Distractions – What Are You Afraid Of

Today’s blog is an open letter to myself.

In recent weeks I have struggled with distractions. Work, family and even situations created by my own hands. For the most part, they were minor to medium challenges that involved my time and attention to correct and work through. The thing about time, though, is that it does not flow from an eternal source. We have limited hours in a day, days in a week and so on. Our very lifespan is hemmed in by factors mostly out of our control or knowledge. We are all encouraged to make each moment count and count the moments so our goals can be realized. So how do we minimize the distractions? Or are they distractions at all? Could we (I) be subconsciously disrupting momentum driven by fear? Fear of what? What are we (I) so afraid of?

Fear Of Success – I honestly had never even heard of this until recently and would not have considered it a legitimate possibility, however, I was listening to a radio talk show when a woman called in with an idea that fear of success was stalling her medical career. The host of the show unwittingly sided with me by scoffing and retorting that she did not believe there was such a thing. I have researched it however, and there is enough chatter about it to make it worth mentioning.

There are different theories behind having a fear of success. One is a person’s struggle with accepting that they deserve it. Can they handle it? Hugh MacLeod, an advertising guru and cartoonist, once said that success is more complex than failure. There are varying degrees of success and each new level creates distinct obstacles and decisions. Am I ready? Do I know what I’m doing? Will I be made a fool of? For me, honestly, I try not to think about success. It seems vain and arrogant, even though I understand a broader platform would mean bringing my message of HOPE to a wider audience. But for me, the one (silly) concern is opening the door for criticism. Right now, I enjoy a fairly insulated bubble of friends and family who support and encourage me because of their affection for me. For others who do not share that affection, I may experience negative feedback or even hurtful opinions and reactions. People can be quite vocal while hiding behind a computer screen. I guess for all of us, the drive towards the goal has to outrun any rejection.

Fear Of Failure – This fear is much easier to understand. I dare say everyone has had one or two moments of being afraid to fail, lose, fall short, miss the boat. Most of us have these moments all through life. Big (and little) decisions regarding jobs, relationships, purchases, parenting, health; we all filter through our mind’s colander to try and catch all the potential flaws in our plan. This is also known as over-thinking and people do this more than they realize. The what-ifs have stifled many a dream.

Again, for me, the fear of failure looks more like a waste of time. Is that you too? The wondering if all the time and energy invested would be better served doing laundry, weeding the garden or catching up with friends? Do we (I) use the distractions of a busy life to put our dream on hold ‘just one more day’? My Hopefuls, we must realize that our days are a precious commodity. Of course, we must attend to our responsibilities, but we must also make time for the passions and pursuits that excite and motivate us. Failure is only in the surrender. Giving up is not an option. For any of us.

Fear Of The Unknown – Certain people have the Explorer Gene and love to attack life head-on with little or no fear. I did not inherit that gene. For us mere mortals, the familiar is our comfort zone and outside the fence is a scary place. We can predict with some certainty what will happen if we stick to our routine and not cause waves. There is safety in the ordinary and unremarkable but seldom do great things come from ordinary. I want the chance to be memorable and remarkable, so that requires a leap of faith into the unknown. I do not know where your comfort zones are or how safe your limits. What I do know, is that if there is a purpose driving you, open the gate and drive straight past those cozy fences. And know with certainty, that I am coming up right behind you!

There is one thing I want to make clear…I do not live my life in fear. I love my life and very thankful and extremely blessed. I will admit there are times when I struggle with my own direction and purpose. That might give some cause to wonder why I believe I could help others! My answer to that is..... we are all in this together. We need to support, uplift and encourage one another. It is my passion in life to spearhead that operation. Do I have all the answers? No way! Is my heart in the right place? You bet it is! We can all learn from each other and step by step make a positive impact in the world where we live. If everyone does that, image how far reaching that good can travel? Will you help me? Will you set aside your distractions and fears? Can we, together, accomplish the daily goal to….

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

3 Ways To Re-Charge Your Life (Emotional Spring Training)

Most baseball enthusiasts look forward all winter for the beginning of Spring Training. It’s the time when new players compete for teams and positions and returning players practice and hone their skills prior to the season opener. There are exhibition games to work out the kinks and roster and it is a good warm-up before the regular season begins.

