Treat Me Like A Dog….(Does)

I will be the first to admit that I am not a big dog (or cat for that matter) person. I am not anti-dog, just have never invested the time, money and energy into raising one. However, I know plenty of people who adore their four-legged furry friends. They are considered part of the family. And I take no issue with that. In fact with the more modern view of canine co-habitation some of the traditional expressions seem dog-gone mean. "Sick As A Dog"…"Going To The Dogs"…"He’s A Dog". And while that last one in particular is meant to be an insult, I would like to suggest we evaluate exactly what it would mean if "He" or "She", behaved more like a DOG.  I believe we might all have better relationships if we took our cues from the canine variety.

Let’s Take A Look

They Are Extremely Loyal – This marks the highest and most valuable trait.  Dogs are with you no matter what. Bad hair days all the way to bad everything days. The good ones too. They are unshakeable. Right by your side. Unconditional love. Whether you want to take a run in the park or have to curl up on the couch with the flu, they are faithfully right there.  Is that the way you behave towards your significant other? Do they know how important they are. That you are there for the long haul. They should. Loyalty is the one quality you cannot fake or buy. You either have it, or you don’t.  

They Are Always Happy To See You Come Home – When the key turns in the lock, they perk up. Sometimes you have been gone all day at work. Or it is just a night out with friends. But when you return home, they greet you with a wet kiss and great excitement. When your love walks in, do you take the time to show your delight? To know they have been missed with great expectancy for their return is excellent insurance to secure that return. (Read that sentence again and let it soak in.)  We tend to want to be where we are most appreciated and welcomed.

They Make The Best Cuddle Partners – Whether on the above mentioned flu couch or just all settled in for movie night, your faithful pooch loves nothing more than to scoot in as close as they can to you. When was the last time there was no discernible daylight between you and your partner? Cozy up soon. Even try a little petting. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.  

They Will Run Ahead To Blaze The Path And Stand Between You And Danger – I love that no matter how small the dog or fierce the adversary, your pup will not back down. My heart breaks to read stories of faithful dogs that have paid the ultimate price to save or stay with their owner in peril. Ladies, that is exactly how your man should treat you. Would he run into the fire for you? Stare down a villain? Of course, I pray you never need to find out, but sometimes the little things are important too. Make sure you choose the one who will always have your back. There is a reason they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And while I am not sure that is true, I will use that phrase to share this. You are not going to change your partner. If they are not good to you now, they never will be.

Dogs have other characteristics too. They are very smart. They can be taught to fetch and roll over. (I’ll let you decide when those actions might be appropriate.) They are very playful. And one of my favorites…non-judgemental. They don’t care if you drink the milk straight out of the carton. And they won’t rat you out if you wear the same socks or pjs two nights in a row. (Not that I’m admitting to either….)

Now we do have to put up with some less than stellar attributes as well.

Some shed. So know that wayward hairs can show up in unusual places.

They will watch you eat and beg for food.

On occasion they may sniff around and/or mark their territory. That’s all good. It just means all functions are a go. Being territorial is not always a bad thing. It is comforting to feel insulated and guarded. They say every dog will have his day. So let him have his.

And let’s not forget the treats…. Rewards work well. And I do not mean that in a degrading way. Positive affirmation and special goodies forge a lasting bond. You are barking up the wrong tree if you think you can withhold love and affection to use as incentives. That will only backfire on you. Your favorite pooch will always return home when let out to run, but if you starve them, they may rustle through the neighbor’s yard. Keep them well fed at home.

Ok, enough of the double entendres and silly comparisons. I think I have made my point. As humans we all crave love and attention and affection. I guess, the animals do too. Probably why they are such a good fit for us.  The bottom line is this..…treat your love like you want to be treated. Some would even say treat your love as good as you treat your dogs!

I will now just let this sleepy dog lie.

Hope Out!

I am writing this on the evening of my 52^nd birthday; sitting on the dark porch of a rustic mountain cabin listening to the beautiful sound of a rushing creek literally feet away. This is a perfect spot to celebrate the victory of another year well lived and the promise of a new one dawning. As I have driven around these mountains this weekend with all their twists and turns and passed trees of magnificent color my heart is full. I am richly blessed and abundantly thankful. And as I pause here on this secluded spot hidden from my noisy and sometimes complicated world, I want to talk a minute about acceptance.

