How To Craft A Winning Online Profile (And What To Look For In Theirs) Part 1 of 2

(Excerpt from my book; Mid-Life Joyride. Chapter Four – On The Road Again; Ready To Love)

The start of a new year brings a flurry of resolutions and reflection. One thing many singles consider is renewing their focus on finding a partner. According to a recent Match.com study, the Sunday after New Years boasts the highest traffic for online dating sites and has the most newly created profiles of any other day. With that in mind, I wanted to share my experience and insight on creating a winning and successful online dating profile and offer some tips on crafting that all important first message.  

Online Profile 101

The first thing to do is decide what you are looking for or hoping to gain from this experience. Not everyone online is looking to remarry. It is okay if you are one of those, but it is not okay if you are vague or unclear about your intentions. Almost every dating site that I have ever been to has a section that gives you the opportunity to explain what you are looking for. It is very important that you are truthful when you click your response. You will be reaching real people with their own struggles and dreams. It is unfair to lead someone on just because you think he or she is attractive or you are lonely.

Create a catchy username and headline. Be careful about putting personal information in your username. I saw one guy online who just had his cell phone number as his username. I cannot begin to imagine the types of random messages he received with no way of knowing who sent them. Some people use their real first names, but I never have. It was always an extra layer of insulation until I met someone I wanted to talk to. You can use words that describe your life (TryingAgain, SimpleLife), your interests (HikerGirl, SalsaGuy), or nickname. Strive for breezy, light, and somewhat informative.

Do not underestimate the importance of a good opening statement. It doesn’t have to be profound, but should include more than “Looking for Love” or “Are You Lonely Too?” Stay away from negative banter such as, “Are there really any good women left?” or “Deadbeats and losers stay away.” This type of narrative proves you are not ready to open your heart to anyone. It sends a signal to good people to stay away and invites negative people to engage in word battles.

Be creative with your opening statement. I liked a particular one by a guy who is a chef. His headline read, “Let’s cook up something great together!” Another good one read, “My boat, a glass of wine, the sunset, and you.” These people took the time to put a few simple words together that make you envision something fun, relaxing, or exciting. The headline should spark an interest in finding out more about this intriguing person, YOU!

Your Personal Dating Dossier

RULE #1. BE HONEST

PHOTOS

Use current pictures. The number one complaint by both men and women is finding out someone used old pictures on his or her profile. This is not the time to pull out your “Throw Back Thursday” photos from Facebook, your college graduation, or any picture really that is over two years old at least! If someone agrees to meet, it is unfair to make them play a dating version of Line Up, where they must scan the room picking out the three people most likely to be you, hoping they walk up to the right one. Also at least one, to be fair, should be a full body (clothed) shot.

AGE

This one may be a little harder to figure out when first meeting, but eventually it will come out. People lie about their age for different reasons. Women shave off a few years so they can attract a younger guy. Many guys like the idea of dating an older woman, so they lie in the other direction hoping to get the attention of a more mature woman. I have no problem with age differences if both parties are honest with their age from the beginning. Starting out with a lie decreases your chance of success immeasurably.

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS

People assume when they go on a dating site that the ones they meet are single and ready to date. I strongly suggest not putting up a profile during a separation. Many things can change in the months leading up to a divorce and it is simply unfair to put another’s heart at risk during this traumatic time of your life. Be honest about your relationship status. You will ruin someone’s trust if after a few dates he or she discovers you are not actually divorced. I have met men with separation as their status, but I did so fully aware it would most likely just be a nice evening out and not lead anywhere. However, if I went out with someone who lied about his divorce being final, I would absolutely not entertain a second date. Not because I didn’t believe he deserved to find happiness again, but because he did not trust me, or himself, enough with the truth.

RULE #2. BE REAL

Let’s go back to those photos for a minute. In addition to being current, you should also use pictures that depict who you really are, at home, at play, and with friends. By at home, I do NOT mean a bathroom selfie. I wish there was an auto-delete for every picture posted that had a sink, shower curtain, or toilet in it. I especially think public bathroom selfies are creepy. Never, for any reason, should you use one of those.

