How To Be - Happy Is As Happy Does – Life Lessons From A Country Song

 

It has been said that most of our life experiences have ended up as a country song.

Being someone who likes country music, I find that statement somewhat true.

Being someone who likes Kenny Chesney, I found his latest song hit right on the mark with how I feel about the world, in general, these days. There have been several songs released in all musical genres to try and capture an artist’s view of today’s events. I have no idea when this song was actually written, but today, my advice for you comes straight from the lyrics of his song.

Don’t Look Too Long In The Rear View

Some find it in the scripture or a Polaroid picture
Or flip a coin, heads, you're goin' to Tucson, Arizona
But it sure ain't in the lookin' back on the stuff you never did
Sometimes you're gonna feel that, but life is better when

Life is better when you don’t look back. Your life now is a product of the decisions you have made so far. The good ones enriched you, and the bad ones educated you. It is a waste of time to dwell on the past. If you have always wanted to do something – go for it. The future is yours to create.

You can find comfort in memories, but that’s not where you live. Make the most of each day you are given. Tomorrow is not promised. Today is a blank page to write your very own life’s best seller.

Don’t Judge Yourself (Or Others) By Their Social Media

Contentment is the cornerstone of happiness. The key to contentment is not being jealous of what other people have or do. Social media is like those distorted mirrors in a funhouse. Things are never really quite how they appear.

Be very careful not to feel envy or resentment for the ‘lucky’ ones. We can all be creative with the little world that everyone else sees on their phone screen.

I am as guilty as everyone else. I post my best side. My greatest victories. The good hair days. Why? I want someone to be impressed. Why? I don’t know! If I’m happy with my side, victories, and hair what difference does it make who else is? And if I’m not happy with it, having someone ‘like’ it, won’t help me one bit.

I am not saying we all need to ditch our social media accounts (although a little less time spent on them each day might help), but I am saying we need to read between the lines (and posts).

Everyone else in the world does not have it all together either. Their children are not all scholars and their spouses are not all Hallmark movie characters. They have struggles, insecurities, and disappointments just like you do.

Be happy with who YOU are and what YOU have and then be happy for the good fortune of others as well.  

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear/Read

Common sense is not very common these days. I did a little research to see if this was a trait that could be taught, or if everyone just got what they got.

Turns out, in some aspects, it can be taught. The definition of common sense is ‘good and sound judgment in practical matters'. Another description was “a form of practical decision-making and the ability to realize the consequences for every action you take.”

It is a combination of experience and applied knowledge. My theory on why so many people today lack in common sense is they were never taught (or made) to learn from their experiences and adapt good decision making skills.

If a child grows up having all their decisions made for them, and never having to experience defeat, a loss, disappointment or the consequence of a bad decision, they will be severely stunted in the common sense department.

Parents have a protective desire to shield their children from pain, but as a society we have gone too far in some areas and many have been raised ill-equipped to handle what life throws at them. Without a solid base of experience and consequences, they enter the world believing whatever is put in front of them.

There is a website/opinion/article/post to support almost every argument out there today.

The trick isn’t finding something to believe it. The trick is finding something that is believable.

My Hopefuls, it doesn’t take long to find something distressing, frustrating, and even scary about today’s world. And even though we need to be mindful and aware, we can’t allow it to defeat us.

Wisdom is required for sure. A solid foundation for your values and causes. A willingness to spread hope, kindness, and truth. And then you can sing along with Kenny…..

Happy is as happy does

Grab a six-string, find a rope swing
Hang a palm tree in your truck
Steal a slow dance in a rainstorm
And a kiss from who you love
Laugh and live with a half-full cup
'Cause, happy is as happy does

And as always…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

 

Tips For Dating Someone With A Mental Illness

We have all dated someone we later called ‘crazy’. Whether that was a true reflection of their mental health issues (probably not) or a random statement regarding our personal feelings about the relationship (most likely), chances are you will again meet and date someone who suffers from a mental disorder.

The truth is 1 in 10 of us will have a mental health issue in our lifetime. My personal feeling is that number is higher, but there is still so much stigma and shame surrounding the term that many suffer in silence.