When I look up acceptance in the thesaurus, the three words that speak to me the most are: Approval, Recognition and Permission. All three of these combined embody the sentiment that I am fully aware and give myself the permission and green light to own these personal discoveries. That is actually quite a liberating accomplishment.

Very few days go by where I am not the recipient of an email that states I have been approved or accepted for some amazing offer. An offer that most likely is a scam or the very least sketchy and unreliable. Most too-good-to-be-true deals are exactly that and have a catch.  I rarely ‘accept’ those rainbow and unicorn promises. But as I face the first day of my 53^rd year, I have determined there are a few things that I will now accept.

I accept that everything in my life did not turn out the way I wanted. I am not alone in this, I understand. I do however intend to be one of the few who do not constantly bemoan the fact. Short changes happen. Skip overs exist. I did not get hired, chosen or loved on more than one occasion. I grew up in the generation where everyone did not get a trophy for just showing up. I have gone home empty handed. Yet I survived and became stronger. Sometimes it is as simple as a bad decision. Whether rebellion or dream following, a desired path can sometimes dead end. Lead to nothing. Or worse than nothing; heartache, debt or loss. It is difficult to admit sometimes that we need a do-over. Fortunately in life we are allowed U-Turns. There is always a new road waiting to be traveled and explored. I can accept that too!

I accept that I am not a Size 8 anymore. (Ok, maybe I haven’t quite accepted this, but I’m close.) I have three closets full of clothes. A closet for clothes a size too big; a closet for clothes a size too small, and the closet I used today; just right. (I suppose being in the mountains made me channel The Three Bears.) But it’s true. I don’t want to give up the size too small, because maybe…just maybe. And well, let’s face I did eat a lot of junk food this weekend. The closet across the hall might become useful. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to just lose those pesky ten pounds. Or twenty. But even if only for today, I accept that I am just right!

I accept that I am an introvert. This is a recent personal acknowledgment. I belong to a wonderful and vibrant social group. Over the years I have attended countless events and functions. And while I love them all and have met the greatest of friends, there are times when I feel alone in the crowd. That my emotional energy was checked at the door with my coat. From time to time I worried that I was defective. That it was abnormal. That I was a misfit. I have come to understand, and yes, even accept that in fact I am just an introvert. And to correct a fallacy, that is not even close to a mental illness. It just means that I step a little further inside of myself when I am out in the world. My life’s circle may be a bit smaller than others, but no less dynamic. Being alone for me can sometimes be a blessing and not a curse. And when I choose to engage in a conversation with somone it is because I am genuinely interested and believe I have something of value to contribute. However if I choose to just listen, it is because I am genuinely interested and believe I have something to learn. I may not always love the fact that I cannot be the life of the party or sparkle in the room, but I can accept that I am uniquely qualified to be me. And that is enough.

Finally, I accept that everyone will not like me. This is probably the hardest one. Because I’m such a dang likeable gal. What’s wrong with them? Seriously, I’m a hard core people pleaser and it has been challenging to come to terms with this. But I have. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I do not always fit nicely into a pre-determined box. My views and ideals are colorful, diverse and at times even rebellious. I tend to speak my mind more now and worry about it less. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still extremely mild mannered by most standards. But I’m ok with being different. And I’m definitely ok with those that don’t like my  unique kind of different. Their approval is not required to make my life rich and wonderful.

So as I finish up to head inside to fall asleep to the sound of the creek outside my window, I want to thank all of you in my life. Those that have helped me conquer a fear or realize a dream. Those that offered their shoulder to lean one when my life took a wrong turn. Or shared a decadent dessert with me. Or talked to me at a party when I sat alone on the couch. Everyone that helped me learn to accept this wonderful life that I have and aided in my beautiful journey. It is because of all of you that I celebrate this birthday with peace and joy and of course…. HOPE!

Hope Out

Come Sail Away

This was meant for Columbus Day, but I missed the mark just a bit. (Yes, the pun was intended.)

Hopefully it will still resonate with the Explorers of Life out there.

I love the following quote. It inspires me because it speaks of bravery, adventure and even my favorite….Hope!

If the highest aim of the captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it forever in the port.