Pictures of vacations and trips you have been on are great. It is also good to include pictures of hobbies and interests. Some women I know hate to see pictures of men holding a fish (real fish, caught while fishing), but I do not have a problem with that if there are other pictures to go along with it. It is simply a depiction of who they are and what they enjoy doing. If you don’t like to fish or want your man to fish, at least you know to swipe left.

I personally am opposed to posting pictures with small children. You have no idea who will view your profile or their intentions. I would never put an image of a child on a dating site. You should also not use a picture where you have cropped out your ex-partner. We are not stupid; we can tell what that is. I would discourage pictures with only inanimate objects in them, like pictures of cars, the horizon, or flowers. If you are in those pictures, fine, but pictures of objects will not really help your cause. It has been proven that pictures showing you laughing generate more responses than any other kind. Every photo does not have to be frame-worthy, but they do need to represent who you really are.

While it is true that the photos and headline are the first enticements, it is in the written profile where the interest is confirmed. There are many theories on what makes a well-written profile. Here are my suggestions.

Your potential dates do not want to read an entire autobiography. Save something for the emails, phone calls, and first dates. A few brief paragraphs about your current situation, interests, and intentions are enough. If you have deal breakers (i.e. smoking), list them. It may not stop everyone, but at least they will know. If you have an interesting story about a picture you posted, share it. The point is to give them a glimpse into how their life would be better with you in it. You want to highlight what you bring to the table

Avoid negativity. Do not self-deprecate or paint yourself in an unflattering light. We all have weaknesses and faults; you do not need to break down every single one of them. If you have a disability or a condition that limits certain activities, it is fair to mention that, but the point of your profile is to highlight the beautiful and wonderful things you bring to the table and what you can offer to that special someone

Do NOT talk about your ex-partner and all the other “wrong” people you have met before. Bad-mouthing someone from your past, or painting all men or all women with a certain trait, is petty, wrong, and unproductive. Every person deserves a clean slate when he or she walks into your life. You cannot make a new potential partner pay for another’s sins. Chiming on about how badly you have been treated before does not make you look attractive, only bitter and scarred.

Do NOT compile a long list of “must have” or “must be able to.” It is good to have standards, but compiling a daunting list of requirements before you even say hello can make potential suitors weary and concerned they will never live up to all the demands. If you have certain deal breakers, you should provide that information, but this is not a shopping spree. If you have a catalog of prerequisites, you will turn people away. Also, leave the prince and princess talk for when you actually have a castle.

Proofread! Proofread! Proofread! Seventy-five percent of everyone who reads your profile will critique the spelling and grammar. We are adults here and should be able to form complete and accurate sentences. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen profiles or written messages that made me shake my head in disbelief. If you are not sure, use spell check or have a friend read it. They can tell you how it sounds and offer some pointers. I understand it might be awkward to ask, but you are putting a piece of yourself out there for many others to see. The very least you can do is make sure it is the best piece of you.

Your Message to Them

As with your written profile, keep your first messages somewhat brief. You have no idea what is going on with them, to whom they are talking, or even their sincere level of interest. Delving too deeply into what you are looking for and what you have to offer will be wasted if they do not bother to read it or decide for whatever reason they are not interested.

Mention something from their profile that caught your attention; one of their photos or an activity they talked about. Ask a question. It gives them something to answer in their return email. If they have a nice smile, I will usually put that in because it speaks of ease and friendliness. Do not go too far with any remarks on physical traits. That is a slippery slope and can go downhill fast. Do not be critical of anything you have read or point out mistakes, and do not be too pushy in what you expect from them after just one email.

Once you have written your email and are satisfied that it hits the right balance of interest without sounding needy or aggressive, go ahead and send it! Then move on to the next one. I know some people who will only send one email at a time and wait for a response before sending another. They believe that is fair and do not want to have too many conversations going at once. I understand that and do not want you to send dozens of emails at one sitting. I want you to be discerning and particular when you pick someone, but it is perfectly acceptable to send out more than one email. I do not recommend the copy and paste option. For that to work, the email would have to be so generic that it would be recognized as such and the reader will keep moving. Give each person the benefit of a personalized, short email. 

Do not send a follow-up email. It looks desperate. Their email works just fine, and if it doesn’t, they will not get your second (or third) one either. Some people check their messages once a day, some once a week. Others put up a profile, meet someone, and never check their messages again. The bottom line is this: if they are interested in you, they will respond. Any reason they choose to not respond is your cue to move on and not look back.

