When Truth (And Kindness) Are Hard To Find

I have always hated politics and therefore I have never followed them with great interest. I will be the first to admit I cannot hold an In-depth conversation about policies, parties or agendas. I have also always believed in order to climb the political ladder you had to sell out to something or someone. True mavericks rarely make it to the top.

This past week was heart-wrenching to witness. And unless your head was buried in the sand, there was a flood of information pouring over you. Information that was vile, biased, mean and just plain unimaginable at times - from both sides. Grown men and women of all affiliations behaving in ways that to the rest of the world has to appear childish, ridiculous and incredulous. A horrendous example to our youth today of mature conduct. My two takeaways from what I witnessed this week are #1 - the facts about these two individuals lay probably somewhere in the middle and #2 - if everyone acting pious and self-righteous this week had to admit their teenage wrong-doings on the world's stage, the vast majority would have kept silent. It's very easy for anyone to sit in judgment of others while sitting on their own sins.

There was a time when I could turn on my TV or read a news article and believe, wholeheartedly, in what I saw. I am sure I was duped a time or two, but I did have faith in the ‘system’. I looked to those outside my small circle of life to bring me the truth; both the good and the bad. Unfortunately, though, somewhere along the way we have lost the sanctity and purity of honesty.  I am having a really difficult time wrapping my mind around the ease with which lies and half-truths are passed off as news or facts and how quickly we are to soak them up and even help spread them.

I am not here to take a side or expose what I think is true or false. Honestly, I don't know what to believe, and that is the real problem I have. I am saddened that as intelligent, richly blessed individuals in the greatest country in the world, we have forgotten how to treat each other with kindness and common decency.

So what is the answer? How are we to react when the truth is hard to find or define. What is our responsibility in this life when faced with uncertainty and turmoil?

Be Smart. I'm sure all of you know this already, but everything reported is not based in fact. With 24-hour news cycles and social media outlets with no accountability, there will be things that cross your path that are simply not true. Not just in politics, but in all areas. Learn to use common sense. Think about what you read and digest it before repeating or believing. Be a responsible consumer of information. If you are unsure and it is important to you, research it. Be open-minded, but if something sounds off don't buy into the hype. Make informed decisions for yourself based on sound judgment and logic.

Do The Right Thing. Basically, this boils down to the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. We all learned that as children, but some of us take a pass on it as adults. So stop it! I am 100% confident those who are reading this all possess the reason and intelligence to discern right from wrong. So do the RIGHT thing. Do not put fame, money, position or pride ahead of values. Never compromise your integrity for any type of gain. Take responsibility for your words and your actions. One person at a time, one day at a time, one RIGHT at a time, we can make a significant difference.

Stay Positive. This one is the hardest; even for me. Sometimes I want to throw up my hands and walk away from the table. What's the use? Who is listening? I give in to the pessimism at times, I admit, but I also recognize that for all the negative, there is triple the good! Of course, that doesn't get reported as often, but it's out there. People helping people. Heroes. Those going the extra mile and loving their neighbor and even strangers. If we learn to embrace and share the beauty that is in this world, there will be less time or patience for the ugly.

My Hopefuls, there will be situations in your personal life and in those of the world around you that confuse, dismay or upset you. You will search for truth and strain to find the good. Never give up. It's out there. How do I know? Because YOU are out there. And I believe in you! I believe you are the truth and kindness that this world needs. Use each day given to you as an opportunity to radiate joy. I charge each of you with spreading your own personal brilliance, goodness, love and HOPE!

And with that...always..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

https://www.hopeboulevard.com

Did God Close Your Door? (Or Maybe It Was Just The Wind)

There is a popular quote that has been around for a long time and is still circulated today, that says, “When God closes one door, He opens another.” I understand the sentiment or message. It is one of HOPE. It encourages us to believe when something is taken away or withheld from us, that something better is coming down the road. In terms of a hopeful message, I love it. In terms of theology, I’m not sure it holds up. Now let me say right up front, that I’m not a Bible scholar or theologian, but I am not convinced that everything unfortunate or unhappy that happens to us is God’s fault or doing. I don’t actually imagine Him as a Divine Doorman going around slamming all these doors shut. I believe we have to accept that doors open and close for a variety of reasons.

Other People Can Close Our Doors. This ‘door’ is actually presumed to be our heart. We leave it open and wait for someone to walk through, love us and hitch their wagon to ours. The thing about hearts (and doors), is that we can’t seal them shut to prevent escape. If someone chooses to walk back out, there really isn’t much we can do about it. In fact, in this case, they don't even close our door; they just leave the same way they came in. We can choose to keep it open for the next one, or we can close it while we heal. This scenario doesn’t always mean a love relationship; it can also be a friendship or even family. We cannot force anyone to stay in our lives, or predict when they may choose to leave. Maybe it was something we did they didn’t like, or maybe they are dealing with issues of their own. Whatever the case may be, we have to comes to terms with and respect another’s wishes if they cross back over our threshold.