And while it is true that some mental illness is severe and not conducive to a sustainable relationship, those are not necessarily the norm. It is possible to have a loving, fun, and successful relationship with someone who is actively working on and treating their mental illness.

There are still unique challenges to making a go of it and I’ll try to address some of them here.

Were They Honest About Their Condition?

Some people live in denial about their situation, and still others are fully aware, and even treat it, but are uncomfortable sharing this information. While it is not exactly reasonable to expect someone to disclose a litany of emotional issues on the first date, if the dates continue there should be an honest discussion.

If the diagnosis is mild and they are handling with medicine and hopefully therapy, you might never know otherwise, but it is always a sign of good faith when someone is upfront. In this case, I would encourage you not to hold this against them if other characteristics and values line up. It is really no different than if they were diabetic, for example, and were correctly taking the right steps to control it.

Now if you learn of their highs and lows the hard way, and they are not properly managing their symptoms, you may wish to re-evaluate continuing your relationship journey. Please understand this:

YOUR LOVE WILL NOT CURE THEM

Love can do a lot of things. It is comforting, encouraging, uplifting, and even inspires passion. But one thing it CAN’T do is rewire the brain. If your potential love interest has a chemical imbalance, the only fix for it is proper medication and treatment. Do not be fooled or manipulated into believing their outbursts, relapses, or struggles are your fault.

(Here is where I am going to put in my disclaimer. I believe everyone deserves a chance, as long as they are honest and trying. However, unfortunately, there are some individuals with severe or untreated conditions that are not fit or ready for a relationship. Be wise and cautious when pursuing a long term commitment. Don't become a martyr or someone who enables bad behavior. If they are toxic and unhealthy, walk, or run, away.)

Can You Accept A New Normal?

Living with someone who struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, or being bi-polar will require you to re-think how you view a ‘normal’ relationship. You will need to learn their triggers and avoid them if at all possible. And you need to be honest with yourself, and them, if their triggers or reactions are deal-breakers.

If your love interest has severe social anxiety, and you love huge gatherings and lots of interaction with people, this is not the right match for you. It doesn’t mean they are defective or you are unkind. It is simply a reality that is better addressed sooner rather than later.

Compromise is built into every successful relationship. You have traits and quirks that they must accept and adapt to as well. Emotional trauma or mental illness does not have to distress or damage a relationship if both partners are committed to an open line of communication.

Empathy is also an important component. If you have never experienced what they have gone through, it’s hard to understand. But you can still make it clear that you hear them, you accept them, and you validate their feelings. (This can be very difficult if their bad feelings are directed at you, but with love and practice, it can be done.) This brings us to the next point.

Don’t Take It Personally

This can be extremely challenging. When disagreements arise, or they simply have an emotional crisis eruption, they may easily turn their frustrations onto you. And just like you can’t fix them, you didn’t break them. It is not your fault.

Whatever verbal tirade they throw at you, keep in mind their words and actions are not a reflection of their feelings towards you but, instead, a manifestation of the severe mental and emotional pain they are suffering. 

What I can caution you about, though, is not reacting in a defensive manner or lashing back out. Realize they are having a moment and allow them space and time to decompress. You may need to remove yourself from the situation for that to happen. Or you may just need to quietly be there for them as they calm down. Only time and experience will reveal how to best help them and, in turn, help the relationship. 

But as a side note - These meltdowns do not give them permission to mistreat you!

Respect And Loyalty Are Still Non-Negotiable

As humans, we often look for excuses to our bad behaviors. For someone with mental illness it can often be used as a crutch or ‘reason’ why they acted out. While there may be some truth to that, the bottom line is baseline respect and loyalty are non-negotiable within the relationship.

They cannot use their condition as a ‘get out of the doghouse free’ pass when they cross the line. They must be held to the same standards of any healthy relationship. If they are unable or unwilling, to take on that responsibility, you are not bound to endure abusive or disrespectful behavior.

You, in turn, must afford them the same courtesies. You should never belittle them because of their illness or use it against them to make them feel inferior or weak. That is cruel and they in turn should walk away from anyone who treats them this way.

My Hopefuls, people who suffer from mental illness deserve love and healthy relationships. They are not broken or defective. Their hearts are capable of giving as well as receiving love. 

