around to see the holiday lights, baking cookies or opening just one present on Christmas eve. Perhaps they had a specific Christmas ‘job’ they did so well; like placing the star on the top of the tree or making their one-of-a-kind orange spice cake every year. You wonder if the holidays will ever be the same. Well, in truth, they may not ever be the ‘same’, but with a little time, love and a sprinkle of Christmas spirit, they can become joyful again.

The first thing I would encourage you to realize is that your loved one (and I like to think of them as Christmas Angels, at least during this time of year) would really want you to enjoy the holidays. They would not wish for you to dwell on your sorrow or remove yourself from the festivities. You do not need to feel guilty for finding enjoyment during this time of year, and you should not boycott the cheer in an attempt to prove your love and ongoing sadness. It is obvious you will miss your loved one, but their desire would be for you to feel the love and good will that flows in abundance at Christmas.

So how do you connect the two; the joy of the season and the pain of your loss? What are some real and tangible things you can do to honor your lost loved one and still celebrate the holiday spirit? Let’s look at a few:

Take on one of their holiday traditions as your own. Find their special recipe and make that orange spice cake, even if it doesn’t turn out quite the way they did it. Read the Christmas story by candlelight or say grace before the big meal. Whatever makes you feel closer to your loved one, do that one thing in their place.



Light a candle every night in their honor. If their life was a light in to yours, use this symbol as a reminder.  

Make a donation, in their name, to their favorite charity or volunteer for an organization they believed in.

Buy a unique ornament that represents their spirit or essence and hang it on your tree.

You could also have a special memorial ornament made to celebrate their life.

Gather with family or friends and share stories about past holidays where your loved one did something sweet, funny or memorable. Pull out pictures from your album and display them in Christmas frames.

Put a fresh flower bouquet on the Christmas dinner table in honor of their memory.

Last, by not least, give yourself permission to feel, whatever the ‘feeling’ is. If you are sad, take a moment to just be sad. If you find yourself having fun and being happy, go with that too! It’s ok!

I understand that all of these suggestions will not work for everyone, or for others the pain is still too fresh to consider any. Each person must grieve and then heal at their own pace. However, my dear Hopefuls, it is my desire that you do not let the holidays pass in a blur of mourning. As the carols play on the radio and the scent of fir/pine fills the air, picture your own Christmas Angel looking down on you with love.

Take comfort in the memories and past shared holidays and believe they truly want the brightest and best season for you now! Take the moments to cry, pray and remember, but also take the moments to share, laugh and love. The Christmas season is a beautiful, magical time of year and we should all do our part to celebrate the most wonderous and ultimate Gift of Love.

To all of you, my Hopefuls, I wish a peaceful and love-filled holiday. May God’s peace rest in your hearts if you are missing someone dear this year.

May your Christmas Angel bring warmth and comfort.

Merry Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

(If this post touched your heart, or believe it would help someone else, please share.) 

Tips For Enjoying A ‘Single’ Holiday Season (Don’t Be A Self On The Shelf)

Do you ever feel like the adult mixed-up version of Elf On The Shelf? Does it seem like you have been propped up somewhere in the corner where people see you, maybe even watch you, but never truly interact with you? Like everyone talks at you, has expectations and opinions, but then come and go with their lives leaving you alone, waiting and watching from the sidelines? Bah SIM Bug! My Hopefuls, I understand it can be difficult to go through the holiday season alone. Whether you have been single a long time, or just found yourself recently unattached; watching Christmas unfold can heighten your loneliness. From research, many SIMs (Single In Midlife) have a harder time during the Christmas holiday season than even Valentine’s Day. The lights, music, parties; everything just seems a bit more magical and romantic.

I have spent many holiday seasons single and I would like to use this post today to encourage you to embrace your status and embrace all the beautiful and fun times you can still have. I want to share some tips to help get your Self OFF The Shelf and out enjoying the holidays!

