Day of Epiphany

When I flipped open my new 2017 calendar this week there was a holiday listed for today; January 6^th. The Day of Epiphany. I will admit to my ignorance and I did not know what this was. But I KNEW there was a blog in there somewhere. Had to be. One week into the New Year is the perfect time to have a Day of Epiphany.

Just to show that I did my research; the Day of Epiphany in Greek Orthodox traditionally represents the day the Three Kings (Magi) found the Baby Jesus. In Greek; ‘epiphany’ is a verb that means ‘to appear’ or a ‘sudden revelation’. The Christian significance sets this as the day commemorating when Baby Jesus was ‘revealed’ as Lord and King to the Magi. They were the first Gentiles to publicly recognize His Divinity.

Fast forward into modern culture and the word now is known as having an “AHA” moment. That point when things come to a screeching halt in your mind and you are faced with a decision. You understand that enough is enough. Things need to be different. It seems easy enough to claim an epiphany experience. But just like saying the new diet starts tomorrow or no more cigarettes; just saying we had an epiphany doesn’t actually mean we did. Why is that?

If I were to ask most of you what would be one or two things needing to change in your life and why; you would have an answer. We know we need to eat better; exercise more. Get control of our bills/debt. We understand the importance of having safe and healthy relationships. We can logically detail the steps required to make change. But those steps are very steep and slippery. It feels safer on solid and familiar ground. Even if that ground is painful or even destructive. Unfortunately, as humans, we would rather hold on to a familiar ‘bad’ then strike out for an unfamiliar ‘good’.  It is very sad when we short change ourselves like that.

And then there is the guilt.

With every great need for change; comes the realization that we are somehow involved, even to blame a bit. In the mix. Contributory. As we shine the floodlight on the problem, inevitably it swings back until we are in view as well. We have to own our part in the mess. And the messier it is, the more likely we are to believe it isn’t worth the trouble to fix. That is flawed processing though and we must fight it.  It is ok to recognize your role. Only then can you reverse it.

It appears I may have painted a gloomy Day Of Epiphany. Not my intention at all. But in order to tackle a situation we need to first understand our obstacles. So now that we are prepared; let’s move on and discuss a few epiphanies we all need to have today. 

#1 – You Will Never Please Everyone.

Coming from a people pleaser; this is a very hard one to acknowledge. Often the term ‘people-pleaser’ is mis-represented. Like we are in line for saint hood because we want everyone around us to be happy. That’s not always the case. Sometimes we just want to please people so they will leave us alone. Or not cause a scene. Or maybe not have to stand up for ourselves. But whatever the reason, the bottom line is, it is impossible to make everyone happy. That can hurt too, especially if we are trying to please a family member (s). I am a huge family person and I try to do right by all of them. However I am blessed with a great set of kinfolk so it’s easy. I do not believe that just because you have the same DNA as another you must sacrifice who you are to meet their standards if they are unreasonable or detrimental. It can be especially hard to know we have disappointed a parent or our children. I truly understand that each situation is as individual as the sands, but I do want you to embrace the freedom that comes from realizing it is not YOUR job to make everyone happy. It is YOUR job to live your best life as you make this journey. Be true to yourself and walk peacefully. The rest will fall into place.

#2. Your To Do List Will Never Be Completed

I don’t have a hard time with this one. The solution for me is to never HAVE a to do list. But I know that I may be in the minority on this one. Most people I know have an endless daily agenda of things to accomplish. We have reminders on our phone. Cards attached to our fridge. Stickies on the bathroom mirror. We can’t escape it! Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting you forget to pick up your dry cleaning or milk and let the dishes pile up in the sink. But I am here to remind you that child or sweetheart that wants a hug or the friend that needs to talk is just as important. If not more so. We can spend our entire lives “doing” things yet never actually “living”. Checking another task off our list shouldn’t define our worth. Find the balance. Have some fun. Release yourself of the self-imposed sentence of trying to be perfect or Super Woman/Man. You were super just the way you woke up this morning. Learn to believe that.

#3. You Deserve Better (But only if you really do)

I recently listened to a radio talk show host say she hated the phrase; ‘I Deserve Better’. It took me listening for quite a while to understand what she meant. We will flippantly throw out that statement about how we deserve better then what we have. But seldom do we make the right decisions or do the hard work required to actually make ‘better’ happen. If we are content or complacent with what we have or where we are, and just want to complain about it, but not do anything about it, then maybe we do deserve what we have. BUT I submit to you that if you are in a difficult or disagreeable situation, please BELIEVE that you can make a change. And that it IS worth the effort.