In life, we technically do not get a warm-up period. Every day is the regular season. But today I would like to use the concept of Spring Training as a way to reboot some areas in our life. To work on skills that will benefit and help us succeed. To practice ways to throw off the negative and embrace the positive. I want us to have an Emotional Spring Training. Let’s get started.

#1. Train Your Heart To Forgive – It doesn’t take long in this world to learn we all make mistakes. As humans we make wrong decisions, hurt the feelings of others or act recklessly. Most of the time it is not intentional, but it happens nonetheless. In one of life’s great ironies, we all WANT forgiveness for our transgressions, but we fight and hesitate to GIVE it to others. I have no doubt that you have been hurt and wronged. Sometimes it is by someone we love, and other times it is an enemy of our life trying to cause distress. Either way, the only way to move forward is to forgive. I can’t promise that an apology will be given or a request for forgiveness made. If it does happen, and you believe it sincere, this step is certainly easier. There are situations though where you must extend forgiveness even when not asked. This takes place in your heart and the other person may never even know. This is done to keep the lining of your heart soft and porous for all the other beautiful moments and people who will walk in. We cannot become bitter and hard with resentment lodged in our hearts, and we must fight against the desire for revenge. Each situation is different, and I don’t have time to explore every scenario, I am simply suggesting that valuable time and emotional energy is exhausted every day by those who refuse to forgive and start a mission of retribution. It almost always fails and is never satisfying. We must find the strength to let go of the hurt.

I would like to make one other point here. Forgiveness does not mean you have to forget or even let the person back into your life. As I mentioned, there are countless ways someone can hurt and betray you. The correct decision, at times, is to walk away from a situation or a person. Repeated offenses, intentional disrespect, abuse; any of these situations is in your best interest to cut ties. No one should be allowed access to your life that is destructive, but you must still forgive them. For YOUR emotional health and happiness.

#2. Train Your Mind To Focus – Life today is so busy and scattered. We all run at full speed in several different directions. We have work, family, responsibilities, passions, goals. Each one is constantly vying for time and energy from you. If we are not careful, we will burn out and be of little or no good to any. It is important to be able to prioritize and focus. In real time, this means learning to say ‘no’. The key to doing this wisely is knowing yourself. If you become overwhelmed, it may be time for a Focus Intervention. I have to do this from time to time. Sit down (with pen and paper if it would help) and write down everything you need/want to accomplish. You can do it on a daily/weekly basis. You can even jot down long-term dreams. Then you need to prioritize and rid yourself of empty distractions. Regardless of intentions, there are only 24 hours in a day. You cannot please everyone or meet every need. There may even be things on the list that you have to cross off (or delay) that YOU really want. The purpose of this exercise is to determine the things that need focus. And by focus, I mean your full attention and best efforts. You will be amazed at the relief when you have a plan and know where to steer your energies. This is not an easy task, but trust me, it will work. As you focus on the important things, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and learn time management skills. The real goal here is to be able to walk in peace and contentment of your accomplishments while maintaining a healthy focus on YOU.  

#3. Train Your Soul To Have Faith – There is less talk about faith (in my opinion) in this day and age than any other. We have become such a ‘realistic’ society. It’s about what we have, what we can gain, the tangible manifestations of our efforts. We lose so much hope by only measuring our worth or charting our success by what can be held in our hands. The world is unsteady and the future unknown. What we have today can be lost. Without faith (and hope) we live in a constant state of fear and stress. I see more and more people becoming ‘control freaks’; believing they have power over the outcome. Yes, we contribute to our ongoing success and failures, but some things are completely out of our control. It is during these times that we need faith. Faith in God’s plan, love and mercy. Faith that we can handle what comes our way. Faith in the beauty of simple things. Faith in ourselves. Believing there is a higher purpose and deeper meaning to our existence here frees us from selfish, pointless pursuits.