Don’t Dwell Too Long On Hallmark Movies. I know, I know, boos all around. Most everyone I talk to just loves Hallmark Christmas movies and I understand I’m in the minority here. I am not suggesting they cannot be watched and enjoyed, but don’t spend all your time curled up on the couch wrapped in your cozy blanket to live vicariously through a movie written to have a fairy tale happy ending. I want you to get out and create your own happy ending; unscripted!

Get Your Party On! When in a relationship, celebrations must be divided into his/her work parties, family get-togethers, social functions. As a SIM, you get to pick whatever event YOU want to attend. Maybe you want to go to a special church service, a local tree lighting, or even a tacky sweater party; or all three and then some! It doesn’t matter, because you do not have to align your schedule or likes with anyone else. You are free to enjoy the festivities on your terms and timetable. If you are reluctant to go alone, enlist another single friend to go with you. I do want to encourage you though, to not let going alone stop you. I understand it can feel intimidating to walk into a venue by yourself and integrate into the gathering, but if there is an activity that you truly want to do, please consider pushing through the discomfort. Once you are there, enjoying the event you will be proud of yourself for not letting your single status slow you down!

Reach Out. Please know there are so many others out there struggling during this time of year. Almost every organization that provides help to individuals need extra hands during the holidays. Volunteer at a shelter, food back or through a church. Visit a local nursing home or senior center and bring treats, or just sit and talk to someone. So many residents there get little or no visits/attention during the holidays. You can make a big difference with just a little bit of your time and heart.

Don't Reach Out To Your Ex. Christmas time brings with it a flood of memories, and as humans, we tend to remember more of the good ones. It can be tempting to call/text your ex just to see how they are doing and wish them a Merry Christmas. In most cases, this is a bad idea. If you are on good terms, or have minor children still involved, obviously you will need to communicate. That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about looking backwards at an unhealthy relationship and feeling a pull to reconnect. Don’t. It is only the sentiment of the season putting those thoughts in your head, and you need to shut them down. If you decided to walk away from an unhealthy partner, or you were discarded and hurt by an insensitive one, there is absolutely no reason to go there. The wounds will just be reopened and no amount of holiday spirit can undo that.

Enjoy Your Family/Friends. It is true, not everyone has a Christmas Card family. Sometimes, part of being alone, is distancing ourselves from unhealthy relationships that can be attached by a DNA thread, but ‘family’ does not always have to be ‘blood’. Choose to spend time and celebrate the season with those that mean the most to you. Travel, if you can, to see them. Reconnect with old friends. Slow down and spend quality time with those around you who have been there for you and understand your value and worth. Surround yourself with love because it comes in many forms and expressions.

Appreciate. You are blessed. I know I am too. We all should use this season to reflect on the blessings and beautiful life that we have been given. Is it perfect? No. Do we still struggle? Yes.  But gratitude and appreciation go a long way to restoring our peace and happiness. Dwelling on what the lost, or how we were hurt, will not have a positive impact. Sometimes bad things just happen and people betray and abandon us. I am truly sorry if that happened to you. However, I also truly believe there is still so much beauty and good in your life and in your heart. That thought is what I am asking you to embrace today, this season and all the coming days moving forward. 

If you were dreading this single holiday season, I hope something within this post helped to lift your spirits and motivate you. Please do not be a Self On The Shelf of your life. Get out there and be the very best version of YOU!

Christmas is a time for giving, loving, sharing, reflecting and most importantly to acknowledge and honor the best gift ever presented to mankind: Love coming down from heaven in human form – The Christ Child.

Have Yourself A Very Merry Single Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com

(Do you have tips/ideas on being a SIM through the holidays? If so, share them with me! And share this article if it spoke to and encouraged you!) 

Cyber Dating Monday – Tips For Making This Holiday Season Merry & Bright Online

Today is Cyber Monday and all online retailers have a frenzy of deals and gimmicks all designed to entice you to buy their goods this holiday season. There is also another type of cyber frenzy that starts up about now; online dating. While Cyber Monday is not the busiest day for new online dating accounts, it does mark the beginning of the hustle and bustle of finding someone to spend the holidays with. Unfortunately, if you are not careful, you will also find gimmicks, not-so-great ‘deals’, and those wanting to sell you a bill of goods. So today seemed like a good day to discuss having a successful and safe online dating experience this holiday.