Becoming the Captain of a ship is a high honor. The title is not bestowed lightly or achieved with ease; but earned through a demanding and rigorous process. There is also great responsibility as he (or she) is tasked with all aspects of operation; the seaworthiness of the craft, navigation, the crew. This ship is the visible evidence of all their hard work and a source of great pride. The very last thing a Captain would want is to see any harm befall the treasure he has been charged with. But this magnificent vessel with swabbed decks and polished brass cannot just float grandly in the safety of the harbor. A ship is designed for open waters. It was meant to conquer the waves and the wind. The only way for the Captain to fulfill his destiny is to steer out into the waiting expanse. For as surely as the Captain loves his vessel, he must also love the sea.

Now, for me personally, I understand all too well the urge to play it safe. Hunker down. Drop anchor. Ride out the storm. Let someone else chart the course. But that’s the problem. Because then it becomes ‘their’ course. We all have to pilot our own voyage. Whether or not we believe we are up for the task of Captain, we have all been given the responsibility of our own Life Vessel. There is no one more uniquely qualified than you.  A First Mate by your side can be a welcomed addition, but always cherish and take seriously the job of finding your own way.

Of course there will be times when you do feel lost. The water goes on for miles. The horizon seems endless. Please know now is not the time to abandon the ship.  There are plenty of ‘navigational’ tools to utilize. Lessons learned from others. Books. (My personal favorite is the Bible.)  A trusted friend. Sometimes even a professional opinion is needed. A good Skipper understands he does not have to do everything alone and will use the resources at his disposal to make sure he does not run aground.

Also, I am not discounting the storms. They will come. You will need to batten down the hatches at times and cling to the mast. Just remember the winds are only for a short time. Do not despair. And even though you probably cannot see them, there are other craft out there with you. Their boats are rocking and lurching as well. Instead of giving in to your grief and fear, try to give aid to someone else. Most of you know, or have heard the name of Captain Edward Smith. He was the Captain of the Titanic. (That was not his finest hour for sure.) But how many of you know the name of Captain Arthur Rostron? He was the Captain of the RMS Carpathia. That ship was also nearby in the same waters when the Titanic hit the iceberg. When Captain Rostron heard about the disaster, he steered his vessel towards the sinking ship and was responsible for the rescue of many survivors. He could have decided that his vessel was too precious to head towards peril, but he didn’t. He faced the peril and as a result lives were saved.

We may not actually have too many chances to save someone from an iceberg, but I bet you can find those that do feel like they are drowning. Your kind word, encouraging text, dinner out, or prayer on their behalf may in fact be the lifeline they need. Never get so immersed in your own struggles that you cannot reach out to be a beacon for someone. The residual splash back can put your vessel back on the right course as well.

Now we must also be careful to not relinquish the care or steering of our vessel to anyone else. Truth be told, in your lifetime you will run across a multiple of people who will try and take the helm of your boat. Pull out the plank and want you to take a stroll. (Usually that means they have shipwrecked their own and want to have a shot at yours.) Pirates do not always look like Blackbeard. Or Somalis. They can look quite familiar and take the form of family and friends or even a partner. Some well intentioned; some not so much. Advice can be helpful at times. And a faithful crew is certainly very valuable. We were not meant to sail alone. But YOU are the CAPTAIN. Never forget and never let go.

Sailing is not a perfect science however as we circle back around to Columbus. Even with all his skills and education, Christopher still did not end up where he thought he was going.

(Hmmm. Now doesn’t that sound familiar.) Occasionally however these ‘mistakes’ can turn out to be the best thing that could happen. Life’s waters can push us away from where we thought we wanted to land and move us on to a better shore. We can the update our navigational charts and add a new destination to our map. Discovering a brand new world can make us feel pretty darn special and victorious.

And the one really grand thing about a ship…if in fact you do drop anchor at an unfriendly port, the sea is still out there waiting for you to try again. The sun on the horizon is calling your name. Treasure your Life Vessel, but never hide it in a cove.  

Sail Towards Your Destiny

Hope Out

Speed Dating Or Speed Trap (It Is About Time )

I recently missed an opportunity to go to a Speed Dating Event. And by missed, I mean, I chose not to go. Not because of lack of interest. I have been curious about it for years. The Greased Lightning of Love.  I am just not sure how well I would do. I am a wallflower, watching the room from the corner kind-of-girl.  At these events, they don’t put the tables in the corner. You have to jump right in at a break neck pace and bring your A Game. Whatever alphabet my game has typically works at a snail’s pace. (Can we all say Over-Thinker?)