My Hopefuls, today is a great day to start your Spring Training. Pick the areas that need a little coaching and discipline and get to work! It is easy to fall into complacency and routine. Let’s shake up our life’s roster to make room for a new playbook. We owe it to ourselves to give it our best shot every day. Take that grand swing at life and aim for the home run. I’m here on the sidelines cheering you on!

Always Remember….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Guard Your Goat - 3 Ways To Protect Your Inner Peace

I grew up on a farm, but my dad did not raise goats or horses, so even though I have heard the expression “Don’t Let Them Get Your Goat”, I did not know where it originated. I did know what it meant in life terms however. Getting someone’s goat is to steal their peace, attack their wellbeing and throw off their emotional balance. Most often it is an intentional act meant to cause distress, annoyance and anger. I guess the main impulse could be revenge or spite, but I am sure there are multiple motivations.

This phrase dates back to the early days of horse racing in England in the 19^th century. Apparently, horses, especially thoroughbreds, are high-strung and nervous animals. In a time before comfort animals was a ‘thing’, those horse trainers discovered that goats were the ultimate calming agent for a horse. Horses are herd animals and need company to feel safe. The goat is perfect for this job as they have zero predator drive, are highly social, adapt well to their surroundings and even eat the same food! The horse and the goat would create a bond and the goat would then travel in the trailer with the horse to the races. Being in strange surroundings the night before a big race, and being naturally skittish, the horse depended on the goat for comfort and a sense of wellbeing (home). Then along comes the problem -  (competition). It was common within the racing circuit for shady and dishonest owners to try and steal the goat from the best horse’s stall. If the abduction was successful, the horse would usually spend the rest of the night in distress, pacing the stall and be too worn out the next morning to run well enough to win the race. When someone got the horse’s goat, that strong, capable, magnificent creature would become agitated, stressed and unable to achieve peak performance. Even with all their training and natural ability, losing their support system crippled them. Has this ever happened to you? Has anyone ever tried to rob your goat (peace)?

I recently let someone get my goat. I’m not proud to say that, but it’s true. I allowed someone to steal my joy and create havoc in my life. Yes, it was intentional and absolutely unfair. It was not my imagination nor did the situation turn out the way I wanted. I was upset, hurt, angry; I surrendered my goat and gave them momentary power over my emotions. And then I stopped. Re-grouped. Prayed about it. Talked to my tribe about it and went and got my goat back!

My Hopefuls, people will try all manner of ways to tear you down. Some people are jealous, and this is the only avenue they have to neutralize the resentment they feel. Some use it as revenge for a wrong -real or otherwise. Others just do it simply because we allow them to get away with it. It is time we begin to protect our goats. How can we do that?

1. Believe In Yourself. The number one way that another person can steal your peace is to attack your self-confidence. We all need to understand our place and value in this world. You are here for a reason and your presence (and participation) is necessary. Everyone doesn’t have to love you. Do not waste time trying to win over everyone or be a people pleaser. Do the best job you can in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Be kind. Be fair. Do good. If you follow these basic rules you will not bend or break at the whims, musing and falsehoods spread by anyone.

2. Stand Your Ground. There may come a time when you have to face someone who intends to do you emotional harm. Never let them see you sweat. Just like that magnificent horse, you are strong and resilient and able to handle the pressure. Even if you must stand alone, refuse to give up. You may not win the battle, but you will have the personal accomplishment of knowing you held your own. The victory is not always announced with a wreath of flowers or a parade. Some days just knowing you did the right thing will be enough.

3. Let It Go. Don’t spend your precious time pacing around your mental stall in distress over the actions of another. There is a bright and beautiful day dawning and you have a race to run. Never let the actions, thoughts or beliefs of another stand in your way. If you have wronged someone, apologize and make amends. Do you best to take care of issues that need your attention, but let yesterday and the pain that lived here go. If you do not dwell on the negativity of others, there is no way they can have control over your future, or your peace.

Just like those thoroughbred horses, we need a support system. We should surround ourselves with people who love unconditionally, inspire and motivate. We must also become our best advocate. Our joy, peace and HOPE can be attacked. Sometimes we see it coming, but it can also show up as a surprise and feel like an ambush. The best plan is to be prepared. Guard your goat. Fiercely protect your integrity and live an exquisite life. Do not seek revenge and never wallow in bitterness. Rise above the circumstances. Go out there and chase the wind and don’t give the goat thieves a chance.