There are many examples, but I will use the one of being in an unhealthy relationship. It doesn’t even have to be bad, just not good for you right now. You make excuses. Or rationalize. Blame yourself as mentioned above. Fear of being alone or starting over seems overwhelming. But my dear friends, do not fall for those emotional lies. Do not allow someone to dull your sparkle or block your life’s road. I know it is extremely clique…. But today is the first day of the rest of your life. Choose to take back the control and imagine a brighter future. Stronger Joy. Deeper Connections. More Respect. Even if you have to start over and be alone. There are few things harder or scarier. Trust me, I know. But there are also few things more satisfying then knowing you took care of yourself; your business; your life. That you are strong and capable and amazing. The boost to your inner self is incomparable and will carry you through the uncertain times. I challenge you to test that.

Ok, I have rambled on enough. I guess it should be my epiphany to know when to stop typing. But I hope in some small way I have encouraged someone to take that first step. We play up the concept of epiphanies, as if they are grand and momentous. Suppose they can be. But I find the best way to make a change, is one step at a time. One day at a time. One AHA at a time.

Here’s to your AHA Day!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

https://www.facebook.com/hope.boulevard.54

Thank You!!

Hello and Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday! There have been hundreds of posts and quotes and collages from wonderful and beautiful people celebrating and spreading wishes and blessings this New Year Season. I find it quite heartwarming and uplifting. It is encouraging to realize that no matter what we go through as individuals, families, friends, cities or even a nation, there is something about January 1^st that is so refreshing. Realistically we understand it is just another day on the calendar of our lives. But idealistically it is a chance to re-evaluate and re-group. Affirm what we are doing right and tweak things maybe off the track a bit.

For me at this moment, what I most want to say today is THANK YOU!

Last January I started this blog. It was clumsy and rambling. At times, it still is. It had a different name, and probably even a different purpose. A few days ago I re-read my first post. I jumped into this new adventure full force. But it (Or I should say… I) had its ups and downs. In the beginning I wrote all the time. I was bursting with stories and pent up thoughts and opinions. The floodgates opened. The funny thing about floodgates though is eventually the water slows down to a trickle. As did my exploits and musings.  I panicked a little. What would I say now? Who was listening anyway? And that is where my big THANK YOU comes in.

Because no matter what I wrote. No matter the grammar mistakes or rabbit trails, YOU have consistently supported me. From the moment I hit my very first ‘publish’ button, I have been amazed and tremendously grateful for the positive reinforcements. All the likes, shares, comments. Everyone who made a point to tell me in person or send me a text when something touched them or brought a smile. There are not adequate words to express what that meant to me. Seriously. I am beyond humbled and still blown away at times of the graciousness bestowed upon me. And it was those encouragements that kept me going.

I had weeks, even months-long dry spells. I avoided my computer. Binged watched stupid shows on Netflix. Found things to do to convince myself that I was too busy to write any more. But in the back of my mind I didn’t want to quit. Or fail. I was scared to continue and scared to move forward. Anyone else ever been there? I set deadlines that I missed. Imposed goals that I blew off. As if life didn’t intimate me enough, I managed to do it to myself.

And yet YOU were still out there. Asking me when I was writing again. Saying you missed it. Pushing me forward. Telling me to never give up. So the key to never giving up, is to never give up. It’s quite simple actually. One day at a time. In my case, one word at a time. So here I am, the start of 2017 continuing my journey. With some new ideas…

I have decided to take a leap of faith. I have created a Hope Boulevard website. (www.hopeboulevard.com). Now trust me when I say that I have no website building experience. It is simplistic and elementary in this infant stage. But to my surprise, the domain name was still available. That has to be a sign. At this point, it is just basically another forum to post my blog. But I did add one feature. Stepping Stones to Joy.

I want to use this section to provide tips, quotes, ideas to help each of us increase our happiness. One step at a time. I’m still working out the kinks, but I want it to be a place where you can go and find something positive and uplifting. Maybe humorous. Inspiration. HOPE. I welcome ideas or contributions.

And last but not least, I wanted to create a Virtual Blessing Jar.

A dear friend of mine had a few of us over to her house for a Blessing Jar event. She supplied mason jars and decorative supplies and we spent the evening creating a holder for our blessings. The idea is to start at the first of the year. Whenever something good or memorable happens, write it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. At the end of the year all the pieces are dumped out and read. As a great reminder of all the joys, accomplishments and blessings.

I thought it would be a wonderful idea to have a virtual blessing jar where anyone who chooses can post a good thought, blessing, word of encouragement. So I have made a Facebook page. It is named Hope Boulevard, but it is a Virtual Blessing Jar. As many of you that want can be friends on the page. It is to be used exclusively to post positive things. We can check in whenever we need a emotional lift. Or to share our own blessings. I hope many of you will want to get on board! 