We also have to contend with other losses. We may lose our job or an opportunity we have been working on. Maybe we invested time, money or other resources into a venture that didn’t pan out. Sometimes it is just bad timing or bad luck. It could also simply be an unwise venture to begin with. Unfortunate things happen to all of us from time to time. It does little good to assign blame. The idea is to learn lessons and grow so better decisions can be made next time. If it was just ‘one of those things’, then we learn grace and fortitude. (If we decide to.)

We Can Close Our Doors. Just like I mentioned above, it is pretty difficult for another person to close our door/heart. We pretty much control how open and receptive we are to others and opportunities. However, it can be a good thing to close our door for a bit from time to time. If the world is closing in and the chaos is affecting our peace, get up and close the door. Shut out the noise and turmoil and use the time to restore calm and peace to your life. Reflection, meditation and prayer can be useful tools and activities when we close our own door for a while. Just don't stay hidden from sight too long. Swing wide those doors and get engaged back into your life.

The Wind Can Close Our Doors. Have you ever been in a room with an open door and an open window? If the wind blows just right at just the perfect angle, BAM the door shuts with no human (or divine) intervention. What does this mean? It means, sometimes things just happen. The tire goes flat, the milk gets sour, the payment gets lost in the mail. The washing machine breaks, it rains on your vacation, your dog runs away. There is no way to escape the hazards of living this life, and it is of little good to worry about who is responsible. You just have to rise to the occasion; fix the tire, buy more milk, learn to sing in the rain. When life's winds start blowing, prepare yourself for the possibility of a closed door, and then do whatever it takes to re-open it!

Please understand I am not discounting faith. I absolutely believe that God does work in our lives and it is His mercy and love that carry us through. I just don't want to us to confuse Life's Disappointments with God's Disapproval.

One other point I want to make is to not sit around waiting for your door to magically open. Get up and open it yourself! I am not saying to make a rash decision or rush into another relationship when you are not ready. I am saying, do not waste your life waiting for something to happen TO you. Make life happen FOR you. We only have one life; a number of days allotted for us here. Please, my Hopefuls, make the most of every one. Do not sit on the sideline of your life, behind a closed door, watching it for movement or listening for a rustling behind it. Swing it open; wide open. Walk through it and enjoy, explore, LIVE!

God (and the rest of us) are waiting for you!

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

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Differences In A Relationship. How Much Is Too Much?

They say opposites attract. That you should be with someone who expands your borders and motivates you to experience new things. Those ideals are great and I’m not here to argue that point, and we certainly don’t want to date our clone, but just how much contrast do you really want with your partner? When does the variety turn into conflict?

Let’s start with some significant differences.

Politics & Religion. “They” say never discuss politics and religion on a first date. Well, if not the first one, then definitely by the second. Now, I did not say debate them, just discuss them. Everyone has a right to believe how they choose. The idea isn’t to criticize or convince, just to get an understanding of what their views are and how they line up with yours. Now, if you are just casually dating someone, this may not present an issue, but if you are looking for long-term, it could definitely have an impact. The political climate right now is at an all-time high in intensity. If you have strong opinions, then make sure you know and can accept what your date has to say. If you choose a partner with a vastly different political view than yourself, you two need to agree right up front not to argue about it. Religion, in my opinion, might be even more of a sticking point; especially if you want a family with children. Those with deep religious convictions will want to raise their children with these same convictions. If that is you, then you want to think carefully before aligning yourself with someone who does not share them. Even if they claim not to care and are fine with whatever you want, that doesn’t mean they will actively participate and that is ultimately what you will want them to do. Never tell yourself that your love will convince them to change their beliefs; it won’t. It is confusing to children to have Mom and Dad voice and claim opposing ideals. It is much better to partner with someone who shares your belief system before entering into a long-term relationship.

Family - Speaking of family; not everyone wants one. That’s not an indictment or a bad thing. There are those who simply want to be free to live their life without those connections. I think it is sad, but not the sign of a bad person; however that person might be bad for YOU if having a family is your goal. You need to find out pretty early on what their views on family are. I don’t suggest asking on the first date if they want to get married, that will send them packing for sure. But it is fair to have a conversation early what they want when it comes to that. This is also another area where you should never expect or hope your love will change their mind. So many relationships have started where one person wants a child, and another doesn’t, and both are convinced they will change the other’s mind just by loving them enough. That’s not how it works. You love someone enough to let them live the life they want. If that life doesn’t align with what you want, then you make a decision not to pursue a relationship with them. Otherwise, someone will win out by begging or bribing and the other will eventually become resentful. They may stay in the relationship, but it will not be the same. (And ladies, never, under any circumstances ‘allow’ yourself to get pregnant if the guy you are dating has said he doesn’t want kids and believe once you are pregnant he will change his mind. He may do the ‘right’ thing by you, but he will feel trapped and that is not how you want to get someone to stay.)