The origins of speed dating, in a very interesting piece of trivia, traces back to 1998 when a Los Angeles Rabbi trademarked the term and the concept as a way for Jewish people to meet and marry. Seriously... I would not make this up. (Just sit on that information for a minute.)  Now, I absolutely am not an expert in Jewish traditions, culture or dating habits, but I find it extremely fascinating that a Rabbi came up with the original In-Person Tinder Ap.

So let us review the basic concept of Production Line Dating.

It can vary from location and sponsor, but basically you have tables in a room with an even number of women and men. One gender is designated as the slider. Usually it is the men.  So all the women come in and sit down on one side of the table. The men then come and find a seat across from a woman. A start buzzer sounds and you have approximately 6-8 minutes to talk with the person directly in front of you. When the buzzer sounds again, all the men slide one chair over and the process begins again. There is a tally sheet and each person notes who they would like to get to know better. At the end of the night, if there is a ‘match’, both people are given the others contact information.

I don’t know about you, but that seems like a lot of pressure to me. The upside is you can meet a lot of guys/gals, but I have enough trouble getting psyched up to try and impress one guy….now I have to impress 15??  And what can you actually accomplish in 6 minutes? You can’t even boil an egg or make it through the Zaxby’s Drive Thru. It takes me 6 minutes to figure out which shoes to wear, much less which guy I want to give my phone number to. And don’t get me started me on the competition. They are literally on either side. That’s all I would need, as my luck would have it, to sit between the likes of Jennifer Anniston and Sandra Bullock! Plus, knowing me, I couldn’t concentrate because I would eavesdrop on the other conversations. I’m just nosey like that. It all makes my head hurt a little.  

Since my curiosity was already piqued I did a little more research. Turns out, according to a study in the Science of Love (true thing), it only takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes of face-to-face interaction to determine attraction. (I guess this would explain the dates that have left me before the drinks arrived.) In another unusual tidbit of this study, travel was more important than previous marriages or a smoking habit. (They obviously didn’t talk to me. My marriage stories are far more entertaining than my travel ones.) Age (as in younger) is more important to men and height (as in taller) is more important to women. The men have the advantage here because chairs are an equalizer in height; not so much for wrinkles.

There are variations of Speed Dating too. Some cities have Speed Networking. People show up and exchange business cards, chat briefly in a happy hour type setting in order to broaden their exposure and increase their contact base. In the UK, they actually have Speed Political Meetings. Constituents can come meet their representatives. (They just can’t stay long enough to ask a question that would make the representatives uncomfortable.)

And then there is Speed Food Gathering. There is a new grocery store opening in the area. The one service they hype is the Personal Shopper. You go online, fill out your list, drive up to the store and they bring out your order. Admittedly that is pretty sweet. I despise grocery shopping. But there is still something to be said for the process. I do not think I’m ready to surrender my power to check the expiration date or squeeze the tomatoes. I like to check out the deals and yes, I admit, I will buy something if I like the packaging. I can see how curb side milk pick up might be handy, but I still believe certain things need hands on attention. What is the limit to all these new fangled time saving tricks?

And why are we this terribly obsessed with saving time? What are we doing that is so important  we have to rush through important experiences and decisions in our lives? We have become a society that doesn’t appreciate putting time and effort in what should be a meaningful journey. We operate at full throttle like we are just on the verge of missing the next big thing, yet we end up missing all the little things. Checking off too many tasks in a day planner that doesn’t leave time for the day. I think the phrase is called…going nowhere fast. What are we doing to ourselves my friends?

I think I got off track a little. It does strike me though as ironic how much work we put into saving time just so we have more time to do work. I vote we all slow down a bit. Take a break. Enjoy the sunrise; or sunset. Walk the dog. Take a hike. Watch a movie. Go on a date with ONE person. Talk 60 instead of 6 minutes. See how that might work.

I’m not totally against Speed Dating. I might try it one day. At the very least, it should provide enough fodder for one of these entries. But for now I think I will avoid hitting the fast track of love. I’ll just take the scenic route. Maybe stop by the grocery store, actually go inside and ram my cart into the cute guy at produce counter.

We both still like to squeeze our own tomatoes.

Hope Out