Have I bitten off too much? Probably. Just like the 20 extra pounds I want to lose. Day 2 of the diet is fading with a half eaten donut on my table. I don’t know that I will succeed or be consistent. But I do know that I will try. Harder on some days then others, but still try. And I want you guys to try too.

Find something positive. Find something good. Look for ways to pay it forward. Seek opportunities to get outside of your struggles to help someone with theirs. Let’s all journey on Hope Boulevard together. Let’s all take those one small steps at a time towards our dreams and goals. Let’s name our blessings and share them.

I know this isn’t my typical blog entry. I hope I will be forgiven. But I wanted to share with you the vision I have to get out of my own way and attempt to do something just simple and good. And I want to let each of you know that all of this is possible because of YOU.

Thank you for being in my corner. I hope to be able to return the favor, today and many days going forward.

Hope Out!

Have Yourself a Merry Single Christmas

So here we are again. Christmas is right around the corner. And here I am again, alone. Watching an almost constant barrage of “Every Kiss Begins With K” commercials. (Am I the only one that really, really dislikes them?) And Facebook posts with couples and parties and presents and joy. Bah Humbug!

When did Christmas become such a romantic holiday? And whose idea was it to start kissing under the mistletoe?

Did you know that mistletoe is actually a parasite? It attaches itself to a tree or shrub and absorbs the moisture and nutrients from the host plant. (Sounds like a couple of boyfriends I’ve had.) It can even eventually kill the branch or entire shrub it clings too! Doesn’t sound so romantic to me. I did some research though and did find the probable origins of the custom. It most likely started with the Celtic Druids. Because mistletoe can bloom even during the frozen, coldest of winters, the Druids viewed it as a divine indication of life and energy. They began to use it as a fertility drug. (Just one more reason I choose stay away.)  I guess throughout the centuries the custom evolved a bit and it took on a life of its own.

There are other elements of our holiday traditions that seem sweet and romantic at first glance. But things are not always as they appear. Take Christmas songs for example. (Now stop with the eye rolls. I don’t hate Christmas music. At least not ALL Christmas music.) However, you gotta admit there are some questionable ones out there.

 For example…

“Baby, All I want for Christmas is You”…

“I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know”

Now for starters that’s most likely not true. But even if it is, that is one possessive and neurotic person right there.

Then there’s..

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

“I really can’t stay
Baby, it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away
But baby, it’s cold outside.”

The poor girl is trying her best to leave. I’m sure it was cold when she got there and she most likely has a coat and a car with a heater. But she can’t seem to get away. Doesn’t anyone else see that as a little creepy??

And let’s not forget

“Santa Baby”

“Santa baby, Been an awful good girl
Santa honey, I'll wait up for you, dear”

Know any girls like this? Trying to lure a married man, who is working none the less, to hurry over and give her expensive gifts. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

And last, but certainly not least..,. the beloved classic “Winter Wonderland”.

Now for what it’s worth, I love this song. But here’s the thing. Maybe I don’t want to conspire and dream by the fire. And who is Parson Brown anyway? If I ever do get married again, it certainly won’t be by a talking snowman impersonating a minister.

Ok, ok, so enough of the silliness. I’m really not a scrooge. (Regardless of what my children might tell you.) And even though I’m not really concerned about being ‘single’ this Christmas, there is a little of the whimsy missing when you go through it alone.

There are many reasons why someone can find they are unattached at Christmas. And for many the holidays are not all that happy.

Some have lost loved ones; spouses or partners. This season can be especially difficult and sad when you are missing someone’s laugh. Or their touch. Or their shoulder to lean on. Memories are bittersweet. These precious people put on a brave face and do their best to enjoy the festivities, but just know they are still hurting inside. If you know one, give them hug. Send them a text. Let them know their loved one is not forgotten. Maybe share a Christmas memory if you have one. Don’t forget to tell them how much you love and appreciate them too. I promise you it will make their day. Maybe even their holiday.

Divorce takes a huge toll on Christmas spirit as well. Traditions are lost or have to be shared or divided. Children are shuttled between family gatherings or worse, miss out on being with one parent at all. Divorce also causes financial distress that can become apparent when looking under the tree. There are no easy answers here. Sometimes it is just difficult. I guess the best we can do is try to show a little extra compassion. If you are in this situation, please try to avoid conflict in front of the children; even if they are older. It may seem like a good idea to let them know who caused the problem, but in the long run it really doesn’t. Children just need to know they are loved and treasured. The dollar amount on the receipt never replaces the hugs and giggles and memories you make.