Let’s Talk Money - Right after family values, comes the money talk. You never really know someone until you start talking money. Most people are either spenders or savers. Depending on how strongly entrenched they are, conflicts will come fast and often if they date someone who believes differently. A spender lives life in the moment and doesn’t give too much thought for tomorrow. They buy what they want when they want it. The saver is always thinking two steps ahead and wants a way to pay for those steps. In a dating environment, this really isn’t too much of a problem because each one carries out their own lifestyle. The only issue might be if the spender keeps running out of money and the saver has to fund the relationship. The big problems come if they get married and join finances. There will always be a power struggle with how to spend the money. Pay attention to the financial attitude of anyone you date and be aware if you are not on the same page.

Introvert/Extrovert - Most of us fall in the middle of the ‘verts’ and can easily adapt to being alone or being in a crowd. However, there are those who actively reside on one side or the other. Again, neither is a bad thing. Often, introverts complain that an extro only wants attention or can’t be alone with their thoughts. Or the extrovert can’t understand why someone actually wants to be away from the chaos and enjoys their own company and space. Ridicule is not helpful nor nice, but it is important to find out where your new date falls on the scale here and how that might affect the relationship. If you need to be on the go all the time and love life on the move surrounded by a multitude of people, you will have a hard time being in a relationship with an introvert. You will constantly be begging them to go with you and will get frustrated when they don’t want to. If you consistently go anyway, without them, that will create tension and possibly even doubt and trust issues. As an introvert, you will dream of being tucked away with your love and not understand their desire to always be out and about. You may begin to have self-doubt and wonder why your love isn’t ‘enough’ to make them stay home. That would be a very incorrect viewpoint and unfair to your partner. The feelings of introverts and extroverts are legitimate and important regardless of which side you fall. Please be mindful of how the differences will play out in real time if you choose to pursue someone on the opposite end of the spectrum.

To Skydive Or Not! - I talk a lot about compromise. We are not going to find someone who only likes what we like and only wants to do what we do. And that’s beautiful! We need others to open our eyes and our minds to new adventures. It is perfectly fine to date someone who has a variety of interests and activities that may differ from ours; and vice versa, just as long as we do not become selfish and demanding. If you are an adrenaline junkie and love to skydive or bungee jump, and your partner is afraid of heights, you will NEVER convince them to try. No amount of tricks or bribes will work. That is not about compromise, it is about fears or strong personal preferences. It is ok to ask someone to try a different restaurant, or learn a new hobby (that doesn’t involve knife throwing, etc), but to try and coerce someone to do something they expressly resist or fear is not fair or loving. These types of differences do not necessarily doom a relationship from the start, but it is very important that everyone understands your partner is not obligated to try something they are afraid of or opposed to just because they love you. Got it?

The bottom line of all of these examples is that you will never be able to change anyone into the person you want them to be, nor should you try. They either are right for you, right now, or they aren’t. If they aren’t, then just accept this reality and move on. You don’t have to be critical or demeaning. You don’t have to act hurt or resentful. They are not bad people just because they are not a good match for you. And it is a wise and mature individual who can recognize these differences and realize the long-term effects and decide to continue to seek a more like-minded partner. Please do not settle out of fear of being alone or because the attraction is so strong. Fear is a terrible motivator and attraction fades quickly when the conflict starts. Pick someone who aligns with your views, convictions and lifestyle. Wait for them if you must. It will be worth it and the journey will go much smoother.

And always, whether alone or with a partner…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Raves For The Rays (Solar Power For Your Mind And Body)

Today I am all about the sun!

I know most articles you read will give multiple reasons to stay out of or away from the sun. Not me! I love the sunshine and for a few minutes, I want you to soak in the sight and the sound of the sun!

The sun is our very source of heat and light and the very point this swirling ball of joy and chaos revolves around. It is both a literal and metaphoric expression of radiance, sparkle and delight.

Did you know that natural sunlight triggers the production of Vitamin D in your body? It is actually called the Sunshine Vitamin. It helps fight inflammation, lowers blood pressure, increases the absorption of calcium and improves brain function. It also helps boost immunity! And you just thought you were working on a tan and 'soaking up the sun'.

Soak Up The Sun - Sheryl Crow

Sunlight exposure also has a dramatic impact on depression. It raises serotonin levels and creates a feeling of well being and contentment. It feels so good, it's almost like....

Walking On Sunshine - Katrina And The Waves

There are two times a day when the sun really plays into our emotions.

Sunrise is a time of Hope and Renewal. A fresh start. Another chance. Yesterday with its struggles is behind us, and the rising sun brings a joyful expectation of crisp, new possibilities.

Sunset is a time of Reflection and Contentment. Of looking back on a job well done or a memory secured. The realization of accomplishment and the satisfaction of contributions to this life.