In the dating world; fall and winter is defined as the cuffing season. Simply put, it is the time where even singles who typically enjoy their freedom, tend to want to settle down and be ‘cuffed’, or tied into a relationship for these colder months. The idea is to have someone to snuggle up with while waiting for spring. The shorter days mean more indoor activities, and holiday festivities are all around us. Many just want to avoid another round of questionnaires and the shaking of heads on why they showed up, again, single for the office Christmas party. Now, truthfully, these reasons in themselves, are not the signs of someone looking for a real relationship, and that is why it is important to be realistic in your expectations and wise in your decisions as you shop the virtual halls of dating profiles.

(In a strange, yet true, opposite statistic, the holiday season will also find a spike of new relationships ending. Many who start a relationship in late summer or early fall and are not quite ‘feeling’ it, will make the break now. Theory is that they want to avoid spending money on presents and parties and/or not mislead their new partner during the most romantic time of the year.)

So, what should one do with these tidbits of information? Well, my Hopefuls, I suggest you take a few steps to protect and enhance your online dating experience during the holidays. Here is how:

1.     Update Your Pictures – Studies show that wearing the color red makes one appear more attractive. This is the perfect time to update your profile picture with that red dress, shirt, scarf or sweater. This goes for guys as well (sans the dress). You could also include a picture with a tacky Christmas sweater. Why??? Do you ask? Because it is a conversation starter! It can be challenging to know what to say in that first message. Having an ice-breaker type photo is a great, light-hearted way to start.

2.      Be Creative In Your Headline/Profile – Show a little holiday spirit. Be festive and merry, and above all positive! Negative headlines are huge red flags! Borrow a few lines from a Christmas song or poem. Be original and you will stand out among those who put in little or no thought and effort. And note to self, don’t spend too much time talking to anyone with a bare profile. If they do not think it is important to invest energy into a good profile, they probably won’t invest much in you either.

3.      Honesty Is The Best Policy – From the pictures you post, to your hobbies and goals, it is always in your best interest to be upfront and truthful. The biggest fib women tell is about their weight/body type and men bend the truth about their height. Age is another thing both genders fudge a little on. The problem here is that all of these (except maybe the age) can be determined at the first meet, so what is the point? If you show up looking different than your pictures and/or description you are starting things off with dishonesty and there is really no where else to go from there.

4.      Learn To Read Between The Lines - Over the years, online profilers have gotten savvy when it comes to writing their profile. There are some distinct phrases that sound good, but you should proceed with caution. “Looking For Fun” does not always mean going bowling or out dancing. It can often just be of a sexual nature. “Open-Minded” also sounds good, but, again, usually leans towards a sexual encounter. “Friendship First” tends to be someone who has been hurt and wants to move very slowly. There is nothing wrong with that, just understand their viewpoint. Be very cautious about anyone who has limited information on their profile. They are either not truly available or have no real interest in finding anyone of quality. It is just as important to understand that they are not saying, as what they are. Genuine people have no problem being genuine.

5.      Determine Their Motive – This brings us back to the cuffing season. While it is perfectly ok for someone to decide ‘now’ is the time to pursue a relationship, be careful that you are not just someone’s short term plan to survive the winter blues. You are not a hibernation buddy. I do not advise having long term commitment talks during the first conversation, or even first date; but listen to what they are telling you. If they have a pattern or history of short term partnerships, be on the look out for why. And most importantly, if they tell you they are not looking for a long-term commitment, believe them! Do not try to change their mind or re-route their heart.

Being single during the holidays is not a punishment or a curse. It can be a grand opportunity to meet new people and explore experiences on your own terms. This can be a time of starting new traditions or reconnecting with family and friends through existing ones. The point is to embrace your place. Own your spot in this world and be fabulous in it! Whether you choose to tackle Cyber Dating Monday, or curl up instead with your own cuffing season tied to a cup of cocoa and a great book/movie; pursue what makes you happy and feeling festive!

