Insta-Love - How Instagram Is Changing The Way We Date

As someone who has been single for quite a while, I have researched (and experimented) with my fair share of dating apps and websites. The paid ones, the free ones, the ones you probably wouldn’t want your Mom to know you used. It seems like every month there is a new avenue to find someone to hang out, date or otherwise connect with, but what I didn’t see coming was the rise of Instagram on the dating scene. 

I did know that Instagram was gaining in popularity and now has an estimated 800 million users worldwide! The photo-sharing platform provides easy access to the things we love to post and a peek into a bird’s eye view of our own piece of the world. A potential suitor can learn quickly of similar interests, ideals and even what we have for dinner, our fashion sense and possibly even our relationship status. It is all that combined that has made Instagram the new go-to place to meet someone. It has become so popular, it even has its own terminology. 

Tindstagram. The dating app Tinder provides the option to link your Instagram account. I am not a personal fan of this, but it can open dialog with someone even if you did not swipe right. They can track you down on your social media account and try again to get your attention. I have even heard stories of people being asked why they didn’t ‘swipe right’. Just know if you connect your public social media platforms with dating apps, you will most likely receive at least some unwanted attention.  

Thirst Trap. At first glance, this may sound a little underhanded, but in reality, I don’t suppose it is. It is simply posting an image intended to attract attention and elicit responses. It doesn’t have to be provocative. You can post a photo at the coffee shop with a caption: (How do you like yours?) or out hiking (Can you name the trail?) and you set up the scenario for answers and reactions from followers. The ‘stories’ feature works particularly well for this because you can go into the settings and hide the post from most followers and only those you select can see it. There is also the option from the stories setting to open a private chat.  

Slide To The DM. When I first heard about this phrase, I thought it was only one person’s name for it, but as I did my research, I found it was actually a ‘thing’. After a few public comments/posts a person can casually slide the conversation into direct messaging. This, of course, makes it a bit more personal and possibly intimate. The biggest key to getting to that point (except those trying to sell you something) is to make sure there are mutual likes and public comments. You can’t expect your love interest to do all the work. If someone catches YOUR eye, be sure to pass along the virtual love on their posts.  

Instagram is slower than your average dating app (despite the play on words) and since it was not originally designed for dating, you can’t be sure anyone ‘liking’ and ‘commenting’ is interested. (Nor would you want that.) But slower is often better and there is the added benefit of viewing multiple dimensions of someone’s life and not just one or two photos on a dating app with a lame headline and little pertinent information. The key is to be consistent but not overwhelming. Never ‘stalk’ someone’s Instagram page or comment on every post. Creepy is universal. On the flip side, be cautious about anyone posting inappropriate comments on your page and never hesitate to remove negative or disturbing followers. Do not provide personal information in a direct message until you are comfortable with the other person. You also need to be mindful to the location of anyone who has caught your eye. Instagram’s reach is worldwide and if you jump too soon, you will find yourself beginning a long distance or even online-only relationship. 

I do not believe that Instagram will replace the more popular dating sites like Match or E-Harmony, but it is a highly used social platform, and all things social open up possibilities. It’s a great big beautiful world with genuine people of value in it. Instagram is about expression and seeing the world through your unique lens. If someone likes the same view; then you never know what might happen! As with any form of dating connection; virtual or down the street, please be careful, be respectful, and most importantly BE YOURSELF! 

Here’s to clear focus, perfect shots, compelling hashtags and maybe, just maybe, Insta-Love for you! 

As always. Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out 

www.hopeboulevard.com

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3 Keys To Keep Your Relationship From Growing Apart

(Lessons From A Tree)

A common phrase passed around when a couple is considering a divorce or break-up is, “We just grew apart.” Personally, I am of the belief that seldom does this ‘just’ happen. Usually, there is an event, or series of events, that lead up to the parting of the emotional branches. Let’s take a minute to explore how this occurs and then hopefully prevent it from happening to you.

The most common example of growing part is found in nature with a tree. A tree starts with one solid trunk and expands out into branches. There are certain conditions however that will cause the trunk to split, creating a situation where there appears to actually be two trees growing apart from one base. While technically together, they are no longer joined or growing in union. There are many factors to cause this occurrence, including storms, soil erosion and, of course, outside influences. Sometimes these trees can be saved, but other times the damage is irreparable. We can learn from these trees to avoid having our own relationships become split down the middle.