There are times though when storms and clouds hide the sun and its warmth. We shiver, doubt and feel the pressure and pain of life's rains. Though difficult in the midst, it is those storms that bring the appreciation for the brighter skies and the cheers when the clouds part and...

Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

And of course, when the sun returns....

I Can See Clearly Now (Bright Sunshine-y Day) Johnny Nash


My Hopefuls, I know this may have seemed like a silly post. Nothing profound or thought-provoking, but I just really wanted to spread some 'sunshine' into your life. These are some of my favorite 'sun' songs, and I truly hope that somewhere in these few phrases or even listening to this uplifting lyrics, that the sun has truly shined in your heart. I wish joy and peace for you today my friends. I hope the warmth and love of family and friends flood your life and your world is radiant and abundant.

And I hope you always have sunshine in your pocket....

Can't Stop The Feeling (Sunshine In My Pocket) Justin Timberlake

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Build A Better Boat (Weathering Life's Storms)

"Better Boat” is a song written by Travis Meadows and Liz Rose that Kenny Chesney (featuring Mindy Smith) used on his latest project “Songs For The Saints”. The album was made as a tribute to the human spirit after Hurricane Irma tore through the Virgin Islands in 2017. Kenny has a home there and is a part-time resident. He immediately started planning this album and all proceeds will go to his Love For Love City Foundation, which funds rebuilding projects. When I heard the song on the radio this week, it resonated with me and I knew it was what I wanted to write about.

Life’s storms often come without warning and leave us battered, scarred and not exactly sure what our next step should be. We may even be concerned about the shaped of our ‘boat’, and if will sustain another gale. What I love about the lyrics of this song is that it doesn’t just talk about how bad things can get, there’s a solid message of HOPE. It’s more than just getting through this storm, it’s about preparing for the next one; which will eventually come no matter who you are. And there are strong, actionable steps that you can take to ‘build a better boat’ straight from the words of the song.

‘I’m smiling more despite the pain’. Keep a positive attitude. Life did not conspire against you; it rains on both the good and the bad. The difference in the length of recovery is partly determined by how much grace and gratitude you wake up with every morning despite the pain. With every storm you weather, you are storing up reserves to get you through the next one.

“I breathe in, I breathe out.” Take it one day at a time. Whether you are rebuilding a home, or a life, it doesn’t happen in a day. It takes time, resources, help and pure grit to put things back. Some days there is great progress, and others, it seems like you may have gone backwards. Understand it is a process and continue to breathe. These breathing exercises will serve you well the next time around.

“Got friends to call who let me talk.” What an incredible gift our friends are. The true ones, the ones who are there for us, let us cry on their shoulder and then put that shoulder with ours to do the hard work. Just remember, friendship is reciprocal though. There will come a day after their own storm when they need you too; make sure you show up. Every storm highlights the depth of our friendships and we learn who we can count on when the clouds gather again.

“I’ll let God do what He does.” Faith is a vital factor in weathering life’s storms. So many times we do not understand the whys and the what ifs. We struggle with comprehending how this could happen. We must find a way to trust that God sees where we are and He has a plan. It may not be visible at the moment, but that actually is the definition of faith; to believe what we can’t see. So believe. 

“I ride the waves I can’t control.” How often do you feel things are just out of your control? During a storm, this happens a lot. Don’t fight against the rising seas. Flailing and fear are useless and will only make it worse. In the midst of it, all you can do is just hold on and ride it out. Survival is the main goal. Conserve your energies for when the winds subside and calm is restored.

"I'm learning to build a better boat."

Travis Meadows struggled with substance abuse issues and it was during a recovery meeting where the group was discussing the difficulty in finding peace and serenity during life’s storms. It was then someone in that group uttered the phrase that spurred him to form the anchor line for this song….

Serenity is not found in a calmer sea; it’s found in the building of a better boat.

My Hopefuls, if I could calm the raging storms in your life (or mine), I would. We do not have that power. We do, however, possess immense strength, determination, love and HOPE. It is these attributes that will help all of us craft a better boat. Let’s get to building…..

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

Here is a link to the audio of this song. Take a few more minutes to listen. 

Audio Link To Better Boat

3 Strategies To Help Affair Proof Your Relationship

Let me say right out of the gate that there is no way to 100% protect your relationship from infidelity. You can do and say all the right things and yet there are still some people who are pre-disposed to being unfaithful. It is a pattern, weakness or character flaw that has shown up in their life history. Why these people enter committed relationships is a mystery, and why others knowingly align themselves with someone like this is even stranger. However, I do believe the majority of affairs start with people who never dreamed they would do such a thing. I am not excusing or condoning it, I am merely stating that for THOSE people, one or more of these strategies might have helped.

These strategies are not a pick one and go, but a combination of useful information that if followed will set you up for a happier, closer and more intimate bond with your partner, which I am sure is the goal of everyone who entered in a relationship for the right reasons. So, let’s go.