My Hopefuls, I trust this information has been helpful. I truly want each of you to be equipped to create a stunning online profile and attract a person of value. It can be a long and tiring journey at times with many twists and turns; I will not hide that from you, but if you are honest with what you want and sincerely use your time wisely in your search, I believe it is absolutely possible to find a loving and healthy partner. I wish that for you this year, and always!

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out!

Come back tomorrow for a look at the other side. What to be on the watch for and how to interpret and respond to their profile/messages. 

Visit my website for more inspiration and encouragement. 

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Personal Convictions – Know Them. Own Them. Live Them.

(Staying True To Your Core Beliefs in 2018)

As we enter a new year, the internet and social media is flooded with quotes and memes encouraging us to pursue dreams, proclaim resolutions, lose weight, change careers, believe in ourselves, love freely, etc. (I’m guilty, I posted one today as well.) And while things are perfectly wonderful and a part of every New Year celebration, I would like to propose a slightly different approach on something to carry over into 2018 – Your Personal Convictions.

It is my opinion that we live in a world that often asks us to question our convictions. We are accused of being closed-minded, out-of-date, insensitive or stubborn if we do not choose to adopt the cause/idea/thought of the day/time/movement. It is my goal, today, as the calendar rolls over into a brand new year, to encourage you, my Hopefuls, to stand firm in your values and in your core beliefs.

Now, before we go any further, let me say, that I am not talking about rejecting anything new or progressive. Life, love and the world are constantly evolving, and it benefits us tremendously to embrace a spirit of open-mindedness. By this, I mean it is great to be curious, to consider to the ideas of others, to talk and exchange views. Listening is a great tool (and one we could all utilize more). When we hear (listen to) the opinions of others, it should be to gain knowledge and not always to argue or offer opposition. We may learn a new side to an issue or discover facts that might alter or enhance our own outlook. It is a good and positive thing to accept that our convictions and beliefs can evolve over time; with thought and consideration. My concern, however, is for those who blindly follow the masses with what is known as “Herd Mentality”.

If asked individually, most would issue a strong denial, however, many of us fall into the category of being persuaded by our culture, friends or even social media to conform to certain beliefs. Few people actually relish the idea of standing alone. It is even a scientific fact that our brains fight against this very thing. When we take a differing stance from those around us, there is a portion of our brain (the anterior cingulate cortex) which actually sends out an ‘opps’ or ‘error’ signal that makes us question ourselves to be sure of our position. Here is an example.

There was an experiment carried out with ten people. They were each shown three lines together on a board; A in the middle and B and C on either side. They were to decide, in a specific order, and out loud, which line (B or C) was closer to the middle line A. One by one they all said Line B. When it came time for the last woman to give her choice, she also said Line B. At the end of experiment, it was revealed that the first nine people were in on it and were all told to say Line B, even though Line C was indeed the correct answer. By the time her turn came around, the woman (who thought C was correct) was too intimidated and lacked enough self confidence to go with what she really thought was the right answer; so she followed the herd. When asked about it, she admitted that she didn’t want to stand out or look stupid. She would rather be wrong with the crowd than risk being right all by herself. (How many of us have done something similar?)

There was another study where a group of people where put in a room and told to walk around randomly without speaking to anyone. Two of the people were secretly told to walk in specific patterns with a bold stride. Before long, everyone else in the room was blindly following one of those two individuals. The point of the experiment was to show that being confident is often all it takes for some to follow. But confidence in one’s beliefs does not always mean they are right.

My mother was a simple, but extremely wise woman. Whenever I would struggle with belief systems or become persuaded with flowering speech, she always encouraged me to trust my instincts and know who I was and what I stood for. One of her favorite expressions was, “Someone can be sincere and still be sincerely wrong.” There are many passionate people in the world who will fight to defend their position. And for them, they truly believe and embrace that position. I am not here to pass judgement on another’s right to their opinions; I just want to encourage everyone reading these words, to hold on to theirs!