Storms. We will all experience storms in our relationships. Family, work, health, the list is endless of things that can whip up without warning. What is the single most sustaining factor in weathering a storm? A good root system. Start early in your relationship to develop those roots. Establish trust. Be honest. Be loyal. Share dreams/fears/goals. Understand the benefit of having a true partner to walk through life with and work hard to earn that right with them. The deeper and stronger your love (and root system) the easier the two of you will withstand life’s storms and the less chance of them causing a crack that could grow with time.

Soil Erosion. What erodes the love and commitment in our relationships? Letting life become a distraction. Not putting your partner first. Being selfish. Forgetting the little things that are actually pretty important. When we start to ignore our partner or the relationship, slowly, but surely, it starts to erode. Our career goals become a priority. Maybe even the kids. A hobby or dream. All of these things are healthy and some, even necessary, but should never be at the expense of the foundation of your relationship. There may not be time every day for all the things in your life, but you should ALWAYS make time for your partner. Just a simple kiss good morning, a completed chore, a text that says I Love You. These little things add up and keep love’s soil rich.

Outside Influences. Most foreign objects that ultimately affect the strength and growth of a tree start out small and seemingly harmless. Isn’t that also true in real life? Very few people start a relationship expecting to hurt or betray the other person. We all have good and loving intentions. It is when we aren’t paying attention and lose focus that outside influences can creep in. It may be a habit or substance that gets the best of us. Or a friendship is allowed to go too far.  That first decision to ‘hide’ something from your partner/spouse is the first sign that you are cracking the tree. You can tell yourself it is innocent or harmless, but truly successful couples do not keep secrets. We must guard our hearts and our love against any outside force that would threaten to undermine it. When an activity or another person ‘divides’ our time and affection, the splintering soon follows. Do not allow this to happen.

My Hopefuls, my goal for you today is to cherish and appreciate the strong and sturdy trunk that your relationship is being built upon. Please make every effort to take care of that base and develop the root system. Honor and respect each other. Support and defend. Do not let petty disagreements or differences start to splinter the core. Keep the love fresh and alive. Have fun. Laugh. Be silly. And understanding that growing apart is the result of not sustaining the bond and commitment you started with. I accept that some relationships start foolishly or without much thought for the work involved. Most likely those are not heading for the long term. However, if you lovingly entered into a bond with another person, please do your part to keep the tree growing straight and strong. Your love WILL make a difference. I promise.

And always….Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

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What Autumn Can Teach Us About Stress Relief

Living near the mountains of North Carolina, one of my favorite things to do in the fall is to take a day trip along those winding roads and soak up the beauty of the fall colors. A photo taken from an overlook of the vast expanse is beautiful, but nothing is prettier to me than a shot from the ground up through the trees with the sun shining through the golden and red colors. I knew there was a chemical process that caused the transformation, but I learned today a little more detail and I also learned how we can apply a similar process to make our lives more beautiful as well.  

The leaves on a tree are basically a food manufacturing plant. They use a chemical called chlorophyll and sunlight to produce nutrients and carbohydrates for the tree’s nourishment. (See, trees like their carbs and starches too!) It is the chlorophyll that creates the green tint we associate with spring and summer tree leaves. What I didn’t realize until today was that the yellows, oranges and reds are also already there, they are just hidden behind the greens, during peak food production.

   

During the fall, when the temperatures drop and the daylight is shorter, the leaves stop their food prep and basically the tree goes into a hibernation-type mode. Without the chlorophyll, the green pigment disappears and gives way for the yellows, oranges and reds (which were there all along) to have their glorious time in the sun.  

What does this mean for us?  

Our daily lives are extremely busy. We have work obligations; family obligations and every other meme on social media tell us how much we should be putting into and getting out of this life. That’s a lot of stress! We are constantly in a pressure cooker to keep our goals, ambitions and families fed! (Figuratively and literally) We know there is creativity, fulfillment, fun and joy somewhere, we just can’t see it sometimes with all the ‘green’ of bills, responsibilities, deadlines and activities. So what needs to happen? Am I suggesting we walk away from our duties and maturity? Not exactly... but I am advocating for a little bit of Happy Hibernation.  

I think we should all set aside some time occasionally to shut down the stress pipeline. Unplug and unwind from the tethers that pull us in all different directions. We need to stop feeding the power source of worldly weight. Once we do that, the beautiful colors of imagination and wonder will splash across our life’s canvas.