This does not mean you should feel obligated to pursue a relationship with someone just to prove you are compassionate. But it does mean a mental health diagnosis is not something to run from if you are attracted to another person. Compassion, empathy, communication, and good old fashion LOVE can prevail. 

And as always......

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Relationship Advice From Termites - Lose Your Wings

While working on a blog article for a pest control company I came across a tidbit of information that I thought was quite interesting. Never one to keep such pearls of wisdom to myself, I decided to share it with you.

If you want to know a secret to a long-lasting marriage, look no further than wood chomping insect hopefully NOT hiding out in your walls.

The Mating Ritual

Termites live in colonies that are led by a king and queen. (That in and of itself is noteworthy, and will be expanded on later.) When a colony exceeds its size threshold and it is time for new colonies to be formed, termites start their ‘swarming' season.

Termites are born with wings. During the swarming season, they fly around looking for a mate. When the love ‘bug’ bites and they choose their termite spouse, they then go set up house in a tasty wood bungalow alone. And get this, as soon as they enter, their wings fall off at the door.

What?? And why, may you ask, does that happen? Because the new termite union no longer needs them. They have found their forever home.

Ok, that might have been a little long on the sappy, but the point was just too good to pass up. If a termite can figure out how to stay committed and faithful, it shouldn’t be so hard for us humans.

The Swarming Season

Dating in today’s world can certainly seem like a swarming season. There is a whirlwind of dating apps, texts, online chats, etc, and so forth. There is an abundance of possibilities, and it takes time and a clear head and heart to make the right choice.

Don’t fall for the first pretty set of wings that come your way. Your king or queen is out there, you just need to make sure you hold out for the one worthy of letting go of your wings.

And just because so many others are swarming out there with you, don’t be in a rush. The right one will find you. Overlooking red flags and moving too quickly is a dangerous combination that will surely set you up for disaster, if not failure. Do your due diligence and reap the reward.

Then, just like that sawdust chewing ant clone, once you have chosen someone to go through life with, it’s time to remove your wings. No safety net. No escape route. (Now, let me just add this, so there is no mistake on my position. IF the person you have chosen turns out to be mean, unstable, or a dangerous partner, do not continue to live in fear or intimidation. If you can't fly, then run, walk, or crawl back out into the sunlight.)

How To Remove Your Wings

It is now time to settle in and give it your all. Here are some things that will help.

Delete Your Ex's Information

Your ex is an ex for a reason. Whether you called it quits, or they broke your heart, they are in the rearview mirror. There is generally no reason to keep their contact information stored in your phone. (And that includes photos and texts). When things get rough at home (and they will occasionally), it will be too easy to get back in touch. What you may call a simple text just to ‘say hi’, could open the door to a ton of problems.

Of course, if you want to reconnect with someone it is easy enough to do even if you do delete their information, but the process itself shows good faith and moving forward in the right direction.

On a side note, stay out of your high school yearbook. There is story after story of someone contacting their high school sweetheart through social media to see how they are. While this seems sweet and innocent enough, it can easily trigger old feelings. Seldom do those connections lead to anything fulfilling, and they can actually do damage to your current relationship.

Don’t Willingly Follow Temptation

Temptation is going to find you. It just is. It might be a new co-worker, the teller at the bank, or the Amazon driver for all your new online shopping sprees. It doesn’t matter who it is, it is what you do when you recognize it.

SHUT IT DOWN

We all like to feel attractive, valued, and remembered. But you can’t get validation from someone who still has their wings. Be friendly, stay cordial, and keep your distance if any feelings start to bubble up on either side. Trust me, the sooner you do that, the easier it will be to stop.

Treat Your Partner Like a King or Queen

In the article I read for my research it said the King Termite took care of the Queen. (I promise, I’m just passing along what I read.) And while I love that idea, I understand it should be a two-way street. It is not just the responsibility of one person to hold up the relationship.

If you have done a good job at picking a partner, and then set about to make them feel warm, respected, and loved, I’m betting your old musty, shriveled up wings will be the last thing on your mind. Your focus will be on their happiness, and theirs will be yours. Neither one of you will be looking for an escape hatch.