RESPECT your partner. Did you know you can like, and possibly even love, someone and not respect them? Of course, you did because you may have done it before, but this does not work in a relationship because your partner must believe in and feel respect. This does not mean acceptance of all behaviors or attitudes, but it does mean that you value, admire and appreciate who they are and what they bring into your life. If your partner believes their opinions and contributions are needed and important they will be much less likely to seek that validation from anyone else. We all desire to bring quality to the relationship table. When your partner does that, let them know how much it means to you. Respect the work, integrity, commitment and love they show and give it all back to them in multi-fold return.

HUMOR your partner. Remember when you first dated, and you laughed, talked for hours, had pet names, sent silly messages… yeah, THAT stuff. Why did you stop? Oh, I know, life happens, and we can’t be cutesy and adorable 24/7, but THAT stuff is still very important. Having a good sense of humor and being able to laugh or find the positive in a situation is extremely sexy and lists as one of the top things people look for in a partner. If you have become grumpy, sulk most of the time, never satisfied, difficult to please, picky, degrading…do you see where I’m going here. Displaying those attitudes on a regular basis is going to drive your partner away, and not closer. No one really wants to snuggle with a porcupine. Look, we all have bad days and we get on each other’s nerves. I understand that, but we can’t live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and full of complaints and expect our partner to shower us with attention and affection. They will eventually run into someone who does THAT stuff, and the rest is, as they say, history.

TOUCH your partner. Yes, I mean sex. If you want your partner to keep the love engine revving for you, you are the one who must keep the gas in the tank. Don’t start with the hate mail, I know everyone isn’t always in the mood, and I also know there are legitimate situations that arise that can douse the fire a bit, but those should be the exception and not the rule. I heard a recent analogy that said if you starve your partner of bread, they will eventually find a bakery. Sex is not a weapon or a tool. It should never be withheld purely as a punishment or used as manipulation. Sex is the one thing that separates a relationship from any other type of friendship. Intimacy at that level is the adhesive bond that holds you together through the tough times. Let me also be clear to point out that all touch does not have to be sexual to also be powerful. Time and location do not always allow for certain activities, but you can still find ways to express your love. A kiss on the cheek, a rub of the shoulder, brushing back hair with a sweet caress, holding hands; there are hundreds of ways to physically connect with your partner throughout the day to let them know they are the ONE and stand out above all the rest. Touch is powerful. It is healing and magical. Never underestimate its worth.

I know this may sound like a lot of work, and honestly, it is. No one said a successful relationship would be easy. (Well, there are those who have said it, but I’m not sure they ever really had one.) It shouldn’t be excruciating, but it does take effort. But these strategies are not just for YOU, they are for BOTH parties involved. One person cannot shoulder all this responsibility. It is a reciprocal process. And I was very careful not to assign gender to any of these ideas. Both men and women need all three things and both men and women need to contribute all three things.

My Hopefuls, for those of you who have found a love worth believing in, it is my desire that you maintain and protect it. It is never OK for someone to have inappropriate contact or cross that line. It comes down to a personal choice they made to do the wrong thing, and they should not try to shift the blame onto you. However, there are safeguards and strategies available that will go a long way to keep your relationship strong, vital and greatly lessen the possibility of an affair. Believe and apply the strategies and see for yourself.

And always….

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com

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Living Your Life By CHOICE And Not CHANCE

Forrest Gump said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” Many of us float through life with that voice in our head and blame our current conditions on this simple cute line from a Tom Hanks movie. And as much as I love Tom Hanks, today I would like to suggest this statement isn’t entirely true. While a standard box of chocolates does offer an array and assortment of delicious options, one does not have to blindly bite and hope for the best. The lid, on most, contains a diagram and a description to help you pick! So, there blows THAT theory! All it takes is a moment to read, think and consider and your culinary outcome is determined by CHOICE and not CHANCE! As should be our lives.

Now I understand there are many things we have no control over. But I do believe there are times and situations where we can make conscious and informed decisions instead of drifting through life with no rudder or helm. Let’s explore this for a minute.

You Can Choose Your Friends – That sounds silly, right? Of course, you chose your friends. Or did you? Often the group of people we run with just happens. We meet someone, decide to hang out, other people join in and soon you find yourself with a small posse, but are they true friends and do they align with who you are? People also change and evolve over time, and someone you invested time in years ago, may not fit with who are you today. I am not saying you should ditch your friends or publicly expel them from your life, but you should evaluate the company you keep. Choose people who uplift you, share your values, make you laugh and accept you the way you are. If someone falls out of that circle, maybe you should choose to spend less time around them.

You Can Choose Your Job – How many of you enjoy going to work? Stupid question, I know. Most of us probably don’t, but we should all strive to. Seriously, we spend a huge chunk of time at our jobs, it should be the work we choose to do! Please, don’t walk off your job today, but do consider what would make you more fulfilled and satisfied. If that means going back to school, do it! If that means taking a pay cut, learn creative budgeting and see what it’s like to really love what you do for a living. Do not be reckless, but I’m all for fearless!