And always…

Hope With Abandon

www.hopeboulevard.com 

Permission To Pursue Your Dreams (Keep Your Eggs In Your Basket)

This past weekend I went out of town to spend Easter with my two daughters and two grandsons; one who is 7 and one who is 19 months. Of course, an Easter Egg Hunt was on the agenda. We did something different this year and went to an event in another town where they had a variety of Easter festivities that started with breakfast with the Easter Bunny and ending with the hunt. Over the years I have been to my fair share of these events and for the most part, they are all the same. They line the children up by ages, take them to their designated spot and let them loose. The organizer of this particular egg hunt, however, decided to mess with the formula; and oh what a mess it was!

Instead of having the children just go find the eggs, they chose this year to gather them by color. They were to line up, go find a specific color of egg and return to the starting line. Now this concept might have worked on the older group, even though that was also a flawed system, but to expect the 1-3-year-olds to gather eggs by color was never going to happen. To begin with, my 19-month-old grandson doesn’t know a pink egg from a green one, and I never even thought to restrict his roaming and collecting of eggs. He had my permission to gather at will. I promise you once he had picked one up and put it in his basket, he would not take kindly to having it removed.  In fact, that scene played out all over the grassy field as parents were forbidding their children from picking up the wrong color egg, or worse, making them remove the bounty from their basket. There was one meltdown after another! I have never seen so many miserable and confused children at what should have been a fun-filled event. I have no doubts the organizers got quite an earful when all was said and done and I highly doubt they repeat this procedure ever again.

While I was watching the mayhem unfold, the thought came to me how our goals and dreams can sometimes resemble those brightly colored eggs placed carefully in those beautiful baskets.

When we set out on our life’s journey, we gather hopes, gifts, talents and dreams all along the way. Some we are born with and others are triggered by events, influence or even chance. Regardless of their origin, they become special to us and we hold them close. Some of us do not share them right away, choosing rather to wait until we are sure, or have a plan. Some are unable to keep it to themselves and tell everyone they meet about their future goals. There is no right or wrong way to express or share your hopes, but I do want to warn you that not everyone will be happy with your choices.

Just like those parents who were trying to ‘help’ the kids follow the rules and made them remove the blue eggs on the pink run, you will talk to people who will insist you need to remove one or more of your dreams from your life’s basket. It may not necessarily be parents at this point in your life (even though we never really stop being ‘Mom and Dad’), but maybe friends, your partner or others who believe they are providing guidance. I always believe it is good to listen to wise counsel. If someone has attempted (or succeeded) down the path you are walking, hear them out. They may have sound advice that might help you avoid pitfalls or obstacles. But keep in mind, your journey is not like theirs, and neither will your outcome.

You may even run across people who willfully attempt to discourage you. They may be jealous and lack the drive to pursue their own way and do not wish to see you succeed at yours. And unfortunately, there are just certain people who are negative or experienced trauma and do not see the value of such endeavors. Regardless of their motivations, I encourage you to ignore the naysayers. Be polite, of course, especially to those who mean well, but never, and I repeat, never let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Yes, there may be struggles and setbacks. You may even have to set it aside for a time to take care of life, family and responsibilities. I am not suggesting a reckless charge. But I do want you to always keep your basket handy and I want it filled with the ideals and goals that are specific and meaningful to YOU!

My Hopefuls, we only have this one glorious ride called life. There are no refunds and no do-overs. You know what inspires you, delights you, and motivates you. Pursue that! Relentlessly!  Do not buy into the ‘normal’ or ‘cannot’ or ‘are you sure’. Own who you are and collect as many awesome eggs as you want in as many colors, shapes and sizes as you want. I believe in you and know at the end of this life’s egg hunt, your basket will be overflowing with accomplishments and pride. Until then and always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com  

You may also be interested in my blog from last year called "Price Of A Dream"

https://hopeboulevard.blogspot.com/2017/05/price-of-dream.html

Why We Love (Part 2) - 4 Tools To Maintain It

Last week we learned that the search for love dominates a good portion of our adult lives. We discovered (most of us already knew) that it was the one force that inspires us, thrills us and can drive us to our knees when taken away. With all the power that it yields, once we find it, great care should be applied to preserve it.