My Hopefuls, I am all too familiar with the struggles of a long term relationship. The added stresses of today’s world will also take a toll on even the strongest of unions. It is not my intention to throw a few words out into the atmosphere and believe all will be romantic and rosy.

But it is my intention to shed a little light on one simple truth that I discovered in an unlikely place in nature. Even termites understand the importance of commitment. Even termites know the value of discarded the one thing they could use to bail when things got rough.

Even termites know to LOSE THE WINGS!

And now so do YOU!!

And, as always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out!

www. hopeboulevard.com

Are We Still Really The Land Of The Free And The Home Of The Brave?

In 2020, I'm not so sure anymore. 

I love America. I'm not particularly political, but I am all in patriotic. And I'm not ashamed of being that way. But I am, at this point and time, pretty confused. 

I'm no expert, but it feels as if America has been sucker-punched. And I'm not a conspiracy theorist or suspicious by nature. I just believe we are starting to lose our way. 

For starters, for living in the land of the free, almost everyone is afraid. And living in fear is not living in freedom. 

Some people are afraid to go anywhere without wearing a mask. 

Others don't want to wear masks, but are afraid of being told they are selfish if they don't. 

Black people are afraid of being a victim of racism. 

Almost everyone else is afraid to say or do anything that might be thought of as racism. 

Peaceful protestors are afraid of being harassed by bad police. 

Good police officers are afraid of being targeted and attacked by violent protestors. 

Many people are afraid to drive through the streets of their own cities for concern of being blocked or attacked. 

People are afraid to voice an opinion too loudly at the risk of being misunderstood and losing friends, jobs, or family. 

People are quickly and quietly being 'forced' to take a 'side', without understanding what each side is actually fighting against or standing for. And heaven help us all if you pick the 'wrong' side. 

None of those things sound like the land of the free. It sounds like chaos that has been left unchecked. And it feels like the bully mentality has taken over. 

And what about bravery? Where does that come in? 

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to stand up to fear and fight for what you believe in. That's how and why our nation was founded in the first place. 

The problem with bravery is that bullies can't stand it and try to tear it down. 

Bullies come in all colors, cultures, economic status, and political affiliation. 

Burning down a business and looting is the act of a bully. 

Controlling people by mass fear is the act of a bully. 

Mistreating someone, or a group of someones, because of the color of their skin is the act of a bully. 

Pretending you can re-write laws, history and decency is the act of a bully. 

So what are we to do?? 

Perfect love casts out all fear. And yes, that is a Biblical reference. And yes, that actually needs to be our first step. Once again becoming one nation under God. And from there, these steps of love. 

If you have hurt someone, make it right. Without being forced to. Without being shamed into it because it was caught on video. Just do the right thing. You don't have to pay for the mistakes of others, but you should make amends for your own. 

If someone has hurt you, find a way to heal. You can tell that person and give them a chance to accept what they did and fix things. But you can't make them. You can, however, choose to walk away from that person. No one has the right to continue to mistreat you. But what YOU don't have the right to do is make everyone else around you pay either. You can't become bitter, suspicious, and abrasive to all for the acts of one. There are ways to heal, and you owe it to yourself to find them. 

If you see someone hurting another, take a stand. Say something. Do something. Protest if you must. But stay focused on what you are protesting. Stay committed to the true cause. And when others use your bandwagon to play their music, call them on it. They have to find their own bandwagon and not hijack yours or your message. 

We have made a mistake in telling everyone they get a trophy for participating. You are not entitled to a trophy for showing up in this life. 

You were given one life. Not everyone is given the same circumstances, advantages, gifts, and talents, but everyone is given a chance. What are you doing with yours? 

Are you taking the steps to make it better? Are you learning what you can to have the facts? Are you committed to living your best life despite what anyone else says? Are you willing to take responsibility for your corner of the world? 

My Hopefuls, we still DO live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. And don't let anyone take that away. Be true to yourself. Do you. Be respectful of others, but stand for what you believe. Don't fall for the tactics of bullies, and never become one yourself. 

Be as brave as you need to be so you can be as free as you want to be.  

And as always.....

Hope With Abandon 

Hope Out

 

Black