Did you know that former Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn gave one piece of advice to all new members of Congress? His famous quote was, “If you want to get along, you have to go along.” (Seems to me that might be why our political system is a little awry.) I would strongly encourage you to do the opposite. Do not ‘go along, just to get along’. Know what you believe, and why. Determine your own path. Practice self-discipline (and not just with a diet and health plan). Take pride in your integrity and have the courage to defend and stand up for what you believe to be right. I would never ask anyone to be a bully or obnoxious. We do not need to adopt the mantra; “I Shall Not Be Moved.” Be gracious. Show understanding and compassion. Walk peacefully, but walk with a purpose; your purpose. Do not be deterred or shy away from the beliefs and core values that you have adopted for your life.

My Hopefuls, as this new year dawns, my wish is that each of you view the coming days with awe and a sense of adventure. I truly hope that this can be your best life now! I am so very thankful for your part in my journey and excited to find out what lies ahead for all of us. Believe in yourself and your worth.

Be open to ideas, but hold tightly to ideals; and please know the difference. 

And always, always, always.

HOPE WITH ABANDON!

Hope Out!

The 12 Days Of SINGLE Christmas

On the First Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: A smile and a twinkle in my eye. (Because, single or not, I’m happy with myself and loving life.)

On the Second Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Two Match.com dates. (One was late, didn’t look like his picture and ‘forgot’ his wallet, and the other didn’t show up at all) and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Third Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Three Hallmark Christmas movies. (Have I ever told you that I am one of only five people in the entire world that doesn’t watch Hallmark Christmas movies?) Two Match.com dates and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Fourth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Four Christmas Carols. (He limited it to just four this year, because all the rest are used in commercials that play 24/7.) Three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Fifth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Five Gold-en Rings. (Because it’s looking like that may be the only way I get one, and my elf was feeling generous that day.) Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates (the first guy texted me to say he found his wallet and asked if I wanted another date….No Sir, I don’t), and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Sixth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: A six pack of Sun-Kist (My wish list said to be kissed at sunset, but apparently my elf was having trouble reading that day.) Five Gold-en Ring. (You know, you say those three words slower, like in the song, even as you are reading.) Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Seventh Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Seven holiday parties (I only went to two, but a girl needs options), a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Eighth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Eight pairs of socks (It’s not romantic, but neither are cold feet. Have you ever been startled from your sleep by a frozen hallux? That’s just a fancy name for a big toe, people.) Seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Ninth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Nine Christmas Candles. (He got me the battery-operated ones this year. Last year he got me the regular ones and I feel asleep while watching one of those repeat Hallmark Christmas movies with one of those Match.com dates and almost torched the place.) Eight pairs of sock, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

On the Tenth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Ten - Reasons to give my family while I’m still single. (I’m holding out for Owen Wilson… I want to continue to drink straight from the milk carton… I am too busy folding those eight new pair of socks… You know, important reasons like that.) Nine Christmas Candles, eight pairs of socks, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies (he threw in a new one for good measure), two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.  

On the Eleventh Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Eleven Christmas Cards. (These are to put on my mantel so when people come over, it actually looks like I have a life. I’ve told him not to bother, that no one sends Christmas Cards anymore, but he points out that my negative attitude is starting to get on his nerves. It takes a lot to tick off a Christmas elf.) Ten reasons for why I’m still single (My elf has a few ideas of his own.) Nine Christmas Candles, eight pairs of socks, seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates, and a smile and a twinkle in my eye.

One the Twelfth Day of Single Christmas, my holiday elf gave to me: Twelve Christmas Cookies. (My elf said I needed something sweet going on in my life, and he is going to help me join Weight Watches for the New Year). Eleven Christmas Cards, ten reasons for while I’m still single (eating twelve cookies at one sitting doesn’t help), nine Christmas Candles (the batteries died already), eight pairs of socks (actually, I’ve lost three socks in the dryer, so I now have five pairs of socks and three singles, like me), seven holiday parties, a six pack of Sun-Kist – Five Gold-en Rings. Four Christmas Carols, three Hallmark Christmas movies, two Match.com dates (The no-show actually had the nerve to send me an email wishing me a Merry Christmas)… And most important of all……. 

A Smile And A Twinkle In My Eye!!!