You Can Choose Your Relationship – Again, you are scratching your head and wondering what I’m talking about. No one forced you into your relationship (at least I hope no one is in an arranged marriage), but some of us do make this critical life decision with more roll of the dice attitude and less careful consideration. No one wants to be alone and when someone comes along to fill that void, we often sign them up without reading their terms and conditions and the fine print. It is very important to know who you are, what you want in a relationship and what you have to contribute. Be careful who you allow filling this very important slot in your life. Too much time is wasted on bad, dead-end relationships that just cause us to re-group and start over again and again. Or, worse, stay in and expect things to change only to watch the years fly by. On the flip side, even if your partner/relationship is solid, every day we must choose to make it work. We cannot take our partner for granted or expect love to flourish without conscious, positive effort.

You Can Choose Your Dreams – Is there anyone out there with a hobby, career or pursuit that was pushed on you by a parent, teacher or partner? Did you succumb to pressure and in an effort to please held onto to it even though it doesn’t excite you? What better time than now to do something for YOU? What is your passion? What do you dream about doing? Explore that! You might not be a success overnight (or ever), but we all feel more alive when we are in OUR zone.

If you find yourself today living a life where you have ‘fallen’ into situations, relied on chance or maybe took the path of least resistance, I encourage you to take a second look. We only get one shot at this life and we need to live it ON PURPOSE. Don’t float. Don’t just exist. Don’t concede. CHOOSE to be awesome. Examine the lid to that chocolate box and make informed and precise decisions on what YOU want. Save the other pieces for someone else. Nothing has to be wasted, as we are all as individual as those tasty nuggets!

Live your life BRILLANTLY and…

Always…

Hope With Abandon!

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My Date With Murphy (‘s Law)

So, I’m not a big believer in ‘signs’. I think things just happen the way they happen. But recently I had a date and the prelude to it was filled with so many missteps and fluke occurrences, it was hard not to feel like Murphy was joining me.

By the way, do you know the origin of the phrase Murphy’s Law, which basically states ‘if anything can go wrong, it will’? It started in 1949 at Edwards Air Force Base and named after Captain Edward Murphy who was an engineer working on a project dealing with the body’s response to sudden deceleration. After finding faulty wiring by his technician, he made the statement, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he will find it.” This immediately became known as Murphy’s Law and was even documented in the project paperwork. When the Air Force gave the final report on the project it was said that the good safety record of the project was due to the belief in Murphy’s Law and the necessity to work around it. The key to working around it is being prepared, and that is where my problem started.

So, I have known “Chad” for a couple of years now. We met in one of my social circles. Our paths did not cross often, but a few weeks ago we re-connected, and he asked if I liked a certain venue and if I would be interested in going there to see a band. Well, of course, I accepted.

The event was on a work-day evening, so I ran home at five to change clothes. Despite my best efforts, I was running a little behind schedule and left in a bit of a rush. About ten minutes from my house I realize that I had lost the fingernail from my index finger. Now they are artificial nails (so there was no blood involved), however, it was quite noticeable and there was no way to fix it at that point. 

About twenty minutes from my house I realized I had no cash. I had switched to a much cuter purse (It’s a girl thing, and my cash was left behind.) Now there are two options for parking downtown. There are free parking garages and there are lots that charge $5 - $10. I tend to avoid the parking garages because I have not always had good experiences there. I have legit lost my car three different times in garages and roaming around a parking garage at night is not an activity I would recommend. I would rather pay the money and know where my car is. Except for that night, I didn’t have any cash, was running late and not sure what to do.

Fortunately, I ran across a parking lot with a sign out front that offered payment by debit card. So, I whipped in there and told the attendant I wanted that option. He said I needed to pay at the road. I parked my car and walked back to the sidewalk looking for a kiosk or some other means by which to make this transaction. I saw nothing. I looked high and low and I imagine looked quite silly to those driving by. I eventually admitted defeat and walked back to the attendant. I asked his assistance and assured him I was normally a fairly smart person but could not find it. He walked me back to the sign and said there’s the number, you must call it in. Oh!!! Well, I didn’t know that. (What can I say? I'm still a country girl trying to make it in the city.) Then he added that they would require my license plate number. I thanked him for his assistance, dial the automated number and made my way back to my car because I do not have my license plate number committed to memory. Just as I got to my car, the message asked for the lot number that I was calling from. And, you guessed it, that was on the sign, back at the front of the lot. So, I quickly make my way BACK to the sign to key in the lot number before they hung up on me. I then go BACK to my car to finish the transaction. Whew! I’m safely parked.