In this season that represents my life’s passion…it is my goal to remind you to always….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Hold On To Your Towel (3 Reasons NOT To Surrender)

Have you ever just wanted to ‘throw in the towel’? (Maybe the kitchen towel, because the dishes somehow magically multiply overnight and you never seem to catch up. Or the bath towels, because the laundry piles up and who is around to smell check them anyway!) Actually, I’m talking figuratively about the mental fatigue that is sure to show up when you least expect it and the feeling that it’s time to call the fight.

The phrase, throwing in the towel, originates from the boxing world. When a fighter had taken too much of a beating and was unable to go on, his coach threw a towel into the ring to mark the end of the fight. The boxer had no more strength or resilience to keep going. We often feel like that fighter from time to time in our lives; that the world and circumstances have beat us down to a point where we just do not think we can muster the energy to keep going. We have moments where we sit alone with our thoughts and consider the concept of ‘throwing in the towel’. Maybe it is a goal you have been working on, the pursuit of a passion, or a relationship issue. It could be controlling your finances, emotions or even career. My Hopefuls, before you take that thought any further, let’s look at three very important reasons to hold onto that towel just a little while longer.

#1. Your Peace/Satisfaction – While it may sound like a good idea in the moment, it will not make you feel better to quit. Motivations can run low, but deep down we all desire to do our best and we love the feeling of accomplishment when a task is completed. Do not give in to the temptation to just let this ‘one thing’ go. If you need a break for a fresh perspective; take it! If you need some help to get over a hurdle; ask for it. There is no shame in reaching out for help. Find the resources you need, but believe in your journey. Understand that reaching a goal brings a sense of joy and satisfaction with yourself that few other things can. Never let fear overtake your desire to succeed and keep moving forward. Your peace of mind at the end of the day for the work, effort and dedication you have put in, is priceless.   

#2. Your World – There are people in your world that need and depend on you. I am sure, like me, you juggle many roles and wear a variety of hats. The demands can oftentimes seem daunting, but your life has a purpose and meaning. That purpose can sometimes look up at you from a place of need, or across to you from a place of companionship. There will always be those ahead of you, beside you, and some coming up behind you. They all need you to stay in the game and do your very best. In fact, we all need each other. I know there are days that a phone call or a text comes at just the right time to keep me on track and uplifted. Never underestimate your impact in the world. You will say or do something at just the right time to encourage and inspire. You will be the bright spot in someone’s day.

#3. Yourself! – If I could cue up the theme from Rocky, this portion would have a greater impact. Here is a paraphrase from a scene in the movie: “The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The world will beat you to your knees and try to keep you there if you let it. Nobody hits as hard as life, but it’s not about how hard you hit. It is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.” I would like to inspire the inner Rocky in all of you to never give up. When you get knocked down, stand back up. Even when bruised and bloody by life’s battles, look your challenges square in the eye and never surrender. I understand the emotional and even physical toll this pep talk requires. I am not oblivious or insensitive to your pain. But I know you can do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU! You, in turn, must believe in yourself.

Now, before I end this post, I would be remiss if I did not address the flip side to this lesson. Because it is fair, and even right, to mention that sometimes it is ok to quit. Not every endeavor, situation or relationship we attempt or find ourselves in, is worthwhile or healthy. There is no dishonor in deciding something is bad for us and choosing to walk away. The key is understanding how in tune we are to our inner soul so we can distinguish between unhealthy behaviors/people and just mental exhaustion. Once you recognize and acknowledge that something or someone is damaging, you need to take the appropriate action. Release negativity from your life; regardless of the source.

As we approach the busy holiday season, I know many of you will be stretched to the limit. Demands, deadlines, decisions; all will pile up. You may find yourself wringing that towel in your hands. You may even be very tempted as you lean, tired and worn, upon life’s boxing ropes, to toss that towel into the ring. Don’t do it. Take a deep breath, say a little (or big) prayer, stand back up and get back into the fight. You are so close to victory. I just know it.