My Hopefuls, I put this together as a light-hearted look at being a SIM (Single In Mid-Life) during the holidays, but I do know that it can also be a little lonely at times. My wish for each of you is to share in the joy of the season with your family and friends and truly believe in your worth and beauty. There are movies, songs and parties that can highlight our single status, but there are countless other ways to embrace and enjoy the holidays. Always remember the Reason For The Season and reach out to those less fortunate. Make the most of each day during this holiday and may you also have a smile and a twinkle in your eye!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

*LIKE* and *SHARE* if you enjoyed!!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

Christmas Angels (How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays)

The holiday season is filled to the rim with good cheer, music, parties, laughter, traditions, lights and great food; yet there are still those of us who experience an overwhelming sadness in the midst of all the Christmas joy. For anyone who has lost a loved one, grief creeps in and threatens to dull the season’s sparkle. It might be a recent event, or even years ago, but there is still a void and the sheer fullness of the holiday can often highlight their absence. Maybe you miss sharing a special tradition, like driving around to see the holiday lights, baking cookies or opening just one present on Christmas eve. Perhaps they had a specific Christmas ‘job’ they did so well; like placing the star on the top of the tree or making their one-of-a-kind orange spice cake every year. You wonder if the holidays will ever be the same. Well, in truth, they may not ever be the ‘same’, but with a little time, love and a sprinkle of Christmas spirit, they can become joyful again.

The first thing I would encourage you to realize is that your loved one (and I like to think of them as Christmas Angels, at least during this time of year) would really want you to enjoy the holidays. They would not wish for you to dwell on your sorrow or remove yourself from the festivities. You do not need to feel guilty for finding enjoyment during this time of year, and you should not boycott the cheer in an attempt to prove your love and ongoing sadness. It is obvious you will miss your loved one, but their desire would be for you to feel the love and good will that flows in abundance at Christmas.

So how do you connect the two; the joy of the season and the pain of your loss? What are some real and tangible things you can do to honor your lost loved one and still celebrate the holiday spirit? Let’s look at a few:

Take on one of their holiday traditions as your own. Find their special recipe and make that orange spice cake, even if it doesn’t turn out quite the way they did it. Read the Christmas story by candlelight or say grace before the big meal. Whatever makes you feel closer to your loved one, do that one thing in their place.



Light a candle every night in their honor. If their life was a light in to yours, use this symbol as a reminder.  

Make a donation, in their name, to their favorite charity or volunteer for an organization they believed in.

Buy a unique ornament that represents their spirit or essence and hang it on your tree.

You could also have a special memorial ornament made to celebrate their life.

Gather with family or friends and share stories about past holidays where your loved one did something sweet, funny or memorable. Pull out pictures from your album and display them in Christmas frames.

Put a fresh flower bouquet on the Christmas dinner table in honor of their memory.

Last, by not least, give yourself permission to feel, whatever the ‘feeling’ is. If you are sad, take a moment to just be sad. If you find yourself having fun and being happy, go with that too! It’s ok!

I understand that all of these suggestions will not work for everyone, or for others the pain is still too fresh to consider any. Each person must grieve and then heal at their own pace. However, my dear Hopefuls, it is my desire that you do not let the holidays pass in a blur of mourning. As the carols play on the radio and the scent of fir/pine fills the air, picture your own Christmas Angel looking down on you with love.

Take comfort in the memories and past shared holidays and believe they truly want the brightest and best season for you now! Take the moments to cry, pray and remember, but also take the moments to share, laugh and love. The Christmas season is a beautiful, magical time of year and we should all do our part to celebrate the most wonderous and ultimate Gift of Love.

To all of you, my Hopefuls, I wish a peaceful and love-filled holiday. May God’s peace rest in your hearts if you are missing someone dear this year.

May your Christmas Angel bring warmth and comfort.

Merry Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

(If this post touched your heart, or believe it would help someone else, please share.) 

Tips For Enjoying A ‘Single’ Holiday Season (Don’t Be A Self On The Shelf)

Do you ever feel like the adult mixed-up version of Elf On The Shelf? Does it seem like you have been propped up somewhere in the corner where people see you, maybe even watch you, but never truly interact with you? Like everyone talks at you, has expectations and opinions, but then come and go with their lives leaving you alone, waiting and watching from the sidelines? Bah SIM Bug! My Hopefuls, I understand it can be difficult to go through the holiday season alone. Whether you have been single a long time, or just found yourself recently unattached; watching Christmas unfold can heighten your loneliness. From research, many SIMs (Single In Midlife) have a harder time during the Christmas holiday season than even Valentine’s Day. The lights, music, parties; everything just seems a bit more magical and romantic.