  

I don’t know what radiant colors lie beneath your surface. Maybe you don’t either, or you forgot. Today is the perfect chance to find out. Slow down, quiet your soul, then listen to your heart. What moves you? What excites you? What inspires you? Let those images and activities become a priority for just a bit. Take time to renew your mind and recharge your emotional energy. This doesn’t have to be a massive undertaking or even an action. It’s possible you simply want to relax and enjoy the small moments and pleasures that get lost in your hectic pace. There aren’t any right or wrong answers here. The point is to let the beautiful, colorful, majestic - you, the YOU that has been there all along, have time to shine. 

My Hopefuls, I know you struggle and grow weary and even frustrated. The work of life is ongoing and oftentimes seemingly unappreciated. I am here today to remind you that you not forgotten, and are in fact valued, loved and eternally special. God has a plan for your life and He has a glorious painting full of radiant colors waiting to be revealed.  

I trust somewhere within these words, you have found the encouragement to stop a moment and enjoy the simple pleasures around you. To strip away the daily mundane long enough to find the beauty underneath. And if you still need extra help, look me up and come take a drive with me along those beautiful mountain roads. I promise your troubles will disappear for a little while.  

And Always Remember.. 

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out 

www.hopeboulevard.com   

When Truth (And Kindness) Are Hard To Find

I have always hated politics and therefore I have never followed them with great interest. I will be the first to admit I cannot hold an In-depth conversation about policies, parties or agendas. I have also always believed in order to climb the political ladder you had to sell out to something or someone. True mavericks rarely make it to the top.

This past week was heart-wrenching to witness. And unless your head was buried in the sand, there was a flood of information pouring over you. Information that was vile, biased, mean and just plain unimaginable at times - from both sides. Grown men and women of all affiliations behaving in ways that to the rest of the world has to appear childish, ridiculous and incredulous. A horrendous example to our youth today of mature conduct. My two takeaways from what I witnessed this week are #1 - the facts about these two individuals lay probably somewhere in the middle and #2 - if everyone acting pious and self-righteous this week had to admit their teenage wrong-doings on the world's stage, the vast majority would have kept silent. It's very easy for anyone to sit in judgment of others while sitting on their own sins.

There was a time when I could turn on my TV or read a news article and believe, wholeheartedly, in what I saw. I am sure I was duped a time or two, but I did have faith in the ‘system’. I looked to those outside my small circle of life to bring me the truth; both the good and the bad. Unfortunately, though, somewhere along the way we have lost the sanctity and purity of honesty.  I am having a really difficult time wrapping my mind around the ease with which lies and half-truths are passed off as news or facts and how quickly we are to soak them up and even help spread them.

I am not here to take a side or expose what I think is true or false. Honestly, I don't know what to believe, and that is the real problem I have. I am saddened that as intelligent, richly blessed individuals in the greatest country in the world, we have forgotten how to treat each other with kindness and common decency.

So what is the answer? How are we to react when the truth is hard to find or define. What is our responsibility in this life when faced with uncertainty and turmoil?

Be Smart. I'm sure all of you know this already, but everything reported is not based in fact. With 24-hour news cycles and social media outlets with no accountability, there will be things that cross your path that are simply not true. Not just in politics, but in all areas. Learn to use common sense. Think about what you read and digest it before repeating or believing. Be a responsible consumer of information. If you are unsure and it is important to you, research it. Be open-minded, but if something sounds off don't buy into the hype. Make informed decisions for yourself based on sound judgment and logic.

Do The Right Thing. Basically, this boils down to the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. We all learned that as children, but some of us take a pass on it as adults. So stop it! I am 100% confident those who are reading this all possess the reason and intelligence to discern right from wrong. So do the RIGHT thing. Do not put fame, money, position or pride ahead of values. Never compromise your integrity for any type of gain. Take responsibility for your words and your actions. One person at a time, one day at a time, one RIGHT at a time, we can make a significant difference.

Stay Positive. This one is the hardest; even for me. Sometimes I want to throw up my hands and walk away from the table. What's the use? Who is listening? I give in to the pessimism at times, I admit, but I also recognize that for all the negative, there is triple the good! Of course, that doesn't get reported as often, but it's out there. People helping people. Heroes. Those going the extra mile and loving their neighbor and even strangers. If we learn to embrace and share the beauty that is in this world, there will be less time or patience for the ugly.

