If you notice, the title does not read, “4 Reasons Why He
Didn’t Call Back”. That would be a statement implying I know the reason (4 of
them to be exact). I intentionally presented this as a question, because, in fact,
I don’t know the answer. I have theories, and I am willing to share them with
you, but unfortunately this is just one of dating’s true mysteries that strikes
everyone from time to time. I am no exception and even though I use this
platform to offer advice and encouragement, I ask myself that same question
when it happens to me.
There are some dates where you know right away that no
follow up call/date will come and with most of them you are truly grateful for
that knowledge. Then there is the occasional ‘great’ date where all the
elements seemed to fall into place. There was connection, ease, fun, maybe even
chemistry. After a few bad ones, this date goes just the way you wanted it to.
It ends with a lovely, “We should do this again sometime.”
Then……………………..cricket,
cricket……..nothing.
So, what happened? Let’s look at a few things.
1.
The most obvious reason could simply be he didn’t
want to. Just because you (we) think the date went great, doesn’t mean he did.
Maybe he is just a polite, great guy and had a nice evening but decided, for
whatever reason, that you were not the one he wanted to pursue. So, he didn’t.
Now, yes, it would have been helpful if he had followed up just to say that so
there is no wondering and speculating, but in reality, that is a difficult task
and honestly many do not take that extra step. Another theory here is that there was someone
else that he just liked a little more. Attraction is layered in so many things
and many out here dating are talking to multiple people. You could have been a
solid number two contender, but in the game of love, that’s really not where
anyone wants to be. It could also be true, albeit not too likely, the one he
has been holding out for, showed back up at the most inopportune time (for you,
anyway).
2.
It is possible that something felt ‘off’ to him
by the end of the evening. People dating in this day and age get spooked by the
strangest things. The evening could have been going great, and then something
you said or a reaction to a situation might have triggered an unconscious response.
It most likely was completely innocent on your part, but just like we have
certain red flags, so do guys. Certain men look for signs that a woman is
controlling or too independent. They believe that will make for a difficult
relationship with power struggles. Other guys try to pick up signs that you
might be high maintenance or hard to please. In addition, men have a keen knack
for sensing if a girl is just a little too needy or possibly in a hurry to
start a new relationship. This will send a guy in the opposite direction
quickly. I know this sounds unfair, because these assessments can often be made
in error with no solid basis, however if they see or hear something that makes
them question the ease of a long-term arrangement, they will cut their losses
early.
3.
Maybe he is sitting there asking the same
question about you! This is where it gets tricky for me. I am of the generation
where the guys did the follow up; the chasing, the pursuing. It was a rite of passage
for the man to be the one to steer the early stages of a courtship. Nowadays,
not so much. And it’s just not with the younger guys. I recently had a
conversation with a guy; a little older than myself. We had plans, through a
text, to talk on the phone two nights later because of our schedules. There was
no one specified to do the ‘calling’, but I assumed he would. I never got a
phone call. Three days down the road I get a text message that simply said ‘?’.
I was confused, so I asked him what was the question. He replied that he wanted
to know why I didn’t call him. That started a back-and-forth text conversation
that including phrases like ‘communication is a two-way street’ and ‘it takes
fifty-fifty’. He was clearly agitated that I had not called him. And while I was
not exactly agitated, I did surmise from his silence that he was no longer
interested. It apparently was a misunderstanding that is repeated in scenarios
everywhere. I am not opposed to calling or texting a guy. In a relationship, I
do it quite often. I have also done my fair share of initiating contact either
through online dating messages or follow up texts after a date. However, it does register on my radar how
often a guy reaches out to me and in what context. As I have gotten older (and
maybe wiser?) I am more likely to give them the space to make that decision. It
is really the only clear indicator to gauge sincere interest. I said all of that
to say this; there are some guys who either from a place of insecurity or
shyness, are waiting for you to make the next move. It is up to you to decide
if you are comfortable with that and willing to assume that role.
The bottom line here, is that there
are no easy answers or concise reasons for why a guy may not call you back. And
the truth of the matter is, in the majority of cases, it is not because of
anything you did wrong. So many variables go into the mix, and honestly there
are more misses than hits. The goal then is to not focus or obsess about each
date. Dating should be fun. So to the best of your ability, just enjoy the
moments. Do things you want to do, go places you want to go, be yourself and
soak up the experience. If it turns into Date #2, great! If it doesn’t, then
recognize it as another chance to meet someone new, learn more about yourself
and hone your social skills. Before you know it, the right one will appear, and
Dating Mystery #23 will be a thing of the past!
Hope With Abandon
Hope Out!