That, for me, is one of the greatest ironies in life. People will fight for love, pursue it, lose friendships over it, leave family because of it - but the one thing they seem to forget is how to nurture and cultivate it. So often, once we land our prize, we begin a slow downslide into emotional apathy. And nothing kills love quicker than indifference.

This week it is my hope to share some insight on the steps to take to keep love flourishing and vibrant. To make it worthy of the songs sung, poems written and movies directed. To keep it something that we will continue to love. You don’t invest in a car (or any other valuable commodity) without expecting to maintain it. The relationship with your love is no exception.

So, what are those tools to keep love running smoothly?

The Golden Rule – As simplistic as it may sound, just following this one life truth would save many a floundering relationship. If we all treated our partners the way we would like to be treated, can you imagine the joy? Unfortunately, if we are not careful, we can fall into the trap of taking them for granted. We focus less on their needs and concentrate on ours. Take this challenge. Wake up every morning and commit to doing or saying one thing to make your partner happy, feel safe or take care of a need. Do this without expecting a reward or a returned favor. Just do it for the love. It is very difficult to lose connection when we stay in tune with what they need. I promise if you do this consistently, the outcome will be powerful and significant.

Learn Your Partner’s Love Language – Most of us have heard of, and maybe even read, the book by Gary Chapman called “The Five Love Languages”. In it, he talks about how each of us has a primary and secondary emotional language that we speak/respond to. The key to maintaining a healthy love life is to learn to speak your partner’s love language. This can be challenging because we tend to speak in our own, but that can translate into chaos. Much like being in a room with someone from a foreign country. No matter how clearly and sweetly you spoke to them in English, if they don’t understand it, your message will not be heard. If you are not sure what their love language is, look for clues in how they demonstrate love to you. Or better yet, research this together and discover how both of you can transform your relationship. I might delve into this later in a separate post, but to learn more now, here is a link to some information.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Make Time For One Another – I know of no one in this world that thrives when left alone. Of course, we all go through times when we need our solitude, and some of us are more introverted than others, but we all need human contact and the contact from our partner is of utmost importance. A kiss good-bye in the morning and eating take-out in front of the TV (or cell phones) does not constitute togetherness. I understand we are all busy, but I also believe we make time for the things (people) we really want. It may take creative scheduling and plans will fall through occasionally, but you need to spend quality, interactive, emotional and physical time with your partner. This develops closeness, intimacy, and a special connection that holds the bond intact during times of stress, struggles or insecurities.

Last, but certainly not least, RESPECT. This is really a culmination of all the above paragraphs. The only other thing I want to add in this category is keeping your business; your business. One thing that really bothers me is to hear people trash talk their significant other. I am not sure what they think is gained by this behavior, but I have never seen anything good come of it. Do NOT gossip about your relationship with anyone. That is disrespectful and harmful. What you tell friends or family can never be unsaid/unheard. Turning to someone of the opposite sex for ‘advice’ is a horrible idea. A relationship will only sustain itself when both parties close ranks and work out the good and the bad together.

As I close, I do want to point out that sometimes you do everything you know to do, and it still falls apart. I do not have an answer for why this happens as there are a myriad of reasons. Some people are just not ready to be in a relationship. Some are damaged and need healing. Others just enter them for entirely the wrong reasons. I cannot tell you if the person you are with was the wrong choice or if the issues reside on your side of the fence. What I can tell you, is if the above steps have been lovingly and consistently followed and the relationship still doesn’t make it, then it was not the right relationship/person/timing.

My Hopefuls, it was my goal today to provide some tools and strategies to maintain one of the most precious intangibles of life. I absolutely believe in these steps and I would love to hear any feedback from you guys on your own tips and how you make love work every day!

Until Then….

Love AND Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com