And sometimes, through no fault or tragedy, we are just alone at Christmas. And that’s not necessarily a bad or sad thing. Just a fact thing. Being single at Christmas usually isn’t an option we hope for, but it definitely is not a curse. Don't think me to be bitter or jealous. I love all my couple friends and I am very happy.  Because I know for me I am richly blessed. With family. With friends. With you. And this I believe, that for the most part the Christmas Season brings out the best in people. There is a little more patience. A little more joy. A lot more love. And that is what I wish for all of my friends; single or not.

But if the parasite… I mean mistletoe… is not part of your Christmas this year, here is my advice. Gather with friends. Attend a church service. Call someone who would love to hear your voice. Hug your kids. Watch all the sappy Hallmark movies you want. (Or not.)  Drink the eggnog from the carton. Eat all of Santa’s cookies. Wear your flannel pjs to bed. Spend all the gift card money on yourself! And most important of all…..

Have A Very Merry Christmas!!

Hope Out! 

Let This Thanksgiving Be A Time Of Healing - Back To The Fold

I was 75% into a non-traditional, yet festive Thanksgiving Day blog when the words just stopped. It was light and frivolous and very likely to show up one day soon. But it didn’t fit my mood. Originally I wasn’t going to do one at all. People are busy today. Plus there is really nothing new under the sun about the holiday. We know the origins. We are all extremely grateful for our blessings. We live an abundant and wonderful life all things considered. But something kept nagging in the back of my brain. So I decided to just relax a minute and see what else came through my turkey and pumpkin pie haze. So for the next few minutes, without too much filter or editing, I’m going to just speak (aka type) from my heart.

Thanksgiving (and the holiday season in general) is about family. Friends. Gathering and Celebration. We all put on our best and fresh faces and garments. Pull the finest china and goblets from the back of the hutch. Light the candles. We look around at the happy faces and stuffed bellies and feel accomplished and satisfied. All of those things are wonderful. Meaningful. Excellent. But I dare say in many gatherings today, there will be someone missing from the fold. Someone, who at one time was welcomed at the table to share a slice of ham or cranberry sauce. So where are they today? Do we know? Do we want to know? Am I depressing you and ruining the holiday?

There are empty place settings around certain tables because of the ultimate loss. For those I am truly saddened and my sympathies are abundant. It has been several holidays now for me without my mom or my dad. There are those missing because of work or distance or other obligations. But those are not the ones I’m referring to. I am asking each of us to consider the proverbial lost sheep.

Individuals get disconnected from families for a variety of reasons. It can be a bad decision. They took a path that was not in line with the family values. They got lost in a place that seemed shiny on the outside but painful and dark on the inside. Maybe they want to escape but don’t know how. Maybe they chose partners or associates that made the family uncomfortable. Unfortunately biases and misconceptions exact a high price. The resulting toll quite damaging.  

It could be because of hurt feelings. Something said last week or 20 years ago. Often words no one even remembers. How common is that? Feuds and angry feelings fester and are passed down and the original slight cannot even be recalled. Or maybe it can be recalled. Maybe it is heard in the back of your mind every day.

I do not have any real answers. I understand some transgressions are severe and cannot just be ‘forgotten’. Wise people choose to leave a bad situation because it is the healthiest thing for them. Those decisions I applaud and encourage. It takes a brave soul to rebuild and heal yourself. At times doing it all alone.  

However occasionally it is just plain stubbornness that keeps us apart. The unwillingness to forgive or ask for forgivness. Squaring off at a virtual line with each party just waiting for the other one to flinch. Is it really that monumental and earth shattering? Is it worth years of separation and fracture?

Here is my suggestion. If at any point in reading this someone crossed your mind then stop a minute to consider them. Is there a path to reconnect? Today could be the perfect opportunity to reach out with a phone call or text. Say Hello. Say I Love You. Say I’m Sorry. Say I Forgive You. Say something…. Who knows, maybe they were there holding their phone wanting to do the same thing.

And if you are the one alone today or feel estranged, please know this. There are times when standing alone is the hardest yet greatest gift you can give yourself. Find friends and like-minded individuals who can and will support you. But if you have left the family fold and regret it and want back in…. Take action. It is never too late. Again, be brave. Stir up the courage to be humble enough to admit a mistake. Let today be a fresh start.  

Please, please do not let these few words put a damper on your festivities. Maybe they were just meant for me. Maybe there is someone missing from my table. Maybe I am the preacher AND the choir. But if just one person reading this reaches out to a loved one today… then for THAT I will be truly THANKFUL.

Hope Out And HAPPY THANKSGIVING