I have spent many holiday seasons single and I would like to use this post today to encourage you to embrace your status and embrace all the beautiful and fun times you can still have. I want to share some tips to help get your Self OFF The Shelf and out enjoying the holidays!

Don’t Dwell Too Long On Hallmark Movies. I know, I know, boos all around. Most everyone I talk to just loves Hallmark Christmas movies and I understand I’m in the minority here. I am not suggesting they cannot be watched and enjoyed, but don’t spend all your time curled up on the couch wrapped in your cozy blanket to live vicariously through a movie written to have a fairy tale happy ending. I want you to get out and create your own happy ending; unscripted!

Get Your Party On! When in a relationship, celebrations must be divided into his/her work parties, family get-togethers, social functions. As a SIM, you get to pick whatever event YOU want to attend. Maybe you want to go to a special church service, a local tree lighting, or even a tacky sweater party; or all three and then some! It doesn’t matter, because you do not have to align your schedule or likes with anyone else. You are free to enjoy the festivities on your terms and timetable. If you are reluctant to go alone, enlist another single friend to go with you. I do want to encourage you though, to not let going alone stop you. I understand it can feel intimidating to walk into a venue by yourself and integrate into the gathering, but if there is an activity that you truly want to do, please consider pushing through the discomfort. Once you are there, enjoying the event you will be proud of yourself for not letting your single status slow you down!

Reach Out. Please know there are so many others out there struggling during this time of year. Almost every organization that provides help to individuals need extra hands during the holidays. Volunteer at a shelter, food back or through a church. Visit a local nursing home or senior center and bring treats, or just sit and talk to someone. So many residents there get little or no visits/attention during the holidays. You can make a big difference with just a little bit of your time and heart.

Don't Reach Out To Your Ex. Christmas time brings with it a flood of memories, and as humans, we tend to remember more of the good ones. It can be tempting to call/text your ex just to see how they are doing and wish them a Merry Christmas. In most cases, this is a bad idea. If you are on good terms, or have minor children still involved, obviously you will need to communicate. That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about looking backwards at an unhealthy relationship and feeling a pull to reconnect. Don’t. It is only the sentiment of the season putting those thoughts in your head, and you need to shut them down. If you decided to walk away from an unhealthy partner, or you were discarded and hurt by an insensitive one, there is absolutely no reason to go there. The wounds will just be reopened and no amount of holiday spirit can undo that.

Enjoy Your Family/Friends. It is true, not everyone has a Christmas Card family. Sometimes, part of being alone, is distancing ourselves from unhealthy relationships that can be attached by a DNA thread, but ‘family’ does not always have to be ‘blood’. Choose to spend time and celebrate the season with those that mean the most to you. Travel, if you can, to see them. Reconnect with old friends. Slow down and spend quality time with those around you who have been there for you and understand your value and worth. Surround yourself with love because it comes in many forms and expressions.

Appreciate. You are blessed. I know I am too. We all should use this season to reflect on the blessings and beautiful life that we have been given. Is it perfect? No. Do we still struggle? Yes.  But gratitude and appreciation go a long way to restoring our peace and happiness. Dwelling on what the lost, or how we were hurt, will not have a positive impact. Sometimes bad things just happen and people betray and abandon us. I am truly sorry if that happened to you. However, I also truly believe there is still so much beauty and good in your life and in your heart. That thought is what I am asking you to embrace today, this season and all the coming days moving forward. 

If you were dreading this single holiday season, I hope something within this post helped to lift your spirits and motivate you. Please do not be a Self On The Shelf of your life. Get out there and be the very best version of YOU!

Christmas is a time for giving, loving, sharing, reflecting and most importantly to acknowledge and honor the best gift ever presented to mankind: Love coming down from heaven in human form – The Christ Child.

Have Yourself A Very Merry Single Christmas!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com

(Do you have tips/ideas on being a SIM through the holidays? If so, share them with me! And share this article if it spoke to and encouraged you!)