Now it is hot and humid where I live, so by now I am feeling a little wilted. I have run around this parking lot and I’m pretty sure my hair and makeup are starting to melt. I take comfort in the fact that I will soon be in the air-conditioned restaurant. I have a bit of a walk, but I make my way to the front door and notice a sign that says…CLOSED. What?? Closed? Not to be deterred or denied, I walk in anyway. There was a woman inside that promptly advised me that they indeed are closed. I ask.. Closed as in not opened yet?? No… Closed until the state allows them to reopen? Again… what?? The ONE place he wanted to go was now closed until further notice.

I now have no choice but to wait for him back outside. He had sent a text while I was wrestling the parking that he was running just a tad late also. I decide to sit down on a bench out by the sidewalk. I did this forgetting the rain shower that had come through about thirty minutes earlier. So, yes, you are right. I now have a wet derriere. It is at this point where I consider throwing in the towel and going home. There is no way anything good could come out of this. I looked a literal hot mess and my nerves were frayed. It was at this moment he walked up.

All I will say about the rest of the date is that Murphy took pity on me and left. Surprisingly I had quite the lovely evening after that. Chad took the news of the place being closed in stride, came up immediately with an alternate plan and off we went. The troubles leading up to that point were history and I had a great time.

I shared all of that with you for two reasons. First, to let you guys know that sometimes freaky, irritating and maddening things happen to all of us. Second, to remind you that even when those maddening things happen, it doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. Murphy will sneak up on you when you least expect him and try to shake your nerves and rob you of joy. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Keep on trucking. Whatever curve balls are thrown at you, dodge them, hit them, throw them back; whatever it takes to get back into the game. If you press on, you will reap the reward of not giving up and you will discover that things are not nearly ever as bad as they seem.

Hang in there my Hopefuls! Get out there every day and live it to the fullest!!

And Always

Hope With Abandon!

Hope Out!

www.hopeboulevard.com

Can Self-Love Turn You Into A Narcissist?

No. That’s the short answer. At least, not in most people. I imagine there may be a case or two where it happened, but while on the surface the two may appear connected, it is actually that surface where the separation begins. And today I want to talk just a few minutes about the differences.

I was listening to a radio talk show and the host mentioned that she hated the term and trending philosophy of self-love because the world already had enough narcissists. That piqued my curiosity because I am one of those who encourages a healthy dose of self-love and am ever on a search for it myself. The very definition of narcissism is an abundance of appreciation for oneself, but isn’t that what we are all to strive for? We must love ourselves before we can love, or be loved, by others. So, what are the boundaries? What are the distinctions?

The first one is that a narcissist has an unhealthy or excessive interest in themselves. The world revolves around what makes their life easier. They constantly compare themselves to others, but only in ways that make them feel superior. They are not looking to make changes or improvements, but only for weaknesses in others to boost their esteem. In reality, narcissism has roots in insecurities and doubt, and it is their over-the-top arrogance that is used as camouflage for those fears. Those practicing self-love, do not seek to destroy or crush others in the process. In fact, they tend to be more empathic and conscious of the feelings of those around them.

Another difference is in ‘appearances’. The narcissist wants to play the part of the hero and will go to great lengths to act like a loving partner or friend so those looking from the outside are impressed and shower with praise. But their actual deeds are lackluster at best and the ones who should be benefiting rarely do. Sincere individuals, with healthy self-esteem, take pride in the help they offer and the work they do and want the proof to show in the results and not just a well-timed photo op. They also take responsibility when things go wrong, where a narcissist will blame others and circumstances; because there is no way it was their fault.

A narcissist also needs, and seeks, the approval of others. They require constant support and need to be built up by others. They are attention seekers – in fashion, relationships, work, adventures, risks and only feel successful when noticed and praised. In reverse of that, they have little compassion and are intolerant of others. They live in world of absolutes and situations either align with their way of thinking or they are immediately dismissed.

An individual who is truly striving to practice self-love and improve their self-esteem does not manifest any of these traits. The work they do is driven by a pure desire to better their world and have a positive impact on those around them. They take pride in their accomplishments even if there isn’t a trophy on the shelf to show for it.

It is not a bad thing to want approval and attention. We all desire it, whether we admit it or not. We just cannot seek it at the cost of another. We should never lift ourselves higher by pushing someone else down. My internal emotional barometer is to be a better person than I was yesterday, not a better person than my neighbor was yesterday.

My Hopefuls, it is my desire for you all today to truly love and appreciate yourself and the gifts and talents you bring into this world. There is no one else quite like you, and the world would be different if you were not in it. I absolutely believe it is right and healthy to acknowledge and own your place. You can do so without casting a shadow on anyone else in the process. Do not let the selfish egos of the world keep you from walking with your head high and your heart full. You belong here and are needed, cherished and loved. It is ok to feel good about that. And I hope you feel extra good about it today!

As always, you guys are my inspiration and I love that you allow me into your hearts and lives. Keep striving to move forward and chase those dreams. And remember, of course, to….

Hope with Abandon

Hope Out!