My Hopefuls, there will be situations in your personal life and in those of the world around you that confuse, dismay or upset you. You will search for truth and strain to find the good. Never give up. It's out there. How do I know? Because YOU are out there. And I believe in you! I believe you are the truth and kindness that this world needs. Use each day given to you as an opportunity to radiate joy. I charge each of you with spreading your own personal brilliance, goodness, love and HOPE!

And with that...always..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

https://www.hopeboulevard.com

Did God Close Your Door? (Or Maybe It Was Just The Wind)

There is a popular quote that has been around for a long time and is still circulated today, that says, “When God closes one door, He opens another.” I understand the sentiment or message. It is one of HOPE. It encourages us to believe when something is taken away or withheld from us, that something better is coming down the road. In terms of a hopeful message, I love it. In terms of theology, I’m not sure it holds up. Now let me say right up front, that I’m not a Bible scholar or theologian, but I am not convinced that everything unfortunate or unhappy that happens to us is God’s fault or doing. I don’t actually imagine Him as a Divine Doorman going around slamming all these doors shut. I believe we have to accept that doors open and close for a variety of reasons.

Other People Can Close Our Doors. This ‘door’ is actually presumed to be our heart. We leave it open and wait for someone to walk through, love us and hitch their wagon to ours. The thing about hearts (and doors), is that we can’t seal them shut to prevent escape. If someone chooses to walk back out, there really isn’t much we can do about it. In fact, in this case, they don't even close our door; they just leave the same way they came in. We can choose to keep it open for the next one, or we can close it while we heal. This scenario doesn’t always mean a love relationship; it can also be a friendship or even family. We cannot force anyone to stay in our lives, or predict when they may choose to leave. Maybe it was something we did they didn’t like, or maybe they are dealing with issues of their own. Whatever the case may be, we have to comes to terms with and respect another’s wishes if they cross back over our threshold.

We also have to contend with other losses. We may lose our job or an opportunity we have been working on. Maybe we invested time, money or other resources into a venture that didn’t pan out. Sometimes it is just bad timing or bad luck. It could also simply be an unwise venture to begin with. Unfortunate things happen to all of us from time to time. It does little good to assign blame. The idea is to learn lessons and grow so better decisions can be made next time. If it was just ‘one of those things’, then we learn grace and fortitude. (If we decide to.)

We Can Close Our Doors. Just like I mentioned above, it is pretty difficult for another person to close our door/heart. We pretty much control how open and receptive we are to others and opportunities. However, it can be a good thing to close our door for a bit from time to time. If the world is closing in and the chaos is affecting our peace, get up and close the door. Shut out the noise and turmoil and use the time to restore calm and peace to your life. Reflection, meditation and prayer can be useful tools and activities when we close our own door for a while. Just don't stay hidden from sight too long. Swing wide those doors and get engaged back into your life.

The Wind Can Close Our Doors. Have you ever been in a room with an open door and an open window? If the wind blows just right at just the perfect angle, BAM the door shuts with no human (or divine) intervention. What does this mean? It means, sometimes things just happen. The tire goes flat, the milk gets sour, the payment gets lost in the mail. The washing machine breaks, it rains on your vacation, your dog runs away. There is no way to escape the hazards of living this life, and it is of little good to worry about who is responsible. You just have to rise to the occasion; fix the tire, buy more milk, learn to sing in the rain. When life's winds start blowing, prepare yourself for the possibility of a closed door, and then do whatever it takes to re-open it!

Please understand I am not discounting faith. I absolutely believe that God does work in our lives and it is His mercy and love that carry us through. I just don't want to us to confuse Life's Disappointments with God's Disapproval.

One other point I want to make is to not sit around waiting for your door to magically open. Get up and open it yourself! I am not saying to make a rash decision or rush into another relationship when you are not ready. I am saying, do not waste your life waiting for something to happen TO you. Make life happen FOR you. We only have one life; a number of days allotted for us here. Please, my Hopefuls, make the most of every one. Do not sit on the sideline of your life, behind a closed door, watching it for movement or listening for a rustling behind it. Swing it open; wide open. Walk through it and enjoy, explore, LIVE!

God (and the rest of us) are waiting for you!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

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