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Life To My Days

Last weekend I took a road trip with some friends of mine to Nashville, TN. I had been looking forward to this trip for a very long time. While I have known these ladies for quite a while, this would be my first such adventure with them, and I was excited for the new experience. I was not disappointed. Let me also add that each of these ladies has their own unique story, background and bring something rare and precious to the table. Suffice it to say this was not a cookie cutter convention, and yet there was mutual respect and admiration for all. I felt accepted, safe and appreciated; which is really all anyone can hope for within their circle of friends. We had a great time, and this blog post is dedicated to just one small blip from that trip that made a big impact on my heart.

On Friday night we went to see The Grand Ole Opry at the Ryman Auditorium. It was so much fun to be there live and hear all the great music. My favorite was a bluegrass group; Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver, who performed one of their songs; “Life To My Days”. Here is a small excerpt….

I wish we all could live at least until we're 90
Without any aches, or pains, or a cloudy mind
I wish everyone could taste the kind of love they dream of finding
And get to see their ship come sailin' in at least one time

I've been here long enough to know
That ain't the way it always goes

So if I'm one of those travelers whose journey gets cut short
And leave the ones I leave behind wishin' I had more time
All I can say is I can't add more days to my life
So I'll add more life to my days

Something about that song just stuck with me. The honesty of it. The reality mixed with hope. It strikes a balance between knowing there are certain hardships we encounter and things in life we may desire and strive for, but maybe not quite see fulfilled. It also offers the listener the opportunity to take back a little control over their happiness and impact in their world. We all have the chance, and yes, even the responsibility to add more LIFE to our DAYS! How do we accomplish that?

Let Go Of The Past… There are people and circumstances in your rear-view mirror that hurt you. Leave them there. The only real purpose of that mirror is to quickly glance to see how far you’ve come. If your focus is looking back, you will never appreciate the view in front of you. Don’t hold a grudge or wait for an apology that may never come. Learn from your mistakes, accept the mistakes of others and move beyond the pain. The road ahead is open and waiting for you; make the most of each new adventure with a clear and open heart.

Pursue Yourself… One of my favorite expressions is “Pursue Yourself; Relentlessly”. Now I understand the concept can be taken too far and one can become overly self-absorbed and a royal pain to be around. I’m not talking narcissistic behavior or becoming insensitive to the needs of others. To me, this simply implies being in touch with what drives you, inspires you and encourages you. There is another quote that says: “You can’t serve from an empty vessel.” We all need to find the time to pursue the activities and habits that fill our love and energy tank. These activities will be as varied and diverse as the individuals reading this post, so do not look to copy another’s game plan. Create our own! If this is a new concept for you, it may take some trial and error, but I promise it will be worth it. Learn to love yourself and each day will be an adventure.

Love Unconditionally… There are people in your world that need your love and acceptance. Freely give that to them. Openly and often express your love and appreciate for the ones who make your world a better place. Never underestimate the power of “I Love You”. Those three words never get old. As emotional beings, we crave that affirmation daily. Tell your partner, your children, your parents. Call someone who may not have heard from you in a while and catch up. Find an outreach to devote time and even resources into. We are approaching the time of year where those in need will come across your path. Be wise, but also be willing to help, donate or just BE there for someone. Love is the one commodity that is never depleted when given. The more love you pour out, the more that wells up within you. Make it a point to give some away every day.

My Hopefuls, my goal for you today is to understand the precious fleeting days of our lives. Time passes without consideration and no one is promised tomorrow. The songwriter is so very true in his sentiment. When all is said and done, there is very little we can do to add days to our lives. Of course, healthy living and taking care of ourselves will certainly help, but our days are numbered, and we are not given that information when we are born. Make each one count. Do your best to leave a positive impact. Love. Respect. Pursue. Be the kind of person who can truly say…

So I'll add more life to my days

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out