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Real Talk - The Rise Of Depression & Suicide In Mid-Life Women

I’m going to start with this right here…

Suicide Text Hotline – Text: CONNECT to 741741

Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 (24 Hours A Day)

Hello My Hopefuls! This week it was important for me to talk about a topic that has been showing up everywhere recently because of some high-profile victims – Suicide.  Specifically, for this post – Suicide Among Mid-Life Women.

This is not my ‘normal’ wheelhouse subject matter, but it has been weighing on my heart, so I wanted to share my thoughts. “Normal” is the pivotal+ word here because that is probably where many of the problems arise. If we could eliminate the need to try and achieve such a mystical obscurity, half of the battle could be won.

I was very surprised to learn that suicide among women in midlife has risen steadily every year and is considered one of the top ten leading cause of death in this age range. We devour article after blog after YouTube video on how to look young, eat healthy and exercise, yet it appears we are ignoring another major key in our overall survival – mental health.

It’s not a glamorous topic. It’s scary, embarrassing and everyone hates to admit to not having it all together. As women especially, we have fought so hard to be seen as strong and capable and equal that we don’t want to even hint at a problem. We struggle to balance successful careers, relationships and family. As we approach midlife, physical and hormonal changes also begin to play a role in our overall outlook on life.  

Another surprising fact I discovered was that anxiety and depression prescriptions have tripled over the last decade while seeking professional therapy and counseling has actually declined. This is an alarming trend of self-medicating that appears to be back-firing. I would like to suggest we try to reverse this trend, or at least learn to practice Skills vs Pills.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting it is easy, nor do I believe it is just a matter of pulling up your big girl panties and marching forward. I understand there are real problems, significant issues and legitimate obstacles to face. I also admit I am no professional and these are just my thoughts and opinions that flow from a loving part of my heart that truly wants you, My Hopefuls, to live your best lives NOW and be full of joy, peace and of course… to Hope With Abandon. So how does one start to fight this battle?

What are the risk factors in our midlife journey that whisper to us the possibility of checking out and leaving everything we know and love? A family history of mental illness is certainly one, but oftentimes depression can strike all at once. And depression is a very real disease. Much like a virus or cancer invades our body, depression infects our minds. It lowers our emotional defenses, makes us feel vulnerable and weak and can paralyze our thought processes. We don’t trust ourselves to make good decisions and lack emotional and even physical energy to fully participate in life. Another risk factor is a sudden loss or change. Maybe you have gone through a devastating divorce and feel unlovable or undesirable. Or maybe your partner passed away. The overwhelming sense of being alone and facing the future by yourself can be terrifying. Being diagnosed with an illness can leave us with more questions than answers and we wonder if we have the strength to fight.  Having children leave the home and discovering an empty nest can sometimes bring on a sense that no one needs you anymore and what’s the use. Please, please, please, do NOT fall into any of these traps baited with LIES.

While it is true that very painful things happen in our lives, it is also true that beauty happens too. We can heal from a broken heart. We can move past tragedy. We can learn to manage disease. There will always be someone in your life that needs you, values you, depends on your warmth, smile and love. Do not let temporary moments of agony or misery define the rest of your life….or tempt you to end it.

Another point I want to make is how important our friendships are and how much we need each other. Social media can be used for great things, but it can also isolate us. We (myself included) scroll through post after post and think everyone else is having a better life; with more fun, greater adventures and we become secretly jealous or feel excluded or forgotten. As women, especially, we become competitive and suspicious at times of each other when, in reality, we NEED each other. We all, yes all, go through times of loneliness, self-doubt and insecurity. We need to reach out, connect, support and uplift.  In a Get-Real-For-A-Minute I’ll use myself as an example. Most of you know I wrote a book, I obviously write a blog and I try to post a motivational quote every day. I’ve done some phone interviews and a podcast. Was it fun? Yes. Did it change my life? No. I still get up every day, work, take care of my family and my business. I still have goals and a dream, but I still struggle with all of the same things everyone else does. Never let anyone fool you. We ALL have moments of pain and hurt and we ALL need support.

So, now that we have identified some very real causes for legitimate issues, how do we not let them get the best of us? Well, of course, you should always seek professional help if you are having thoughts of hopelessness or wanting to end your life. We should also make helpful daily changes. Eat a better/more balanced diet. Take care of our bodies, so we feel the best possible. Develop a support system. It can be family, friends, a good local church. Find a hobby. Pursue a dream. Get outside! Sunshine can be a terrific mood enhancer. Volunteer. Get outside of yourself and give back to others. Involve yourself in LIFE. Touch. See. Hear. Do.

And if you see anyone in your world displaying any of these signs, please do not hesitate or ‘mind your own business’. Reach Out. Love. Support. Pour into their lives. There is no ‘normal’. There is only LOVE. Love and embrace the people around you. And let them embrace you back! Life is hectic, painful, confusing and BEAUTIFUL. And we only get ONE! Please do whatever it takes to enjoy yours!!

And always, always, always…

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

www.hopeboulevard.com